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DarthBrendo

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Everything posted by DarthBrendo

  1. That's awesome news! I'd recommend having a chat with Geki if he's still on the GB group and asking him how he went about it. I think, personally, that to have a published book of your own would be such an amazing thing. I remember how excited I was just to get my Honours Thesis printed and bound...so to have something creative that you've written published would be very very cool.
  2. Nice introduction. Some good mystery to set the stage for the rest of the story.
  3. So I've been doing some writing again. In my current role, I'm the 'technology and research skills' teacher in the school, and I've been working with students on improving their typing skills, trying to move them away from index fingers only and move them towards using their other fingers as well. I've been using two methods to do this, the first is to put up a sentence on the board, and its a series of knockouts to see who the quickest typer is, but this results in frustration from the kids who get knocked out early. The other thing I've been doing, and which has been much more successful, is to put up an image (or multiple images) on the board as a stimulus and give them 15 minutes to write anything they want; poem, description, short story etc. based on the image. When I've put up more than one image, I've told them they can use more than one of the images, but they need to be connected authentically. The kids have been loving the freedom to write, and have been completely engaged, which has mean that other than walk around and offer feedback, and I've been avoiding doing that as I'm not wanting to interrupt their writing flow, I've not got anything to do. So I've been writing with them. Doing that has also provided me with some teaching moments, as I can have some students read their writing out and then read mine out and we can talk about the difference in language and the differing quality of the mental image we can create. Anyway, I thought I would post the writings here. None of them are finished pieces by any means, but it's been quite enjoyable to get in and write something again. I've been frustratingly unable to re-find the image that prompted this piece of writing. This next piece came from three images: The last one I can't find, but it's an image of a half eaten apple sitting on some grass, with some miniature figures who look like they're harvesting the apple.
  4. I like it. And I can absolutely see you responding with a 'huh' as well
  5. Yeah. It purpose of modifying LRRH was to give them a starting point. Expecting 10 year olds to come up with a good piece of original fiction is a tough ask without some sort of stimulus, and this is an effective method to help them become authors, through taking a story they know and a simple structure, and modifying it to fit another genre...we just happen to be doing SciFi at the moment. It wasn't about being able to recognise LRRH within the 'new' story, it was about using it as a platform to create a story. And yeah, I used Mentat as a person rather than a social function which is what they perform as in the DUne series.
  6. So this is a one-shot that I've written for my class. We're doing a unit on science fiction (as a genre type, to tie in with our science unit on space and the solar system) and the Literacy assessment task is that they write a short scifi narrative. The way we're doing it is taking Little Red Riding Hood, and using the story-curve to break it into the four elements (orientation, build-up, climax, resolution) summarising each section into 3-4 simple sentences, and then changing everything - characters names, locations, objects etc, into more scifi appropriate versions. Those sentences than get expanded and thus we write a new sci fi story. This is my narrative, that I knocked together today. It's cheesy, and you get 1 point for each reference you spot from other texts. Rated G, critique encouraged. Mergatroyd It was a quiet, sunny and productive Wednesday afternoon, and Professor Shintor was in his laboratory working on a new experiment, clad in his ever-present decontamination lab-suit, when he realised that he was out of ectoplasm. “Well, that just won’t do” muttered Shintor to himself angrily, carefully placing his experiment into stasis and placing an order for express shipment of ectoplasm from his regular supplier. Once that was done, Shintor tapped a frustrated tattoo on the floor as he thought about what he could work on until his order arrived. “Oh, of course!” he exclaimed loudly as he scurried off towards another part of the laboratory, towards an old experiment that he’d forgotten about, and set to work. Meanwhile, in the sales office of Ectoplasmic Supplies, Leela was reading through Shintor’s order, and sighed as she put the order through to the warehouse and printed an invoice, calling out to the waiting room for the delivery driver. “Oi, Mergatroyd! Come ‘ere!” Leela waited impatiently, listening to