Travis Posted December 27, 2011 Author Share Posted December 27, 2011 Glad that you caught up, Gimpy. I understand being busy and all, but I really do miss your edits. Like Ami, I also thought that Bronwyn was the Guide mentioned in the prophecy - the fact that she is a seer, mostly undiscovered, and as the King's cabinet noted the remaining people of that country (sorry, not going to bother to search through 4 chapters of posts to find it at this point) ended up in the Kuti region. Clearly you've stated she's not, so I guess we'll have to wait to see who that new characters ends up being - someone she and Syler meet in their travels, most likely. I might have to go back and clarify this a little better. I tried to bring forth the prophecy without spelling everything out too much (as I think any good prophecy needs to be heavily allegorical and vague), but maybe I was a little too vague. The Guide is not meant to be a seer or someone who sees the future. That was never the Guide's purpose. Read the part of the prophecy that covers the Guide again: Blessings be upon you, people of Subeleth,For you are strong and glorious. Long have you guarded the secrets all have sought, Your reward shall soon be made evident. For from the daughters of Subeleth shall the Guide be found. And she shall lead the One on his path. For without her, the One shall stray, And all hope for the children of Teladia shall vanish. Subeleth refers to the Krue (who live in the Subeleth Woods. They are being praised for "guarding the secrets." Those would be the secrets of what exactly the Master of Magic can do, how to definitively identify him (as opposed to an impostor), what his destiny could be (nothing is certain, remember), and how to test him and help him learn his abilities.. Further, the Guide shall be found from "the daughters of Subeleth." Bronwyn is a Kuti, not a Krue, so that alone would disqualify her. The Guide will be the plot device that serves as sort of the old master who knows what is going on (except she won't be old). She is the Obi-Wan (A New Hope version) or the Gandalf of the story in that she is aware of Syler's destiny and (some of) his powers. She hasn't been introduced yet. the fact that she is a seer, mostly undiscovered, and as the King's cabinet noted the remaining people of that country ended up in the Kuti region. That was indeed referring to the single line of prophecy Va knew and it does refer to Bronwyn. However, if you read the area, it is clear (at least, I hope it is clear) that they are referring to finding the Master of Magic, not finding the Guide. They intentionally gave up on finding the Guide as they aren't yet in position to deal with the Krue. Right now, they are focused on finding the One and Bronwyn is capable of fingering him. She has enough of the pieces, she just doesn't know what they mean. Were someone who knows prophecy to know what she knows, they would know who Syler was. It's also interesting to see how Havert is almost quietly seditious and yet has fully adopted his wife and child. Havert stated already that though he now believes in the Way, he doesn't believe the Way indicates that it can only be interpreted by the Angvardi and Terulans. He was willing to accept their marriage as it was performed through the priests of the Way, but he doesn't have to accept that the Easterners are the only ones who are supposed to be in charge. He believes (and I will go into it more in a short bit) that it is entirely possible for the Sei and the Kuti to remain independent and still be part of the Way and contribute towards the ultimate survival of everyone against the Coming Darkness. That, and let's be honest here: if you were paired up with an attractive and polite (Havert is very polite and gentle) man and said "you are now married, have children or you will be enslaved" what would you do? These chapters have really been strong in writing style, level of detail, etc. Thank you. There are parts I am not always sure of, but I hope to iron them out in my second draft. Wouldn't seeing Setpinius' attack be more of a vision of the future than a prophecy, on the part of Xalent? From how I understood the description of prophet vs seer, this is not something Xalent should see, unless the distinction between prophecy and future is much less distinct than I realized. Very true, very true indeed. You clearly were paying attention. All I can say is that prophets and seers like to seem like they know more than they do (think of palm readers and psychics today). Regarding the Escargro, if the name is truly that much of a hangup for you, I may just change it. Yes, it was intentionally meant to refer to the snail like structure of the tower, but it wasn't meant to be humorous. I thought your dialogue has overall been much stronger in these chapters. There are two areas I would encourage looking at, however: I thought the Bronwyn/Syler scenes have been good, detailed, and the actual dialogue itself was excellent. However, you usually used the same descriptions repeatedly, and used them only to describe the voice tone (cold, more anger, in anger, edge of anger, etc) rather than showing us. I am glad you pointed that out. As I have said, dialogue is not my strong point, and that includes descriptors around the speaking parts. I am going to go back through some of the more dialogue heavy parts and see about fixing that up. My last suggestion - Lamastus and Syler's conversation about the stable braces seemed really stilted. I shall go back and see what I can do, right after I finish fixing some of the above. Wow - sounds like there are some crazy things about to happen! I liked the way you introduced the Shalktra. It does not sound good at all to have so many there - searching for the Guide, perhaps? Not the Guide, but the seer whom they believe (correctly) could identify who the Master of Magic is. And yes, I do indeed like the Shalktra, both their name and what they are going to do in the rest of the novel. Bad guys can be so fun to write sometimes. Click for the best site ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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