The Emotional Battle (SW) completed

[NavyGal]

Woah! I missed a post somehow! I have to say though the last two posts were great. It's good to learn a little bit more about Mirmo's background.

[Galadriel Kenobi]

Nice posts! Sorry it's taken me so long to give you any feedback.

 

Is the nightmare a foreshadowing, or just the result of fears and an active imagination? I like the fact that you're delving into Mirmo's past. He's an interesting character.

[JediKaren]

Thank you all for being such great readers!

 

Mirmo came back in the evening with a tray, after I had a few hours of sleep. He gave me a bowl of steaming hot broth, a tall cup of tea, and some medicine.

 

”œI want the soup and the tea gone 'by' the time I am done with the rest of the story. No arguments.”

Edited October 27, 2007 by Guest

[NavyGal]

Nice post... Again it's good how you are letting us learn more about Mirmo's past. I like it. Just make sure before you post that you haven't left any note type things for yourself in the paragraphs.

[JediKaren]

opps lol. Ok, fixed. Hope you liked his past because that's the last of it in this story.

[NavyGal]

So we don't get to find out what he was doing in the time between deciding never to take an apprentice and in taking her as an apprentice? shucks! I was hoping to find out... but I guess some mystery is better than none.

[JediKaren]

maybe I'll write it in the sequel I'm writing right now

[NavyGal]

*bounces off the walls like a bouncy ball*

 

w00t!!!! Does this mean you have finished this story already and just need to post it?

 

YAY! Can't wait to read mooooooore!

[JediKaren]

yes, this story has been written for a while now and there is still a lot more to come.

[JediKaren]

Days later, I returned to full health and back to classes. In the lightsaber class we were given lightsabers for the first time ever. We went through the basic moves, now with a lightsaber and started on simple sparring patterns, using the moves we had been tested on. When we fought each other, we had to switch back to the wooden sticks, to keep us from doing serious harm, as if the hundreds of bruises everyone received weren't serious enough. What made the lessons even harder was my concentration was being split between the teacher and Roan.

 

The problem with Roan was I had a crush on him. I felt rather silly, acting like a school girl, staring at the most popular guy in school, wishing the guy would turn around and see me during lunch, but I couldn't help myself. Roan, as girls said on my planet, was hot and there was no denying that fact. His body was trim; his hair was clean and had a certain eye catching wave. His clothes, the same as everyone's, managed to show off his muscles. Days after the lightsaber test, I fought extremely hard to hide my feelings for him, but both my master and my best friend Lyn pointed out my blushing. Master Mirmo was the first to notice and comment on my crush during the mid day meal.

 

”œSo, my distracted apprentice, which do you think is hotter, your meal in front of you or that young man you have spent the last twenty minutes endlessly staring at when you think I am not looking?”

[NavyGal]

Ohhh minä rakastan tämä on!!!! (I am loving this)

 

hehehe! Great work! Now I want to read more and more and more...

[JediKaren]

”œI would like you all to get into the assigned pairs. Roan with Karen. Nield with Irini. Jem with Carl. Dack with Kit. Max with Salla.”

[NavyGal]

Ohhh... poor Roan... Maybe she will teach him to fight properly?

[JediKaren]

A few days later I was found in Lyn's room, a small room like mine containing a bed, a desk with a computer, a lamp or two, a few attempts of her art lessons, and a dresser full of clothes provide by the Jedi. I was sitting on her bed and her on the floor, trying to copy one of my drawings of a horse. There had been a peaceful silence between us for a good ten minutes, except for the angry comments coming from her, as she struggled to get the curve of the horse's back just right. I was ignoring her, lost in deep thought and worry.

 

”œArg, that's it. I give up. Your animal is impossible to draw.”

[JediKaren]

I have found that when I do not dream of nightmares, I generally dream of silly, nonsense events that never make sense. In rare dreams, very rare that is, I have been known to dream a solution to a problem, or find a hint to something that had been bothering me. Strangely, or perhaps not so strangely, the night before the Force class, I had dreamed of performing telekinesis. I was in shoe store that I use to work, back when I was living on my planet. I was looking at the lid of a shoe box that had been sticking up, wanting to use the Force to make the lid go down. I fixed my gaze on the shoe lid, gathering the Force around me and directing the energy on the lid, willing the lid to go down. To my astonishment, the lid obeyed my silent orders. I decided to push success and have the whole box flip over. Once again, the box complied with my desire.

