The Emotional Battle (SW) completed

[JediKaren]

Classes started off with morning, mundane exercise class, with only a slight increase in difficulty. I started to wonder why Master Mirmo hadn't moved up to a harder class, but then I thought about what a harder class would involve and was grateful for the easiness of the stretching and light exercises we did. I still dreaded the day I would have to run any distance. I was nearly holding my breath until then.

 

When that was over, I went through the maze of hallways that was now making a lot more sense and true to my word; I wondered why I couldn't understand how to find my room on the first few days. I entered a new hallway, one that held the more advance skills. I peered into windows in the doors to see what these classrooms were like. I saw the floors were matted and knew these must be sparring rooms. I found the room I was looking for and joined a class all milling around, chatting. This class was different from my normal ones. The students were bits older, in their mid to late teens, making me feel like I could blend in and be accepted more.

 

The class turned out to be a lecture on lightsabers. We were taught a lightsaber is not a toy and never to be handled lightly. In this class we would learn to properly wield a lightsaber, how to fight each other, learn strategies, learn the difference between defending and attacking, and how to fight remotes and droids. A lightsaber was dangerous weapon, capable of causing serious harm, even taking a life. To demonstrate this, the teacher ignited her lightsaber. The blade was truly amazing. The blade meant so many things, power, grace, strength, light, hope, and fear. She held out her hand, rolling up her sleeve, and I instantly, but wincing already, at the idea of what she was going to do. The shining and humming lightsaber was brought close to her hand. I saw the expression of deep concentration on her face. I tested the Force in her and found the Force swirling around her. She took the light blue blade to her left hand. You could clearly hear skin swizzle in the heat of the blade. She held the blade there, causing more mental pain to the students than I think she was going through. What she was doing was absorbing the energy from the blade into her and directing the energy out of her. She also must have numbed her hand and arm before hand, for she showed on excruciating pain on her face as one might expect. When she took the blade away and deactivate the blade everyone could see a blacken wound on her hand. I didn't want to think how much that had to hurt or if she did this for all beginning classes. The feat was incredibly impressive, but I felt unnecessary and somewhat foolish. The rest of the class did not share my belief and all had shocked looks on their faces. The class was ended early and I was willing to bet credits, as they called currency here, that the teacher was headed to an angry healer.

 

The other, new class of interest was my new Force class. I found I was in the same group as the last lightsaber class. The class setting was another meditation chamber, though somewhat bigger than the one Master Mirmo taught in. The class was taught by another woman, who seemed to prefer pacing around rather than sit with the class. The details of the class, to me, were not very interesting. The teacher knew much about the Force, but she was a lousy teacher. It did not help me at all, to say I already knew all she went over. We went over how to feel the Force within us and then told how to feel the Force outside of our bodies. Some students struggled with this assignment. I found it all too easy and stretched my Force awareness to the entire room. It wasn't that I was trying to show off, but simply to stretch my mind like I stretched my limbs earlier that morning. It didn't matter, the teacher still did not approve of it.

 

”œKaren, when I tell you to go beyond the assignment, then please do so. Otherwise refrain from showing off to the class”

[Skye Organa]

Another couple of good updates there. Good descriptions of her frustrations with regards to the new teachers/classes. It looks like Master Mirmo has his work cut out for him with all the anger in his padawan

 

Looking forward to your next update.

[JediKaren]

Yes, that will be worked on more.

 

As for the classes, pay attention because I will continue to have them play a part of her training (with a few laughs)

[JediKaren]

When I think of the difficulty in the classes, I am reminded of the college numbering system. The first classes I had been placed in before I was apprenticed were the 100s. They were meant to be easy and an introduction into the subject. The classes were designed not to cause stress, letting the students grow use to the way of life at the Jedi temple. Once the students were placed or worked up to the 101 and 102 classes, they were thought to be use to our surroundings enough to be useful and help with the house chores. There were plenty of chores like cooking, dusting, sweeping, washing the floors, doing laundry, cleaning plates, and tending the small garden. While no one loved doing any of the chores, there were certain chores someone loathed. Masters and the head house keeper noted these dislikes and used them as punishments for misbehaving apprentices and students. I personally hated washing the floor. It was strange because I didn't mind sweeping, but scrubbing the floor with this mop like thing on a stick and having to dip into this stinky solution, was far from fun. It involved a lot of cursing from me, but I was careful to keep it very much under my breath.

