fuzzy_ewok

The Viet-Wok wakes up, sullenly shuffling into a quiet funk. He felt no obligation to give help to an "enemy of the state" (also not knowing where the rogue Ewok encampment would be- or even of its existance), but was in no position to do anything one way or the other. He sits still, nursing his very broken leg, and looks at Hou-Jo with an accusitory glance in his dark, luminous eyes. Above the forest, the large could of smoke starts to taper off, the fire feeding it cut out below.

Most of the Viet-Wok commandos take off running at this show of awesome power. One of the furballs trips and another loud crack is heard as the commando's leg breaks, but by the time his howl of pain is heard his friends are long gone. Sitting down on the ground, the Viet-Wok commando wimpers in fear and pain. By this time though, yet another more serious problem has presented itself in that this part of the forest, gone several weeks without rain, catches fire from the static shock that took off the branch- rapidly engulfing the tree and catching to several neighboring ones, sending out a very thick, loud haze of smoke that can be seen for miles around- both threatening everyone in the immediate area, and tipping off both the Ewoks (hostile and friendly alike) and preditors that something is gravely amiss.

The Viet-Wok quietly huddle among themselves, trying to figure out how to handle this situation, having only the faintest understanding of basic and no way to respond in it. They were impressed by his use of Ewok, even though it came out rough and almost came across as insulting the leader's mother. A quick concensus is reached and they answer Hou-Jo- with a hard rock, the size of a large pine cone, chucked solidly at his head. Impacting with a loud crack, the rock bounces off, sure to leave a smarting bruise, a very large bump, and causing a small trickle of blood to drip down the knight's forehead. The primative Ewoks then charge at him, ready to try and rend the intruder on their forest apart and bring him back for supper.

A blip appears on the Viet Wok defense screen, but due to both incompetence and good intelligence, nothing happens or is really made out of it, but as a precaution, a Viet-Wok scouting party of about a dozen "Red Guards", armed with bows, slings, spears, and war axes, go to investigate. Using their best tactics, the guerilla fighters silently close in on Hou-Jo, smelling him out and detecting his presence. The dozen fighters fan out and begin to close a ring around their prey. At once, a storm of rocks, small wooden arrows, spears, and a throwing axe fly out of the woods at the Jedi Knight, all honed with deadly intent- the sounds pierced by a furious Ewok battle cry. ***** Elsewhere, in a small treetop village in a quiet valley not too far away, a tribe of traditionalist Ewoks wait. A fuddled piece of old imperial equipment- their only link to the outside world, lies in ruins, shorted out after giving their last real communications. Legends are retold of the "Jedi in Black", with his green sword of light, his golden servant and friends, and how they aided the overthrow of the evil one. The tribe shaman, an elderly Ewok with greying hair repeats it as prophecy, telling of another great Jedi to come and liberate their people from the rule of Willet "He-who-snarls-as-if-rabid" Wolly and his communists.

Creening out of hyperspace, the Ewoks Communist weapon of destruction, the Taepodong 2 emerges over Bothawui and once more death speeds down towards the already shattered surface of the planet. Before Admidala even know what's happening... Before Yuusuke can react.... The missile breaks the atmosphere and hits the ground with a sonic boom, ear splitting velocity and explodes in a blinding flash... The planet blinks.... And all is... calm? The missile, pulverized by its impact makes a small crator, destroying a small shack in a field and several farming impliments there in. Its delicate component parts are shattered beyond recognition or repair, leaving only a hulking metal shell of this awesome weapon. A short time later a shuttle makes a bumpy exit from hyperspace and an even bumpier landing. Landing with a loud crash, two small tiny, furry Ewoks, carrying large spears step out, wearing their red hoods and clothes and striding on their paws across to the wreckage, examining it with large, luminous eyes. One of the teddy-bear like creature prods the nuke with his spear, then turns angrily to the others, waving his paws and spear in the air. "Yub yub Huta chata baka!!!" [You idiot! You forgot to load the Uranium PU 36 Space Modulator!] "Huya machuta risu!" retorts the other, waving his spear. [Oh yeah! You told Chairman Willet you were going to load it!] The two argue for some time... long enough to attract a small crowd to witness the two yelling back and forth, long enough for the missile to cool down. Finally, the first swats the other across the nose and the second with a "Club, Club, Commander!" heaves the missile up onto a stretcher, and the two carry it back into its shuttle and take off back for Endor, vanishing into hyperspace.

