Silas

(( Sorry Bro)) Jacen's eyes had glazed over and he heard barely any of what Auron had said. He fought to stay conscious, knowing that the man opposite him would be feeling the same drowsiness. The wine had been specially prepared by Dr. Pang with a powerful sedative, strong enough to knock out a man many times Jacen's size with just a few sips. Jacen had been banking on the representative wanting to make a good impression and as he leaned back in his chair, he let a sly smile worm its way on to his face. He thought he heard the door open. That would be the security team that had been waiting outside, ready for when the two beings inside the office had lost consciousness. They would act fast, giving Jacen the antidote and restraining the representative, prepping him for the task that would be given to him. ((Citing: This Post This Post And This Post As Setup For An... <>))

A tall man with shaven blond hair approached Auron. "This way." The Black Sun operative twisted through a winding maze of hallways towards Jacen Onnd's office. When the pair arrived, the agent knocked on the door and stepped back. *** Jacen Onnd heard the knock on his door and let a small smile creep across his face. He stood and opened the door, looking out at the representative that Tengu had sent. "I don't value tardiness in those that I hire. Be sure not to repeat this mistake again. Now, come and sit." Jacen moved back behind his desk and took the bottle of wine that sat there. He uncorked it and poured its contents into two glasses made of crystal. He handed one to the representative, the being he knew to be Auron from the paperwork that he had filled out upon arrival. He held the other glass and raised it in toast toward Auron before taking a large gulp and sitting in the chair behind his desk. "Tell me what I can do for you."

Jacen sat in his office watching the scene unfold before him on a security monitor. It was quite amusing to watch Horatio work, and as the agent go so little opportunity to have fun these days, Jacen was inclined to let him enjoy himself. When Horatio had tired of dicking with Tengu's representative, or indeed finished whatever plans he had in store for the naive businessman, Jacen was sure that the being would find his way to Jacen's office. He took another puff off of his cigar and downed an eight ounce glass of water, attempting to cure the hangover he was currently experiencing. He was already feeling much better. A glass of wine, specially prepared by Dr. Pang, rested on Jacen's desk, untouched. Contrary to Tengu's belief, Jacen did in fact have manners, when they suited him of course. Yes, preparations for Tengu's representative's arrival were going very smoothly. ((Edited to change Jacen's perception of Tengu to fit the form he is currently in)) *** ((Posting as NPC Dr. Pang)) Dr. Pang held up a glass vial that he had just finished preparing for Vigo Onnd. The stimulant inside was ready for use and would readily combat the effects of the other drug that he had concocted for the Black Sun Vigo.

Sorry broski, I got caught up in real life. I'm working on catching up at the moment.

The majority of my comment was based on personal perception and how I viewed Obi-Wan. To me, some of the comments he makes to himself don't fit with my idea of what Obi-Wan went through at the time, especially about having to become a Jedi again, but seeing as you are the author, your opinion definitely supersedes mine. I think you portrayed him beautifully, and if I had read that in a published book it would have been believable, but seeing as this is FanFiction, I'm just giving you my opinion.

It's good to see you back Obi-quiet! This was a nice little piece. It certainly tugged on my emotions and turned what Obi-Wan must have been thinking at the time into a more tangible idea. Your descriptions were well-concieved and flowed smoothly, but I feel like it was a little detached, if that makes sense. You did a fair job of capturing Obi-Wan's character. I know that this is published or anything, so the little characteristics that you didn't quite nail really don't mean much seeing as this is how your perceived the character and you definitely took him and made him your own. Overall I enjoyed this story. It's one that you could continue, should you so choose, and I would continue to read it, though it does stand well on its own. Well done!

Remembering that he had a guest on the way, Jacen made his way down to Dr. Pang's office. The man he had killed on Taris was in for a big surprise when he finally made his way to Dubrillion. Jacen asked the good doctor to prepare a metal coffin for their guest and his ride back to Taris, as well as a powerful sedative. Jacen left the doctor's laboratory and headed back up to his office where his personal team of agents were waiting for him. He informed the agents of his plans and before long they were scampering around, preparing the office for Tengu's arrival. Two agents made their way into the air duct system in Jacen's rather spacious office. They lifted the duct covers and prepped their weapons for stun. Four more agents made their way down to the hangar bay where Tengu would be landing. They were prepared to disarm him and take care of any problems that he might cause. The rest of the agents were in the office next to Jacen's. They would be coming in to dispose of Tengu's limp body once the plan had been enacted and the creature was stunned. Jacen leaned back in his chair and took a puff off of his cigar. Everything was working out exactly as planned.

