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One Who Masters Magic (End of First Draft)


Travis
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Oh, make no mistake, I am quite active and reading posts. I have paused working on the actual novel for a while because I moved from America to China and had internet problems, adjustment issues, and a great deal of work to do setting up for the school year (I am teaching). Now, things are mostly in place, I have a more stable internet connection, and things are beginning to run smoothly. I have more time to respond, but not yet enough to start writing (which usually takes a few uninterrupted hours which are hard to do now).

 

This is NOT the most updated version, not by a long shot. In fact, if you have only read this, I suggest you stop now and go on over to a different topic. I went through a rewrite that drastically altered or expanded certain parts of the story, so much that the material at the end here is pushed back into Book 3. I suggest that, if you are serious about reading it, you check out this topic:

viewtopic.php?f=23&t=46770

 

Even that is a bit outdated as the early chapters were edited a deal after feedback. The most up to date version is likely found on DeviantArt. I submitted things here first and then updated them for DA after problems or typos were pointed out.

That is the link to the Prologue which also has all the chapter links for the rest of the book. Each of the later chapters has the links to the two before and two after, so you don't always need that page.

 

I changed a significant deal of things and added new chapters while taking away from others. At this point, I had a far better idea where I was taking things and knew what else to include. Things that didn't work were removed, things that people suggested were implemented. I tried to balance things a little better for the secondary major characters while explaining a little more about the world and added descriptions of the environment. It is still only a second draft, but it is far more rounded. After I finish the second book's first draft, I will go back and polish the first one even further, but that is in the future and I don't foresee major changes like I did in the second draft.

 

To answer your questions:

Lamastus is 25, Syler is 22 (in second draft). Lamastus is actually quite a good looking guy with a sort of Spanish (not Latino) look of tall, dark, and handsome. The difference between the two is not one of age, but of experience. Lamastus has been a soldier since he was 15, Syler has never had to live that sort of life. Syler stayed almost all of his life around Sandrin, Lamastus has traveled all over Angvard and been in multiple combat situations. Perhaps I will revisit that scene and see if it needs some adjustment (originally, Syler was only like 19). Most importantly, after reviewing the second draft, I discovered that that line isn't even in there (it was one of those many things that got changed up).

 

The Vision: The arm that was cut off was the arm that was cutting into her and it was a pretty powerful and clean cut (Syler is not weak, he is a freaking blacksmith). There may have been a little more pressure added, but the knife would fall out once the pressure from the man's muscles vanished. Sure, there would be some damage, but it wouldn't have jammed through the bone or anything.

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I am SO glad you told me that! I was going by titles only, so I figured I needed to catch up on the first draft, read the in-between Epilogue in the regularly Library (turns out this is your revised draft!), and then move onto the second book's draft.

 

I will transition to DA to catch up at least, but still comment in the newer thread you have going on in the normal library to leave short comments on where I'm at - no major reviews this go around unless something major stands out, since it's much more polished by your own account and I would enjoy the chance to mostly just sit back and enjoy! Don't expect to see me around the second book for a while yet.

 

For Lamastus: Once I caught the "young" this go around I figured the "son" had to come from the difference in experience, but it's nice to have that confirmed. Since Lamastus is at least a reoccurring minor character if not a main character, I would definitely advocate making sure some reference to his age makes it into your current draft so that no one else gets this WAAAY off internal picture so close to his introduction. Past that, I'll let you know if there are any other scenes I discover added to this wrong mental picture and might require a second look.... but otherwise assume that now that I have the correct mental picture, it'll all be good...

 

You definitely have a lot more weapons, strategy, etc knowledge than myself, so I'll definitely take your word that the accuracy and force of Syler's cut would make a clean and fast enough transient force to keep too much of the pressure from translating to Bronwyn. Just figured I'd mention it.

 

I'll see you back in the normal library on your other thread....Toodles!

"It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo

Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23

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