Silas

Vesper stood painfully silent as the young man before him began to explain himself. "Whoa! No need to kill anybody else here!" Yeah, we'll see about that. "I am Ads-Gop Flif, J...former Jedi... Vesper quickly grew tired of the "former Jedi's" ramblings. He lowered his weapon, but kept a tight grip on it, ready for anything that might happen to pop up. He had indeed noticed the "strange shit" that was going on on the mysterious ship, and if he had to be honest with himself, it scared him. He had seen many traumatizing things in his life but this ship was beyond anything he had ever experienced. It had something beyond mere creepiness. Pedophiles were creepy. Abandoned warehouses were creepy. LAP was creepy. But this ship had such an evil aura radiating from it that Vesper felt like he had entered the deepest level of Hell. He inhaled sharply when he thought he saw one of the dead bodies that he recognized twitch, but reassured himself that that was impossible. "Indeed, we should stick together. Perhaps we should find the others that you speak of? I'd like to know exactly who I'm stuck on this blasted ship with and what we have to work with."

It's time. It's time to go home. The voice echoed through the back of Vesper's mind, startling him. Thus far he hadn't seen anyone on the mysterious ship other than his team. Maybe it was the same voice that had told him that it was time to leave Corellia for a while telling him that his break was over and that it was time to return to work. Either way, Vesper knew that he needed to find his way to the cockpit. He couldn't leave the scene of his crime until he could get this rusty old bucket of bolts into the air. As he began to move towards where he thought the cockpit should be, he was surprised to feel the ship lurch and moan as if it were taking off. The hum of the engines firing confirmed his suspicions. He silently motioned for two members of the three man team to head to the cockpit while he and the remaining agent stayed here to make sure that there wasn't anything unwanted wondering about the ship. Vesper was beginning to relax. That was, until he saw the first face. A gruesome, white-eyed, blank stare looking at Vesper, piercing his very soul. Normally a dead body wouldn't have fazed him beyond the normal shock of seeing a rotting corpse when it wasn't expected but there was something in this face that scared Vesper immensely. He recognized it. Due to Vesper's former life and former acquaintances this ship could end up being his downfall. Perhaps he had tried his luck one too many times and it had finally run out. With this thought sitting in the back of his mind Vesper began to look around the rest of the corridor that he was in, noticing the other bodies strewn about haphazardly. His dread began to grow when he realized that he recognized more than just one of the faces. He recognized all five bodies in this single corridor. They were all part of an old smuggling team that he had betrayed in his early days with Black Sun. It seemed like a life time ago that this had all happened. Vesper did a double take when he thought he saw one of the bodies, a man that he had once considered a valuable friend, wink at him. When he actually focused on the face it was as immobile as any other inanimate object he had ever seen. There was no way that the corpse had just winked at him, right? They were dead and it was all just a trick of the light, right? The next realization was possibly the most startling. He recognized this corridor. It was where he had stood, all those years ago, to confirm with his contact inside Black Sun the arrival time and crew of the ship. This was where he had finalized his betrayal and made his journey towards membership in the Black Sun complete. But that wasn't possible, was it? He had watched with his own eyes as this ship and all of its occupants were blown to oblivion by a few well-placed rockets. Vesper continued to stare in wonder and disbelief until he heard a voice behind him calling out. "Hey! HEY! You there...you there!" Vesper and his agent simultaneously turned and drew their weapons, training them on their best educated guess at the voice's location. What he saw before was alive, thank the gods, and had a similar weapon in his grip. "Who the hell are you and where is this ship going?"