the clomping of heavy boots on the waiting room’s tile floor slowly getting nearer, and then, finally, the sshhwoosh sound as the hydraulic door smoothly slid open. “Alright Leela, hold ya horses. Whaddya need?” “Your favourite customer, Professor Shintor, has just ordered another full shipment of ectoplasm. He needs it delivered pronto. Oh, and you’ll need to stick to the shipping lanes; we need you to get some Blue Milk on your way back.” Mergatroyd sighed with exasperation. He’d already been to the Professor’s laboratory three times this week, and didn’t really feel like making the trip again; the traffic on the shipping lanes was terrible at this time of day. “Shintor, ectoplasm, shipping lanes, Blue Milk, got it” he replied with irritation clear in his voice, as he turned around and began to make his way towards the loading dock. It wasn’t long until, as expected and feared, Mergatroyd was fighting with the traffic on the shipping lanes, which was as infuriatingly bad as he expected it to be, when to make matters worse, his fuel gauge started flashing that the truck was almost out of neutron-fuel. Pulling into the next neutron station, Mergatroyd began to refuel, when he heard a distinctly crazy voice coming from behind him. “Good day to you Mergatroyd, where are you off to with a load of ectoplasm today?” Frowning as he recognised the voice that was coming from behind him, Mergatroyd turned around, and had to squint into the afternoon sun, grimacing when he confirmed who the voice belonged to. “Oh, it’s you, Mentat. I thought you were locked up in St. Einstein’s Hospital for Crazy Scientists? I’m just taking another shipment to Professor Shintor. You should go back to the Hospital, Mentat.” Mentat grinned maniacally, with a crazed glint in his eye, as he pointed at the back of Mergatroyd’s hover-truck. “Oh I will go back, but you should double check your truck, there’s a safety checkpoint up ahead. You wouldn’t want to be delayed with your shipment, now then, would you?” Mergatroyd rolled his eyes as he turned back to refuelling the hover-truck while Mentat walked away, cackling crazily. As he stood there, he decided that just to be on the safe side, he would quickly double check that the hover-truck would pass the standard police roadside safety check. Mentat continued to laugh crazily until he was out of Mergatroyd’s hearing range. He pulled out his multi-function pocket watch, and twisted the dials until it was on the teleportation setting, and he promptly disappeared from view with a slight hum. Unseen by both Mergatroyd and Mentat, was Superhero-woman, who was at the time crouched down, putting air in the tyres of her super-cycle, and who heard their entire conversation. Thinking through the options available to her, she began to mutter softly to herself. “I don’t trust Mentat, I can’t catch him on my super-cycle, but if I go back to the super-hideout, and take the super-plane, I should be able to get to Professor Shintor’s laboratory in time to help save him.” The decision made, Superhero-woman began to cycle as quickly as her legs could peddle, back to her super-hideout. Mentat eventually reappeared, his teleportation successful, and after putting the pocket-watch away, Mentat checked himself, and discovered that he hadn’t lost any toes or fingers this time, which brought a sickly grin that reeked of madness to his face. Scanning the laboratory building for security features, Mentat began to stride confidently towards the main door, and using an electronic pulse to short circuit the lock, broke inside. As he hurriedly moving through the facility, Mentat readied his stun-blaster, and burst into the laboratory, startling Shintor, who jumped at the sudden noise. “Who are you? You’re not Mergatroyd?” he asked slowly and apprehensively. Shintor stopped and gulped in fear as he saw the stun-blaster that was being aimed directly at him, and started to back away slowly, hands held up high as Mentat began to laugh wildly. “Who am I? I am Mentat the Deranged! Foolish amateur scientist, you will never be my equal! I will lock you in stasis until the ectoplasm arrives, and then accept the delivery in your name, stealing it to help fuel my World Devastator!” Mentat stopped speaking as an insane laugh burst out of his mouth, convincing Shintor that he was indeed facing the infamous Mentat the Deranged. Mentat waved the stun-blaster menacingly towards the stasis chamber, which was which was conveniently human-sized and standing right behind him, and realising that he was doomed, Shintor resigned himself to his fate, and backed, slowly and clumsily into stasis chamber. Once Shintor was inside, Mentat activated the stasis box, putting Shintor to sleep. Mergatroyd, meanwhile, had finally gotten past the roadside hover truck safety check, and still grumbling about it, arrived at Shintor’s laboratory, backing the truck up to the delivery dock. Sauntering casually towards the door, he opened up and made his way towards the laboratory that he knew Shintor would be working in. “Professor Shintor, I’ve got your ectoplasm order