Skye Organa Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 KNIGHTS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away ”¦”¦ Four thousand years before the rise of the Galactic Empire, the Republic verges on collapse. Vladmir Faust, last surviving apprentice of the Dark Lord Alora, has unleashed an invincible Sith Amada upon an unsuspecting Galaxy. Crushing all resistance, Faust's war of conquest has left the Jedi Order scattered and vulnerable as countless Knights fall in battle and many more swear allegiance to the new Sith Master. In the sky's above the Outer Rim world of Taris, a Jedi Battle Fleet engages the forces of Vladmir Faust in a desperate effort to halt the Sith's Galactic Domination. Endar Spire:: *A young woman with a brilliant yellow blade advanced upon the darkly robed figure holding the red. Saber's clashed, the scent of ozone strong in the air surrounding them. The two engaged in battle were on the bridge of the Dark Lord's flagship. A sudden jolt sent them both off balance as laser fire hit the flagship. Debris fell all around them, the dark one falling to the floor after taking a hit to the back of the head.* The bunk seemed shift abruptly beneath the sleeping form, rudely waking it's occupant. Alarms began to blare ensuring that no one but the dead would be able to sleep. The door to the barracks room opened to admit a young man wearing a republic uniform. ”œWe've been ambushed by a Sith Battle Fleet! The Endar Spire is under attack! Hurry up ”“ we don't have much time!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorp Jedi Knight Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 That was pretty cool. I want to know, if you went off and played the first level while you wrote that. Well, you could always just post something like "OMG GREAT FIC WOW!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silas Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 Gone in a brillian blaze of glory... Anyway, great story, throughly enjoyed reading it. I noticed one, maybe two miniscule spelling errors, but they didn't take away from the story in any way. I've never played any of the KOTOR games, though i'm told I should. Look forward to reading more! Proud member of the JNET Addicts Club since November '05 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 LOL! You know, I've been really wanting to play KOTOR again but it's not on my computer over here, so I can't play it until next summer. This fulfills my desire to play it again! I hope you stick with this story this time, Skye! I'm torn whether being Bastila is a compliment or not...lol. She's such an annoying character...but at least she's strong and dedicated for the most part. I don't care though...I'm honored to be in it! Looking forward to more! SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hou-Jo Poleb Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 A twist? All you did was change main character names to figures in the RP. ****-a-doodle-doo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 No one's requiring you to read it, HJP. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minus One Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Well if HJP's right (I wouldn't know, i haven't played the game), wouldn't that make this story plagiarism? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skye Organa Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 Trust you HJP to really put a dampener on things. As said above, you DON'T have to read it so if you have nothing NICE to say DON'T say anything at all. I would rather you not bother to grace this thread with your presence. As it is, it is a FANFICTION like many others have written before. Just go to Fanfiction.net and you will see many others like it. Besides, I've used my previous FANFICTION as a base for it so there is my 'twist' - it's a 'twist' on my original fanfiction story. To the others... thanks for the comments, I'll put the next update up later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hou-Jo Poleb Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I did not read it. I skimmed over it to discover what was so different about THIS one and was like "so what?". In fact I'm surprised that you and Tiana noticed I was complaining at all, since I didn't complain about any spelling or grammatical errors. I'm not allowed to complain about the story itself? I don't want to get to far out of bounds, though. I am sorry if you think that I'm attacking you as a writer or saying that you couldn't write something other than something like this. I'm not. I just have a problem with people crapping their pants over a video game adaptation and then go ignore original, quality plots. (sorry, quick edit, don't want to get wrongfully banned again for using a curse word that's not in the censors.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorp Jedi Knight Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 So I am guessing you want more readers HJP? Well, you could always just post something like "OMG GREAT FIC WOW!