 

It was in the early morning that I woke up, filled with a strong feeling of renewed hope and an answer. The dream had been vague with details of how simple will and the Force was suppose to push me pass my current strength in telekinesis, but that did not phase me. If I could do this feat in my dream, I could not be far from reality. I went about my usual morning routine. At breakfast, I hurried over to Lyn to tell her excitedly of my aspiring dream. Lyn seemed to share my hope, if not more than me.

 

”œThat's really great. Let's hope you dreamed of the future, even if didn't take place at the academy. Have you told your master of this dream?”

[NavyGal]

Woops somehow I had missed a post... not sure how but I liked those updates. It shows that as advanced as she is in her skills she still has things where others can do better than her and which she needs to work to improve. I also like how she is becoming more open about her insecurities.

 

good work!

[JediKaren]

The dining hall, with its grand old tarnished stone work that dated back several thousands of years was packed of people, not just humans, but all sorts of creatures, or what was probably rude to call, aliens, sitting down for the last meal of the day. The room was full of chatter, laughter, praises being thrown around, glares, and all the drama a person could want. The smell of various meats and plants being cooked, drifted on the slightly breeze in the air, filling my nose with delicious scents, tempting my stomach to growl with hunger. I had just spotted Lyn and would have run over to her when a calm Master Mirmo stepped into my path. I silently cursed him and his timing.

 

”œHello Karen.”

[NavyGal]

Wow.... Karen and the darkside. Interesting!

[JediKaren]

The next day was another weekly day off from class. These days were rather quiet in the morning, seeing how the students would sleep in; even some apprentices were allowed to get up for training later than usual. Many of the students spent time together, yapping, joking, and relaxing with their fellow Jedi. Other trainees who were more adventuress would make day trips in the near by jungle. The staff of the temple took turns each week leading a group of students on a one night camping trip. Although I had been on one of their camping trips, I preferred to go alone into the hot, stick jungle with Master Mirmo's permission, and he always gave it. For that day I decided not to go anywhere, but stay in my room and quietly work on my computer, by now I was starting to have a good grip on how to operate.

 

My dark mood kept hold of me during the morning and through the day. I stayed in my room mostly to hide from people that would nudge my barely contained self control into a wild passionate flame throwing fire of anger and raging hormones. My master seemed to be clueless or had simply learned to leave me alone when nature was to blame. When I was not sitting in front of the screen, battling carpal tunnel and ruining my slowly fading eye sight, I was curled up into a ball, wishing to murder nature and her idea behind woman's pain.

 

It was in the evening when Mirmo came by. I could tell the moment he walked in by his posture, the grave facial expression, the way he hesitantly walked in, and by the gift of empathy the Force gave me, that he had bad news. I waited politely for him to talk to me.

 

”œKaren, I have seen you do a remarkable amount of healing over the last three months, even when tested in the sorest of ways. I do not wish to break this progress, and what I am about to ask, may cause a relapse in your progress. I would not dare begin to consider this action, if I did not feel the Force has hinted this is the best course. While I shudder at the prospect of this idea, I have come to the conclusion it is the only way.”

[NavyGal]

Wow. That was great! I've been wondering when we would find out more of her memories.

[JediKaren]

He picked up the letter with trembling hands to realize the worst fear of all. This was not the same letter. The letter was not a page long, not handwritten, nor signed. It was a short one, typed, and without a date or signature, but he knew who was the author. He barely had time to process the words before a loud knock could be heard from the front door. This was the knock of death.