Fun. The word had many meanings. To a young boy, fun might mean riding a swoop bike around his neighborhood. To an older woman, fun might mean playing a game of sabacc with friends. To Vesper Stubernic, fun was nothing more than a shorter word for chaos. While to two words may have seemed like opposites, Vesper loved nothing more than to watch all the little people scurry around like ants trying to fix the problem that he created. Today would be a lot of fun. When Vesper and his crew had left Corellia he had ordered his pilot to set a random course. That course had taken them to the airspace above Onderon. They were now on their way to the spaceport that the air traffic control officer had directed them to. When they landed there would be quite a show. The ship set down in the designated hangar bay and Vesper and his team disembarked quickly. The ship that they had come in would soon be abandoned. The team needed nothing more than the clothes on their back to get back to Corellia. After all, they were in a building full of ships and all of them were thieves. One of Vesper's men departed from the group and sneakily made his way to the control room. Outside the room Vesper could hear the faint sound of stun bolts being discharged. While the men weren't opposed to killing there was no point in killing these men when they could simply be viewed running around trying to solve the problem that had been created. A few minutes later all of the electronics in the spaceport stopped working as Vesper's agent destroyed all of the consoles in the control room. At the same time, the ship that Vesper had arrived in exploded, sending shrapnel flying in every direction. The agent rejoined the group and the only thing left to do was find a ship to transport them off this rock. Through the darkness and the confusion Vesper spotted a vessel that looked like it would do nicely. He indicated which ship he had selected and he and his team moved slyly toward the ship. They moved up the boarding ramp with the expectation of finding an empty ship, but they were prepared for whatever was to come. ((I'm not too happy with this post but once we get going on this little excursion I'll make sure to put effort into these posts. I promise.))

Vesper's eyes exploded open as he sat up. He could feel the comforting sensation of the silk sheets gently caressing his naked body but something troubled him. He slowly and carefully examined his private residence within the Senatorial Suite but found nothing out of place. The sense of foreboding must have been coming from some outside force. He ended his search at the refresher stationed at the back of the residence where he began his early morning routine. He turned on the shower and stepped into the warm embrace that had become a refuge for him. Vesper closed his eyes and imagined every water droplet piercing his skin, slipping into body and cleansing the dark stain that had grown there. He finished lathering his hair and body and rinsed the cleaning agent away. He stepped out of the 'fresher and shrugged one of the warm, custom-made silk robes that was waiting for him onto his shoulders and tied the belt around his trim waist. The thoughts rolling around in his head still had organized themselves enough for Vesper to figure out what exactly he was feeling or if it actually meant anything at all. Perhaps the feeling was coming from the building he was currently living in. He hadn't been here long and the uncontrollable urge to vacate the planet had started not long after he had moved in. Or perhaps it was Corellia itself. The planet wasn't exactly known for being the epitome of excellence. Maybe all of the bad things that Vesper had committed in his past were finally catching up to him and had reached a climax now that he had submerged himself into the center of evil. As he sat down to eat his breakfast he considered the fact that the nightmares had started shortly after he had landed on planet. As he had started the final preparations for his plan, the nightmares had become more frequent and intense. Maybe he needed to leave Corellia for a while to refresh his mind and body before continuing on with his scheme. Yes, a nice little jaunt around the galaxy was always good for the soul. Perhaps some petty crime and general mayhem was in order, just to get back into the swing of things. It had been far too long since he had partaken in any kind of mischief and truth be told, he missed it. Black Sun had been such a big part of his life that his decision to leave it had almost proven fatal. Adapting had been far more difficult than he could have possibly imagined, but he had overcome. He finished his meal and stood, casting the robe aside. He slithered into his finest suit and looked into the mirror, making sure that every hair was in place. It struck him as odd that he had gone through such a dramatic transformation in such a small amount of time. A few months back he would have been sitting in a completely disorganized office that reeked of booze and illegal substances and now he was making sure that everything was in place before he ventured out into the world. Vesper smiled at the beautiful face that greeted him as he stepped out of his quarters. The young woman was more than she appeared on the outside though, as Vesper had learned quickly after hiring her. She was loyal, no doubt, but he still wondered how deep that loyalty ran. Of course, now was no time to be considering such matters. "Mrs. Dawes, please prepare a shuttle for me, discreetly of course, and have it meet me in my personal hangar along with six of our men. I am not sure how long of an absence this will be so you will have to look after things here while I am gone. I trust that I am leaving this operation in capable hands?" She simply nodded. Another thing to love about the woman was that she was very to the point, except when making love, but those details were for another time. She turned and immediately began to execute his orders while he readied himself for the coming voyage. He returned to his room and gathered a few essential items. He slipped the gun made of pure gold given to him by Smash Daisaku into its holster concealed in his suit jacket. It was within easy reach if he ever had a need to use it, though he doubted he would with all the security that he had employed. He also grabbed the datapad that contained all of his information and slipped it into this pants pocket. As he was about to exit the room he stopped and took one final look around. Something still wasn't right, but he couldn't put his finger on it. He shook his head and turned, exiting the suite for what might be the last time for a few months. He entered the turbolift and pressed the button that would take him down to his personal hangar. He arrived shortly thereafter and was greeted by the familiar smell of fuel and grease. This was where he felt most at home, but in order for his carefully concocted plan to work he would have to suffer through the luxuries that he had just departed from. He spotted the shuttle that he had requested and made his way over to it, setting a brisk pace. He gave an affirmative head gesture to the man who was waiting at the bottom of the ramp before heading up it so that he could begin he journey. "Pilot, set a random course and let us see where we come out. Today we will leave our destination up to fate and nothing else. You are free to leave whenever you are ready." With that, Vesper leaned back on his chosen couch and entered a state of deep contemplation. He barely even noticed when the ship lifted off and gently slid into the vast abyss of hyperspace.