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hou-Jo Poleb Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 This isn't about me. I haven't written a quality piece on here for a long time. This is about others. But I'll not "stir up crap" in this thread anymore as not to keep this thread off topic any longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 *cough cough cough* Anyway...Skye, I was thinking what advice I could offer you for this. My only comment is that the opening seemed to go very fast. I encourage you to slow down a bit. The game moves quickly because it's a game, but this is a fanfic. Personally, I know I'm always thinking about what happens "between scenes". For example, what do the others do while you are out doing the mission? Do they just sit around the ship and twiddle their thumbs? Also, you don't have to feel that you have to limit the dialogue to what is said in the game. I love it that you do include the things said in the game, but you can also add stuff of your own. I'm also a big fan of inter-character relations. For example, who really hits it off in your party? Like, do Mission and Juhani become fast friends? I'm just trying to offer you examples. I am very excited about this. You are a strong author, and I see that this fic can give you more chances to expand that skill. Can't wait for more! SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skye Organa Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 Thanks Ami. Yeah, I'm planning on working on the characters a bit more with this. Just not that much interested me in the initial part... *shrugs* Still getting myself over the writers block I've been plagued with. I'll probably gloss over a lot in the game so that it doesn't fizzle to an end too soon. Don't worry about Bastila's role here either... I intend to make her different from the 'prissy little princess' that goes on in the game but still have some fun with it as well. I've got plans for it, but eh... on with the story. ==================== Taris:: *The lithe young Jedi raised her gleaming yellow blade, ready to strike as she advanced toward a masked, dark robed figure with a red sabre blade* A groan sounded from the corner of the room. The only other person in the room turned to see if the bed's occupant was waking. Seeing that she was, he wandered over to her side, ”œAhh I see you're awake. You must have been having some nightmare to be tossing and turning the way you were. Anyhow. We're safe here for the moment. You remember me”¦ don't you?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Nice work! It still feels a little fast to me...but I don't have any other suggestions. I like how Skye's alter ego is Alora. That cracked me up. Oh, I'm sure you'll make some wonderful little twists here and there. I'm looking forward to them! In the meantime, nice work, and keep it up! SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 *cough* UP! Write more Skye! SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skye Organa Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 Sorry Ami... I'll get back to it... eventually I got very busy with RL including a reformat of the PC which is still demanding my time with putting everything back on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hrist Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 This makes me want to play KOTOR! Great job, this is awesome. Some how, you've managed to capture the feeling of the game and its characters. "If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared." - Machiavelli Lola/Hrist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skye Organa Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 ((Sorry it took so long to get another - be it rushed - update. Again I've included a few quotes from the game. There's a particular quote that I love to hear every time I play it. I'm sure those that know the game will know which one I'm talking about. Thanks for the comments. I know I've rushed through this section... for some reason I always want to get through Taris as quickly as possible. Even when writing about it... )) ===== A mostly clear sky of orangey-pink and aqua-blue hues met them once they left the apartment complex; the clouds were scattered and non-threatening of rain. The young woman took a deep breath, almost tasting the fresh air. ”œHey, you're hurt.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Nice stuff, Skye. I love that section...."I'm all ears, beautiful." And you know, I've always wanted to say that "Excellent! Soon all your secrets will be mine!" line... A mostly clear sky of orangey-pink and aqua-blue hues met them once they left the apartment complex... I loved your imagery here. I can just picture the sunrise. It didn't stop some confusion and had her thinking maybe she was suffering from partial amnesia, it also had her feeling as if it was somehow her fault that she had been one of the lucky ones to make it off the ship. This is a run-on sentence, which makes it kinda blurry when it comes to meaning. Overall, good job in this section catching them, but a few like this one slipped through. Another bit of crit I wanted to mention is that whenever a new person talks, you need to start a new paragraph. Just a little thing, but it will help keep it clear who is talking. I really enjoyed this section. Very well done. And lol...Ish is the doctor? SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skye Organa Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 you never know who's going to turn up in this one... Thanks for the crit Ami. I'll watch for the obvious... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dartha Athanth Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Lol i just finished the game for the 3rd time, and the dialogue is still fresh in my head, so everything looks rather familiar! Anyway, noooonooooonooooooooo my beauuuutifulllll Carth became Andon?!?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Other than that, this is looking fine so far! Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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