here…” Mergatroyd broke off when he saw someone that he assumed was Shintor. Hang on a sec, he thought to himself, confusedly. “Professor, is it just the decontamination suit tricking my eyes, or have you shrunk since yesterday? “Oh, hello again Mergatroyd, it must be your eyes, I’ve always been short, thanks for reminding me” retorted the figure angrily. “Oh, um, well, um, I’m sorry about that, I didn’t mean to insult you. I’ve got your ectoplasm delivery here, if you could just remove the suit and sign for it, that’d be great and I can unload it and bring it inside for you” stammered Mergatroyd nervously, blushing in embarrassment as he realised that pointing out Professor Shintor’s vertical deficiency wasn’t going to make him happy about having to remove the decontamination suit. He was proved correct as he heard a frustrated sigh emanate from inside the suit, but nonetheless, the Professor began to uncouple the glove seals in order to start taking the suit off. As the first glove was removed, Mergatroyd’s nose wrinkled at the awful smell that wafted out of the suit. “I don’t mean to be rude Professor, but are you aware that there are workplace health and safety laws that make the odour coming from your suit a health hazard? Why, it’s like being in the Crazy Scientist Hospital, smelling that.” There was a pause, and both Mergatroyd and the Professor froze. Mergatroyd gulped, and thought that maybe he’d gone too far, and that perhaps he’d been too abrupt in trying to casually let the Professor know that he stunk. Meanwhile, Mentat had frozen in shock and was wondering if he really smelled that bad, whilst trying to come up with an explanation. “It’s, um, uh, you see, it’s part of the experiment, yes, yes, that it, it’s part of the experiment, to see what effect odours have on delivery drivers” he stammered nervously. Mergatroyd shrugged nonchalantly, even as his nose was still wrinkled in protest against the smell. “Well, the effect on this driver is that it makes me feel sick,” he stated, wanting to get the delivery over with. Suddenly, he flinched, noticing that there was a finger missing on the Professor’s right hand. “Y…you…you’re not Professor Shintor! The only person I know that has a missing finger is Mentat the Deranged!” he exclaimed fearfully. Suddenly, Mentat tore the suit open, ripped the helmet off his head and glared angrily at Mergatroyd, aiming the stun-blaster at him, and slowly stalking towards the now quivering delivery driver. “Curse you Mergatroyd! You were supposed to just deliver the ectoplasm and go! Now I have to take care of you, like I did the Professor!” Mergatroyd looked around the laboratory helplessly, looking for some sort of inspiration or tool to help him get out of this situation, ignoring Mentat’s rage fuelled rant, and the spittle that was flying everywhere as he raved on about his grand plans for world domination, knowing that as long as he didn’t move while Mentat was speaking, he would be fine. All of a sudden, the ground shook violently, and they both fell to the ground, sending the stun-blaster clattering to the floor between them. From above came a deafening crash, and suddenly the air was filled with dust and debris, and the fast-moving figure of Superhero-woman, who flattened the stun-blaster with a violent stamp of her super-boot, and knocked Mentat out with a placed right-hook. Once she saw that Mentat was sprawled on his back from her knock-out punch, she handcuffed him for transport back to St. Einstein’s Hospital for Crazy Scientists, and helped Mergatroyd to his feet. “Thanks Superhero-woman,” he began, “I thought I was a goner, but we need to find Professor Shintor and make sure he’s ok.” “Right you are, Mergatroyd. Don’t worry; I’ll use my x-ray vision to find him.” Saying that, Superhero-woman put her right hand against her temple and began to hum a grim-sounding tune, while she stalked around the room, carefully looking for any sign of the Professor, until, finally, she let out a cry of realisation, and leaped towards a roughly human-sized container that was against one wall of the room labelled stasis chamber. Carefully deactivating the stasis field, Superhero-woman, opened the container fearfully, wondering what Mentat had done to Shintor before locking her away. She let out a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding as Shintor’s eyes opened up, and widened when she realised that was looking at the face of Superhero-woman, and knew she’d been rescued. “Thank goodness you’re ok Professor! We didn’t know if you had been harmed before being locked away.” “Thank you, Superhero-woman and Mergatroyd. I’m quite ok though. Just a little annoyed that my experiment was delayed by this interruption” she stated calmly, brushing the dust off her shoulder and looking at the damage from Superhero-woman’s entry with distaste on her face. “Now then, where do I need to sign for my delivery, Mergatroyd?” she asked quietly. ~fin~ For the first lengthy piece I've written in some time, it's not totally crap (is it?), but its certainly not going to win any awards.
