Minus One Posted September 12, 2008 Author Share Posted September 12, 2008 They are. I refer to her as Mistress Kalib to avoid confusion with Drace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 It's coming along nicely. Um... I'd suggest using [these tags] or for Force messages, or italics, rather than single quotes, as those are a lot harder to notice and seperate. Your writing's improving wonderfully. This is good stuff. It flows in one direction while still keeping suspense to it. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 Rats. Something I missed. My fault: To'sa used the Force to pull the lights out of the excavation site's walls, making Throlik's men worthless while at the same time, allowing her lieutenants time to recover. The comma before "allowing" shouldn't be there. I loved this line: ”œI can see into your eyes... you don't care much for art do you?” Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted September 18, 2008 Author Share Posted September 18, 2008 Chapter 11 The Prophet of Objection appeared from the darkness of the makeshift stage in the room and addressed the assembled members of the Covenant. ”œMy children, we have been left in a bleak, dark place. Truth's trust in the Elites and the appointment of an Arbiter became our downfall. Now we sit in the cold; a hell for all eternity. "Truth's overzealous actions have brought upon the destruction of the Holy Rings, and denied us all from partaking in the Great Journey.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Did I tell you that first part reminds me of LOTR? Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorp Jedi Knight Posted September 20, 2008 Share Posted September 20, 2008 Man oh man, lets just say I might need a diaper. Plot wise, I am getting a massive kick out of this. Like when the Sith lord was revealed I felt the need to back read a few things just to see the strings oull together. I was confused for a little while with the apprentice and the korbin thing. But I got that under control I think. However, Lord Hood on a Halo? Man yousa is crazy. May he go the way of captain keys. No what really got me excited was not one but two refs to sirrea 117. I mean this is kind of like Halo 4 for me at this point. Only Star wars chars got added into the mix. I think the best thing you ever did was have more than one story going on, that will eventually it looks like lead off into being one big story. I am a big fan of having multiple things going on in a story, and while this one isn't as masterful as a few others, I still liked the idea of having to tell like five stories at once, and slowly make the five stories into one massive story told ffrom different points of view. Anyway. "OMG GREAT FIC WOW!" Well, you could always just post something like "OMG GREAT FIC WOW!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted September 24, 2008 Author Share Posted September 24, 2008 Seeing as how tomorrow (the 25th) is the anniversary of Halo 3, I have a special chapter for you all! Chapter 12 To'sa stood in a defensive stance across the room from Throlik. ”œI may be a scientist, but I do have my battle armor. Your Force powers will be useless against me.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorp Jedi Knight Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 HOLY CRAP. We will work on your fight scenes later but still HOLY CRAP. I think I need to play halo now. Well, you could always just post something like "OMG GREAT FIC WOW!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 As I said before, great work! Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted October 9, 2008 Author Share Posted October 9, 2008 Chapter 13 / This facility was designed for study. \>> / It was designed as a prototype, in the event drastic measures were needed. However, it is prepared to fulfill the duty shared by it's predecessors. \>> ”œWell, that answers one question.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted October 19, 2008 Author Share Posted October 19, 2008 Chapter 14 ”œBut a premature firing will destroy the Ark!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorp Jedi Knight Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Wait what? That felt a bit rushed in my reading. The master chief had one dream waking line, and why did sith apprentice man play his hand so early? Well, you could always just post something like "OMG GREAT FIC WOW!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted October 20, 2008 Author Share Posted October 20, 2008 Well, Master Chief never was too big on talking. Korbin/Bellicose acted so early because of a yet-to-be-named disturbance in the Force. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Eeee. "Bellicose. Snaphiss. DARTH Bellicose." But I do agree that it felt too rushed, that first scene, as if it was a dream and not reality. Regardless of whether he's not big on talking, I think it wanted more descriptions... Zomg. Liking it so far, though. It's leading somewhere. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 Heh, I got the strangest urge for a James Bond reference. I've done blatant Highlander references before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Oh, but I liked the Bond reference. It fit in BEAUTIFULLY. I haven't seen Highlander. =( Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 I actually enjoyed this update a lot, and thought it was fine for descriptions... but listen to Tiana, not me. In retrospect, I can see where that beginning part could use a little more. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 Chapter 15 ”œMy Lord, your superluminal drive has been completed.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joreel Ordo Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I like this intelligent AI. And a Sith Lord who may or may not save the galaxy....this has gone through many Tarantino loops since I last read anything on it. Good job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 You're doing a great job of smoothly bringing in more description, too! Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 Chapter 16 ”œThe blast will destroy this city and the ring. Not a very original plan, but we know it'll work.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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