The Legend of Scarecrow (NSW) (April 21th, 08)

[Tiana Calthye]

UPDATED, APPROXIMATELY A YEAR LATER, I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR MENTAL HEALTH DAMAGE CAUSED BY READING MY UNEDITED WRITING FROM OVER A YEAR AGO.

 

It remains unedited. Read at your own risk.

 

The Legend of Scarecrow:

'06 Nanowrimo.

 

Rating: PG-13 for violence, minor language, and suggestive themes.

Genre: Fantasy, sci-fi, adventure.

Disclaimer: This story is rough. It's the result of writing 100,000 words in a month for Nanowrimo. In fact, at this time, there are 67k words written on this story. And a second story. This story is nearly complete. Any advice will be taken to heart and appreciated, since this is a first draft. The characters and general idea are completely my own. I admit inspiration from Kashyyyk in the creation of Arlis.

 

There are no chapters. I'm simply going to break it up and post as I feel fit to do. Random illustrations may appear at any time. The vignette, Nightmare (20 or 30 years earlier), is an unnecessary read, but connected to later development in the story and will aid you in making sense of Greg's character when he shows up.

 

Cover: to be created.

Map: Map of Arlis as known to the elves at this time period. The islands in the west as well as Grudotton are uncharted, as is Midnight's Land and the Dark Lands to the elves. Generalized large area. Detail and less sketchy maps to come, probably for the internal forest area as well as the uncharted space.

 

 

 

-Prologue-

 

The night was light and almost faded, the colors washed away into a million different tones of purple and orange and silver. Though the general population slept, two people sat over a board and moved their pieces one by one, carefully working to avoid stepping into a chaotic mess and ruin The Game.

 

The rules of the game were simple:

 

There were four dice. One for romance, one for chance. One for life's breath, and one for death”¦

 

You could roll two on your turn, but you never knew which you would roll.

 

This was The Game.

 

And this was its result.

 

 

Phase One: Dawn

 

Near Manar: 1867 ST:

 

They were coming for him. He knew it--mostly because he could see a bunch of torches over the hill peering threateningly at him, and hear the screams in elvish, probably for blood. After all, what else would they want? Cake and tea? The Scarecrow thought not. And there wasn't much that could bring the elves out of the woods beyond a pure, villianous lust for someone's death.

 

They had a lot of rules, he reflected, that could bring about death.

 

And then paused to consider that since they were out to lynch mob him, it probably wasn't a good idea to be hanging around in the mouth of the cave any longer. Taking one last look out to see where the elves were, Jarsen stepped carefully back into the cavern he called home and searched for his hat. Perhaps scaring the wits out of the elves would send them scattering back out to their treetop homes, but he had a feeling that since they were all very well armed with pitchforks and axes and lanterns and torches, there wasn't going to be much saying "Boo" would do.

 

"Er... weapons... right..." he mumbled, shuffling through a mass of random objects collaborated onto a nearby shelf, looking for something that looked remotely like a sharp or heavy object. He was so distracted by this that he didn't notice when three elves stormed into his cave and grabbed his arms. He did notice when they grabbed his arms, though, and twirled around to face them with an annoyed expression. "Careful, you'll knock my hat off..."

 

He received a blank look in return.

 

"Er... right..."

 

And then he was jabbed with a pitchfork and dragged rather brutally from his cave.

 

There was the slightest effect of a card dropped to the ground then, an illusion of a paper fluttering to the ground and landing face up. Dice.

 

<><><>

 

Chaos. And the general sensation of disharmony in amidst the village square. And perhaps, to those in command, triumph. Night had long since fallen, for only in the depth of midnight's velvet could they hold a proper mob, lanterns held high in a warring scream. Only during midnight could destruction overwhelm an entire town of people, causing them to grasp their pitchforks and flails and go screaming through the trees into the where the mountains edged and the trees began to thin ever so slightly and even moonlight cracked through the edges occasionally.

 

In this mess Resi had been caught up, a torch shoved into her hands, swept along by the screaming mass into the depths of the forest. She didn't know what they were after, only she knew that someone was going to die tonight, and that they knew exactly what they were after.

 

Had the rogue elf arrived in this part of Arlis just a small time ago, she might have heard the legend sweeping the town, the rumors of fact behind what was positively nothing more than a childish myth. She would've known who the Scarecrow was. But here, with a mob dragging her in their paws towards a cave, she was unable to determine the hows and wherefores. Besides, it was violence. There couldn't be anything that wrong with pure violence, after all.

 

And so she had joined into the screaming mass of people, yelling for death and blood and the lynching of a person she had never met or seen before in her life. It hadn't taken long for the mob of angered elves to work their way into the depths of a cave and drag out a smaller man into the moonlight, screaming for blood and hauling him back to their village in the depths of the trees, even as he protested all the way.

 

It had been a strange event, Resi reflected.

 

A few hours had passed since the mob had stormed from the village and drug back the teenager and bound him to a stake in the middle of the town, and now it was well into the night phrase, the trees a pitch black and the few places where moonlight caught into the branches brilliant beacons in the shadows. Whatever plans the town council had for this one would be announced in the morning, when things were somewhat gray and people could think straightly.

 

Ironically, this event would end up shaping their lives rather effectively.

Edited April 22, 2008 by Guest

[Obi-here]

An excellent beginning. I look forward to seeing where you take this, because, as of now, I have no idea (no, I didn't read your long prologue/intro...whatever it's called). As usual, I love your descriptions, though with this short post there really wasn't a moment for your writing to "shine", so to speak. Interested to read more...

[Tiana Calthye]

Right... hopefully you read the story's prologue, because that was essential to the story. I know I should cut my author's notes down a bit. Roughly they say that it's an original fiction rated PG-13, everything's mine, steal and die, here's the link to the map of the universe.

 

Oh, and I wrote it for Nanowrimo and I'm posting it under duress, it's not MY fault if it's crap.

 

That's what my preface notes say in newspeak.

 

I was going to post more, but there's an illustration for the next scene and I haven't touched it up yet. And though my illustration sketches are hardly nescessary, they're good practise for me, and indicate very much what the characters look like. As well, people tend to prefer short posts, faster updates, I've learned?

