Vaderman Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 (edited) (The following may or may not be accurate depictions of staff meetings at JNet) The skyscraper was massive. Made almost entirely out of glass, the only entrance was at the top. A helipad awaited all who visited. The three men arrived at once. Nodding at one another and stepping into an elevator, they began their descent. Each floor contained a different activity. They zoomed past Customer Service, and a movie cinema. They briefly watched duels take place on another floor. Water coolers, computer rooms, and rec centers filled their view. The three were the last to arrive. As everyone stood to greet them, they silenced their applause. Vaderman, cloaked all in a black robe, Brendo, in a brown robe, and Mael, cloaked in an awesome beard, exited the elevator. “G’day, mates,” Brendo greeted. The staff room was a tavern. Bottles of liquor lined the walls and a giant conference table stood in the center. “Is everybody ready to give their weekly reports?” Mael asked. “Darkfire is drunk again,” BLCKCLONE sighed. “He was last seen streaking in the Bar & Grill. We heard some screams from the ladies in the rec center, we think he’ll be there.” “I’ll deal with him myself,” Vaderman growled. “Next?” “We had some people asking questions about the Star Wars films,” handofthrawn said merrily. “They were trying to speculate on some things—but don’t worry, I sat them down and explained everything that’s cleared up in the books.” “Is EU canon?” Amidala Skywalker asked her brother. “I think it is.” “Good point. What’s next?” Brendo asked. “I don’t want to take too much of our time, but—“ *three hours later* “--and he says that if he doesn’t get his way and have our ruling overturned, he’s leaving the RP forever. And he’s going to send Spam to all the other floors until he gets his way. Now, his nemesis says the exact opposite…” Jidai Geki explained. Vaderman jumped onto the table and withdrew a lightsaber, waving it around angrily. “I’ll kill them!” he bellowed. “I’ll kill all the RPers! I’ll burn their whole floor down!” “Vaderman!” Lord Ar-Pharazon shouted. “Calm down! Just give them one more chance…they really mean well! They’re just very competitive, I swear, they’ll get it right this time.” “Vaderman,” Brendo said, pointing at his colleague, “dealing with the RPers is like…throwing a shrimp on the barbie. See,” Brendo leaned in close, “the ‘shrimp’ are like the RPers…and the ‘barbie’ is like the competitiveness that they feel. So we throw these RPers into something competitive, and they’re bound to get burned up! But all you need to do is calm them down with a little ‘butter’ and they’ll be just right!” “In news out of the Jedi Library—“ Tiana began, but was cut off by the ringing phone. A voicemail was placed. “You have one thousand, three hundred, and thirty-eight unheard messages,” the recording informed them. It played the messages. “Hey guys, it’s me, Travis. I just thought maybe the building could use fire proof doors in case there’s ever a fire” BEEP “Hey guys, Travis here, have you guys considered selling bottled water with a JNet logo?” BEEP “Travis again, did you get my first two messages?” BEEP “Guys, I was wondering. If someone ever forgets the keys to the building, maybe we should all build another building, that way we can go there, just in case we’re locked out?” *two hours later* “—and at my old job, I took down the staff. It was pretty cool. Not that I’m threatening you guys, or anything.” BEEP “This guy needs a hobby,” Mael mused. Vaderman was pinching the bridge of his nose exasperatedly. “Is there anything else?” “Archer wants to know if we’ll let him back into the building,” Brendo said. “No.” ~Fin~ Edited February 13, 2012 by Guest Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travis Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Absolute gold there. and Mael, cloaked in an awesome beard, That is . . . scary to say the least. There are too many things to comment on entirely. I do love this, especially since I am one of only three non-staff mentioned here. “I don’t want to take too much of our time, but—“ For this line, you may want to let us know who is speaking that way it is even more funny when you have three hours pass. You know that now you started this, you have to keep it up, right? This is too awesome to simply be a one time deal. PS: And "Mael" I do have a hobby: planning contingencies for every potential emergency that could ever possibly happen on or to this site. I mean, what would we do if for some reason, all three admins were somehow incapacitated at the same time after having separate run ins with furious rabid clowns who broke their hands? Click for the best site ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maelstrom Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I didn't really say that! (I don't think?) And yes, you are now roped into this forever, V. The RP made me chuckle....sometimes I think I'm Tom Fairfax to your Oliver Cromwell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ar-Pharazon Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Hah! That basically is a carbon copy of our meetings. Except without the capes. And the swearing. And the tickling. It's good to see some "outside the box" writing, V. Well done! Has Travis seen this yet? [Associate of the Illinois Mafia since November 2002.] Member of the Four Horsemen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travis Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Has Travis seen this yet? Read the first response to this story and you will have your answer. . . . Click for the best site ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ar-Pharazon Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Has Travis seen this yet? Read the first response to this story and you will have your answer. . . . You're banned from Community. [Associate of the Illinois Mafia since November 2002.] Member of the Four Horsemen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travis Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Fine then. When fire strikes and only the Community is burned because you refused to install fireproof doors like I suggested, don't come crying to me! Click for the best site ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthBrendo Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 That was great V!! Except I don't think you had me talking enough based on our last Skype I'd love to see this expanded more too. Something bigger. Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 *dies laughing* That is just too hilarious...and hilarious because of it's accuracy. Thanks so much for posting this, V! It made my day! SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 Thanks for the positive comments, guys! I had a few ideas for some more, so I'll be sure to write some up when I get the chance! Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Pfffhahaha. The sad thing is that this is probably an accurate picture of behind the scenes, pretty much. My vote is on this winning best humor in the next FFA. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheog the Mad Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Well done, V. One of the best stories I've read in a good long time. Of course, this is probably one of the first I've read in the Library... It was bloody brilliant, it was awesome to see the internal workings of the Mod team, just as I imagined them. King Kheldar vos Correlli said: Sheog, I have to ask, overkill much? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 PART TWO STAFF DECISIONS The gleaming tower of JNet stood proudly amongst the other structures. Deep within the bowels of JNet, the three masters were settling in for a long night of administrative work for the building. The room was a haven for the three admins. Three deep leather chairs were placed around a warm, flickering fireplace. Bottles of various liquors lined the walls. The three were drunk. “Alright boys,” Vaderman said, grasping a glass of wine. “Let’s get down to business.” Brendo and Mael took their places in the chair. Brendo was nursing a strong bourbon. Mael slammed back several beers. “Well mate,” Brendo began, “I don’t know if you noticed it or not, but I thought it’d be a jolly good plan to re-arrange some of the floors just to see if people were paying attention. I moved customer service to the top of the building, for starters.” “I saw that,” Vaderman mused. “Did anyone notice?” “Leinemaster thought it was a stupid idea, but that’s why we’re in charge and he isn’t, isn’t it?” Brendo said proudly. Vaderman chuckled under the influence of the alcohol. “Mael, anything new in your neck of the woods?” Vaderman asked. “Well,” Mael began, scratching his beard. “I temporarily set Travis’s access code to “inactive”. I figured we could just tell him we weren’t sure why he couldn’t get in to the building for a couple of days.” Brendo and Vaderman roared with laughter. “Well that bloody well explains the recent spike in voice messages then!” Brendo chuckled. Mael continued scratching his beard. “As a joke, I changed the building’s Bar and Grill a bit and re-named it Wampatown” Vaderman and Brendo continued their laughter. “How did they take it?” Vaderman asked, fully aware of the general bad attitude of JNet’s visitors towards past pranks pulled by the three administrators. “They…loved it,” Mael said, slamming back another beer. “They’ve constructed a University for the town and are working on building defenses from outside forces.” “Crikey,” Brendo said. “We might as well keep it that, then, shouldn’t we? Any other business?” “I did have one idea,” Vaderman said, softly chuckling while pouring another glass of wine. “What if we put LAP in charge of the Community Center?” “LOL!” Brendo exclaimed. “That’ll cause chaos! Let’s do it! It’s like the old saying back home! “Maybe the dingo ate your baby”. See, the dingo, in this case, is LAP. And the baby is all of JNet. And he’s going to eat them.” “Too much o’ the brandy, eh, Brendo?” Mael asked in a fake Aussie accent. “I’m Australian, mate,” Brendo shrugged. “We drink this stuff in the cradle.” The three enjoyed a merry laugh and continued plotting drunken mischievous. And that is how the administrators of JNet make decisions concerning the site. Fin. Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthBrendo Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I'm struggling not to laugh too loud cause I'm at work. Brilliant. I like the dingo reference. Though I think you've understated the luxuriousness of the boardroom. Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andon Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Brendo speaking exclusively in Australian stereotypes is both racist and awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travis Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 ***Hello? This is Travis again, why do you guys keep ignoring my calls? I can't seem to get into the building. I don't know how much longer the company could survive without my input, so you may want to figure out what is wrong with my keycard quickly before something bad happens.*** Click for the best site ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maelstrom Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I love it. I scratched my beard whilst reading this. I envision that the haven smells like leather-bound books, dark liquors, and cigars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Teehee...quite amusing. You should keep updating this. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jedi_master_gimpy Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I may not be privy to any staff meetings, but I do know how to laugh when I read something funny. Good job with this, Vaderman... and I agree: when inspiration hits you should definitely add more to this! "It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales. "Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 before something bad happens.*** This sounds like a threat... I suspect this is a shoe-in for next year's Awards, or something... bad might happen. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artemia Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Okay, I breathe now. I have not laughed that hard in quite awhile. I was just minding my own business and happened upon the thread, and the first order of business in the first post: “Darkfire is drunk again,” BLCKCLONE sighed. “He was last seen streaking in the Bar & Grill. We heard some screams from the ladies in the rec center, we think he’ll be there.” ...yep. That's definitely my husband. I very nearly spit out my water all over my computer when I read that. Started laughing then and didn't stop. Well done. MORE! "MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 Thanks! I've got a few more ideas I think I'll give them a shot! Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ary the Grey Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 How did my wife see this before I did? She's never on! This is money. Pure. Money. Immediately reachable by charlesjhall@gmail.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ads-Gop Flif Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 I heard rumors about this existing, but me gusta. Generally, hitting someone in the head with your weapon kills them regardless of whether they're wearing a life-sustaining mask. I'm pretty sure this is general combat strategy whether your target is Darth Vader or some thug on the street. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 I think my favourite bit in that newest post was the dingo reference... I have a feeling that reference might be somewhat more amusing because I am an Aussie... looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 PART THREE Hostile Takeover It was a cold, mid January afternoon. For a week, the three administrators of JNet had been meeting in secrecy outside of their building. They frequented bars, pubs, taverns and the occasional cave to discuss and plot their next move. “If word of what we’re planning gets out,” Vaderman had stated, “we’ll be thwarted. We simply cannot allow word of our plans to leak.” A week later, Vaderman had sent out an emergency message to Brendo and Mael. The three were to meet in the Boardroom, immediately. Mael and Brendo met Vaderman at the top of the helipad. The three entered the elevator in silence as they began their descent. As the various floors of their building passed them by, Mael began furiously stroking his beard. “Are the rumors true, V?” Mael asked cautiously. “Has he really—“ Vaderman lifted his hand in silence. The three entered the Boardroom. The door sealed behind them. Mael and Brendo took their usual plushy seats and began drinking their preferred beverages. Vaderman paced at the front of the room. “We must ensure absolute secrecy in this,” Vaderman said. “If the members of JNet discover that we’ve killed kyoo, there will be angry mobs at our doors.” “Crikey,” Brendo gasped. “Then it’s true. He’s as dead as a dingo’s donger.” Vaderman nodded. Mael dropped his drink and scratched beard with both hands. “We always suspected he was vulnerable,” Mael mused, “but I didn’t think it’d happen so quickly. Was it an easy victory?” Vaderman pursed his lips. “He put up a fight,” Vaderman said. “I asked him to step aside, as we’d agreed. He claimed he wasn’t simply going to “project manage” our takeover.” “Who led the battle against him?” Mael asked. “General Wakie. It seemed as though we were facing defeat, but Wakie prevailed.” “Crikey, mate,” Brendo said, pouring down his bourbon. “I told you he was top notch.” Vaderman nodded. “The question now,” Mael said slowly, “is how do we sell this to the public? How do they buy it?” “We’ll have to do it delicately, mate” Brendo said, sipping more bourbon. “We’ve all had a lot of respect for kyoo, but I don’t think most people realized he was so narky.” Vaderman sat down in his own chair with the others. He lit a pipe. “We’re all agreed we can’t tell them the truth?” he asked. Mael nodded. “It’s like how we say back at home,” Brendo said, drinking more bourbon. “’How much can a koala bear?’ See, in this case, the users are the koala bear. How much can they bear? (After the situation with Stephen, Archer, and Erin, we’re aware of how much they can bare). This group of muppets at JNet don’t like change. We have to ensure they’ve got the best transition story to make sure they don’t panic.” “We’ll tell them that it was pleasant takeover,” Mael said cautiously. “We’ll thank kyoo for the service he’s given us.” “Yes,” Vaderman sighed. “We’ll phrase it in an honorable manor, that will soothe over everybody’s conce—“ BEEP The admins glared at the intercom. “Yes?” Vaderman hissed. “Uh, hey guys. This is Travis. I saw the visitor logs said all three of you guys were in the building at the same time, but I can’t tell which floor you guys are on. Why not?” “Travis, we’re in a really important meeting mate,” Brendo said. “Can I offer you any tidbits?” “Travis,” Vaderman said, reclining in his chair, “We’ll open up a full meeting for everyone in the building to offer up suggestions for the future of JNet. But we haven’t made an official announce—“ “But I’ll get to be the first one to know, right?” Travis asked, excitedly. “You guys will tell me first?” Mael muted the intercom. “Are we all in agreement that when we’ve officially taken the reigns, we’re going to “accidentally” block his access to the building for a few weeks and pretend we don’t know why he can’t get in?” Brendo and Vaderman nodded their heads. TO BE CONTINUED Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maelstrom Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 I REALLLY need to get my beard checked for lice. Great stuff, I love this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travis Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 How much can they bear? (After the situation with Stephen, Archer, and Erin, we’re aware of how much they can bare). Best part right there. Such a good play on words. Is it a good or bad thing that I was the only non-admin who played a role here? Click for the best site ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthBrendo Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 I really like the stereotypical aussie lingo that you have me use. And I don't think my chair is plus enough from your description either Oh, and I drink Scotch now, just for authenticity. Brilliantly done though. Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 Hee hee. This continues to be made of win. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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