 

He started at the door, trembling even worse, unable to move. The silence of the house grew louder, demanding a reaction from him. It seemed fate screamed at him to answer the door. Another three, short knocks could be heard. Death was impatient. He swallowed and inched his way to the window of the door. He barely got a glance outside of the door before having the precious seconds to duck a bullet speeding past him. He crunched down; his heart was pounding in his ears and his legs nearly reduced to wiggling jelly. He didn't dare to breathe. For a few seconds there was rush of screaming silence. He strained his poor hearing for the footsteps of his killer. There was nothing.

 

Suddenly, the air whipped and cracked a deafening scream. It took him a full three seconds to become aware it was him who made that scream. His eyes searched around for his killer before being forced to look his wet, warm side. He stared, shocked, at the blood rushing from his ribs. There was a definite sign of a bullet hole between his ribs. He couldn't feel it, but he knew without a doubt that he was dying.

 

He didn't move, for fear of activating his pain and attracting the attention of the killer. It didn't matter. His scream had told the murder where the victim was. His breath was growing rapidly shallow. He didn't have much time. He heard the quiet steps of a person. He saw sneakers. He recognized those sneakers and nearly screamed again. He looked up and saw the face of death, of fear, of life and death. He saw what was within himself. He saw his daughter with a gun pointed at his face. He opened his mouth, but he couldn't find his voice. For a second he was full of rage, full of anger, and full of fear. This was just a second as the bullet left the barrel of the gun and ripped through his head, splattering his brain and blood all over the walls of his home.

 

I hit the save button on my computer and pushed the chair away from the desk. I shot a glare down at my hands, feeling them betray my emotions while shaking in fear and anger. To gain control of them, I raised them to my face and rubbed my bloodshot eyes. I was tired, oh so tired. My head pounded with a dull, aching headache. I sat limp in the desk chair, unable to find the will power or energy to rise and head over to the dining hall for food. As if to scold my lack of discipline, my stomach painfully growled, and heightened the sense of being close to fainting.

 

I looked at the strange, alien devise for telling time. There were many advances in technology that I had gotten use to, even approved of, but the simple wrist watch was one I would never give up. It was nearly time the sun to start rising according to the time piece. The shadows of the night were shortening and fading with the coming sun. The temple was at its most quiet, most calming hour, yet the feeling escaped me. In a few more hours Jedi would awake, greet each other, and then continue to live on happily. I would not.

 

I did not look into the darkness, for I had become the absence of light. I had given up the battle. I had been broken by the last test my former master, Mirmo set for me. Again, I looked at the window, making out the dark outline of the hot jungle against the breaking clouds, streaked with a pale orange. The sky had changed from a midnight black to a deep navy blue. It was time to go. The chair creaked in the hush of the small stone room, sliding against the hard stone floor. What little clothing the Jedi gave me was tossed into a small bag meant for day treks. Water was collected from the small sink mounted in a corner and stored into a large container. Dried, tasteless, but nourishing protein bars were forced past teeth and tongue. The lightsaber that had been loaned to me was placed on the neatly made bed. A look around showed a room that was clean, but empty. I was ready.

 

Quiet were my footsteps as I carefully crept through the sleepy halls. My mind was silent to avoid the masters picking up on my departure. Each door was studied. All corners were checked for cameras. My presence would not be traced easily or quickly. Finally, the last door, the door to freedom was pushed opened.

[NavyGal]

Interesting postie.

 

More please!

[JediKaren]

My pace was fast and my mind was driven. If I wanted to be left alone and unfound I had to be fast and careful. I used several tricks like walking on roots, avoiding mud, circling around, or taking the harder path. I ignored the thousands of insets slowly draining me of my blood and causing a part of my restraint to go crazy. After the first mile I gave up wiping the sweat out of my eyes and letting the tears wash away the sting. No branch or tree stump could slow me down. My years of endlessly walking through the woods back home taught me on how to look, plan, and walk through any type of terrain. The river was a problem.

 

It had rained for several days, leaving the water raging, nearly overflow its banks. I watched in depression and frustration, the brown muddy water rushing down. There was one long tree that had fallen over the river, but the water was at its level, sometimes lapsing over the bark of the tree. It was clear to me I would have to climb up on the tree and work my way across the bark, hoping the river would not sweep me away. My already shot nerves were not numb enough to attempt this proposed feat. I went upstream, hoping the water would lessen, or at least narrow. This was not the case. I went back and passed the original spot, searching down stream for a better crossing point. The strength of the river was reduced, but the depth was still unknown. I gave up and went back to the tree across the river.

