Lord Ar-Pharazon Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 (edited) DEDICATED TO JARETH, WHO ADDED A SIGNIFICANT CONTRIBUTION TO THIS STORY. Once there was a young boy named Kareem who lived in the panhandle of Oklahoma and loved Star Wars way too much. Kareem believed that he was a real Jedi, because he had strange telepathic powers, which he equated as the Force. He had a very strong grasp on the Force, which was obvious, be he couldn't do anything with it. It was frustrating. He was a bad student in his high school, which totally rocked his world, until he discovered the psi community, which was a dependable and sane group of people who were extraordinarily telepathic and 100% good and true. Kareem suddenly had the power to hear voices in the Force, and they told him to build a truck that looked like a spaceship. So, he spent the summer between Junior and Senior year building a truck that looked like a Luke Skywalker's X-Wing Fither. During the day, he worked with his hands, but at night, he worked with his mind. As the hot, companionless nights progressed, he could sense himself growing in several abilities, including, but not limited to empathy (which all humans already have, but he thought it was extraordinary), telepathy, scanning (whatever the hell that is), precognition, astral projection, shielding, telekinesis, psi-balls (lol), pyrokinesis, and healing. Over time, he was able to heal a small mouse that was bitten by a bird during a storm. He even read his mother's mind, because one day when he thought she would buy whole milk at the grocery store, she did. Kareem continued building this fantastic vehicle, which began to resemble an X-Wing Fighter more and more each day. It was a really big deal for him, and he even drove it on the first day of school, despite it not being finished. It still lacked a hyperdrive. He should have taken a lesson from the Emperor's mistake, because unfinished spacecrafts are doomed to fail when activated early. While he was in class, a bunch of popular and athletic bullies covered his X-Wing in milkshakes and smoked weed inside the backseat, but worst of all, they scraped off the Rebel Alliance decal in the rear window. How would Han Solo trust him now? Someone was going to pay for this! Kareem tried to strike back at the bullies, because clearly he knew, through his powers, who they all were, and he made one thousand mind bullets chase the bullies, but none of them even felt the magic mind bullets. He was that close! Clearly he needed more training. So he trained and he trained. Kareem's psi balls became legendary. He could throw them out, and magically pull them back again. He became a party favorite for ”œdropping brain” Edited April 2, 2009 by Guest [Associate of the Illinois Mafia since November 2002.] Member of the Four Horsemen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 I laughed so hard at this. It is hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 I want a trainer named Kap, so I could call him Kappy. This was brilliant writing, I haven't laughed this hard in awhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Kyp Durron Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Dammit LAP. No cookies for you! LOL at the story though... and I don't do that PSI crap. Character Sheet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chosen One Ephant Mon Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Hilarious. You've got a great literary voice. Or at least a funny one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joreel Ordo Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 So sarcastic it reminds me of Simon Pegg Congratulations LAP on a great story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Wow that was hilarious! It's great the way you can make such ridiculous stuff sound so matter-of-fact. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthBrendo Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Brilliantly done. Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ar-Pharazon Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 That picture is awesome Brendo! Did you make it? Thanks for the kind words. I just love writing. What else can I say? [Associate of the Illinois Mafia since November 2002.] Member of the Four Horsemen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthBrendo Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Nah google is my friend. Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ary the Grey Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Oh My God. That just made my day. Immediately reachable by charlesjhall@gmail.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jidai Geki Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Brilliant. Made me chuckle a fair bit. http://www.themire.co.uk-- being a veracious and lurid account of the goings-on in the savage Mire and the sootblown alleys of Portstown's Rookery! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted November 26, 2008 Share Posted November 26, 2008 I thought it was great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted November 29, 2008 Share Posted November 29, 2008 Unlocked. JediKaren has elected to leave the site in lieu of this thread being undeleted. For reference in the future, satire based on users is permitted as long as it does not go beyond the site content rules. There are previous examples of such and stories similar to this, likewise, will not be deleted or locked unless flaming or trolling occurs - which are not within the bounds of Jedi.net rules. One of the rules of fanfic is this: -Be respectful of other people's writing. If you don't like it, you don't have to review. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasori Posted November 29, 2008 Share Posted November 29, 2008 It was based on Kyp though Resident Tech and Video Game Geek Well, crap, Sasori is correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted November 29, 2008 Share Posted November 29, 2008 Jedi Kareem was based on content from her website, which was called "PSI World". I know it was largely parodying Kyp. I even PMed her and pointed that out since she never posted out of Fanfic much. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ar-Pharazon Posted November 29, 2008 Author Share Posted November 29, 2008 THIS THREAD WILL ETERNALLY STAND HERE AT JNET AS A TRIUMPH OF ART AND CREATIVITY. While, some may say that it also stands as the triumph of hazing over pariahs, I respectually disagree. [Associate of the Illinois Mafia since November 2002.] Member of the Four Horsemen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted November 29, 2008 Share Posted November 29, 2008 Satire is an art form, so, eh. I say it's a triumph of creativity. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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