Silas Carde's Character Sheet Identity [!ident] Real Name: Silas Carde A.K.A: N/A Homeworld: Xartun Species: Human Physical Description [!dscrp] Age: 41 Height: 6' Weight: 175 lbs Hair: Brown Eyes: Blue Sex: Male Equipment [!equip] Clothing or Armor: Business Suit Weapon: A gun made of pure gold given to him by Smash Daisaku Common Inventory: Comm, Weapon, Wallet, Datapad Faction Information [!factn] Non-Force User Alignment: Chaotic Neutral Current Faction Affiliation: Black Sun Current Faction Rank: Is this even a Faction anymore? History: [!hstry] Force Side: N/A Trained by: N/A Trained who: N/A Known Skills: N/A Background: Skilled mechanic - Started as a smuggler for Black Sun. Proficient in modest ship repair and upkeep. Extensive Combat Background - Trained upon entrance into the Black Sun organization. Extensive Hand to Hand and Weapons training. Has taken place in many RP "Duels" both in PvP and Fleet situations. Business/Leadership/Entrepreneurship - Has served in every conceivable position within the Black Sun organization. His skills are numerous, as are his experiences. Ship Registration [!ship] Name: Trump Carde Class: Yacht Model: Starwind-Class Pleasure Yacht Manufacturer: Kuat Drive Yards Length: 50 meters Armaments: 2 quad laser cannons Armor: Equipped and Modestly Upgraded - Will sustain moderate laser/concussion missile/proton torpedo bombardment Anti-Personnel Defenses: Equipped - Standard, nothing too fancy Appearance: Standard Modifications: Upgraded hyperdrive - .4 past lightspeed Aliases: Identity [!ident] Real Name: Vesper Stubernic A.K.A: Senator Stubernic Homeworld: Corellia Species: Human Identity [!ident] Real Name: Jacen Onnd A.K.A: N/A Homeworld: Tatooine Species: Human OOC Notes: - This is my original character from 2005. He has been the right hand man to every leader of the Black Sun faction since he joined at one time or another and has led the faction multiple times himself. Along with this legacy comes a few tricks hidden up his sleeve gathered from his time with the faction. Black Sun had many secrets - Smash would be foolish to believe that an assassination attempt and the burning of a single, albeit important, base would destroy such a long standing tradition.

I just finished reading Chapter 6. At the moment I don't have time to review it or to read Chapter 7. I get on a plane tomorrow morning and won't have any access to JNET for a week so I won't get to do the review and catch up on reading till then. For the moment all I'll say is awesome job and continue writing!