 

Note to self:

A few hours had passed since the mob had stormed from the village and drug back the teenager and bound him to a stake in the middle of the town, and now it was well into the night phrase, the trees a pitch black and the few places where moonlight caught into the branches brilliant beacons in the shadows.

<--edit this. This is one sentence. Sure, it's nice and shiny descriptive, but it uses and so many times...

[jedi_master_gimpy]

Nice start, Tiana. I'm glad you decided to post it after all (oh, and because I realized I saw you mention it somewhere, though I can't remember where and if I answered it, yes, I am planning on getting back to looking over TDE hopefully in the near future).

 

Your author notes were insanely long, as previously mentioned by yourself.

 

I loved the Prologue. Period. Short, to the point although also very vague just because we have no clue what is going on....but obviously with the impact to affect everything that follows.

 

I see we're jumping right into the character of the Scarecrow, as well as meeting what will no doubt be an important elf. Curiosity, of course, prompts me to rapidly spew out large amounts of questions and thoughts, which will undoubtedly be left to be answered in the story as it progresses.

 

Are we to find out what really prompted the sudden mob of elves? It's been implied that he broke one of many of their rules, however I'm leaning towards the thought that whatever it was became suddenly and drastically changed towards death due to one of the die which was rolled. Off of that, are any of those actually involved in the game in the story (i.e. are the two players directly affected by the rolls and hence everyone around them?) or can they unknowingly/knowingly impact tons of people around them with the game while they play on elsewhere?

 

There was the slightest effect of a card dropped to the ground then, an illusion of a paper fluttering to the ground and landing face up. Dice.

 

I'm also curious about this description. It sounds like a rather transparent, there-but-not-there die. Is this to show it's happening as an effect of this and we will always see this illusionary paper show up after a roll, or is this specifically with Scarecrow?

 

Lol, as always...you know to expect many questions and thoughts without necessarily expecting answers. I'm looking forward to more!

 

(Whew, I have a second wind for replying again today, last night I started getting less verbose as the long catching-up process continued)

[Tiana Calthye]

I shortened the author notes a little bit.

 

I loved the Prologue.

I feel the need to prewarn you (and anyone who reads this) that I love prologues that don't seem to immediately connect to the story at hand. I promise you that it will make sense, as I have written most of the story. (and, yes, it'd be nice if you got back onto TDE, since J and I are past the 2nd story and 20k into the third...)

 

as well as meeting what will no doubt be an important elf.

Of course.

 

Are we to find out what really prompted the sudden mob of elves?

Scarecrow did. As the story is mainly from his perspective (Jarsen was a very good limited third narrator), at least through phases one and two, no, and he doesn't know why, simply realize it wasn't sudden and that Scarecrow is thought of a bit like Ben Kenobi on Tatooine, and a bit like a boogieman.

 

Your questions about the Game, I leave unanswered as they are answered very explicitly later.

 

<><><><><>

 

Longer update!

 

Illustration sketch- Jarsen

 

<><><>

 

From his hunched position bound to a branch, Jarsen couldn't help but growl muttered curses at his captors. Of course, even the most magical of beings isn't resilient entirely to being prodded with sharp metal objects, such as pitchforks and axes, and the Scarecrow was hardly different than any others. In fact, as much as he protested and screamed and kicked, they simply poked him more, and by the time they had shoved him against the post and lashed him there, he was quite grateful that they were leaving him alone for a while.

 

This didn't stop the occasional taunting person walking by, cursing and spitting at him, but it was more enjoyable than being prodded by pitchforks and having lanterns being a bit too close to his skin for comfort. They tended to burn, and he didn't like being burnt. It was too much like sunlight for his taste, and a few years of hiding from any form of light made even the tiny pieces of moonlight that came through this close to the mountains torturously painful.

 

He only hoped that they wouldn't realize that it was a weak point of his by the time morning came about. If he had to die, it would be preferred to be less painful and more”¦ well”¦ instant. Instant deaths were just a bit less horrifying to imagine, and his mind was already supplying a great deal of horribly disgusting and painful deaths that they could easily inflict upon his persona.

 

Jarsen groaned to himself and attempted to hunch closer to the post sticking out from the ground. It was more of a well shaped branch coming from a huge tree, as the ground wasn't even earth here. It didn't take long before the villages began going up into the massive trees, he knew. He had lived in this area all his life, and for memories, perhaps far more besides.

 

And I couldn't even get a bloody girlfriend before they lynched me. Jeez. No consideration at all to the finer points of life”¦

 

He grumbled and attempted to push his hat back onto his head without using his hands. It was a bit tricky, as this meant he had to use the post and his own weight to readjust the hat to a point where the wind wouldn't knock it off. Hats were important. At least to him. They were a part of what he was, a part of who he was. You couldn't be the Scarecrow without a battered straw hat over flaxy blond hair”¦

 

”œHey.”

[jedi_master_gimpy]

(and, yes, it'd be nice if you got back onto TDE, since J and I are past the 2nd story and 20k into the third...)

Hmmm. I don't know how much regular time I'll have for it once school starts in a week, so I'll try to get a good start on it in the next few days.

 

Jarsen groaned to himself and attempted to hunch closer to the post sticking out from the ground. It was more of a well shaped branch coming from a huge tree, as the ground wasn't even earth here. It didn't take long before the villages began going up into the massive trees, he knew. He had lived in this area all his life, and for memories, perhaps far more besides.

 

And I couldn't even get a bloody girlfriend before they lynched me. Jeez. No consideration at all to the finer points of life”¦

More random thoughts. The facts brought up, the memories, and the almost expectation of being lynched seem to indicate that he's been in this situation before”¦perhaps numerous times? It could be a repeat of very similar circumstances or that he's actually been stuck in some kind of almost-repeating loop. *shrug* Speculations galore, is all.

 

You couldn't be the Scarecrow without a battered straw hat over flaxy blond hair”¦

So he's either taken over some type of stereotype of this (”œmythical-ish”

[Jidai Geki]

A time-honoured format for your prologue, Tiana: an angry mob comes for a resigned individual. It is instantly intriguing; what has the protagonist done to merit his fate?

