Reporting for Duty (Complete)

[Arlan Vass]

A/N: It's been a while since I've written outside of the world of role playing. It took me a good month or so to write this story, because of everything that I've had to deal with both school- and home-wise. I hope that you guys enjoy this story, and any positive feedback is welcome.

 

And for the record, this is a one-shot. There will be no chapters following this story.

 

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There are thousands of us.

 

Our purposes all correspond: to serve, and protect the Republic under any circumstances. We will give our lives for the well-being of the galaxy, and do not question, nor go against any orders given to us by Chancellor Palpatine. We serve with honor, and respect.

 

I am CT-1185, of the 411th Clone Trooper Division. Like every other Clone, I wore the traditional Phase I armor, and wielded the DC-155 blaster carbine. We, the 411th, were stationed on Kamino. We were escorting Jedi Master Kalimun - an aging, yet experienced combatant ”“ to a cloning facility on Onderon. Our weapons were drawn, and we were ready for anything. We weren't sure if the Confederation had found the factory if not; if they had, we would have been too late. We were told that the a couple of the Clones from the 421st were guarding the structure, but CT-1342 ”“ our commander, otherwise known as ”œCommander Calvin”

Edited March 27, 2009 by Guest

[Lord Ar-Pharazon]

It was a nice, short read. I enjoyed it. First of all, your use of expressions like "fall into stride" and other military jargon helped illustrate the nature of these soldiers in a war, which was effective and helped set a tone right away.

 

My only criticism would be CT-1185's sudden change after Order 66 is issued. Right at the beginning you said how the soldiers "give [their] lives for the well-being of the galaxy, and do not question, nor go against any orders given to us by the Republic, or the Jedi Order." That was good, and it made sense when I read it, but then this line seemed strange to me, and the overall attitude of the narrator as well. "This Jedi was going to perish, along with every other Jedi in the galaxy. Every single one of us would see to that. We had learned long ago that it was the Jedi, not the Sith, that were destroying the galaxy."

 

I was confused, since the piece ”“ if written from a first person perspective, seems to me that CT-1185 would have indicated initially what his true intentions were from the start. At the start of the story, the troopers are proud to serve the Jedi, but then they're not later? It seems to me that CT-1185 would be happy from the start about gunning down the Jedi, and expressive of that happiness, or on the other hand, reluctant and/or confused by the audacity of Order 66, and from there you could have played it off as a Milgram/Obedience to Authority perspective, such as the people in WW2 who killed Jews because they were just "following orders" and overwhelmed by what was going on in the grander scheme of things.

 

Don't get me wrong, Andy. I think it was a good story, but it just seemed to change directions, abruptly, without an interior explanation. That's what I got from it.

 

I should add that I haven't seen the Clone Wars movie, nor have I viewed any of the episodes, so perhaps there's something I am missing here. Oh well...

Edited March 27, 2009 by Guest

[Arlan Vass]

Yeah, I saw that, too.

 

This is a first draft, remember. But thanks, LAP, for pointing that out!

 

EDIT: I fixed it. Might be fixing it again, later, after more people have read it.

[Lord Ar-Pharazon]

I like the edit. A lot. It was simple, but made a world of difference, because while things are still abrupt, they make sense. I wouldn't hesitate to describe more of the emotions within the narrator's mind either, since the title of the work is "a change of heart" so I think some further inner monologue to describe that change would be a solid addition too.

 

I'm totally nitpicking here, but perhaps the title isn't the best. When I think of Clone Troopers, I think of very one dimensional soldiers, who aren't men who have "changes of heart" but rather "changes of orders" which is precisely the case here. These are male soldiers, bred for their combat ability, and logical approach to war. Now, in a weird way, you could bring about a comparison, and say that the narrator is shedding that aspect of him, and going more towards a change of heart.

 

Think of Heart of Darkness. You even described how the battle is changing from organized military operations to chaotic guerrilla warfare. That's a good comparison from with logical reason, and a shift to more heartfelt emotion. Maybe that's way too deep, and I don't know. I did get accused of overthinking symbolism earlier today, and perhaps correctly so.

[Arlan Vass]

Edited the title.

 

Thanks for the comment(s), Ben!

[Dartha Athanth]

It seems that there is potential for more after this though... as a one shot it may need to be fleshed out a little more so that we identify with the characters better.

 

Though now I like you detail... numbers everywhere always seem to add a sense of authenticity for me, hehe.

[Lord Ar-Pharazon]

Though now I like you detail... numbers everywhere always seem to add a sense of authenticity for me, hehe.

 

That's because you're Asian.

[Amidala Skywalker]

I agree with Dartha that it could have been fleshed out more. I didn't really feel sorry for Kalimun, although I know I should have. But I just didn't feel a connection with him.

 

On the other hand, you have the clones down nicely, and like Ben said up top, I really like the use of military jargon. It added a nice authentic feel to the peice.

 

Nice stuff, and a great little one-shot. I also like the title.

[Arlan Vass]

I was planning on having this be a one-shot, but who knows? One of these days, I might find the time to write an actual story based on this.

 

Thank you for all the positive reviews, everybody. I appreciate it.

[Silas]

Though now I like you detail... numbers everywhere always seem to add a sense of authenticity for me, hehe.

 

That's because you're Asian.

 

First off, I have to point out that that response nearly made me spit water all over my laptop. Well played sir.

 

On to the story: It was a nice little one-shot, though I'll echo the comments that have been made about turning it into a complete story. It seems like there was a lot of potential in the characters but by the end I hadn't grown attached to any of them and wouldn't have cared if they had died. While you offered insight into CT-1185's thoughts I think that there was more that could have been done if you had chosen to flesh this out, even if it was just a longer one-shot.

 

I also thought that the change of pace was a little too abrupt. CT-1185's initial thoughts made it seem like he would follow the Jedi to the death simply because that was what he had been trained to do, but as soon as he recieved Order 66 he turned into a trigger-happy maniac. There was no remorse, no questions, no emotion except murder. Then again this is totally your story and it's completely up to you how you write it.