Bryan Bale's ship burst out of hyperspace above the grey orb that was Corellia. He had completed his assignment and now it was time for the next step. He piloted the ship down to the surface and landed in the previously unoccupied office building. He sent a message to Mrs. Dawes and had her send down a couple of the agents to help him unload his cargo. They soon arrived and together they unloaded the boxes of spice that Vesper had ordered. The group of men took the crates and loaded them onto a waiting hoversled. Bale then piloted the ship into the freight turbolift. The pod shot up to the secret thirteenth floor. An aging oriental man met him at the door of the turbolift as it arrived at its destination. Bale offered a slight nod before piloting the sled into the laboratory that had been built in the suite. He unloaded the crates before turning to talk to Dr. Pang. "Stubernic wants the virus laced into this spice and separated for individual sale before the month is out. Is it possible?" The doctor nodded once. "Good. I shall go and make my report to him then. Good day, Dr. Pang." With this, Bale headed back to a turbolift and took it to the top floor. He entered the lavishly decorated presidential suite. He nodded to Mrs. Dawes before knocking loudly on the door, waiting for its occupant to grant him entrance. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Vesper Stubernic sat at his desk in his office awaiting confirmation that the spice shipments he had sent Agent Bale to retrieve. Today would also be the day that he would receive word on whether or not he had won the Senatorial position for the state of Corellia. Vesper knew that in all likelihood he would win based on the preliminary polls but he didn't want to take anything for granted. A large portion of his plan hinged on his winning this position. Without it he wouldn't have the political influence or contacts necessary to go through with his plan. A loud knock at the door drug Vesper from his revere. "Enter." A rather tall man with short blonde hair entered and offered a slight bow. He assumed a relaxed stance a few feet from Vesper's desk. "Sir, the spice is now with Dr. Pang and he has begun the mixing process. He expects that he should have his work completed within your timeframe." Vesper nodded before picking up a pen and twirling it in-between his fingers. He leaned back in his chair and placed his foot on the edge of the desk while his facial expression became one of concentration. He contemplated all that had happened and all that still needed to be done. Once Corellia was thrown into a state of disarray he could begin to play in the political battlefield. He was confident that he would be able to find a few corrupt senators willing to sacrifice the freedom they fought for just to make a quick buck. It would be all too easy. "Very well Mr. Bale. Return to your post until I have another assignment for you. That is all." The man nodded and left Vesper to his thoughts. So far it had been a good day. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Dr. Lee Cho Pang carefully sealed the first of many small plastic bags of spice and placed it in a container. He had spent the past few months developing a virus that would meet his boss's specifications and he believed that he had finally done it. The virus, codenamed NH12, was a particularly deadly strain of a virus that had the many of the same symptoms as a hemorrhagic fever. The symptoms would last for only 24 hours before the subject bled-out and died. At this point the virus could survive for 3 days time. It was contagious though Pang hadn't figured out a way to make it airborne. If anyone came into contact with the dead being's blood within the 3-day period they too would contract the virus. It wasn't a particularly steady way to spread a disease but for Vesper's purposes it would do. Pang placed the second bag of the disease-ridden spice into the same container as the first. From the time of inception, a being would have only 72 hours to live. A 48 hour incubation period followed the contraction before flowing into the 24 hours of symptoms. This would allow for maximum impact as many people would be leaving the planet within the given incubation period. The only point that Pang classified as a failure in this project would be the fact that no Mon Calamari or Quarren could contract the disease. Something in their biological structure prevented him from crafting the virus to destroy their cells. Thankfully, Vesper was okay with this and had given him the go-ahead to complete the project. The virus itself wouldn't actually become active until it was smoked properly. It had been a necessary precaution in case the virus were to somehow get out of the lab and begin to infect the team that Vesper had brought to Corellia. Due to this fact, the spice had been an imperative part of the plan. When the first spice shipment had fallen through Vesper had nearly killed someone. If the second one had fallen through then Pang was relatively sure that he would not be standing where he was, if he was alive at all. The man wasn't known for his patience and to be on his bad side could be a very bad thing. But the shipment had come through and soon Dr. Pang would be able to witness his creation in action. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Vesper exited his sleeping chambers dressed in a new suit. He dusted off the jacket and headed towards the door. He was greeted by his beautiful secretary Rachel Dawes who led him to a turbolift. The pair entered the tube and the woman pressed the button for the first floor where the hangar was located. When they arrived the pair stepped out and was greeted to the site of 12 men all standing in a uniform way with black suits on that were fairly similar to Vesper's own. He nodded at them and moved to take his place in the second landspeeder of the convoy. Three agents and Mrs. Dawes piled in after him while the other two speeders were occupied by four agents each. The procession quickly began moving down the grimy Corellian streets heading towards the designated convention center. They arrived after only a few short minutes of uncomfortable silence and quickly piled out. The group made its way to the convention hall where all of the other senatorial candidates waited with their security and aides. The tension in the room could have been cut with a knife but Vesper radiated with confidence. The local media and Holonet News teams were scattered around interviewing the candidates. Vesper obliged them by answering their questions in a professional manner though he wished they would all just go to hell. After only another few minutes a hushed silence fell over the chamber when the head of electoral board walked up to the podium on the stage. "All of the votes have been tallied and we have been informed that we have our new Senator. It is my honor to ask Mr. Vesper Stubernic to join me here at the podium to make his first address to the Corellian people as their representative to the Republic." Vesper smiled as he made his way to the stage escorted by the sound of polite applause from his competitors. When he reached his destination and the applause died down he started into the speech that had been prepared for him. "My fellow Corellians”¦" The speech continued on for another 30 standard minutes. Vesper paid the message itself little mind as he read it from the teleprompter. He had won. His success in his chaotic plan was but assured. Within a few weeks the spice would be ready to be put on the black market and the underworld of Corellia would begin to infect the entire galaxy. It was all too easy. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ As soon as his reception was over, Vesper and his team made their way back to their headquarters. Vesper invited Mrs. Dawes to his sweet for a drink in celebration of the day's victories. The two retired to his chambers for a drink and he couldn't be happier. The next day he would move his political belongings to the Senatorial building and become situated there. The day after he would be well on his way to sowing political, economic, and social chaos throughout the galaxy. All in all it had been a rather productive day.

