Vaderman Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 This was written after long pestering by my friend here at college. It's mostly satire based on our friendship, so perhaps it won't make sense. But here's the epilogue for the story about my plant, Stanley: EPILOGUE The only thing unusual about that November afternoon was the peculiarly warm weather. No one suspected that in that small, rural town, anything diabolical was to take place. No one suspected that on the ninth floor, overlooking a bleak and deserted parking lot, an evil mastermind was plotting revenge. For years, he snarled, they have forsaken me. For years they have held me back from success. Always knocking me down! Always making me ill! Well, no longer! I will eradicate the entire world of this foul species, if it's the last thing I do! Standing from his leather chair, he nervously opened a bottle of tic-tacs and swallowed a few to calm his nerves. Deep in thought, Patty Cakes, evil scientist, admired his hidden lair. The year prior, it had simply been a college dorm room, plastered with alcoholic themed posters, littered with junk food, and overwrought with the disturbing stench of unwashed body. Now, however, the room had been transformed. Instead of strategically placed posters, computers aligned the walls, each one for a different purpose. Broken liquor bottles were replaced with vials of mysterious chemicals which swirled aimlessly about, altered only when Cakes decided to swirl the contents around. The stench, however, remained. Different projects were left, cluttering the room. Altered gas masks lay strewn about the floor. What looked like a modified gun was carefully placed on a table. In the midst of the room lay a three foot tall cylinder resembling a trash can. Sparkling electrical wires poked and prodded out of various angles. The only thing that seemed even remotely ordinary to that of a college student was a small cactus at the window sill, unwatered for weeks, and with a small bottle of what appeared to be liquid fertilizer setting next to it. As Patty Cakes took in his hidden lair, he reflected on his own genius plans. It had taken three years to secure this hidden room. Under the guise of an aspiring college student, Patty Cakes waited out two different roommates until he was able to reserve the single room for himself. Since he took the room over, he added several hidden compartments and exits. He could never be too safe to keep his evil plans a secret. For his part, Patty Cakes had hidden his true intentions incredibly well. When he wasn't hidden in his secret lair, he was your typical, nerdy college student. His professor's found him studious and charming; he was quick to ask questions and further his education. To the few acquaintances that could tolerate his mere presence, Patty Cakes seemed to be incredibly ambitious in his studies. The only suspicions they had as their college years passed was that, despite the many hours spent within the library studying, his grades did not usually reflect upon his ”œhard work” Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 LOL! That's awesome! I love it. Very amusing, and I love the psuedo-serious tone you wrote it with. Very nice job. Now I really want to read on to see the adventures of Stanley the Plant and Patty Cakes. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travis Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 Wait, I am confused. Is this an epilogue or a prologue, the beginning or the end? Click for the best site ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 I was drunk when I posted this...definetely meant it to be a prologue And thanks, Ami! Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travis Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 Well then, by all means get drunk again and post the next part. Click for the best site ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted November 3, 2009 Author Share Posted November 3, 2009 (I should forwarn: my chapter titles are all Johnny Cash songs) CHAPTER ONE ONE PIECE AT A TIME The months passed by rather quickly and uneventfully. Stanley the Plant's initial growth was slow. Perched upon an old Magnavox television set, the only warmth the lonely plant received came from the glow of the television beneath him. His life throughout the winter months was relatively dull. He stared longingly outside the window, watching college students playfully attacking one another. He heard screams of joy, laughter, and erotic ecstasy as video games were played. Mario Kart was always a favorite, and the plant spent hours studying the maneuverability of the characters within the game. During the summer, he returned to his initial home and thrived quite happily there where he was allowed to sit in the rain and take in the summer days. Stanley didn't realize that this would be the last summer he would spend living as an ordinary house plant. He didn't realize that as the seasons began to change and he headed once again back to his dormitory, his life would be under grave threat. Unbeknownst to Stanley, he was living directly seven floors beneath the man who would become hell bent on destroying him. *** Seven floors above, Patty Cakes was slaving away once again at Project X. ”œAhh yes, XR,” Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travis Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 Great stuff. Though, since you said that this was essentially a satire on your friendship with a buddy at college, I hesitate to ask who you are in this. Click for the best site ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted November 4, 2009 Author Share Posted November 4, 2009 I am just the author! I decided to keep myself cleanly out of it because I am much too humble to write about myself...though I suppose Stanley's parts reflect a small part of me Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ar-Pharazon Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 I was drunk when I posted this...definetely meant it to be a prologue If that's what it takes to get you in here... [Associate of the Illinois Mafia since November 2002.] Member of the Four Horsemen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 I was drunk when I posted this...definetely meant it to be a prologue If that's what it takes to get you in here... Quick! Get the vodka! Welcome to fanfic, Vaderman. Hilarious offering. I'll call off the killer muses. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted November 18, 2009 Author Share Posted November 18, 2009 CHAPTER TWO MAN IN BLACK October was drawing to a close as Stanley sat, perched once again, upon his television set. Recently watered and watching House, the plant was overall content. On a particularly rainy day, Stanley was in the middle of yet another episode when he heard the sound of footsteps just outside his door. They stopped. Curiously, Stanley turned his pot toward the door and waited. No one ever entered the room. It was Stanley's. Visitors were usually not welcome”¦ There was a pause and a loud BOOM as the door was knocked clear off its hinges. As the dust settled, Stanley stared in awe as the tall figure stepped over the fallen door. Dressed in a black shirt, pants, and with a long, draping black overcoat and standing at six feet tall and two inches, Johnny Cash entered the room. Johnny Cash glanced around hurriedly. His eyes fell upon Stanley and his severe gaze lightened. ”œAhh excellent,” Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 This is hilarious. It reminds me of how fanfic was many years ago. “You…you can read minds?” Stanley asked, testing the man. “But…how?” “Of course I can read minds! I’m Johnny [expletive] Cash!” Lol! Amazing how that can be a punch line! I love how this is so dramatic and yet none of it takes itself seriously. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted November 19, 2009 Author Share Posted November 19, 2009 Thanks, Tiana! I've been enjoying writing it so far! Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 Fun stuff! I loved Johnny Cash's random, menacing appearance. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 Thanks, Ami! Johnny Cash is sort of the wise sage for Stanley. I finished the story the other day and had "Patty Cakes" read it. He looooved the first half, but we both agreed that the second part kinda dragged on (I'm not very decent at writing action scenes as I am with dialogue and main plot) Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 Action's hard to get down. I find the best way to approach it is to cut everything down to the least it has to be. When you write dialogue, you focus on what the characters say--action has to be about the doing. The first thing you need to focus on to improve action is to chop out the passive voice... passive voice is things like... October was drawing to a close as Stanley sat... And active voice is "October drew close as Stanley sat..." Where it has the most problems though, is when you use said passive voice in the middle of action, like... There was a pause and a loud BOOM as the door was knocked clear off its hinges. And this takes the focus off of the immediacy of the sentence, so to pump it up you could go with "There was a pause, then—BOOM—and the door flew clear off its hinges." And obviously while writing satirical work you want to keep a humorous focus on the narrative, and generally blow things out of proportion. I don't think you're entirely writing for a literary masterpiece but little things like passive voice do make the overall impression seem a bit draggier and that could be some of what you and your friend are picking up on. Maybe that'll help a bit if you're planning on continuing and want to try get a bit more punch into the action? Though personally I didn't think the second part was too much more draggy. It had the same sort of style to it the rest of the story had... random and silly with a sprinkling of action for the hell of it, but primarily for the lulz. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted November 22, 2009 Author Share Posted November 22, 2009 Thanks for the tips, Tiana. That actually does help quite a bit considering I have a hard time wording things like that. When I meant action, though...I meant actual battle scenes. Basically the "final duel" is a Mario Kart race, and that was hard as [expletive] to write! And you guys haven''t seen the second part yet! There's still plenty to come! Keep the tips coming, though! Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 Oh, okay, I thought you meant the second post on here, since you'd posted two posts and all. But yeah. Battle scenes. Keep things short, cut unnecessary words, and no passive voice. But I can imagine a Mario Kart battle being difficult to write... and... omg spoilers! Well, now we'll be waiting for this scene. Get posting! Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted November 22, 2009 Author Share Posted November 22, 2009 Haha, fair enough, here ya go! CHAPTER THREE BEFORE MY TIME From within his black cloak, Johnny Cash retrieved a heavy, rock like object. ”œWhat I have here,” Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 Happy face. I know that's not much of a review, but that's how it made me feel. Happy face. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 LOL. "This is a fossil." I don't know why things like that are so hilarious. It may have something to do with my sleep deprived mind, I suppose... Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted January 19, 2010 Author Share Posted January 19, 2010 I suppose I should get back to posting chapters, shouldn't I? CHAPTER FOUR I WON'T BACK DOWN On the ninth floor in Patty Cakes' hidden lair, maniacal laughter echoed about the room. Dressed in a white lab coat, wearing his thick glasses and large, neon green lab gloves, Patty Cakes watched the news broadcast with glee. ”œAhh, you see XR!” Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 More amusing-ness. I love how Johnny Cash just evaporated with that look on his face. Very nice. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delta73 Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 Great job Vaderman, I really enjoyed this one, loved the Johnny Cash stuff, to tell the truth I lol'd. Very good stuff man, looking forward to more! Ca'Aran Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted January 23, 2010 Author Share Posted January 23, 2010 Thank ya, guys! The story's been finished since late November, I just keep forgetting to update the chapters for you guys! Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted January 30, 2010 Author Share Posted January 30, 2010 WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER IN MY STORY IS RATED PG-13 BECAUSE OF REFERENCES TO ALCOHOL, SEX, AND ADULT THEMES. IT WAS WRITTEN WHEN I WAS DRUNK (THIS WAS A PLANNED CHAPTER ) IT INCLUDES SPELLING ERRORS AND RAMBLINGS. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHAPTER FIVE PAT NEEDS TO GET LAID (AKA THE DRUNK CHAPTER) Stanley felt wonderful. A warm tingling feeling was permeating throughout all of his vines and leaves. The alcohol was slowsly making its affect on the plant. Who cares about the world, Stanley thought to himself. Why the hell should I save thw orld when I can be drunk off my roots? Hell, if Patty Cakes succeeds, maybe I can just drink myself unto a stupor until I die? Throwing his empty glass onto the ground, Patty Cakes started laughing hysterically. ”œThis party is gonna be off. The. Hook.” Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthBrendo Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 bwahahaha that was great. The last chapter was more then a little disturbing, but the rest has been amusing. You've graduated now V so don't be slack with the updates and getting this finished! Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted May 9, 2010 Share Posted May 9, 2010 And an award winning writer too! Update! Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaderman Posted August 6, 2010 Author Share Posted August 6, 2010 Sorry guys! I do have the story finished, it's just a matter of getting it posted, I suppose! Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009 We admin best when we admin drunk. The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthBrendo Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 C'mon V. If its finished, post more! Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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