  7. Black moved with the rest of the group, back towards the hangar bay and after entering the cockpit, and maneuvering the ship, set the navicomputer towards Coruscant. He didn't know what message Starlisk had received, but it must have been something insidious based on his reaction. Black wrapped his hands around the hyperspace lever, and sent his ship, with a faint flicker of pseudomotion, into the star-streaked realms of lightspeed.
  8. Black was burying himself, figuratively, inside the archive room, looking at records relating to himself and his past involvement with Black Sun, and attempting to process it all. He wasn't having much luck though and was becoming quite confused with it all, and thus was relieved when his guide approached and caught his attention, letting him know that his companions were all gathered back together. Black followed his guide absentmindedly through the Black Sun complex and caught Onderin telling the others that they needed to go to Faust, as that appeared to be where this Faust fellow was. "Iziz? Never heard of it. Will it be in the navicomputer in my ship?"
  9. Black followed Qaela silently, realising from her body language that she was not in the mood for conversation. As they walked through the Black Sun compound, Black kept his eyes open for anything that might bring back memories, but to no avail. As they finally approached Qaela's ship, Black decided to just wait outside and leave Qaela to her privacy. Actually, I think I'll go and do some research he thought to himself. He asked the hangar bay guards for directions to the archives, and made his way there, before immersing himself in reading about, well, himself.
  10. Anything further on this? I really enjoyed it.
  11. Black followed Qaela. He had become used to her presence and decided that for the moment, he would continue to follow and work alongside her. He was also curious as to what her ship would look like. As they walked, Black kept his eyes open for anything that looked familiar, and wasn't sure if he hoped he did see something that triggered memories, or if he hoped he didn't see anything.
  12. Black nodded in thanks at the reminder that he was a known quantity here. "I will do my best. If there are records here of my time with the Black Sun, and we have time, I would appreciate the opportunity to review them."
  13. Black looked out the viewport with a blank expression as the prattle continued in the cockpit as to what was happening next, simply waiting for an idea of what was going to happen. He found the tension between Delta and Qaela almost comical, in that it seemed to be over-exaggerated as if for a a dramatic performance.
  14. Black sat in the cockpit of his ship, watching as it slowly came into orbit around the planet of Dubrillion after an uneventful trip. "Well, Qaela, what now?"
  15. I really like the nominalistic almost-academic style of the writing, and could see this particular character as a strong intellectual who uses the pen as a sword. I'd read this, as I find myself wanting to know more about the backstory, and what brought things to this point, and indeed, what comes after.