 

While my master allowed cursing, he said once that he was guilty of it; he was strict about me keeping it to him or myself behind closed doors. About a week after the anger talk, I was trying to get past a droid, one of the very few here at the temple. I was late to a class, a very important lightsaber class, when a droid was blocking the hallway. The droid said something about an accident and for my own safety; it would not let me through. I tried to be polite, that didn't work. I tried to threaten the droid. That didn't work. I refused to let a droid order me around. My temper fired up so much that I started cursing, demanding the droid let me through that instant.

 

”œApprentice Karen Nightingstar!”

[Skye Organa]

Watch your wording in a couple of places...

I dragged myself to my room, went over to the computer, glazed at the screen, not really seeing anything at all.

gazed perhaps?

 

here...

enforcing the feeling

did you mean reinforcing ?

 

Otherwise great work. I loved the sense of 'fun' in this one. Loved the waterfight. That made it very fun to read.

 

Again - looking forward to the next update.

[JediKaren]

A few days later all students were given a day off from classes. The teachers did this once a week, to give the students time to rest and have fun. I decided this would be a good day to stay in bed and catch up on my sleep. Unfortunately for me, my master did not share my idea. He came into my room, we had programmed the door to let him in without my permission. I heard him come in, but decided to stay put under my soft warm blanket, lying peacefully on my comfortable mattress.

 

”œTime to get up, Karen. You can not spend the whole day in bed”

[Skye Organa]

Nice update, I liked the playfulness in it - and the typical 'I want to sleep in' ...

 

I liked how you threw the prank in on Master Skywalker... good one. I again, look forward to the next update.

[JediKaren]

Thank you. At that point in the story, I decided I needed some fun. It gets rather boring writing about emotions all day long. Anyway, I will keep adding in little tid bits of fun in the story to keep me and the readers interested. So, here's the next chapter. Enjoy and thank you for reading!

 

Lucky for me, no questions were asked by Master Skywalker. Minutes after I left, Luke Skywalker got a message on his com link, a communication device that could be compared to a cell phone, having him leave the academy for a week. Master Mirmo was thoroughly confused on what my little show was about, but left it for Luke to handle. Of course, when Master Mirmo came in later that afternoon, I was not aware of that.

 

”œYou shouldn't spend so much time in your room, Karen”

[Tiana Calthye]

Heya! I just read ALL YOUR FIC. Well, skimread. But I still read it all at once. Which is impressive enough. I'll look over it more completely later. Anyway, when you make a comment that's not part of your story, and then put the chapter after it, add something like this. ***. That way we can see where the story begins. It just looks nicer. Also, at the end of sentences, always use a comma. Grammar errors are fine--we all made them, but you keep forgetting to use a period at the end of a dialogue segment. Don't feel like you have to go back and fix this, but try to fix it as you write on. Here, an example.

 

"You write sentences in quote marks like this"

 

"It should be like this."

 

"Unless it's like this," I posted.

 

I really like the first person. It's a really charming POV, don't you think? And I really appreciate your switch to some humor. It lightens up the fic. It was mostly dark emotions before (which I DO like), but this adds even more emotion into the mix. You portray it very well. It's sort of like reading a diary following your main character's life, like getting into her head. She's quite vivid. I really liked the water guns. ^_^

 

You're not a bad writer, don't worry. It's just that we're not a very active fanfic site right now... and maybe if you started reading other fics, you'd get more readers, heh. We're really not shunning you, though. Most fics being posted right now aren't getting even ONE review per post...

[Skye Organa]

Another nice update. I like the 'fun' aspects. You also show a vulnerable side of the character which I think most can relate to at one point or another. Good work.

 

Like Tiana mentioned, seperate your OOC comments with your IC of your story.

 

Watch for typo's - outcastes - it's outcasts, no 'e'.

 

If you want a beta reader, PM it to me and I'll check over your posts before you post them up.

[JediKaren]

Thank you all for your comments.