 

I stomped my foot hard on the ground and cursed. There was no time for this. By now Mirmo would have discovered I was missing and gone looking for me. I looked at my hands, shaking, dirty, and covered in sweat. I willed them to stop shaking and looked up. The tree was pretty big, though wet. I growled and grabbed the neared root, hauling myself up to the base. Slowly, on badly shaking knees, I stood for a second before almost slipping off and landing straddled on the rough, black bark. The impact of the hard landing took the breath out of me and my mind froze in pain coming from between my legs. I raised myself again onto my knees and tested my ability to crawl. It turned out that I could crawl. Aware of the pressing lack of time, I sped up my pace. Half way over the tree, covered in moss and slime, I looked down at the water. My pants had gotten partly soaked when the water bounced off the tree. I lowered my head, looking more deeply into the water. That is when I slipped. It was a fast movement, one that caught my breath, jumped my heart, and made me sweat even more. I hadn't fallen into the water because at the last second I dug my finger nails into the bark and hung on for dear life. The water tore at my body, swinging my legs from side to side, dragging me off the log. I kicked wildly, but the river seemed to have no bottom, nothing for me to push myself out of the water. I felt my grip give out and screamed as I plunged into the rushing river.

 

For a moment I was senseless, due to being tumbled all over, unable to tell which way was up. Air, I needed air. I kicked at the water and stuck a hand past my head. I felt something that was not water. I forced my body to head for that direction. My head broke out of the muddy wetness around me and my mouth gulped sweat fresh air. The river grabbed me and pulled me down. No! I struggled back up and won. I kicked and moved my arms around to keep on the surface. I had no idea where I was. The river was still rushing. I looked at the banks, trying to judge how far they were from me. I gritted my teeth and did hard, powerful strokes across the current. Blindly, I reached for a root. Several went past my hand, tearing some of the skin off my palms, and one lasted about a second before snapping off. The river continued to carry me away. I gathered my strength and reached again. A thick branch was grabbed and held against my weight. Hand over hand; I climbed the branch, bracing my feet on the bank. When I was on safe ground, I collapsed panting, dripping, bleeding, and coughing water.

 

I stayed there, curled up into a ball. I felt tears form in my eyes and blinked them away. I thought of Mirmo and why I was here. Disgusted with my momentary weakness, I stood up and looked for my bag. It was missing, along with my shoes. Deeper depression hit me as hard as the river had. I had no food, no water, and no way to warm up. The thought of my bed, of the dining hall food, and Lyn came into my head, tempting me to turn back. I looked at the river, still angrily raging and realized I couldn't even turn back if I wanted to. I could not cross that river again if I wanted to live to see Mirmo again. With a heavy, scared heart I started to walk forward, away from the river that nearly drowned me.

 

There was one place that I knew from my extensive reading and that was the ancient pyramids made by the native people. The native inhabitants were made slaves by a sith lord, thousands of years ago. The teachers of the Jedi did not speak of the temple, but my master had once commented on them, saying few people explored them and one should not go there if one could help it. The temples were places of power, my guess the darkside, but with that said they were dry and would give me shelter from the storms that could ravage the jungle and me. I tried to find one with the Force, but my mind was too battered from the day's adventure to open up and feel the energy's warmth. I was Force sensitive, and that meant the Force would still work for me and lead me to the temple if I followed my instincts. There was one direction that led through overgrown tree roots and leafy plants that spoke the loudest to me. Knowing my recent luck had been bad, I headed that direction, hoping to find a dry place to spend the evening and night.

[Tiana Calthye]

I don't really follow the long story, but I do like how you really included details in her telekinesis training. So many people just have their original Jedi go all 'whee, I can throw things around with the Force!' and have all these amazing powers--but where you gave her strengths you gave her a weakness and actually made it difficult. I appreciate seeing how you made it hard for her there, and had her making marks to see if she'd moved it at all.

