Idarah Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 (edited) ((there may also be some sensual references, but there will be no overreaching sexual violations. Also, this is a very in depth look (semi-journal, semi - narrative look into the life of the creator of one of my characters...))) [Prologue] - It always starts with depression... It was many years ago, deep within the Bowels of Coruscant. Where one lone bio engineer was brooding in her apartment peering out over the grime laden streets; watching a rat scurrying by with its late night meal... The purpose of her melancholy was due to her lack of company at the moment, but at the same time it was due to her complete lack of scientific credibility... Many of her friends in practice had already endeavored to, and created marvelous things; things that you'd want the whole world to see. What did Dr. Ida have to her name? Nothing. People began to say that, "a pretty woman knew nothing about bio engineering", but they were wrong... Ida would always try to keep her spirits up by delving into scientific theory books, but the more she read, the more she became depressed and soon could be swayed no longer. Something had to be done, but what? What could give her life meaning? What could help her make it through everyday without being chastised left and right by these male heathens who thought of nothing more than of their own pleasure at being "higher" than her... Then she thought of it - she would make a person; an actual humanoid being. Rather than tinkering around with the genetics of animals and making hybrid species like her colleagues. She would make an actual person that could live, breath, and talk like normal people... At first it seemed a rather grim proposal, but then as she realized the extent of her profession, she concluded that there was hardly ever any scientific endeavor too outrageous for bio-engineers. This would take her a great deal of time and effort, but she kept telling herself all would be worth it. It was then and there that she vowed to begin her grim task. Who knew how long it would take? Who knew what the repercussions would be? Where would this lead her? To Be continued... Edited November 25, 2009 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 Nice start! I like the idea...the back story of your RP character. I must say, this Dr. Ida really needs to read Frankenstein... Nice writing overall. I like the questions in it. I think I got the general feeling that it was a bit disjointed in places, but I can't point out why. Then she thought of it... she would make a person... as in an actual humanoid being... Rather than This is a run-on sentence. I would suggest, "Then she thought of it--she would make a person; an actual humanoid being. Rather than..." You had problems similar to this here and there. Also, I don't think this voice is the best for the story. It's hard, and normally I think it would be fine, but it seems a bit awkward here. Anyway, excellent work, and I look forward to following this. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Idarah Posted February 27, 2008 Author Share Posted February 27, 2008 Thank you for the correction and constructive criticism. Its always nice to have someone looking out for ya I will try to look for my run ons before I let them slip through. That way, people would have a better time reading my work... Anyway, as to the voice of the dialogue, thats only for the prologue. It will change as the story goes on. It was supposed to be as if an outsider was introducing the story, and then she was supposed to tell it from then on with only slight narration... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 The voice wasn't my favorite either, but since the story was my idea I'll keep reading. I do love the idea behind this character. Welcome to fanfic. Kinda. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skye Organa Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 I'm looking forward to reading more about the background of your RP Character also. I'll be following this. As the others mentioned, just watch your mistakes - find a beta reader to proof it for you before you post. I still reckon it was hilarious for Idejjen in "rancor" form to *hug* Zara... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 I know...that ^ totally cracked me up too... SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Idarah Posted March 2, 2008 Author Share Posted March 2, 2008 Thank you for the BETA Read Ami!! (I hope I managed to follow through with the corrections correctly...) (It will be written in journal entry form from now on because Ida kept fairly close to her journal and kept every detail of her project within it”¦) Chapter 1: Motivation ”“ Inspiration ((Journal entry 1 -2)) Journal entry 1* - day one of the projected experiment ”“ Name ”“ ”œTBA” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Hmm, there are some places where you forgot to paragraph. I'm really too tired to properly critique this, but I have read it, it is interesting. Kinda Frankenstineish, definately. XD Here's a tip. Whenever you update, edit your first post, to edit the subject of the story to contain 'updated' or something like that, so we know when you update. Just change it every time. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 Well! What's going on here? Do tell; you've created quite a mystery here. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinckz Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 This one I actually seem to have a little more of a direction with, but it is still as much a work and progress as the others and I hope to get to them as soon as I can so I can possibly be nominated for something. but Chapter 2 (or journal entries 3 and 4) will be "Conception - Construction." (Mocking the title of the first chapter "Motivation - Inspiration") Feel free to contact me by Discord/PM/Email or, on Facebook Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dartha Athanth Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 I like your chapter sig!!!! Great story, do remember to leave a space in between paragraphs! ”œWhy hello little Ida how are you?” Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Idarah Posted November 25, 2009 Author Share Posted November 25, 2009 So, it seems that these new installments will be rather large so I may need to cut them up... Also, that on top of regular business is constricting the time I have to post and write this. So please I am sorry for the prolonged expectations. If there are any ... Also, the next few installments will look like this... Construction part 2 -> part 3 (Journal entry 5, 6) (time will pass fairly quickly in these, but the bases will be covered - it will be the equivalent of a working montage)-(I will also, for the purpose of the science side of things try and describe some of the details but might gloss over some of the little tiny things that don't really matter much) Final Touches/Completion (entry 7) (The birth of a monster) Reaction (entry 8 )) (the creator's judgement) Aftermath (entry 9) (what happens after a time of speculation) Education part 1, part 2 (again fairly montagy)(10, 11) (this is self explanatory... I hope) Exhibition/Confessions (12) (She shows her creation tot he people) Defiance/Deception (13) (This part is somewhat explained in the storyline going on now) Secrets (14) (this describes a few of the minute details unique to Idejjen's existence that he doesn't necessarily know) - important for those who really want to know about him - (No OOC abuse... If you want use of this knowledge you have to find Ida's journal ) Redemption (15) (this is basically covered in Ida's search for Idejjen.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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