Dartha Athanth

Nice! I like the rhythm in the first 4 lines.

I think I chose the first option. Erm. I guess you first have to define the kind of medium it is in to see what the story needs. For example, if it's a manga the plot is really important, because its a serial publication and has to be really fast placed. (But then again some people just like the action to go on forever). I agree with Sas in his last point... I guess that would help in the plot a bit too? Um. Yeah, but it should be a whole bunch of options, of course. Ho Hum.

I don't like vampires. So. Yeah, Paolini was essentially a really bad copycat - I noticed that his "greatest influences" were Eddings and Tolkien without having read the article about it. Anyway, on my general views about this, the basics would be too boring - a twist has to be added, or the basics thrust into a new setting, like vampires in a contemporary setting, but that's overdone now, I guess. Original creations are of course, awesome, but they don't have the advantage of reader previous knowledge, so you really have to do them well. That's why I like Terry Pratchett.

you'll have to wait till I get my brains back. again.

*gets shot and dies*

Um. overdue crit... (just woke up from nap...) Chapter Four: The Four Horsemen Ummmmm the just-woken up me has some issue with this... the word 'aflame' seems more like an adjective to 'hung' than to the lamp... umm. arg. Sorry... I believe tapestries are woven? If not they're paintings. /art major Ummm. "There were too many to count" just seems like a lousy way to end this really descriptive passage. I mean, you did say plethora. Maybe something like Higher up, a plethora of banners hung from the ceiling, (cos it already looks like Gantoris has had his eye caught by a lot of stuff) almost covering the entirety of the golden dome. (uh, or something like that).

Ooo the votes are rather close. Actually I have it all planned out in my head, just not written down...?

i feel jumping right in attracts readers, but you have to explain stuff later, of course. (oops ami wrote that too) Not that I do that, of course.

Compared to people like lucy liu, I don't.

O_o Tiana's post pwnz. I do not have slanty eyes, so it can't be me! For me titles kinda encapsulate the main premise of the story. And it usually isn't metaphorical like 'advent of shadows' or 'where the eyes open', and is usually explained pretty early. *opens fan fic folder* For my more... um... well known fics ( not that there are many now since I haven't updated in like a year), the title is usually explained in the first chapter or so. I kinda come up with the title at the moment I start writing the fic, soooo. If my title sounds slightly lame (IMO, at least) I usually came up with it after I did the fic.

You naughty plotters. Will have a more intelligent review when my comp stops crashing.

Vikingzzzz rockzzzzzz. Metaphors work well for you, but perhaps you could expand on them? Like: you could go on a bit about "once gorgeous plumage" or something like that. Nice read!

Different tenses!!! Ok, other than that, it was an enjoyable read, but it needs to be more graphic for a real raid. "When the battle was over" doesn't cut it. Not Pg-13 enough!!!

Nooooo, that's too much like the Empire.

Sounds interesting.... the Force is out to take revenge!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!! *coughs* Can't wait! Please finish it first before you post it.

Didn't spot this till now.... Really good, esp with the tone, just that this partL: felt a little choppy to me, slowing down the speed of action for me rather than making that thing fast paced as it should be.

Lol there's only one wookiee jedi on Jnet.

oooo it's kirlocca

Nah that's something he's definitely capable of doing.

Something without a single death, fire, drop of blood, sharp edge, blaster bolt, lightsaber, lightning.... Something with flowers and bunnies!

I was thinking... nooo it's Cohen! Oh well, anyway, it was a nice read, and I was thinking of Cohen (Sorry not Conan) all the way through. (it's alright they're quite similar). One suggestion I have is that you should perhaps space it out a little, and break it into stanzas. Might be more epic-y that way.

I see traces of darkness in Anakin! It's ominous how he was mistaken for a Sith indeed. Why does Bethani suddenly seem like the (canon) Padme now? I'm ashamed to say that I don't know Waking Dreams, I should go see it. Must have been during that periond when I wasn't around...

OMG Rl is such a ****************! I have like a hundred topic reply notifications!!!! But YAY IT'S THIS ONE!!!! Love Annie in this bit, and how they two reflect one another. Is it obeewubbie that he feelz???? More!! Sowwie for not weplying earlierz! (As you can tell, I'm still not in the right mind)

Oops. Eh..... my prof says the rebels fit the 4 things that define a terrorist or somehting, not that i can remember them.

CAKE!!!!!! ”œ