m80493 Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Ok, plz give me constructive criticizm plz, but be nice in how you do it. (no title, rough draft) To love life is to give life no meaning, There's no drive, no want and no need for more, There's no point, but to live, No desire for the everpresent change, Just live life the same as the day before today and the day before yesterday, To hate life is to give life a meaning, There's a drive, a want and a need for more, There's a point, a desire for change, Maybe one day I will want to live this life, But today, I want to live a different life, One with no pain or worry, One where needs are met, No one to have to count on, No want to o wrong, But no wrong that could be done, I just want to live a different life. Join me on Ilum!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m80493 Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING ABOUT MY POEM, D***IT! Join me on Ilum!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Dude, it was only like an hour. You gotta wait longer than that. I don't know... I don't agree with the philosophy in this one. You have to love life with passion so hot it burns you. And sure, sometimes we all wish we could live other lives - but think of the cost! Who's gonna live your life, then? Wish we could experience lots of different lives? Yeah. But your life is precious and special. Don't even think about trying to trade it in! It was a pretty well-written poem, and it hit on something deep - just at the wrong angle, from my point of view. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Hee, remember there's not many of us on the fanfic board and we don't read and review that fast. You generally have to give us a day or so. Relax. It was a good poem. I don't agree with the philosephy so much but it was well presented. There was one spelling error in there... o instead of to, I think it was... something Word wouldn't catch. Anyway, you did well at presenting a theme without rhyme, I thought it was a good open poem. I wouldn't have double spaced all the lines like that myself. I believe in loving life, though. Though sometimes I understand that feeling. It's like... 'I'm at ease here, everything's stagnant, I want it to move but it won't if I'm just happy here...' But you don't have to hate life to want to move forward and change. Sounds like maybe you were having some trouble with ennui at the time... mmm, ennui. I hate that so much. Anyway, it was a well written poem. Welcome to fanfic. You'll find if you review other people they'll be more inclined to review you. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Except for me... I just review anything and everythign that shows up on the boards. Except songfics; I hate those, for some reason. I guess I'll have to write one. But I appreciate reviews, too. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Well written. It reminded me a bit of a soliloquy(sp). I can't say It's really what I agree with but at times I have moments where I feel like that is how I see life. And remember not everyone here posts all the time. Some of us aren't from the same timezone as you or even the next one over and there aren't alot of people either so you might not always get a ton of responses... I only got 5 on my poem I posted last week. ATS I think you are even more insane than I used to be when I posted in Fanfic frequently. And I have to agree about songfics. And If you write something I'll try to read it and post (and review some of my older stuff more!) looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Except for me... I just review anything and everythign that shows up on the boards. Except songfics; I hate those, for some reason. I guess I'll have to write one. But I appreciate reviews, too. Wait a minute, what exactly is it you hate about song fics? Isn't a song fic where you write a fic based on a song? What's wrong with those? And if it's song-parodies, nothing wrong with those either. You've probably just read some bad ones... I've read some great songfics. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I dunno i prefer to read the story not the lyrics of some song. looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m80493 Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 Sorry, it's my first fanfic thing, so I was afraid I was bad at writing, I just spent sometime on it no one said anything, I wanted to cry! Ya, I love myself, too, but I don't love my life, it stinks. Join me on Ilum!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Yeah, but a songfic isn't just the lyrics of a song... It's okay, mate. You're not bad at writing, and remember, for someone to say something they have to be online and we have real lives. We review and read when we get on. Don't angst. With Ani here you'll inevitably be reviewed at least once. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 NavyGal wrote: ATS I think you are even more insane than I used to be when I posted in Fanfic frequently. And I have to agree about songfics. And If you write something I'll try to read it and post (and review some of my older stuff more!) Tiana wrote: With Ani here you'll inevitably be reviewed at least once. Yeah! I am an insane reviewer! I read evvvrything! Sooner or later. I'm not even halfway to the end yet, I don't think. But someday, I'll have it all. Tiana wrote Wait a minute, what exactly is it you hate about song fics? Isn't a song fic where you write a fic based on a song? What's wrong with those? And if it's song-parodies, nothing wrong with those either. You've probably just read some bad ones... I've read some great songfics. I dunno... part of the problem is that I never know the song it's based on and I get annoyed by them. I'm not saying they're inherently bad writing, I'm just saying they're not particularly to my taste. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Yeah I know songfics aren't just the song but they annoy me in I don't like having to read a song cut to peices with story in the middle. Now if someone said read this story and listen to this song then I wouldn't mind that but its the whole cutting it up and between verses or lines putting in story that bugs me. Don't get me wrong I do know most of the songs in the songfics I've read being that I like music and all its just it ruins the music for me..... and then gets the song stuck in my head looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m80493 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Another poem: Seems to pass you by, Controls your life, Tells you things you wanted to know, You try to tell it to other people, You watch it throughout your day, It is time. Join me on Ilum!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Now, that one you've got absolutely right! Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m80493 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 [accent=scottish]Why thankye kind sir.[/accent] Join me on Ilum!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Welcome, you are. And Yoda, I am not. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dartha Athanth Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Hmm, nice work, but you might want to start thinking up some titles because they are useful in a poem - like helping the reader to see what you are describing, i.e. 'Time' for your second poem perhaps unless you wanted readers to guess what it was, then you could have something ambiguous as well for the title to set the mood. And fanfic seems to have become quieter since A_T_S discovered Poodoo and Community. Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m80493 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 I will try. Join me on Ilum!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Yeah, and I've been so tired I've been unable to finish reading the stories I'm trying to bump before falling asleep on my keyboard. But I do keep up with anything here that's new. This is still my favorite forum, and if anyone else were active on it, I would spend more time here. But sometimes it feels lonely... Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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