Not annoyed in the least. It allowed me to do more of the absolute nothing that I was already doing. But you still owe me a chapter.

Well... Ben still owes a chapter then. Pay up, good sir.

Yeah, if this isn't the real chapter then I'm going to feel like a complete and utter jackass for spending an hour and a half trying to help you out.

After going back and reading the sentence again, you are indeed correct. Sorry, its 7:00 here and I've been up for quite a while.

Ummmmm...wow. That was incredibly powerful and too long in coming. I'm glad that Locke finally threw caution to the wind and told these people what needed to be said. It fits in his character perfectly. I would have liked to see a little more of Cooper in this section, though given the weight of what has just transpired it makes sense that you didn't throw him in as comic relief. I'm curious as to what Locke's next step is, as he's effectively cut himself off from the high society that he's used to. I know that in the past that you've asked me to point out little things, so here are the ones I caught during my reading:

So shit obviously went down in this chapter. As I believe that you handle critiques quite well, I'm going to give it to you straight. I don't think that this chapter was your best. I'm not sure if this was the case, but it feels like you were powering through the plot ideas that you wanted to include in this chapter in an effort to pump out an update before your readers grew restless. I feel like your other chapters had far more description in them which lent an air of maturity to them that I think this chapter lacked. Since there was so much happening, it makes sense that you would have less description but it, and I use the word lightly, disappointed me a bit as I have always loved your vivid and colorful imagination and it didn't come through as brightly as I would have liked to see. A few housekeeping items (I might have missed some because it is 5:30 a.m. here and I'm quite tired):

I was totally right. I didn't want to say that I thought he was gay, but it all just seemed to fit. I knew that I was either right or completely and utterly wrong. Elliot's father's reaction to meeting his son again was quite unexpected. The fact that he still called Elliot his son, and even threatened to cut out a man's tongue for speaking ill of him, is strange. It makes me think that he's fighting his bigotry inside and that he'll play a bigger part in the ending of this book, probably coming to Elliot's rescue at some point. Elliot's mother has me confused. Her anger didn't seem to fit with the character, but it still makes sense and I'm curious as to where you're taking it. I'm actually wondering if she hasn't died and its just not been revealed to us yet. It would be an interesting twist, though I'm sure whatever you have done with it will be just as, if not more, brilliant. I'm expectantly awaiting the confrontation between Locke and Cooper. You've set it up to be quite the read and I'm kind of getting antsy about it. I'm not sure as to Locke's plan yet, but it promises to be jaw-dropping. I'm actually wondering if these two will end up together without a confrontation and live happily ever after. Could make for an interesting plot twist, though I'm not sure that that's what you're intending.

The Black Sun shuttle dropped out of hyperspace, after having made several random hyperspace jumps, above Dubrillion. Jacen Onnd piloted the shuttle, which was not an easy task with a lit cigar in one hand and a bottle of liquor acquired at a Coruscanti spaceport in the other, down to the surface. He landed the loaner shuttle in a hangar and stumbled down the ramp, wondering where he should head next.

I'll echo Brendo's sentiments and say that I can't wait to see where this goes. I'm a bit curious as to why Elliot's father would be there but I'm sure it will all be explained as we go along.

Indeed, this was a very well written chapter. I'm glad to see some more of Locke and his softer side.

QFT. This was a very powerful and vicious update. You wrote the parts beautifully, nailing the drunken father/drunken son debacle perfectly. This update just exudes raw emotion and it was an excellent read. I'm beginning to think that we're going to see something very drastic revealed about Locke, but I don't want to reveal my suspicions for fear of being very, very wrong.