[JediKaren]

thanks all. We're getting close to the end.

 

I really, desperately, in the most painful way, wished that I had my shoes. The jungle floor wasn't soft muddy dark ground dirt. It was, at times, a foot thick with sharp, pointy leaves, thorn covered vines, and sticks at strange angles everywhere. As careful as I was, looking at each future step, the time I reached the temple's complex my feet were swollen, bleeding, red stomps of human flesh, with the blisters pulsing in unknown pain. My clothes had semi dried to stiff pieces of cloth that had a horrible, gagging smell of the stinky, rotting river, strengthened by the hot sun of Yavin and the stench of my own sweat.

 

Most people, when in this amount of pain, usually let their mind wonder off to some problem to keep distracted. My mind was no different, except that the ”œproblem”

[NavyGal]

Interesting. So there is another temple that escaped notice? hmm.

[JediKaren]

It was dark, very dark. I blinked, but that didn't do a thing. If my hand was numb and centimeters from my face, I would have been clueless it was there, that how dark it was. The temple was deathly quiet, like someone holding their breath. I found myself hissing in pain because my feet screamed at me that there was too much weight on them. There was no point in waiting for my eyesight to adjust. Along with my feet, my throat was dry and sore, my stomach wanted dinner and I had another dull, painful headache. If there was any water in this dreadful place, I had no change of finding some until I could see. As for food, I told myself that I could survive a day or two without food. Finally, it dawned on me that I hadn't slept for near twenty four hours and my body could not stand anything more. Mirroring my early move, I pressed my back to the scratchy, mildew walk, slid down, curled up into a ball, and lost conscious thought.

 

Some unknown time I woke up quite suddenly. There was something wrong. I couldn't put the feeling into words, but my skin crawled, my neck hairs stood on end, and every last part of me told me to run, get away and never return. Run away from what was something I couldn't answer. The room was dark, but sunlight peeked through cracks and through unseen holes, dappling the room with hints of what lay inside.

 

The room seemed to be big, judging how my breathing bounced off the walls. Not like the outside of the temple, there was any kind of carvings or details on the walls. I stood up and took a few steps into the middle of the room. Perhaps it was because my nerves hadn't recovered from all the drama, but I found an unexplainable need to watch my back, turn in place, and nearly jump at ever tiny sound of a rodent scurrying by. The worst, spookiest feeling was in the air. The air seemed to feel alive, oozing a twisted and noxious personality, like death. Unheard, silent voice whispered in my ear no words. From the opposite wall with the entrance was a door way that was simple and inviting. I saw no trap or trick, so I went in.

 

This room had the same feeling and looks as the other room, but still was noticeable different. The best way I could describe the room was to call it a throne. There was very little of interest in the room except for the steep, narrow stairs that lead up to a platform and on the platform was a great stone chair set high above, over looking the rest of the room. A strange fearless curiosity took over me. I slowly climbed the stairs, with easy and half unconscious of what was going on. When I reached the platform, standing in front of the mighty chair that seemed to radiate power, both immense and malevolence, I snapped out my short lived trance.

 

”œSit down.”

[JediKaren]

I stared at him, rudely and blankly, in utter shock. Every inch of me shrank away from that horrible, unthinkable idea. It was through mental self defense against insanity and complete loss of hope that I blocked the meaning of those words out. While I was certain he was wrong, I felt stiff and challenged. I stood up and demanded angrily how he could make such a bold, false statement.

 

”œSimply.”

[JediKaren]

Once brought back to the Jedi temple, I was quickly transported to the medical center and then stayed there for five days recovering from all sorts of wounds, both physical and mental. It seemed my excursion had done more damage to me than I knew about. An unhappy healer informed me there were over twenty different kinds of germs living in my torn up feet; some of them required painful shots to be injected into the soles of my feet. My rash, while easy to treat, had caused a light fever and was the reason behind much of my crying. An IV was inserted into my arm after a medical droid discovered I was badly dehydrated. Generally, I was ordered for five days to keep in bed, not that my feet allowed me to go anywhere, and keep quiet. Keeping quiet was not difficult at all for I had nothing to say and wanted no one around me.