Traveling through hyperspace, the Taepodong 2 Hyperspace Missile's deadly payload streaks through the aether, reading for its explosive and deadly rendevuze with Bothawui.

The Ewoks, superstitious and primative, investigate the meteor. Their primative bearings do not really set off any serious tranmissions. UEER technicians however, discretely and quietly analyze it. The Desert of Salma is the meteor's final resting place, but by then the Ewoks know who sent it, from where, and can guess why. The conclusion: This is an act of war. Like Nastarine before it, they would pay for the launching of a probe into sovereign UEER space. The solution: Nuke 'em. Once again, this time with intent, a Taepodong 2 hyperspace missile takes off and vanishes into hyperspace.

Shambling out of the thick forest, a small Ewok wearing an overlarge headdress, adorned with human skulls walks up to Strongheart and delivers him a message on a strange leathery parchment with written with some crusty ink that may have been red at one time. Dear Stranger You are tresspassing on Ewok territory. Failure to remove yourself will result in a slow, painful, and humiliating death. -Willet "Los Angelos Del Muerte" Wolly, Chairman/"El Presidente" of the UEER Having delivered Willet's message, the Ewok quietly turns about and walks back into the forest.

Over Naboo's capital city, a white powder begins to fall. The Ewoks, in their efforts for terrorist strike against the capitalists, try dousing the city with Anthrax spores. Unfortunately for them- and fortunately for the good people of Naboo, the white mist covering the whole capital turned out to be nothing more than frozen water crystals- the switch made through a typical mix up derived from Ewok incomptence. People with their whole families come out and play- frolicking in the snow. Unsettled by the lack of sudden mortality, the Ewoks launch into phase two. A large pod, driven by nine forward engines (the front most curiously glowing on the front), lands in the capital city. It's leader, in typical communist fashion, is wearing a jolly, plump red suit as are his minions. Carrying large weapons looking like oversized candy canes, they swarm out into the streets- where they are received with great cheer. "Yub yub?" asks one, surprised at this outcome. [Translation: What the hell?] "Huta!" barks the commander. [Translation: Hell if I should know! Begin the attack!] At once the large swarm of two dozen Ewoks begin tearing all hell, using the oversized candy cane like cudgels to spark off a riot as they tear through the city- beating some to death, mauling others with their tiny fangs and going for the throats, and causing general chaos and mayhem. The leader, still in the pod, fires up the "Rudolph-Kinsky Laser Engine" in the front pod and the red glow erupts into a wide ribbon of death, spraying fire and destruction through the city- collapsing buildings and incinerating vehicles. "Ho Ho Ho Ho!" he cackles gleefully. [Translation: Long live the Viet-Wok revolution!] In about 10 minutes, most of the capital is in flames as the 25 Ewoks and their flying pod wreck some holiday havok, sending out smoke to be seen for miles around.

U.E.E.R. DISSIDENT MURDERED! Galactic Associated Press TATOOINE: In Mos Eisley, a famed Ewok dissident of the United Endorian Ewok Republic and its leader, El President Chairman "Los Angelos del Muerte" Willet "Wicked" Wolly, was found brutally slain in a back alley. Chubby Trotsky McFurkins, an early Ewok UEER leader left the forest moon after disagreements with Wolly's leadership style. Exiled to Tatooine, he took up with Drall artist Adirf Olahk and began spreading his own brand of communism under the wary eye of the Hutts. Chubby Trotsky McFurkins was found murdered with what appears to have been an ice pick. Initial reports from witnesses indicate a man in a white trench coat leaving the scene, but they later recanted their testimony. Our investigative reporter here has just identified the murderer! He is... *whisper whisper* Oh no! Him?! If I said that he'd kil... Er.. We're live aren't we? Ah... It appears the theory of the man in the white coat can be safetly discounted, as has been done so by authorities investigating the murder, deeming it a mere accident. A statement from Chairman Willet Wolly after the murder broke out read and I say, "Yub Huta-chataka!" Translated that means, "It is a fate befitting an enemy of the people. Even those enlightened souls on Tatooine recognize the value of the People's Revolution and acknowledged the historical inevitability of the conflict between Chubby's capitalist head and the prolateriat ice pick. While it is unfortunate and something we had no part in, it cannot be mourned either. The revolution has no tears for subversive, rightist, capitalist roader pigs!" Drall artist Adirf Olahk, married to another Drall, was a celeberiety of noteriety around these parts- both for her bohemian lifestyle, unique paintings, and the affair with Trotsky McFurkins, was distraut at the news, blaming UEER agents for engineering this plot and hiring someone to murder Chubby with that ice pick.