 

The dialogue is rather anachronistic; I'm not sure yet whether I find that unique and fresh, or counterproductive to the fantasy atmosphere.

 

I like the sarcasm and levity of the main character, however. He is a compelling protagonist and one is immediately invested in him somewhat.

 

The whole thing thus far puts me in mind of a Discworld novel, especially the fixation with the hat and some of the narrative. Have you read any Discworld novels?

[Tiana Calthye]

Review replyage!

 

It is instantly intriguing; what has the protagonist done to merit his fate?

Elves are very superstitious... good, good, was suppose to be an intriguing beginning. My goal is to hook readers.

 

The dialogue is rather anachronistic; I'm not sure yet whether I find that unique and fresh, or counterproductive to the fantasy atmosphere.

 

You'll actually find my dialogue is much closer to how we as people tend to speak than most fantasy novels portray. I tend to have my dialogue with that realism. Jerky and whatnot. It's a bit of both uniquness and conterproductiveness... intentional on both ends, to be honest. I tire of normal sounding fantasy. I do have an intent to edit my first few bits, though... I'm aware they're awkward, as they were written in one day straight.

 

I like the sarcasm and levity of the main character, however. He is a compelling protagonist and one is immediately invested in him somewhat.

Good, good. Since he's the main narrator, anyway.

 

The whole thing thus far puts me in mind of a Discworld novel, especially the fixation with the hat and some of the narrative. Have you read any Discworld novels?

You recognized it! Yes, Jarsen's fixation on hats was indeed taken from Rincewind, and I've read almost every book in the series and love them to pieces. Hee. I love Pratchett's method of writing.

 

A very helpful review, thank you!

 

 

And, Gimpy, shorter reply because your review reply may merit spoilers if I answered it all.

 

I don't know how much regular time I'll have for it once school starts in a week, so I'll try to get a good start on it in the next few days.

No worries. You hardly have to be fast. We're not desperate yet.

 

It could be a repeat of very similar circumstances or that he's actually been stuck in some kind of almost-repeating loop.

Or, y'know, genetic memory.

 

Your comments on his hat... roughly, it was a quirk taken from another character to add words. It's part of his identity. (Read the Discworld novels about Rincewind the Wizzard...) He's not himself without his hat.

 

Or are you just highlighting the fact that The Game is going on behind this and affecting everything?

Second one's the charm. Two moves did go on.

 

Longer update, didn't want to shorten it. May answer some immediate questions.

 

<><><><><>

 

-Chapter Two-

 

”œYou know”¦ you're going to seriously owe me one”¦”

[Jidai Geki]

A slow portion of the story, but all stories have these moments.

 

Nice to see Scarecrow's obsession with his hat is continuing!

 

The new character is fairly intriguing, I look forward to learning more about her.

 

Pratchett's influence is becoming more apparent now that you've mentioned it- not that that's a bad thing, I love his style of writing too, and have been guilty of borrowing it. Yours is not flat-out Pratchett, it's just got a slight flavour- the overall narrative is still very much written in a style of your own.

 

Look forward to seeing more.

[jedi_master_gimpy]

And, Gimpy, shorter reply because your review reply may merit spoilers if I answered it all.

Well, it's good to know that I'm least asking the right questions.

 

Or, y'know, genetic memory.

What, like the Scarecrow memories are passed down, one from another?

 

Second one's the charm. Two moves did go on.

Stop posting so quickly, woman! Oh, and I emailed you some more of TDE today. Now for the new post:

 

In his mind's eye, he saw a woman standing on a rock in the middle of a sky, a crystal orb in her hands, overseeing the entire occurrences, and her eyes were pure black, not even the pieces that were white left to alter their tone.

First glimpse of Tiana/other-spelling, me-guesses?

 

”œWell”¦”

[Tiana Calthye]

Slower update, because I had to rewrite my obligatory history dump. ^^ What was that you said about my never wasting time on description, Gimpy? Enjoy my rare blurb here.

 

Review replyage...

 

Magic, or teleportation?

Same deal in the end.

 

Is Jarsen half human, half-elf”¦or something else?

Yup.

 

It seemed to be something that they both had those abilities”¦methinks they aren't very common.

 

Elves have magic. Spoilerish information to follow. These are wood elves we're dealing with (an unmentioned, but assumable fact), and they use the obvious earth elemental magic. Then there's, oh, dark elves and vampires who use dark magic and sea elves who've died out but used water magic, presumably most merfolk use water or light magic, and wraiths, who use air magic! Usually. Half breeds end up getting variable magic abilities. Such as Jarsen. Half-breeds end up becoming mutated races, such as vampires, most of the time, so they're outcasts. Humans do not have magical abilities. Not all elves can use magic actively. A few merfolk use magic. No clue about dwarves... they would use shadow magic, that's all I know. /ramble

 

Yours is not flat-out Pratchett, it's just got a slight flavour- the overall narrative is still very much written in a style of your own.

 

Thank you. I did do flat out Prachett in another story, but this is much my own work, yeah... the influences are more prevalant in my method of portraying dialogue and stuff, and in the beginning with Scarecrow/Jarsen's hat.

 

-Chapter Three-

 

This is a forgotten world. To the elves, the controllers of the forest peaks, it is known to be inhabited solely by themselves, the humans, with a few half-breeds scattered. They have no reason to have mapped Grudotton, the dwarf lands. But here, where they call home Arlis... where the mountains begin to thicken evergreen into huge deciduous branches and the trees massively slip downhill to hide the sun from below...

 

Somehow, they have escaped and evolved away from the need for photosynthesis. Or perhaps the trees lower are parisites, drawing nutrients from the monstrific trees that stretch above. Nonetheless, somehow Arlis survives and drags on with the elves holding the upper branches, and the monsters of the deep holding hostage the land where not even the faintest flecks of sunlight make their way through.

 

The trees are huge. Oak, maple, occasionally a few fruit and nut trees scattered, a few evergreens growing off of the larger branches. There are so many, they merge together to form pathways from tree to tree.