 

I wasn't sure how to do the whole diolog thing, but yeah. Anyway, here's the next chapter

*********************************************************

 

Because I had never done kitchen duty before, I was given the job to set the dinning hall up. I was to put the linens on the tables, organize and lay out the silver wear, get the plates and glasses out, and put the fresh, hot food, out on the serving tables. I didn't mind the work for it was easy. Cooking would be a bit hard, seeing how I barely know the names of most foods I eat and have never cooked with them. Once I was done, I was told to hang around the kitchen and eat there. For some reason, the kitchen staff wanted the helpers out of the way and away from the view of the people eating. I grabbed some food, a wall to lean against and starting digging into my food.

 

”œHey.”

[Galadriel Kenobi]

Good going so far. I like the fact that you've given her some friends, and I can't help but wonder what will happen when Luke gets back - or will he have forgotten all about it?

 

In this last post, "brought us to our common sense" seems a bit awkward to me. "brought us to our senses" might have worked a little better. Or maybe it's just me.

 

Other than that, good work, and I'm looking forward to reading some more.

[Skye Organa]

Another nice update. I'm also glad she's got a friend now. I have to agree with Galadriel with the statement about common sense -- it would have sounded better as "brought us to our senses".

 

This one here ::

 

There was something about her that ringed a bell,

 

would read better as 'rang a bell' but maybe that is just a preference thing.

 

Other than that it looked really good. Can't wait for more.

[NavyGal]

I'm loving this story! I can't really add much to what the others have said.

 

I'm glad that she has a friend now.

[JediKaren]

Thank you all for reading. For the Luke thing, well, that will be answered in another chapter, but not for a while.

 

*************************************************************

Lyn got up very early that morning and woke up me. I have never been a morning person and when I opened the door, I greeted her with a big yawn and a grunt for ”œhello, good morning”

[Skye Organa]

Another nice update there. I liked the mischief, the friendship with Lyn and the growing bond between master and apprentice.

 

I think you're missing a word in here...

I got to the part of the story where Mirmo us out and couldn't find his gun.

 

I look forward to reading what sort of reaction Mirmo has to the growing bond

[Tiana Calthye]

I'm glad you gave her a friend... nice updates... keep an eye on your grammar, you sometimes miss words, periods, and things.

 

The growing bond is quite interesting, it should be neat to see where this takes things.

[JediKaren]

After a silent breakfast, Lyn and I split ways to our different classes. She was several levels above me, far enough to start helping the younger and newer students, which would explain her appearance that first time. There was nothing strange about my morning classes, except that Mirmo glared at me when he spotted me in his meditation class. He then demanded that I feel the Force in the whole hallway, an extremely hard task that involved a ton of focus and he wouldn't take excuses. I guess this was his way of getting back at me for his wake up call. At one point during his class, I tested our bond, carefully watching my master for any physical reaction. I sent the Force to him, not sending any emotion or thought, but looking for a response. If he noticed, he never showed it.

 

My Force class was strange in the choice of topic. The teacher talked about the mind and how the Force can be used. The lady, who told me off, still did not like me, but since I kept within her assigned limits and my master had told her what was going on, she didn't talk to me. She talked about how the Force can influence the mind, and how the mind influences the Force.

 

”œThe Force is a flowing river that branches out into little streams. These streams are the ties, the reasons behind so much. The human mind, conscious or not of this awareness, can have the tiniest effect on the universal energy, which seems so small, and yet have the biggest of changes on people, on society and of the world. There is no such thing as luck, but the directly flow of energy which effects and changes the odds of events to the will and want of a certain person or group. A Jedi who can read the future, does not read, feel, dream, or see a written one path, but is exposed to a thousand different paths and given one of the most likely routes of the upcoming future. Even reading the future may have already changed the winding path of time and have forever demised what the Jedi has seen. That is why no one should ever rely on that ability.

 

The Force, to come back to something simpler, is a special energy, created by all living and always dead mass. The Jedi are of the chosen through evolution, to be aware and use the Force. The energy between the Jedi is the rarest and least understood connections in the galaxy. There is a link, a bond, a connection between two well know Jedi, which is so powerful, it is said to be greater and stronger than love. The bond between a master and an apprentice is a valuable thing, more much precious than all the riches of the core planets. For those who have yet to be chosen as an apprentice, we will practice linking minds together, and perhaps you all will be able to send a thought or two.”

[Skye Organa]

Another good update, a few mistakes but other than that it was good. I liked how you described the conflict with the boy and how she controlled her reactions towards him.