At the meeting of the Politburo standing committe, El Presidente, Chairman Willet Wolly of the UEER converses with his few "trusted" advisors. Always suspicious, and now paranoid over anyone who might supplant his power, "Yub yub!" comes the report from a Viet-Wok general. [Translation: We've detected a fascist element in the Ewoks. They've taken off to a far corner of Endor and are slowly massing. They are inconsequential and will face the power of the people. The subversives we exiled to the Gulags on Hoth have been re-educated as planned it seems, the Imperials acting as we'd hoped, but we should keep our eyes and ears open as a precaution. Furthermore Chubby Trotsky McFurkins, the dissident socialist has been sighted on Tatooine, taking up with a Drall artist- Adirf OlahK.] Willet considers this. "Huta! " [Translation: Have Chubby Trotsky McFurkins murdered. Send word out to all the bounty hunters and keep it on the low and low. Make it look like an accident or a random murder. Ignore the fascists, but use them as leverage to purge enemies of the state and of the people and revolution. Also, keep me informed on how the people's revolution on Nastarine is developing.]

A haphazardly piloted shuttle crash lands on Hoth. Inside about 40 Ewoks, all of the intellectual class are assembled- some are former tribal shamans and leaders, others are hunters- but all have also at one point disagreed with Chairman Willet Wolly's vision of a communist utopia. Inside, even while the power and other vitals are failing, a droid clicks on, delivering the following message. "Yub! Yub! Yub! Huta!" [Translation: Comrades, your capitalist roading of our beautiful communist utopia has given the politburo the unfortunate decision of branding you enemies of the people and of the state.] The assorted Ewoks groan and mutter, trying to get their berrings. [As such, you are being exiled to the planet formerly known as Hoth, now claimed as of your arrival as the UEER New Siberian Gulags for Thought Reform. As such you will be laboring here until you have learned to appreciate your supreme and loving leader, Chairman Willet Wolly and his red vision for the galaxy. We sympathize with you and realize you are victims of capitalist subversion and oppression and are taking this golden effort to re-educate you for rehabilitation back into society. Good luck comrades and my the chairman's blessings on you for red thoughts and acts inspire you to learn the true meaning of communism!] At that point, the droid goes into a replay of the UEER (United Ewok Endorian Republic) national anthem, and the shuttle doors swing open, revealing the frigid hell before them. The numbers go down to 39 when one of the exiles immediately throws himself on a jagged piece of metal, rather dying than going into that 9th circle of hell. Gathering up what supplies they can, the other 39 Ewoks venture into the frozen waste land, ready to establish their new home in exile in the Gulags.

The forest moon is strangely peaceful. The sound of various birds and other animals can be heard and no sign of the Viet-Wok can be sensed anywhere. The unsettled calm embraces the Nastarine troopers as they march through- a sense of unease, though with no obvious danger. The first hint that something might be amiss comes from the faint haze that seems to run up from the forest floor itself. The mist, possibly an accumulation of dew and other moisture, steadily rises with each passing minute, growing increasingly thicker and more pronounced. A light headedness takes over the troops as they realize this isn't a haze or natural mist, but smoke. By the time that is realized, it is as obscuring as fog. The sign things are very wrong comes from the giant Ewok they see- It's the cute teddy bear form of an Ewok, shambling by, holding a spear in its furry paws, with its wide, brown liquid eyes, but its twenty feet tall. It rushes towards them then vanishes. Now strange, low, undefined voices can be heard as the forest seems to melt and swirl around, spots of colors and odd lines appearing hither and fro. The forest turns neon, then pastel, and all sorts of weird mutations of the flora and fona crop up in their sight. At this point they should be asking one all important question if they haven't guessed it already: What on Endor was in that smoke the Viet-Wok were burning? Down below the loam of the forest floor in their underground tunnel of the Ewok Communists, several Ewoks, having thrown together a small bonfire of specially regimented forest plants, known for their halluciongenic properties and used before the communization of Endor by the tribal shamans, chuckle behind their gas masks.