 

The elves inhabit these areas, where sunlight is brighter than the flecks of gold that occasionally flick through the canopy and even moonlight manages to creep through. The ground is not so far away; the creatures not so perilous. But the humans have been driven down. They live lower. Not so low that their towns touch the ground, as they are deeper in the forest--and as the forest center grows nearer, the floor grows further away. True earth is so far beneath that only the bravest will go down, and even some of them shudder to think.

 

A long time ago, perhaps... perhaps there are scattered ghost towns below, but no. Those are the lands for only the outcasts. Things have changed.

 

It is in these areas that Jarsen and Resi make their way through. Or perhaps she does; she seems to glide. He panics. He doesn't know what he is doing. He simply fights to avoid distraction; the rogue elf leading him... is simply a rogue elf. Lady Aresi Orlan.

 

But she tends to disregard the rest of her name and try to avoid the attachments and estrangements being royalty offers. She acts as if she belongs in amidst the huge branches of the trees, flitting from road to road and following them with a perfect sense of balance. And even with a few very threatening weapons strapped to her back, she knows exactly where she's going; she has the place memorized. Perhaps she has to work from her memory; there are a few weaknesses of being of an elfin persuasion.

 

Her mother is Nadré Orlan, her father... well, people try not to talk about her father. He's just someone different. Someone that shouldn't have happened.

 

Of course, her mother's long gone too. They say she died in the plague. The dark elves had been suseptable to it, moreso than the full-breed elves most common amidst the treetops. No wonder the poor maid went rogue. No wonder she chose to find her profession dragging in bounties for a living, they whisper. It wasn't her fault that her parents were flawed beings, that she wasn't as majestic as her lady mother. More the better if she comes and goes.

 

The Scarecrow, on the other hand...

 

He's spent a lot of his life learning how to survive while following a legacy he never asked to have. He isn't so lightfooted, but then, he's not an elf. More of a wraith, a boogieman--the only thing that keeps him from stumbling and falling to his death is an overdeveloped sense of self-preservation and a strong amount of unconsciously used magic.

 

An earth elementalist, of course. It's evident--aren't they all? But he's far from at home in the dark branches, where the black is filled with peering eyes and life. It teems with creatures and he can hear every one of them in the back of his mind, crowing and wailing. This place is foreign, and he doesn't know how to handle it.

 

Resi does.

 

But her motives...

 

<><><>

 

Another near shriek, and the elf found herself turning around to, once again, Jarsen clinging to a branch with wide eyes and staring up. Brushing a purple butterfly from her face, she turned to haul him back up again. He shuddered and brushed his jacket off reluctantly. ”œHow do you walk across this so easily?”

[jedi_master_gimpy]

What was that you said about my never wasting time on description, Gimpy?

Snicker. Had to prove me wrong, didn't you?

 

Yup.

A plot point later, something you just want to wait on, or an unimportant distinction of which he is?

 

Somehow, they have escaped and evolved away from the need for photosynthesis. Or perhaps the trees lower are parisites, drawing nutrients from the monstrific trees that stretch above. Nonetheless, somehow Arlis survives and drags on with the elves holding the upper branches, and the monsters of the deep holding hostage the land where not even the faintest flecks of sunlight make their way through.

That's quite a contrast you've created, there. Goes back to the darkness Jarsen has lived in and become accustomed to.

 

I'll admit to some slight confusion in your description between the top and bottom....your term of "ground" means the valleys as much as the actual ground, correct, since in the first part you have Jardsen being chased over the hill.

 

Perhaps she has to work from her memory; there are a few weaknesses of being of an elfin persuasion.

Hmmm. The only thing I can think this implies is perhaps not as good eyesight, since it's dark down there? At least something is alluded to here, but perhaps purposefully left out...

 

Her mother is Nadré Orlan, her father... well, people try not to talk about her father. He's just someone different. Someone that shouldn't have happened.

Also interesting. Some further backstory there we'll learn more about at some point, I wager. What we do have so far is that 1) most likely her mother was a dark elf; 2) she's now a "rogue" bounty hunter; 3) looks like her dad was in some way "dark" as well, although the details we don't know, and 4) despite the fact that her mother was dark (and the royalty comes from that side as well, methinks) she is still considered "majestic."

 

Also interesting stuff we learn about the Scarecrow, although nothing particularly revealing. I liked the wording on those two paragraphs about him.

 

In the second section it was interesting to see some of the magic at work. So Resi's a mercenary as well as a bounty-hunter. I couldn't tell if the comment that "This close to an elf village, everything had to work with magic or be burnt..." indicated that the humans burnt it if they discovered magic or what...

 

Anywho, good stuff. Although there wasn't anything particularly wow! about this post, there was some interesting background in it. More importantly, compared to the general quietness it will be interesting to see if the next dice roll brings about any sudden and obvious changes.

[Amidala Skywalker]

Wow...this is good work Tiana! I'm really enjoying this so far. You've managed to create two unique characters that through chance/fate/whatever, get thrown in together. I'm always a big fan of that in a story line.

 

The land kind of reminds me of Kashyyyk...with the people living in the trees and the creatures and lower beings living lower and on the real ground. The idea that no civilized person goes to the real earth reminds me a lot of that too.

 

I really like Resi. She's still a mystery in many ways, but the bits that have been revealed about her history and character are intruiging. I look forward to learning more about her. Same with Jarsen. He's a bumbling kind of character, but I have a feeling his true character will come out in time. He reminds me of Atton from KotOR II--have you played that game?

 

Anyway, very interesting story going on here, T. I'm impressed, as always, and looking forward to more!

[Jidai Geki]

Some nice descriptive passages here, Tiana. I particularly liked the two opening paragraphs...

 

This is a forgotten world. To the elves, the controllers of the forest peaks, it is known to be inhabited solely by themselves, the humans, with a few half-breeds scattered. They have no reason to have mapped Grudotton, the dwarf lands. But here, where they call home Arlis... where the mountains begin to thicken evergreen into huge deciduous branches and the trees massively slip downhill to hide the sun from below...