  16. Glad to hear it's not going to be abandoned. I was enjoying it.
  17. Bump....any progress or has China sucked your creative spirit out?
  18. DarthBrendo

    Tatooine

    The ship finally re-entered sub-space, and he breathed a sigh of relief. The flight had taken longer than he had expected and he was starting to get nervous as a result. Looking out the forward viewport, he stared at the barren-looking desert planet that loomed in front of him, the destination of his latest journey some unknown reason, and sighed. He was feeling frustrated, not knowing what was going on in his head, or who he was or why he was having these trigger events which released some of his memories to him, and with unknown tag-alongs that he had to care for as well. He didn't know why they had remained unconscious for so long, but tried to make sure they were comfortable and cared for as best he could. Stirred by a sense of guilt for not having checked on them for some time, he got up from the pilots sea and went back to look at them, and sure enough, as he expected, they were still asleep. Or are they in a coma? When it does it change from being asleep to being in a coma? he wondered to himself, wrinkling his brow in thought as he pondered on the situation. Sighing in resignation, knowing the situation wasn't likely to change anytime soon, he moved back to the cockpit and set course for the surface, for a population centre the chips computer labelled as Mod Eisley. Setting down outside the township, he brought up the data the computer had on the town to try and find out what he was supposed to look for, and came up blank. The ships records had no information on this place. Sithspawn! How could that be? If this is the largest settlement on the planet, then surely there should be some information? Goddammit! I don't know what the hell I'm doing here, or anywhere, or at all! Ugh. What a waste of a trip! He felt some wetness on his face, and raising his hand to touch it, realised he was crying in frustration, and slammed a fist down against the chairs armrest in frustration about that. He sobbed, his shoulders heaving as he sucked in deep breaths of frustration and anger about the situation as he made a decision that he hoped would prove not to be foolish in the future, and angrily stabbed a finger at the console to close the ship back up, and take him back into space. As the ship made its way up through the atmosphere, he asked the computer what the most heavily populated planet in its databanks was, figuring that it would be a start, and he might be able to find someone who recognised his ships markings, or the symbols on the uniforms of the passengers. The computer spat out the answer, and he set course for Coruscant, entering hyperspace with no small amount of trepidation.
  19. He was startled awake by the beeping of the sensor panel informing him that the ship he was waiting for had taken off and either hadn't seen him, or had ignored him, on it's way out and that it had jumped into hyperspace. He frowned with disappointment, not sure what to do next. He'd been banking on being able to make contact with someone. He noticed that the ships computer had intercepted some communique's, but that they were encrypted and this ship wasn't sent up to break into them. His passengers were still now conscious, but according to all the readouts that he could understand, they were doing ok, so he didn't need to worry himself about them too much at this point. Why am I so concerned with them? he wondered idly. I don't recognise them at all, even if the little insignia on their uniforms look vaguely familiar He stood upright suddenly as he realised that that was a new memory. He hadn't recognised the logos when they'd arrived, or at any point since, so it must be a new memory. He didn't know what they meant, but he knew he should know, and that was an important step. He tried to stop and think about things logically. He decided that because they'd not tried to shoot him straight away when they found him, that they were more likely to be friends than enemies, but they weren't definitely friends. Slumping back in the pilots chair, he rested his chin in his chest and closed his eyes in empty thought. After some time, he decided to look in the navicomputer's directory, and see what was close, and see if any of the names look familiar. Scrolling through the nearby systems, he suddenly felt a low level buzzing pressure in his head. As he continued looking through the names, the buzzing continued to grow in intensity, until he flopped in the seat, his body pulsing in waves of spasms, as his mouth in a wordless scream of pain that continued until he blacked out. "Unnnngh, my head." Opening his eyes, he realised he'd passed out only half sitting in the chair, and that his back and neck were now very stiff from having been in such odd contortions for so long. "What happened?" he muttered to himself as he slowly extricated himself from his position on the chair and floor, standing slowly, and stretching to work out the kinks. Sitting back down slowly, he saw that the star charts were still open, and looked to find out what he'd been looking at. Tatooine. He recognised the name, and could remember a little bit about the planet, mostly impressions, instead of facts. He remember feeling hot and weary, and a significant amount of comfort. "That doesn't make sense. I felt hot and weary, and comfortable?" He sat back in the chair to think about it some more. Unable to recall anything else, even after having eaten something he decided to call breakfast, he sat up and set course for Tatooine, hesitantly sending the ship into hyperspace for the short trip there.