A single mischance and horribly bad judgment parsecs away are about to have devistating consequences for the unfortunate Bothans on this distant and remote planet. Over the captial city of Bothawui, the citizens are happy and carefree- the empire and rebels wars distant and not of immediate concern. The petty conflicts are removed from their day to day affairs. Nothing bad could come of them. Really. Truly. Even something as insignifigant as a Nastarine retalitory attack for a dismantled probe droid should have no bearing what so ever on this world's peace. Of course, fate is not always kind. Who would think that a band of rabid, communist Ewoks would try launching their world devistating weapon of destruction against a simple transport. Then when the Taepodong 2 Hyperspace missile shot into the aether of its namesake, randomly flying through the spirals of the galaxy, what would the odds be it would, in following its programing, pull out and smite the first large gravity source it came across with its nuclear fires, chose an inhabited, thriving world like Bothawui? The exact odds are 1:666,666,666. Today, it would be as if God Himself has foresaken the whole world, turning away with studied indifference on this jewel. Today, Bothawui is about to become Hell on Earth. A young female Bothan child is out in a field picking flowers in the wild, lush country outside the capital city. She bends down to pick one and in her tiny, delicate hands, picks off the petals. LBJ in his campaigns against Goldwater, in galaxy far, far away into the distant future, couldn't have asked for a better model. 10... The missile pulls from orbit. 9.... Zooming at the fastest possible sublight speed, it races through defenses, ships, and surpasses even the abilities of the sensors to pick up. 8... The poor unfortunates with only seconds left in their short, tragic lives might see a bright streak rapidly falling from the heavens. 7... The missile clears the atmosphere, it's deadly payload activating 6.... The first sense of something hidiously wrong registers on all concerned. 5.... The Taepodong 2 Missile activates in mid air. 4... A blinding flash spreads across the sky, covering the whole hemisphere. 3... The little girl looks up, blinded by this brilliant explosion. She unconsciously still picks the petals, watching a brilliant ultraviolet and blue fireball shoot out. 2... The capital city is practically atomized from the force of the explosion, which would leave a crator over a three and a half miles deep into the bedrock over the former city. The girl Bothan screams as her face starts to melt off. 1... The petals, scattered to the wind, distintigrate. The mushroom cloud drawn by this explosion can be seen from the other end of the system. The whole planet shakes and rumbles as radiation bursts to ooze over the four corners of the globe. Those who would live would face an exponentially rising cancer rate, severe burns, and wallow in grief and despair. The EMP shockwave takes out electronics on the whole planet for an hour, causing chaos and destruction even on the other side of the shattered rock. In the aftermath, hours later, when the smoke has cleared, nothing remains. Miraculously, a few scattered survivors ((Namely: Any PCs in this thread and about say.... 2 dozen others total)) endured the blast, escaping unharmed. Miraculously? On this day? No, it was a cruel jest from an uncaring universe. In the absolute and total destruction, far, far better to have perished than live on in this irradiated and red tinged wasteland. The vast dust thrown into the air has a sickly, crimson tinge, akin to the red banner of China of the Soviet Union. Bothawui would be in for an ice age, destroying those who might survive the initial dose of radiation. One survivor, covered in horrible, glowing scars and not long for this world due to the irradiated wounds, sinks to his knees and lets out a cry, a howl, a soul tearing wail of total despair as everything he knew and loved vanished beyond recall in some tragic, unforeseen event, metted out by an uncaring universe whose chill surpasses even the poetry of Stephen Crane. The nuclear holocaust had struck- not out of intended malice against the Bothans per say- but out of a terrible mischance. Woe unto Bothawui and woe unto those who would live in the wake of such tragedy. Over half a world was annihilated, billions perished, and the ecosystem damaged beyond recall. To those who lived, only their grief, and a sense of wonder and questioning- screaming to God "Why?", inevitably leading to vengence is left to them. ((Here's the scoop: Any PCs left, you're alive and unharmed, but need to vacate before radiation poisoning finishes you off. You have the clothes on your back and maybe about a half dozen others surviving in that hemisphere. Everything else- gone in the blast. Have a nice day! ))