 

Somehow, they have escaped and evolved away from the need for photosynthesis. Or perhaps the trees lower are parisites, drawing nutrients from the monstrific trees that stretch above. Nonetheless, somehow Arlis survives and drags on with the elves holding the upper branches, and the monsters of the deep holding hostage the land where not even the faintest flecks of sunlight make their way through.

 

Just one small typo here... it's "parasite", not "parisite".

 

As Amidala said, reminiscent of Kashyyyk, which is not a bad thing at all.

 

The contrast and the constant conflict between Resi and Jarsen is a nice touch, and lends a little fire and intrigue to their exchanges.

 

Some nice exposition for both characters as well, especially Resi. She is rapidly becoming as intriguing as your protagonist.

 

The constant clatter of dice in the background reminds me, again, of Pratchett, and in particular of the game the gods play in The Colour of Magic. Perhaps a similar theme is at work here- are the gods playing games with the lives of Resi and Jarsen?

[Tiana Calthye]

I'm quite satisfied, because I just wrote the ending scene to the story. I just have to fill in the gaps. Lol. A warning on the end--if you expect stories with happy-go-lucky ending, don't read my writing.

 

Review replying... argh,solong.

 

The contrast and the constant conflict between Resi and Jarsen is a nice touch, and lends a little fire and intrigue to their exchanges.

That's good. They were created to be very contrasting characters, to keep some interest in the early parts of the story--and hopefully maintain readers--as I brought it towards the more interesting, exciting, action-filled segments.

 

The constant clatter of dice in the background reminds me, again, of Pratchett, and in particular of the game the gods play in The Colour of Magic. Perhaps a similar theme is at work here- are the gods playing games with the lives of Resi and Jarsen?

 

Not gods, per se, and not just Resi and Jarsen. I tone down the clatter of dice as the effects of the Game become less essential to indicate. I'm pretty sure that phase 2 doesn't even indicate the dice. But it's all still there. Yeah, a similar theme. I ripped my inspiration off from Prachett shamelessly and twisted it to my own.

 

You've managed to create two unique characters that through chance/fate/whatever, get thrown in together.

It's the Game! It's all the Game! XD. It gets way worse, don't worry.

 

I really like Resi. She's still a mystery in many ways, but the bits that have been revealed about her history and character are intruiging. I look forward to learning more about her. Same with Jarsen. He's a bumbling kind of character, but I have a feeling his true character will come out in time. He reminds me of Atton from KotOR II--have you played that game?

XD. You will. You will. >.> I have played some of KotOR II, but it was a while ago and I can't really remember much. As for Jarsen, yes, his true character will come out. But for now, this is his character.

 

At least something is alluded to here, but perhaps purposefully left out...

>.>

 

Some further backstory there we'll learn more about at some point, I wager.

Yeah, in an evasive sort of manner. I don't spoonfeed readers, as ForceFusion described of his own work. The answers are very obviously there. Just not said "this is the answer, now stuff it!" to anyone.

 

1) most likely her mother was a dark elf

WRONG! Well... (contemplates) Yeah, a dark elf. I'm not actually sure for sure.

 

2) she's now a "rogue" bounty hunter

Yup. A rogue. It's no spoiler for me to say she deals in black market technology.

 

3) looks like her dad was in some way "dark" as well, although the details we don't know

People don't talk about him. ^_^ Doesn't mean he's "dark".

 

4) despite the fact that her mother was dark (and the royalty comes from that side as well, methinks) she is still considered "majestic."

Aye, the royalty comes from that side, her father's a commoner, that's not a spoiler. I don't think I mentioned who all considered her mother majestic, and I don't think I remembered to add an important part... that neither her mother or father are here now anymore. Oh well.

 

I couldn't tell if the comment that "This close to an elf village, everything had to work with magic or be burnt..." indicated that the humans burnt it if they discovered magic or what...

Kay, since that's elusive. Not a huge key point. Elves are very, very adverse to technology and if humans leave anything around, FOOF, end of THAT techy stuff. Humans don't really care about the differences between magic and technology.

 

 

AND NOW THE CONTINUATION OF THE STORY AFTER THAT REALLY, REALLY, REAAAAAAAAAALLY LONG REPLY TO REVIEW COMMENTS.

 

Ugh, I'm going to have to find a better way to reply to reviews, or make them take up less space...

 

Appologies for an insanely long update, but the first scene cut was too short and boring to post on its own, because it was also a history dump that repeats some of what was said before that I'm way too lazy to edit right now.

 

<><><><><>

 

<><><>

 

After a while of walking, even the eldritch glimmer of the fae creature wasn't enough to illuminate the path down, as the staircase began to grow wider and wider. At first it had just barely brushed the edges, a rough hewn wall, but now they could barely see the steps ahead. As the tree descended, it had gradually grown wider and now they could hold their arms out if so they desired and not touch wood. Resi sighed and ran a finger along one of the rails, using it to keep her balance as she trailed after her ethereal companion. He seemed perfectly at home in the smothering darkness, of course, and even though she had decent night vision, it was mildly discomforting to be trapped in the middle of a tree without any knowledge of what lay ahead.

 

After a while, she snapped her fingers and whispered a word, a bit of a gleam birthing itself from the tips of her hand and springing forth to emit a bit of mysterious light. Jarsen glanced back at her for a moment; there was now a mixture of the fae green and his own moonlight reflections clashing in the tree's hollow.

 

”œWhat'd ya need that for?”

[Amidala Skywalker]

Nice update! Our first look at the humans...

 

Lucky for you, this isn't going to be the longest review...I'm curious to see the relationship between Matrix and Resi, and what all it entails. I also noticed how Resi said she had brought "another halfie", so it's obvious she's saved people before and brought them to this human village. She obviously thinks higher of the humans than she does of the elves, too.

 

A note on the bottled water...that was great! I still have problems drinking things out of bottles sometimes, and I like how you included such a normal thing for us and turned it into something that the Scarecrow had never seen the likes of before. I love his "Why would you put water in a bottle?" moment...I've often thought along similar lines, although mine is more of a "Why would I pay for something I can get for free?"