((I know that Ian mentioned defenses but I don't think they're especially applicable here. I'm citing the new rule regarding combat NPC's needing to be attached to factions as my ticket out of here without dealing with whatever NPC's may be around. Also, the only defenses I can find posted are the four turbolasers and due to the fact that we were alone I'm going to bail before anyone figures out what's going on. If the mods feel this is underhanded then feel free to PM me and I'll gladly edit accordingly.)) A toothless smile. And a quick puff of course. Jacen walked towards the hunched-over body and quickly placed the muzzle of his gun against the back of the being's head and fired another round just to be sure that the agent was truly dead. He searched the body for anything of value, coming up with nothing but a small glass vial. He stashed it in the inside pocket of his suit and dipped his finger in the silver blood dripping from the Zabark's head. He began to write on the glass table with the man's bodily fluids. I'm Not Impressed. Dubrillion. Three Days. Another puff. Jacen turned, gun, cigar and bottle of alcohol still in hand and headed towards the exit. He walked through the well-decorated condo acting as if nothing was amiss. He spotted the cocktail waitress near the door and nodded politely to her as he strolled through the entrance. He was walking up the ramp to his borrowed shuttle when he heard the cocktail waitress scream. Another toothless smile. The still-warm vessel fired up quickly and within seconds Jacen was lifting off from the landing pad. He had to give Tengu's people credit. The turbolasers started firing while he was still in range, though Jacen easily avoided most of the shots, his small ship dodging the monstrous weapon's bolts. The beams that did connect were handled by the deflector shield and within minutes Jacen was clear of the gravity well and blasting into hyperspace heading towards Dubrillion.

Your descriptions are amazing sir. They're so elegant yet simple in a classy way. I loved the beginning of this update because of that. Locke is quickly becoming a different character. He seems frustrated, which makes sense due to the fact that he's just come out of the Mire. I interested in where you take both him and Ferrar.

Wrong. He stopped in his tracks, right hand resting on the hilt of his gun, still facing the door. "I do, in fact, know of viral genetics Mr. Tengu." Bang. Travelling at roughly 365.76 meters per second, the 9mm round left the gun made of pure gold that had been given to him to Jacen by Smash Daisaku. It would take approximately .01 seconds to traverse the roughly three meters between the muzzle of his gun and the back of the aliens head. His training had kicked in. Hours upon hours spent in the shooting ranges with Piccolo had drilled this turn-and-fire maneuver into Jacen's head, which in turn made its execution flawless. <>

Jacen chuckled softly as he puffed on his cigar. The being before him deserved no other reaction. "Mr. Tengu, you can not seriously be asking me to agree to a business proposal that hasn't even been explained to me, can you? I find your inexperience in these matters laughable, but alas, you are wasting my time." A quick puff. "You see, Mr. Tengu, if your plan was truly worth my time I would not be having this conversation with you." A quick straightening of the legs. "So, I thank you for your wine, your cocktail waitress and your hospitality. With that, I will bid you a good day sir." Jacen turned and walked back the way he had come. His left hand contained his cigar and the mixed bottle of alcohol. His right hand slid towards the gun resting in his suit. These next few moments were crucial. Tengu's actions would determine whether he lived or died. Should Tengu choose wrong, Jacen was prepared to turn around and put a round directly through the Zabrak's occipital lobe.

So what's a guy got to do to get an update around here?

Well, I'm finally all caught up and I have to say that I'm very impressed, Lee. This story has everything that a good story should and its been a hell of a read. I'm finding myself very attached to these characters, which is rare in stories that I read online. I don't really have much to say as I've covered a lot of material in a short time, so I'll leave it at "well done"! I'm excited for the next update!

Jacen took a long puff on the cigar to finish it, his head turned as his eyes followed the cocktail waitress's ample posterior, and then proceeded to it out on the glass table. Ash scattered everywhere and a circular black mark was left on the table. "Whoops..." Jacen grabbed the bottle of wine that the woman had brought, dashed a little on the table, and used his suit sleeve to wipe it up. He then poured what was left of the wine into his own bottle that by now was nearly empty. He cocked the empty wine bottle towards its previous owner. "Hope you don't mind." He took a long pull from the bottle of mixed alcohol before pulling another cigar from his coat pocket and lighting it. He took a long puff before reclining and answering the Zabrak's question. "My name is Jacen Onnd, former leader and CEO of the Black Sun. At the moment I'm more of an advisor without an official position after my retirement, but I do happen to have a large pull with Smash Daisaku, the current CEO. Tell me what I can do for you, Mr. Tengu."