The utlimate weapon of the UEER/ERE streaks through hyperspace, arming its charges for a deadly, cataclysmic explosion for when it emerges and sinks on its unintended target. Fired as a mishap during the Nastarine/Endor conflict, this missle with its deadly payload can reduce a whole hemisphere into ash. Flying through the aether, it emerges, preparing to draw down on its unfortunate target.

The Ewoks, a bit steadier this time, focus their return fire on the ship, knocking out its engines and causing it to plunge rapidly towards the surface. Unable to sufficiently draw a lock on the ship, a command is given to fire off the Ewok's ultimate weapon- a tool of mass destruction, that while still in its prototype stage, could devistate whole worlds, eaching across the galaxy as easily as a missile from Korea to California. The North Raxus Prime Taepodong 2 Hyperspacial missile- drawn between Chairman Willet and his ally Kim-Jong Wok- was ready for lauch. Like using a shotgun to take out a fly, the missile streaks up in the air with deadly and overpowering intent. Like using a shotgun to take out a fly, it misses horribly, zooming out of orbit, then vanishing into hyperspace, its charges set. "Yub yo?" the Ewok at the controls asks to the red bandana wearing comrade next to him. [Translation: Um... Where'd that missile go?] "Groot-cha," comes the reply. [Translation: How the hell would I know?] Speaking objectively from a from a galactic standpoint my dear reader, this is bad. Very bad.

War is the highest form of struggle for resolving contradictions, when they have developed to a certain stage, between classes, nations, states, or political groups, and it has existed ever since the emergence of private property and of classes. Unless you understand the actual circumstances of war, its nature and its relations to other things, you will not know the laws of war, or know how to direct war, or be able to win victory. The Ewoks garrisoned at the forest moon's sphere defense center warily watch the approach of the retrieval ship. The first inclination of the Ewok at the comm is to hail the ship, granting permission to land. "War is the continuation of politics." In this sense war is politics and war itself is a political action; since ancient times there has never been a war that did not have a political character. The commander halts him. "Yub Yub!" he admonishes, rebuking his subordinate for forgetting to take up the cause of the revolution and being so willing to accept a peaceful settlement to the gross breach of Endorian space. But war has its own particular characteristics and in this sense it cannot be equated with politics in general. "War is the continuation of politics by other means." When politics develops to a certain stage beyond which it cannot proceed by the usual means, war breaks out to sweep the obstacles from the way. When the obstacle is removed and our political aim attained, the war will stop. But if the obstacle is not completely swept away, the war will have to continue till the aim is fully accomplished. It can therefore be said that politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed. Alarm klaxons sound and all around Endor, troops pick up guns escribed with the name or the UEER (Union of Endorian Ewok Socialist Republics) and ERE (Ewok's Republic of Endor) are gathered. For the other peasantry unable to own these valuable weapons, spears, slings, bows, and other impliments are grabbed. Every Communist must grasp the truth, "Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun." Being escorted into cave deep in the Yennan Forest sector of the moon, Chairman Willet Wolly gives one last rallying speech for his people against SIA plots and assassins, then enters the safety of this hidden, make shift bunker. Small shields against orbital assaults- akin to the ones used by the ones used by the rebels on Hoth, power up. The seizure of power by armed force, the settlement of the issue by war, is the central task and the highest form of revolution. This Marxist-Leninist principle of revolution holds good universally, for Endor and for all other planets. Several planetary guns- ion cannons, turbo lasers, and a golan suddenly open fire. This deadly barrage would reduce even a mighty fleet to dust in seconds. Nothing could stand its way due to the awesome, overwhelming firepower. Unfortunately, being naught but Ewoks they can barely aim their damn equipment and only deal superficial damage to the ship. (Quotes taken from Section V: War and Peace, from the Quotations from Chairman Willet Wolly)