 

Nice work anyway, T. Oh, and surely you didn't think any of us expected a happy ending??

[Obi-here]

Well, first I'd like to apologize for totalling dropping out on this story. I'm a schmuck...I know. But I vow to catch up, so here I go with just some general thoughts on things...

 

He had lived in this area all his life, and for memories, perhaps far more besides.

And I couldn't even get a bloody girlfriend before they lynched me. Jeez. No consideration at all to the finer points of life”¦

 

Your timing here was excellent and just made me smile. And, so as to keep having to say it again and again through the rest of this, I'll say it now: your writing style is simply perfect. I know I always talk about how good your descriptions and your choice of words are, but they still impress me even after telling you over and over. Excellent work!

 

Geez...the guy sure likes his hat doesn't he? And this whole falling the of the dice thing has me confused and rather intrigued.

 

In amidst the recited elfin words, someone had produced wood, produced gas, produced the materials needed to make a really large bonfire in the middle of a forest without harming the trees around them. He hissed a swearword and attempted to inch backwards.

 

This is one thing that bothers me. Swearword? Compared to the rest of your writing, this feels juvenile to me. It sounds like a five year old telling an adult that someone said a naughty word...you get what I mean. I think maybe he "hissed a curse" or "an oath"; anything other than 'swearword.'

 

That's all I have for now...more later.

[Tiana Calthye]

No worries, I'm rarely loyal to reviewing myself, if you haven't noticed.

 

I know I always talk about how good your descriptions and your choice of words are, but they still impress me even after telling you over and over. Excellent work!

Heh. Actually, you don't review me very much, so it doesn't matter that you've said it again.

 

I think maybe he "hissed a curse" or "an oath"; anything other than 'swearword.'

POV. Jarsen is a very juvenile character at this period and isn't going to be thinking about using oaths. He said damn. Damn was a swearword. If you'd rather, I'll edit it to "He hissed a bad word". I know it's juvenile, but it'll probably stay for now...

 

And this whole falling the of the dice thing has me confused and rather intrigued.

Then you'd better keep reading.

 

I also noticed how Resi said she had brought "another halfie", so it's obvious she's saved people before and brought them to this human village.

Misinterpetation, but not a wrong misinterpetation entirely. Yeah, she's probably dragged other people to the human town before.

 

obviously thinks higher of the humans than she does of the elves, too.

I'll let her speak for herself here--she thinks higher of ANYTHING before the elves.

 

A note on the bottled water...that was great!

Thank you.

 

Oh, and surely you didn't think any of us expected a happy ending??

Ah, but it does HAVE an ending!

 

And... I'll give Gimpy and or Geki a day to reply and update.

[Tiana Calthye]

UPDATE! Phase 1 should come to an end soon, in the next couple updates... as well as the chapter marks, I only marked up to chapter 8 and then got lazy. Heh.

 

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It was morning, Resi supposed, because suddenly there was a bit of noise humming in the back of her head and it felt as if her mind was going to explode. A quick glance in the direction of the night table revealed that indeed, a good nine hours of exhausted unconsciousness had passed, and it was sometime in the early morning hours now.

 

I never sleep that long. She wondered if Matrix hadn't drugged her drink, and sighed. She wouldn't have put it past the woman to make sure she got enough rest, but nonetheless. Slipping up from out of bed, she slammed her feet neatly to the floor (she had slept in her boots, and now her ankles ached) and stood up. The window was open slightly, and the room contained a bit of a chill.

 

Grabbing her tunic from where it rested on a nearby chair, she pulled it on over her head nonetheless. Matrix hadn't left any clean clothing in her room, but that was all right. She hadn't expected that much from the woman. For a bare moment she wondered why she had taken her shirt off but not her boots to sleep. Exhaustion, she supposed. Stumbling down the stairs in the thin hallway, she leaned against the wall and peered into the kitchen.

 

The clock cleanly displayed a ridiculously early time in the morning: five o'clock. Matrix wasn't up yet, neither was the Scarecrow. But the elf hadn't expected either of them to be awake, rising with the sun was a habit forged from being magical, some sort of inner instinct.

 

Rummaging around in the refrigerator, she finally produced some fruit and milk; setting it on the cupboard she dug around for a cutting board and knife, and a bowl. She carefully sliced the fruit into little pieces before pouring a glass of milk and returning the pitcher to the fridge and going to sit down. She had well finished her meal of fruit and moved on to some cereal when Matrix came down, yawning, at seven o'clock to eat and open up the store.

 

”œMornin'.”

[Jidai Geki]

EDIT: Wrote this before I saw your latest post, Tiana. Will post comments for that when I have time to read it.

 

A nice update. A couple of things are niggling at me, though, before we move onto the positive:

 

stumbling off of it with a sickening green expression

 

I'm not really sure one can have a "green" expression. Maybe a greenish hue to his skin or something along those lines? Also, I think "sickeningly" might work better than "sickening".

 

Jarsen hadn't noticed, but sometime in the age while he was staring at trees as they swooned and swayed in double vision as he gradually regained his legs

 

This sentence is too long and quite clumsy, IMO. Could do with being broken up or shortened.

 

with a stare that could've cut through cake and cheese with little effort

 

This sentence just sounds very strange to me. I would suggest reworking it.

 

And then she had vanished in her incredible sexy beauty

 

Seemed a little bit out of the blue to me. I don't know if it's just me, but I hadn't detected any hint of attraction for Resi from Jarsen. Maybe I'm wrong and you dropped hints before this, but if you didn't that's just what this should be: a subtle hint that he's attracted to her, not such a strong and overt statement.

 

Anyway, on with the good:

 

As already mentioned, the water bottle sequence was good. I liked Jarsen's bewilderment and subsequent inability to drink from the bottle, effected in a very subtle way. Very Pratchett-esque (sorry to keep comparing you to him! ).

 

Interesting that the humans live in a quasi-futuristic settlement, incredibly incongruous in that setting. I look forward to seeing how this plays out.

 

The "paper" thing is also interesting, showing us that Resi probably has an ulterior motive. She's an intriguing character who we still know very little about, and I look forward to seeing her develop.

