Minus One Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 (edited) Trailer Drace: I often spent my time wondering about the inconsequential... What was Coruscant like before industrialization? Were the oceans clean? Were the skies blue? / This facility was designed for study. \>> Drace: When did the technological boom happen? How did we create the powerful lightsaber? / It was designed as a prototype, in the event drastic measures were needed. \>> Drace: Are we alone in the universe? / However, it is prepared to fulfill the duty shared by it's predecessors. \>> Drace: What have you done!? A massive boom and flash occurs in Coruscant space. Pernicious: So that's why the Chiss were so reclusive... / Warning: Your intrusion has been logged. \>> Kojin: You've betrayed us! You could've killed us all! A man, face hidden by his cloak, approaches Kojin Covinous: Then I've only succeeded half-way, young Jedi... Ferro-Ghis: Men that fancied themselves gods... who are they to mold us!? / You do not have sufficient access. I have been mistaken, you are more then originally interpreted \>> Pernicious: They didn't know what they were guarding; they didn't know they were guarding at all... Voice-Over: Enter my grave, and nothing can stop us. / You are NOT reclaimer... \>> Rtas: There's no direct translation in your language. The closest word, I believe, is 'demon'. Admiral: Great, more zealots. Rtas activates his weapon in aggression. Rtas: MIND YOUR TONGUE! Drace gets attacked by a Sith Ferro-Ghis: Now you know the Jedi Order's darkest secret... / Please know, that I do this with the utmost of reserve... \>> Pernicious outstretches his arms and grins sadistically... Drace: Could it possibly end like this? VO: You've tricked us! / ... I want no more blood on our hands... \>> ”“”“STAR WARS: RECLAIMER”“”“ ”“”“”“”“”“”“JULY 7th 2008”“”“”“”“”“”“”“ Edited December 22, 2008 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skywalker_Heir Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Interesting layout for a teaser. Hrm. Could be an interesting read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Oooh... are you actually going to start it, finally? I hope there's more than a trailer? Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 Yep, on the 7th, as promised. Tiana even beta'd the first chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Hmmm... that reminds me.... Good! I'll be sure to look it up after work that day. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Hmmm...interesting trailer! Certainly enough to capture interest! SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Hmmm... that reminds me.... (hides file behind back) I'LL GET TO IT EVENTUALLY I PROMISE! Just like... finishing... WTEO? Having read the first chapter, all I can say is... DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN... Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Hmmm... that reminds me.... (hides file behind back) I'LL GET TO IT EVENTUALLY I PROMISE! Just like... finishing... WTEO? Having read the first chapter, all I can say is... DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN... Just thought I'd poke you a bit... Good! I like DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN... stories! Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skywalker_Heir Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 What if that's all the story was, hrm?! I might have to write that now, you know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 Turns out the 7th is Bungie Day. Me and a couple buddies will be on xbox live for the majority of Monday, so you get chapter 1 early! Chapter 1 ”œI said stop!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Good! It somehow seems less abstract and more readable than some of your other ones. Two things, though, spelling errors: I think you mean "martial law" not "marshal law", right? That one's in the opening crawl. And later, in the sentence ”œWell, Sir, Apprentices are the most bold and erradic.", the word is erratic. I like the names or your Sith Lords. Very funny since I know what those words mean. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted July 8, 2008 Author Share Posted July 8, 2008 Less abstract? I wouldn't get your hopes up... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 But she's right, ya know. It begins feeling far less abstract than your other things. As a reader, I fully expect you to give me something good and thought provoking, of course, but it seems this time like you have a plot set straight out, more or less... And... wow. I didn't notice the Sith Lord names. Pernicious. Wow. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted July 13, 2008 Author Share Posted July 13, 2008 Chapter 2 Drace removed his helmet and had his eye scanned in order to gain entrance to the lab. ”œHey, To'sa, sorry I'm late. I got caught up in a SEE.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 Yup. no matter what you say, it's definitely more organized. Don't worry, though, that's a compliment. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted July 14, 2008 Author Share Posted July 14, 2008 I have no problem with you saying it's more organized. I just don't want you to think I'm not going to destroy the Star Wars universe as you know it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 ...Butbutbut... That's a GOOD thing! Right? Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted July 14, 2008 Author Share Posted July 14, 2008 Well, of course it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dartha Athanth Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 Nice story! I like the concept, though with the Jedi's marshall law.. one would think they would fall to the dark side... Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 Chapter 3 Drace activated the holographic slide show. ”œIt is with great pride we announce the next phase of galactic travel. We call it superluminal speed.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dartha Athanth Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 I think it's kinda cool that you promote your fic in your sig. *otherwise drowns in influx of names of places and people* Don't worry, Chiss names do that to me. Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Alright for working the Chiss into it! One of my favorite non-human species. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted July 20, 2008 Author Share Posted July 20, 2008 The Chiss are one of my favorite species as well. I joined Jnet shortly after reading the Thrawn Trilogy. In my last four stories, Dhan-Jaroe and Vauler were my second and third RP characters. This story features my first RP character here on Jnet, which was a Chiss. Very exciting for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Cool beans. You're good at coming up with RP characters. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted July 23, 2008 Author Share Posted July 23, 2008 (edited) Chapter 4 ”œIt has been 10,000 years since Ben Skywalker declared Jedi Rule over the Republic and the fall of Lord Caedus. For 10,000 years, the Sith have hid in shadows, waiting for the time to strike back. We lack the man-power to overtake the Jedi, even with the help of their superluminal drive.” Edited July 23, 2008 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 Is it just by chance that the name "Korbin" is vaguely reminiscent of "Korriban"? Because that's what I was thinking of. Excellent update. Drace looked through the front screen into the wormhole, it was dark purple in appearance, almost evil and deceptive in nature.” Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted July 23, 2008 Author Share Posted July 23, 2008 Exactly! It totally wasn't a Fifth Element reference... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 Ummm... Fifth Element? Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted July 23, 2008 Author Share Posted July 23, 2008 You haven't seen Fifth Element? It has Bruce Willis! http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x44/hotmagician/milla_jovovich_fifth_element.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 Nope. I haven't seen Fifth Element. There's a lot of stuff I haven't seen. Some of it, I plan to remedy. Some of it, I don't. I don't know enough about this particular thing to know which of those categories it fits in. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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