Armed with primative weaponry and other fun items including EWEBs and missile launchers, the Ewoks fall upon the probe droid, smashing it to bits. Though it is utterly wiped out a few transmissions invariably got through. Satisfied, they examine it and note the Nastarine symbol. Elsewhere in the forest moon, Willet Wolly, no longer only "El Presidente" but now "Chairman Willet Wolly of the Ewok's Republic of Endor", gives a speech to the masses. Having failed to cement his galactic revolution, he now turns to inciting the peasants. Thankfully Endor is still a primarily substinance, quasi agrarian economy. He is busy giving a speech. As his side, Zhou en-Wicket is holding up a small red pocket book, waved around by the Ewok masses below reverently like a devout fundamentalist and his King James Bible. "Yub! Yub! Nasrashta Mar! Huta hutah oo chi wawa!" Willet proclaims from the top of Village Square, and below the people rejoyce. [Translation: Without the Ewok's army, the Ewoks have nothing. The Ewok's Liberation Army is always a fighting force. Even after quadrant-wide victory, our army will remain a fighting force during the historical period in which classes have not been abolished in our quadrant and [captialist] imperialism still exists in the galaxy. On this point there should be no wavering or misunderstanding. All our officers and fighters must always bear in mind that we are the great Ewok's Liberation Army, we are the trops lead by the great Communist Party of Endor. Provided we constantly observe the directives of the Party, we are sure to win.] (Taken from Section IX: The Ewok's Army, from the Quotations from Chairman Willet Wolly) As Willet finishes speaking, an aid in a green army cap comes up and whispers into his ear about the violation of celestial sovereignty by the Nastarinian probe droid. Frothing at the mouth with agitation (and possibly rabies) Willet screams out a series of violent orders, demanding the perpertrator's head.

The Ewoks slowly pour out the trees. They didn't know who these two were, but an enemy of their enemy was a friend, and at the very least- not to be eaten or even killed. They swarm over Hou-Jo's body, picking it up and carrying it away, carefully searching it for anything neat. Before leaving, the Ewok's warchief hands Geki and Havok Hou-Jo's "firey stick of death" aka- lightsaber, and a a pamplet reading Das Capital. With a parting cry of "Yub Yub Commander!" they are gone. ***** Later that evening, they skin, cook, and roast the Jedi in a large pot of stew, delicately seasoning him. The chef laments there is no head to stuff an Endorian apple into for when they turned the body on a spit. After a toast to there revered and sadly absent leader- "El Presidente" Willet Wolly of the Intergalactic Ewok Commentern, they eat. Unfortunately he turns out to be as tasteless in death as in life, resulting in severe stomach upset and nausia- making him more than a little hard to swallow.

True enough, the wooden shaft had burned away, but the serrated stone head, not likely to catch fire, and driven by the thrower's momentum, embedded itself in Hou-Jo, even as the shaft did break off and burn away. Now the serrated spearhead tears away at the colon, ripping open a bleeding grash, causing precious red blood to spill between the hems of his pants- the wound was now life threatening due to his negligence and pride in ignoring such an attack. Again, out of the forest, a large spear is launched, hurting down from the trees, this time planting itself between Hou-Jo's vertibre above the pelvis. The wooden shaft is again incinerated, now leaving no way to safely remove the serrated stone stuck in the Jedi's body- paralyzing him from the waist down. "Yub.. Yub... Yub... Yub..." comes the chant. [Translation: Run, Run, Run. You'll so be well done. Soon you'll be sent to Heaven At the call of Vladimir Lenin ("Who's Lenin?" one Ewok asks, Lenin being a long time into the future in another galaxy) We threw our mighty spear And stuck it up your rear. We'll use our rocks to bash your head and serve it on a loaf of bread. We smell your loss of blood Caused by our technology of Lud. You'll learn the power of the red. When we are well fed. This will be a most lovely treat. When we have you to eat!]

An Ewok spear shoots out of the forest and lands with a wet thunk up Hou-Jo's butt, tearing a wide hole in the seat of his pants and ensuring the need for a life time of Preparation H use. The shaft breaks off, embedding the serrated spear head up there until properly removed by a certified professional.