I'd actually really like to see a story focusing on Smash and his adventures through the course of his life.

Waking Dream is, and will always be, my favorite piece of Fan Fic. The more I think about it the most I can see it being a style thing. It would have made more sense if I had known about it before I began reading. But eh, what can you do? It was still excellent!

So Tiana, on the first page of this thread I made a little post that went a little something like this: "This is my new reading project, as well as Zero's Parallels, if he ever updates it...hint hint. I usually have one or two stories that I keep up with, and this is my newest one. I'm going to start reading from the beginning and when I catch up I'll let you know what I think." A few nights ago I got a wild hair up my butt and went on a Fan Fic rampage through the stories. Most of what I read were short stories, consisting of no more than a few pages worth of material, but I decided that I should fulfill what I wrote back a couple of years ago in this thread. I copied and pasted all of the updates into Word (it came out to be like 53 pages) and printed them out so I could read them in my spare time when I didn't have Internet access. Tonight was the night that I finally finished! First off, let me say that this was a very cool story idea. I still don't understand the details of 'the eyes' but I'm beginning to understand. At first it was a little bit confusing but it definitely got easier as the story progressed. I can't wait for them to be fully explained. I also think that you did an exceptional job of writing the characters of the story and sticking as close to established material as possible with the characters that already have so much background. I especially liked the Obi-Wan and Anakin stuff. It added a nice little bit of humor through-out the dark posts. One thing that really stuck out in my mind as a deterant in this story was your sentence structure. I'm not going to pretend to be a grammar nazi, because I'm not, but some of your sentences seemed like run-ons. There were places that it just felt awkward to read and it made me stop and think about whether or not it actually should have been a comma. Other than that I think you have an excellent story going here and I can't wait for the next update. I'll definitely be keeping up with this now that I'm caught up. Excellent job!

Another excellent chapter. A few minor errors but nothing too serious this time. The only issue I had was your writing of Palleon. I don't think that he would have been that quick to accept defeat. He's always been a very strongly-written person, but since this is AU that is completely your choice. Either way I can't wait for more.

Bale watched with astonishment as the woman before him transformed into a reptiallian creature. He had known she was a Shi'ido from the pair's adventure on Nar Shaddaa but he hadn't expected such a sudden change of form. Either way it got the job done and it got it done quickly. Bale watched with gratitude as the Trodashan finished the loading of his shipment before handing the case of cred chips to her. "It was a pleasure working with you. I'm sure that I'll see you again sometime. Until then, good bye." With this, Bale walked up the ramp of his ship and into the cockpit. He fired it up and after a few quick procedures took off. Soon after he broke atmosphere and blasted off into the abyss of hyperspace.

Is this your own work? I couldn't quite tell from your reference to the movie in the Author's Note. If it is then it was great. Very nicely done. There was one place that I felt didn't really flow all that well but that is a personal feeling rather than something that was actually wrong. I think you did an excellent job. Oh, and Ben, you might have moree readers if you updated every once in a while.

That was great man! There's really not much for me to say since this was already written so I'll continue to say that there were a few sentence structure things that irked me but they weren't as numerous in this passage. I actually felt myself wanting to read more rather than stopping so you're obviously doing something right. I can't wait for more!

It might just be that I didn't read closely enough but I didn't catch that. I think it would have made a lot more sense if you had really gone into detail about that.