 

You have me very curious about what this surprise is.

 

 

---

The bond between a master and an apprentice is a valuable thing, more much precious than all the riches of the core planets

 

the two words in bold should be switched around for it to read better.

[JediKaren]

*falls over*

 

aw man...I even read over this chapter, looking for mistakes. *sighs* I can write, but not edit.

[JediKaren]

I eagerly rushed past Master Mirmo, to the door panel to open the door, but an arm held me back. I looked up at Mirmo, wondering why he wouldn't let me through.

 

”œBefore I loose you to an absurd hyper state that I may never be able to get you out of, I want to know what happened to get you so angry.”

[NavyGal]

Ohhh nice postie!!! So she has the internet now... And what is her so big secret?

 

I'm liking this story.

 

Keep it up.

[Skye Organa]

Another nice update. I like how you've incorporated our world with the SW one with the internet. It will be interesting to see what reactions when they "see" the information about Luke, Yoda, Obi-Wan, Leia, Han, Lando and Co...

[JediKaren]

Well, enough with the joking, on back with the drama!!! Thanks for reading!

***************************************

 

Pain, embarrassment, guilt. These are the feelings that pound me. My father radiates a feeling of evil and to be feared. His voice is loud, his words are harsh. He has frowned from the moment he laid eyes on the temple. He scowls at all Jedi, muttering insults to them under his breath. He is always near me, surrounding me, overpowering me, consuming me in his hate. My heart rate skyrockets as he and Master Mirmo meet. I want to run. I want to cry. I beg my father to not do anything. I am screamed at, being told to shut up. I stare at the floor, wishing I could die. I flinch as my father tears my master apart, dissecting his ways of teaching, calling him soft, spoiling me, and ruining me. Mirmo says nothing, making me feel worse. I hate my father. Even here, so far away, he has hunted me down, criticizing all that I love, all that makes me happy. I can not be him and can never satisfy him.

 

It took me a second to realize why there were wet, salty streams on my face. I remembered the dream, the nightmare and burst out into tears. I cried softy in the dark, wishing the pain would leave me alone forever. There seemed to be no end to the past. I had a craving to get on the internet and then I remembered the internet connect crashed after dinner, causing my master to become very depressed and moody for that night. I searched my mind for other options to escape from the pain and fear. I decided to grab my music player and head out for an empty room.

 

After some dancing with the pain, fear, and anger, I felt my master touch me with his mind. I turned my head away, closed my mind to him, and moved to a dark corner of the room. I leaned against the wall, staring at the door, knew my master would enter that door soon. A few minutes go by before I hear the slight creek of the door. Mirmo walked slowly up to me, but stops a few feet away, respectful of the space my sore heart needs. Both of us are silent for a while. I gave him fleeting glances, unsure of what I want to do, to run into his arms and cry, or to disappear in the wall.

 

”œYou dreamed of your father again?”

[Skye Organa]

Lots of emotion in that one, lots of angst. She really is terrified of her father. That comes through crystal clear. I wonder how Mirmo's going to help her get over these nightmares...?

[Vilette]

I've only read over the first four chapters, but WOW!! I love it!! I really feel a connection between your character and myself. Your writing draws me into her world. I can totally understand where she is coming from and how she is feeling. I love it!! I know that I already said that, but I do. I'll be sitting here the next couple of hours continuing to read.

[NavyGal]

Ohhh nice. Shows her emotional struggle to overcome what her family would think.

[JediKaren]

Thank you all. I think I got sick of writting too many jokes and did a grand finale on drama. So, here's some more for ya.

********************************************************

I woke up, sometime later, with the first light of the day shining through my window. My body was covered with a blanket and a cup of water by the side of my cot with a small note saying ”œdrink and feel better”

[Skye Organa]

Interesting update. Nice description of her emotions. You still had typos.

 

When Mirmo took away his hand and him gave me one last look and nodded for me to sit up.

he ?

 

So she did touch the darkside. You have me curious as to what the reactions to that will be.

[JediKaren]

You mean, she thinks she went over to the dark side. Remember, her point of view is not to trusted always.

 

My master looked so oblivious as to what was wrong with me. Couldn't he see and sense the fear and turmoil in me? Wasn't he worried about me? If he was, he kept a very straight, relaxed face.

 

”œIs there something bothering you, Karen?”