 

No one really wanted to be around me much, which worked out for me. It seemed that the Jedi were not sure how to feel or judge me, so left me to try to understand themselves better. I had withdrawn from society, becoming quiet and thoughtful. I had plenty of time to go over current events, looking at my past, trying to understand everything. I came to the truth of the dark temple. During my time healing and resting, I noticed my dreams were pleasant or nonexistent. These peaceful nights of rest healed the wounds that were caused by the last memory session. A deep peace settled into me and grew until I knew with all my heart my past would no longer haunt me. I had gone within myself to face off the source of my internal trepidation, accepted, embraced it, loved it, and released it, just as any Jedi should. It was strange to say that I was able to do something that my master had spent a total of six months trying to do for me. Perhaps, in that light, my little trip was worth it, despite all the other problems it had caused.

 

The biggest problem my escape had caused was between me and master Mirmo. It seemed that I had broken Mirmo's trust in me, but he was too attached to me to admit that out in the open. Honestly, I wished he would. He came to visit me out of a sense of duty and I suspected that Luke strongly suggested it. Otherwise, I felt he would have not come at all. The visits were short, formal, and awkward. We had little to say other than acquiring my health and his. The look in his eyes spoke of the pain, the lack of sleep, the confusion he felt towards me and the unasked questions that burned on his thin pressed lips. Mirmo kept a certain space between us that clearly spoke how much he didn't trust me and didn't want to be there. He said nothing of further training or classes I was missing. The thought of Mirmo dropping me as his apprentice crossed my mind more than once and sent me to tears more than one night.

 

He wasn't the only visitor or the only one at odds with me. My best friend Lyn at the temple was also confused and hurt by my quick and unexplained leave. She came to visit twice a day and loyally stayed at night until I fell asleep, but her emotions did not escape my notice. She worked hard to keep my spirits up, bringing me literature to read and paper to draw horses for her, but she too fell unnaturally silent when Mirmo came in.

 

”œHello Lyn, hello Karen.”

[JediKaren]

One would think that if one was exposed to a council, one would feel comfortable going back. Somehow, that wasn't so with me. I found myself much like the first time I stood outside of the council's door, waiting to be called in. The only difference was the increase in nervous sweat clinging to my body and the speed of my pacing.

 

I knew why I was here and that made the situation all the worse. I had been called to be judged. I was here to be questioned about my commitment to the Jedi and the order. I was brought to see what side of the Force I stood on. All of this hit my ego, smacked my pride, and tore at the core of my being. The past events had not made me look good in any light from any angle, but I knew with all my heart who I was and with who I stood by. Yet, I feared the council had made up its mind and this was just a polite act to kick me out. My worst fear was turning from a bad nightmare to intense reality.

 

It was a real surprise to hear the door I came in, open, shocking me out of my seizure of fright. Mirmo came walking in calmly and with his normal presence of being at ease, open minded, and peace with the world. I saw or more possibly felt the slight frown and disappoint as his eyes set on me. I gulped and remained quiet, not wanting to make the matter worse. It was very unclear of the reason behind Mirmo coming here. He very well could have come just because it was the duty of masters to be by the side of their apprentice when facing the council, but he could have had other unidentified reasons for coming. What hurt the most was Mirmo kept silent and ignored my plainly obvious fear of what was to come.

 

I was not made to wait long, for the doors opened a minute after Mirmo came in. We both turned to face the door, then walk in, me letting him go in first. I did this on purpose to give a feeling of respect and that I knew my place, but really I was letting the council pour any emotion they had onto the first person that went in, letting Mirmo take all the unseen hits. Once in the all important room, I stepped away from Mirmo, forcing myself to present a decent image of myself. It was so hard to make myself meet the eyes of so many that were stronger, wiser, and greater than me. I wanted to look away, to leave this room, and never enter it again. But, as I reminded myself, it was my duty to stand here and hear out my fate, no matter how unbearable it was.

 

”œHello and thank you for coming. Master Mirmo, the council does not require you to be here. You may leave if you wish.”