I was going through some old stuff and found a printout of possibly my favorite piece of FanFiction on the site: Name of fic: Waking Dream Link: http://forums.jedi.net/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=25479&highlight=waking+dream Author: Tiana Calthye Type: One-shot Why I recommend this fic: An excellent piece by an excellent writer. Tiana manages to capture the emotions of Vader in a realistic way that makes you empathize with him and realize his faults all at the same time.

That's because you're Asian. First off, I have to point out that that response nearly made me spit water all over my laptop. Well played sir. On to the story: It was a nice little one-shot, though I'll echo the comments that have been made about turning it into a complete story. It seems like there was a lot of potential in the characters but by the end I hadn't grown attached to any of them and wouldn't have cared if they had died. While you offered insight into CT-1185's thoughts I think that there was more that could have been done if you had chosen to flesh this out, even if it was just a longer one-shot. I also thought that the change of pace was a little too abrupt. CT-1185's initial thoughts made it seem like he would follow the Jedi to the death simply because that was what he had been trained to do, but as soon as he recieved Order 66 he turned into a trigger-happy maniac. There was no remorse, no questions, no emotion except murder. Then again this is totally your story and it's completely up to you how you write it.

This piece made me laugh out loud at 4:30 in the morning...Great interaction between Obi-Wan and Anakin. What's funny is I could actually see that happening in like a young adult EU novel or something. And after reading Dark Rendevous I could see Yoda doing something like this as well. All in all a very funny read!

Excellent work man. I loved every second of reading it. The grammatical errors that did exist didn't detract from the story enough to make me want to stop reading. Since you haven't updated in a while and it was such an excellent piece I thought I would bump this to try to encourage you to either post or write more.

It was an interesting piece though I didn't really notice anything in the writing that made it stand out. Due to your critique level being low I'll leave it at the fact that there were a few grammatical errors that made me pause, but nothing too major. It felt kind of rushed. One note that you might take into consideration when writing in the future: Flashbacks are generally marked in some way, typically by italics or completely seperated from teh previous section. I was a bit confused when you just kind of jumped into it. Over all it was a nice little one-shot that got the point across.

I'll start off by saying that I absolutely love the 1st person point of view and I think that you did it justice when you wrote this little piece. It was excellent. I actually got goosebumps during Luke's "I am a Jedi like my father before me" line due to the description of how proud Vader felt of his son. You did an excellent job writing that part in particular. There were a few errors scattered through the vignette but I wouldn't say that it detracted from the story in any way. Over all it was a great piece of work that makes me want to go dig up 'After Endor' and read it as well. Perhaps I'll get to it someday.

You've come up with an interesting idea. I would never have thought to write about the events 60 years after the current RP. Its actually been pretty cool to read your thoughts on it. Since its already been mentioned I'll glaze over the fact that there are a few grammatical errors within the story. They are there but they seem like they would be easy enough to fix. Are you gonna continue with this story? Its been a while since the last update and I would really like to see what happens next.

A very interesting poem to say the least. I really liked it! You're not the only one to feel this way either. I'm sad to say that I've felt that way before. What can you do? We're only human.

That was pretty funny Ben. I enjoyed the read, though I must admit that the entire time I was reading it I thought you were talking about Stephen...

Interesting little tidbit that you have there. A little bit longer than the others, which I liked, and certainly a well thought out passage. To go on the opposite end of Ami's thought that Leia fell too quickly, I think that she fell in a way that made perfect sense and followed a logical line of descent. Much like Anakin, Leia had many events in her life that would have greatly scarred her, such as the destruction of her home planet, and all it took to push her over the edge was a little nudge from one who was always known to be so seductive. I think the way that you wrote it out shows many parallels to the real world. I see people I know falling out of their religious beliefs simply because a good speaker came along and they weren't rooted enough in what they believed to stand firm. One of the things that I disliked was the way she found the room. A calling made perfect sense, though her place of descension was, in my eyes, not oportune. The Imperial Palace would have been swept over many times by guards and hired hands to ensure that there were no bobby traps lying in wait for the new government and a tile on the floor seems like it would have been stepped on at least once, especially in a room like the Emperor's Throne Room. Then again, that's just my opinion and how you write is completely up to you. There were a few grammatical errors through-out the passage but I didn't expect them to be fixed. If I may suggest a way for those grammatical errors to be fixed without you having to go back and re-write the passage: Get a beta-reader. Someone who will read your work before you post it and fix any of those little errors in the story before you put it up for us all to read. Just a thought. Overall it was excellent. I can't wait to read more of the story!