[Amidala Skywalker]

Ah, another update! Nice work, as always, Tiana. I think this is very intruiging, and you have kept our interest well.

 

I find it interesting, as Geki pointed out, how modern the human's society is, and how incongruous it is with the rest of the fantasy setting. So Matriz runs a tech support and repair shop? That's cool...and it gives us more of an idea of what the human world is like in this story.

 

On a side note, good description on the clothing. I could definately picture what it looked like, especially for Resi. That rarely happens for me, so good work!

 

Not much to crit...it was good, and I liked the conversation between Matrix and Resi about Jarsen.

 

One little thing--the whole last part, with the secret that Jarsen is hiding--that seemed really out of the blue for me. I don't know how you could have fit it in better, but it seemed kind of awkward.

 

Anyway, good work, and I'm looking forward to more!

[jedi_master_gimpy]

Okay, so first my apologies...this is going to be a really short catch-up post compared to my normal ones. School is keeping me up to my eyeballs in craziness, so I have almost zip time for this right now. Hopefully once my schedule settles more it'll be easier....

 

As always, good stuff. Amusing, sarcastic or smart-lipped one-liners. Interesting that Resi doesn't mind technology, although it fits with her rebellious image.

 

Single noticed thing in the end of chapter three is when Resi drags Jarsen out of the tree, there are three uses of the word "slam" in some version in fairly quick succession - I would change at least one of them. Similarly, in chapter four the term "holding/held on" is used repetively in the same sentence when Jarsen is getting off the air scooter.

 

I loved Resi's "He's really quite an idiot." line.

 

Ditto to Ami's curiosity about Matrix and Resi, as well as what other "halfies" she's brought through. Also, nice job turning the "normal" stuff into strange, new things for Scarecrow.

 

Second update...

 

It was interesting to see the huge contrast here in the "normal" interactions in a human city with technology I'm used to compared to what we've seen earlier. As to the very last bit, you certainly added some sudden intrigue. It's got me wondering, although it was almost out of place with how quickly it jumped in there.

 

Again, sorry for the (relatively) short reply.

[Tiana Calthye]

Yeah, sorry for not updating for a while. I had trouble adjusting to suddenly having 3 pretty critical reviews at the same time as, uh, every 28 days. Y'know. I like critisim, but it was difficult to deal with so I didn't bother replying when I knew I'd be snappish about it. Heh. Roughly, for those comments on awkward sentences and phrases and overused words, I'm going to use my excuse. Nanowrimo. I did these in Word Wars, in which we were trying to write as much as humanly possibly in 10-20 minutes, whatever we chose. I was not looking back. I was just writing. I haven't looked back. I haven't fixed any of this. This is my writing in a rough format, the only editing I've done is to spell check. I decided it was good enough to post, though--and I still think it is--and I'm using you guys as a way to see the things I don't notice so easily on my own. You're really helping, and once I get it finished and start the second draft, I promise I'll go back to this thread and every little "you over used this word", "this made no sense", and stuff will be fixed. I promise. You're really helping.

 

<><><>

 

Maybe I'm wrong and you dropped hints before this

I did, he was hitting on her, but that was word filler too.

I appreciate the Prachett compairing, actually, because I love him as a writer and to be compared to him is a great compliment.

 

Interesting that the humans live in a quasi-futuristic settlement, incredibly incongruous in that setting. I look forward to seeing how this plays out.

The story's sci-fi/fantasy... the elves are the ones that are out of the loop. You'll see more buildup of technology as we carry on, as well as very different societies. Don't worry. It's intentional. >.>

 

 

I don't know how you could have fit it in better, but it seemed kind of awkward.

I know. It's actually not necessary to be stated like that. I was trying to build on her cynicism towards him... for a plot point later... but I overdid it here.

 

And then the plot device went crazy.

 

On a side note, good description on the clothing

I'm phobic about describing things, so thank you. I always worry I'll overdo it.

 

So Matriz runs a tech support and repair shop? That's cool...and it gives us more of an idea of what the human world is like in this story.

Yeah, that's about what she does. A bit of black market techy stuff too, but I never expanded much on that... that's what Resi is... a supplier for people out of the city. There's other humans that aren't so advanced... we'll meet them in... a couple updates, I think. XD

 

It was interesting to see the huge contrast here in the "normal" interactions in a human city with technology I'm used to compared to what we've seen earlier.

Aye. Elves are a bit old fashioned, humans are generally about on our technology level... then there's the one up. >.>

 

Ditto to Ami's curiosity about Matrix and Resi, as well as what other "halfies" she's brought through.

(sighs) Well, we'll see. The story's jumping into a bit of a crazy point now.

 

Don't worry about it, I'm not forcing you to read regularly. XD.

 

 

<><><><><>

 

But they were given no more time to contemplate the secrets and conspiracies that appeared in the depths of the maps and even whatever Scarecrow really was. Beyond what Resi had considered and decided on her own time, there was left an empty blank.

 

Matrix left at the end of the business day, leaving them to eat supper on their own in painful silence as she sought a translator with a couple of the papers that Resi had brought along in the ream-sized box. There was an eerie silence in the business house, the floorboards creaking and the clock eerily ticking in the dark silence. Jarsen didn't like the lights all on, and had turned all but the lamp in the middle of the table off, and the room was an eerie sort of burgundy shade. Everything was dark red, outside the windows street lights were beginning to come to life and highlight the vehicles and bikes moving their way down to get home as business's rush hour finally began to slow down to dinner and finally peace of a sort.

 

They were left to stare at their plats of food in silence, chewing at the macaroni as they went, examining the wallpaper in a futile attempt to avoid looking at each other. Both of them had realized that they were in a sense, attracted to the other”¦ perhaps simply Scarecrow in the physical manner, but Resi fascinated by who and what he was. Whatever he was, it was fascinating her and she had to know what it was.

 

And then”¦

 

A shudder worked its way through the house, shaking it from the bones, and she was forced to grab her glass before it tipped over--his did, sending juice spreading across the table cloth. Jarsen stood up. ”œWhere can I find a cloth?”

