A Hired Soldier

[Montjoy]

Hey guys, I've been recently inspired to write about this and I want to see if there is interest. I would like to see critique and see if I should continue, so here's my first try. I surely hope that this is a good Idea.

 

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PG-13

 

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A Hired Soldier: Chapter One-ish

 

I, Bragoff Riedesel sighed as I held my newly bought and polished Charleville musket close as the Island the Americans called Stanten appeared on the horizon. The date was August 15, 1776 and I was one of the several hundred strong Jäger Company under the command of Captain Nuppenau from the principality of Anhalt-Zerbs in Germany.

 

I had grown up there as a simple hunter, until my skills were hired for this campaign. I glanced at the redcoats surrounding me, composing a thick red wall on the schooner that separated me from my own ranks of green suited Germans. I made his way down the red line, a bit wary of my British ”œAllies.”

[Jidai Geki]

I like your use of historical vocabulary; you clearly know your stuff regarding this, and that will help draw the reader into the setting. However, it's slightly contrived in parts:

 

I, Bragoff Riedesel sighed

 

And the protagonist's first line of dialogue:

 

”œI surely hope, Grenadiers, that your accuracy with a spit of tobacco, can be matched by your musket fire, which I sincerely doubt. Your Brown Bess muskets are famously ineffective, and probably even more so against revolutionaries familiar with their territory”””œ

 

These two parts, especially the dialogue, just don't sound natural. It doesn't sound like something somebody would actually say.

 

That said, it's interesting enough, and I'll continue reading if you post more.

[Lord Ar-Pharazon]

I really like fiction set in history. I'll keep reading, Granta.

[Montjoy]

Thanks for the suggestions Geki, in my next chapter, I'll make sure to have their dialog sound more natural. Thanks for the positive comments!

[DarthBrendo]

I like the opening of this Granta. Have you written any more?

 

I like the historical setting, and as Lee mentioned, it's clear you know what you're talking about with the old weaponry.

[NavyGal]

I love historical fiction and the way you've started this definately leaves me wanting to know more.