The moment Hou-Jo walks away from his ship a resounding detonation is heard as his ship turns into a ball of flames. As well as he hid it, those who hid in the forest for their survival knew the woods better. Aroud Hou-Jo the chittering laughter of the Viet-Wok guerrilla fighters can be heard- heard but not seen. "Yub Yub Yub Yub Yub..." comes the low chant, seeming to circle around the unfortunate soul. [Translation: Ha Ha Ha; Hee Hee Hee. Little capitalist man, walking through our trees. Ha Ha Ha; Hee hee hee. We'll watch him as he soon flees. Ha Ha Ha; Hee Hee Hee. We'll hunt him as he tries to book. Ha Ha Ha; Hee Hee Hee. Soon we'll have his rump to cook!] At that, the forest goes silent, leaving only the echoes of their laughter and the faint rustling of the wind.

Under the diligent command of Kim Jong Wok, the Viet Wok forces in North Raxus Prime worked quietly in the name of Communist equality. Praising that some workers were more equal than others and the necessity of spreading the word to the rest of the galaxy, the planet's heavy industrial base, now over a month since turned to aiding the military struggle against the vile capitalist oppressors, has produced a set up that could hold off and dismay even the Imperial Navy. At night, most of North Raxus Prime is black, the power all concentrated in P'yongyang, the new capital, though the various defense shields, turbo lasers and ion cannons aimed at the heavens stand mute and ready, manned by the red army of scurrying teddy bears.

The General and several of his close Ewok confederates huddle in the center of the room, locked in a whispered debate. The ball of fur breaks apart and a Ewok in a red loincloth and bandana speaks, stamping the butt of his spear on the ground to announce his presence. "Yub Yub!" he declares hotly, giving a dramatic pause. [We want the following- The Sith are to act as our official represenatives to the Empire, calling for recognition of our hold over Endor and North Raxus Prime as legitimate. Further more we demand stippends of aid and support for our holy wars against the capitalist infidels occupying this red galaxy of ours. Finally, we want...] "Hachuta Ni!" he growls with a finish. [We want a shrubbery! Or we shall be forced to say Ni to you!" "Ni!" Yells one of the Ewoks. "Ni!" Entones a second. "Ni!" Follows up a third. "Yub Yub Ni!" the first continues. [Now give us our shrubbery or we shall continue to say Ni unto thee!] General Kim-Jong Wok shakes his furry head. Hobbling over on his fuzzy legs he picks up a spear in his paw, hefts it in his hand and launches it through the shoulders of the first Ewok speaker. The speaker squeals and falls dead to the floor, clutching his chest, his tiny, hair covered body flailing all over. " Yub Yub!" the general finishes. [Translation: What a ******* idiot. Meet our demands or we shall launch nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons at this temple and use our Taepedong 2 Hyperspace Missile to threaten other planets as well. You have one week (real time) to consider. This meeting is concluded.] The general turns and with his entourage, exits the temple.

Under the command of communist dictator Kim-Jong Wok, the Ewok's plans for Northern Raxus Prime move swiftly, soon putting the whole northern hemisphere above the 38th parallel in the Viet Wok's furry hands. Under the command of the yellow furred Kim-Jong Wok an Endorian commando strike team hits the Sith Temple, not doing any damage but kidnapping Noghri nationals. That done, the Noghri are interrogated and the Ewok's learn how to mimic and blend in with them. As the Viet-Wok's grip around the Sith Temple tightens, Scub launchers with biological and chemical weapons are brought into play. While they are never fired, the threat remains, along with rumors of a Taepedong 2 hyperspatial rocket, capable of supposedly striking neighboring star systems. Of course, the North Raxus Prime branch of the Viet-Wok deny any allegations of making nuclear weapons for use on these missiles. Finally, when a force of disgruntled workers seems massive enough to take the Sith Temple with a swarm of sheer man power, the group ceases their march, just outside firing range. An Ewok herald hobbles forth, carrying a spear, red shirt and red bandana. He pulls out a scroll and reads. "Yub Yub! Chahuta!" [Translation: We the North Raxus Prime Viet-Wok under the rule of general Kim-Jong Wok, demand bilateral talks with the Sith over the issue of foreign aid and support for our nation. We will not, repeat, not accept multilateral negotiations. Furthermore, we wish the withdrawl of Sith troops guarding the South Raxus Prime border on the 38th parallel. Failure to comply with our demands will meet with dire consequences.]