  20. As the medical shuttle flickered back into sub-space and a stable orbital trajectory established, the pilot, still not sure who he was, or why had such large gaps in his memories, decided to check, again, to see if his passengers had reanimated. Setting the autopilot to maintain the orbital trajectory, he stood, stretching with a yawn, working the kinks out of his body from sitting for so long. It had been a long trip to where he was now. Thyferra. The name came unbidden to his mind, gently, without the viciousness of the previous 'new' memory recall and he wondered why there was such a difference. It didn't matter at the moment he decided, moving to the main area of the shuttle. His passengers were still asleep, and he looked at them, wondering he felt like he should know both of them by sight, and why their clothing looked familiar. He rifled through their pockets, again, just in case there had been something in there that he had missed, and once again, came up empty. No identification or any other trinkets that might give him some clues as to who they were, or how he knew them. Returning to the cockpit, he looked at the sensor display, and asked the ships computer to bring up details about the planet. Idly he perused through the information, noting that nothing looked familiar, or caused any of the pain he had previously experienced when his memories had crashed back into his conscious mind. Zooming in on the sensor array, he asked the computer for information about the city below him, and the name came back as Xozhixi. He noted that there seemed to be non-humans populating the city, but that there was a group of humans, all within close proximity to each other, and to a ship. Setting the sensor to track the ship, he sat down and wondered why it seemed like the right thing to do, to follow the ship, given that he didn't know what kind of ship it was, who it belonged to, who they were aligned with or what his status was in the galaxy at the moment, other than some sort of struggling amnesiac. Sighing, he opened up another emergency ration bar, and chewed unenthusiastically on it, knowing that he needed to eat, but not knowing why he needed to eat, and tried to decide whether or not to contact the ship, or wait til it took off and try to follow it. Deciding on the side of caution, he sat back and waited, hoping it turned out to be a ship that he recognised, or recognised his ship, and that he could maybe get some answers.
  21. He stood, still, waiting for a reaction, any sort of reaction, but there was nothing. It was like....he stopped, and scratched his head with a confused look on his face. He didn't know what it was like, but he knew that it was something abnormal, as they stood there, frozen, and lifeless. Walking cautiously to the nearest person, he touched his face with a finger, and it felt cold, and hard. There was no reaction from the one whom he had touched, none whatsoever. Well. This is a bit odd. What the hell do I do now? He seems to know me, or is at least pretending he knows me. Maybe I should take them back to their ship and see if I can figure out how to get out of here. With this decision made, the ragged and worn looking man slowly backed away from the frozen people and out of the room, following the trail, backwards, that they had left when they arrived, back to their ship. Moving through the last doorway, he stopped in awe, his mouth open in amazement, as he beheld what seemed to him an amazing thing. But then, suddenly, he felt a sharp stabbing pain in his head. Dropping to the ground, writhing and crying out in agony, he felt the pain of someone stabbing and slicing his head for what felt like eons, and then just as suddenly as it started, it had stopped, leaving him lying on the dirty floor, panting and with sweat dripping off his brow. But something felt different. He looked up again, and took in the Medical Shuttle. Wait a second....I remember what that is. I've seen it before.I know The Black Sun logo, and I know that's a medical shuttle and I know how to pilot it. "But what is Black Sun?" he muttered to himself. Rationalising that they wouldn't have come if they weren't good people, he turned and made his way back to where the men who had startled him were standing, still frozen somehow. After some false starts, and plenty of breaks to catch his breath, he had managed to drag the three of them inside the medical shuttle and lay them on the bunks. As he moved cautiously through the shuttle, he found himself muttering names of pieces of equipment as his eyes alighted on them, names and uses flying to the forefront of his memory, until he moved into the cockpit, where his eyes fell upon the control panel, and he knew within himself that he could get the ship in the air and back to it's point of origin. I need some food first though he thought as his belly rumbled ponderously. Scavenging through the ship, he found some dry rations, and ate them hastily, reveling in the feeling of having food in his mouth again, laughing at the feeling of water dripping down his chin as he tried to drink more than his mouth could hold. Eventually though, it was time to move on. Making sure that his new-found companions were strapped in securely so they wouldn't slide around the shuttle, he made his way to the cockpit, sat down and allowed muscle memory to fill in the blanks of his newly recovered memories of spaceflight. Igniting the engines, the deep background rumble brought a grin to his face, as he maneuvered the shuttle off the landing platform, into the air and then out into orbit. Bringing up the navicomputer, he punched in his destination without thinking about it, knowing it felt like the right place to go. Thyferra. When the navicomputer beeped its readiness, he slid the lever forward and delighted himself with the flicker of pseudo-motion as the shuttle flickered into hyperspace.
  22. Ah nice. I genuinely enjoyed that. I look forward to seeing it.
  23. If you do, let us know Is it somethign you've posted here? Or an unseen story? Chris, I just followed your account, and tweeted about you. Hopefully it helps you get more followers and more importantly, buyers.
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