Lord Ar-Pharazon Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 (edited) It was a snowy evening around six o'clock, in the midst of a freezing cold spell. The sun had set about an hour ago. Calmly preparing dinner, Sandra Waarstaag heard a loud knock at the door. It was unexpected too, and as the sound resonated throughout the wooden house, Sandra sensed something was amiss. Fully expecting her husband to come home, as he was already two hours late, this made her wonder why he would knock on the door, when he carried a set of keys. Looking through the glass, she instantly realized this was not her husband. Instead it was another man, whom she did not know. Cautiously opening the door, she spoke to this visitor. ”œHello. Can I help you?” Edited January 22, 2009 by Guest [Associate of the Illinois Mafia since November 2002.] Member of the Four Horsemen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Kheldar vos Correlli Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 A very interesting piece. I didn't guess the twist at the end. Bellaire is an fairly unique character and one I'd have thought for sure was just screwing with Sandra. That said, his mental evaluation makes sense and it adds to the tension of the story. I like it quite a bit. Additionally, there's a small typo you might want to correct: ”œBobby, I want you to meet Mr. Bellaire, from Rapid City. He's here to tell you about daddy.” The monarch of madness has returned! [Associate of the Illinois Mafia since March 2002.] [2nd in Command of the Lords of Hate since March 2002.] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ar-Pharazon Posted January 22, 2009 Author Share Posted January 22, 2009 A very interesting piece. I didn't guess the twist at the end. Bellaire is an fairly unique character and one I'd have thought for sure was just screwing with Sandra. That said, his mental evaluation makes sense and it adds to the tension of the story. I like it quite a bit. Additionally, there's a small typo you might want to correct: ”œBobby, I want you to meet Mr. Bellaire, from Rapid City. He's here to tell you about daddy.” [Associate of the Illinois Mafia since November 2002.] Member of the Four Horsemen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Hmm...I honestly don't know what to think. Interesting... I don't even know if I liked it or not...very interesting.... Well, uh... OMG! Great fic! WOW! SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Hmm...I honestly don't know what to think. Interesting... I don't even know if I liked it or not...very interesting.... Well, uh... OMG! Great fic! WOW! Pardon me while I die over here. (DIES) Ahem. I'm too tired and my feet hurt which is effecting my typing skills to make a proper comment as you can probably tell from the incoherent nature of this very incoherent sentence. Uh. I liked it. Awesome twist. I thought he'd just jump out of the window and that the twist would be that the husband came home at the end. And then you threw me for a loop. Woo. Yeah, it could've used a bit of proofreading, I guess. But still, it was neat, very Twilight Zone and a bit WTF. I liked it. I think. It was strange but good. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ar-Pharazon Posted January 24, 2009 Author Share Posted January 24, 2009 Hmm...I honestly don't know what to think. Interesting... I don't even know if I liked it or not...very interesting.... Well, uh... OMG! Great fic! WOW! Wait... You don't know if you liked it, but OMG WOW? [Associate of the Illinois Mafia since November 2002.] Member of the Four Horsemen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 That's just Tiana's advice on what to put if you don't have anything else to say. Or maybe I should have simply said supercalifragilisticexpialidotious. That is the best word for it I think. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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