[jedi_master_gimpy]

First for your replies to comments....no explanations/excuses needed, as I do recall you mentioning in the first post being a rought first draft from Nanowrimo, so any critiquing comments I'm putting in are with the assumption that you might use them later when going back to revise it. You like to give the same help to others, so don't worry about getting some of it (lol, not that makes repeated posts of it easier....good thought on waiting to reply in that case).

 

Don't worry about it, I'm not forcing you to read regularly. XD.

 

Well, you definitely have no need to force me to read regularly. So I think it must be a self-inflicted guilt for when I do get behind...not to mention it makes it harder to find the bigger chunk of time to catch up.

 

As to this post...wow! We see the entrance of the actual shadow-creatures which were part of the connected vignette you had up. They literally made quite the entrance into the story, with us having no idea why they're after Resi and/or Scarecrow, nor did Resi seem to have encountered their type before (she's the one to most likely have done so, methinks).

 

In paritcular I had to snicker at their attraction to each other (although you did a good job of indicating that Resi's wasn't of a physical nature, as was Jarsen's) as well as multiple descriptions of Jarsen such as his abslute cluelessness in general, the way he grabbed his macaroni while running out the door, and "where he struggled to convince the juice to leap from the tablecloth into his control once more." Oh, and let's not forget that it appears he blew right through some type of construction zone or police tape and thus took a nasty fall.

 

It's really quite a conundrum that Resi was the one caught, seeing as she's much more resourceful. We at least know they were chasing both of them, although I have no idea as to why (the only possible hint we have right now is that it has something to do with how they escaped from the elves, although I'm not sure that necessarily has a direct connection - it could have something much more to do with just who Jarsen is or the papers they have even).

 

You had some nice descriptions throughout the scene, from their slightly awkward quietness at the beginning through the attack. In particular I liked the sentence: "The shadows lengthened, the light growing further away as she crossed." I think because it had to do with light and dark, an obvious theme of this, plus it gave such a suspenseful-moment feeling of the lengthening shadows, the creaking at the door and her sneaking over.

 

Good stuff!

[Amidala Skywalker]

Once again, I could echo everything Gimpy just said.... Good to have you back, Gimpy...

 

Anyway, nice update T! I agree with Gimpy's impression of the shadow-creature's entrance...it certainly was quite an entrance! I like how you suddenly had them attack, and it was clear by their ignoring the humans, that they're after Resi and Jarsen in particular.

 

I like how you left Matrix's fate in the air...and how we don't know how Resi is...

 

Of course, caring for the characters like I do, I really hope they're alright!!!

 

More soon, please?

[Obi-here]

Well, I finished Chapter 3 and am still enjoying this quite a bit. In some sections your ideas seem to jump all over the place, but they're kept together just enough to make sense...it works. hehe.

 

And, I don't know if somebody mentioned this, yet, but Resi has Mara Jade written all over her. She jumps right out at me with her thoughts and dialogue...

 

Speaking of dialogue, your use of it is just perfect. I'm still trying to learn how to write good dialogue, and this story is an excellent example for me to follow.

 

I'm slowly catching up, but I'll get there.

[Tiana Calthye]

I ordinarily want critiques, it was just the time of the month made it a bit harder to take all 3 at once. Critique away! You guys have 2.5 safe weeks now.

 

Shorter update, and for which I appologize, but the next scene is the last in part one, and it's 7 pages long, and... ummm... that would've been a bit much to post with this.

 

Oh, and let's not forget that it appears he blew right through some type of construction zone or police tape and thus took a nasty fall.

Construction, and it's definately a nasty fall, yes.

 

It's really quite a conundrum that Resi was the one caught, seeing as she's much more resourceful.

I say nothing. I saayyyy nothing. Yes, she's more resourceful.

 

I like how you suddenly had them attack, and it was clear by their ignoring the humans, that they're after Resi and Jarsen in particular.

>.> Yeah, I was a bit annoyed by that, actually. The sudden entrance. I didn't plan that. But it just happened. Neither did I plan for Resi to be captured! -_-

 

I like how you left Matrix's fate in the air...and how we don't know how Resi is...

^_^ Those will all be answered in due time. Resi in this post, actually. Sort of.

 

Of course, caring for the characters like I do, I really hope they're alright!!!

By the end of the story, if you still love all of them, I'll be shocked. Of course, it might be me you hate for it.

 

Speaking of dialogue, your use of it is just perfect. I'm still trying to learn how to write good dialogue, and this story is an excellent example for me to follow.

I don't consider it my best dialogue, and sometimes I overdo it, but... all right. I have a lot of fun writing dialogue and I think I'm good at it, glad you liked it too.

 

And, I don't know if somebody mentioned this, yet, but Resi has Mara Jade written all over her. She jumps right out at me with her thoughts and dialogue...

No one's mentioned it. Unintentional, but I guess you're right... hmm. That's good. Since I'm trying to get a start on NSO pt 2. XD

 

some sections your ideas seem to jump all over the place, but they're kept together just enough to make sense...it works. hehe.

I acknowledge the randomness of the beginning. It was while I was still establishing it. I'm going to try tone some things down and make them more... easy to follow. It gets more random as it goes, unfortunately. There's scenes that are written entirely in present tense later on. If you can follow this, that's good. We'll see if you can follow it to the end... you guys help me SO much.

 

 

 

 

<><><><><>

 

 

 

 

Her head was a blur. Resi groaned and attempted to roll over, making absolutely no real progress before she was once more spinning, and her mind trapped in a chaotic mess of red and black sensations that refused to solidify into anything more tangible than colors of splattered paint. She couldn't open her eyes”¦

 

Or were they open?

 

Augh”¦

 

Vaguely, she heard herself groan, and then sort of jerked back into a state of awareness in which she was suddenly vividly and agonizingly aware that her hands were bound sharply behind her back, there was a hood over her head and something tied around her eyes to keep it there. There was no gag shoved into her mouth, for which she was thankful--her mouth was already dry as dust and tasted like someone had poured foul liquid over her tongue multiple times. She crumbled forward into a coughing fit.

 

Footsteps.

 

Someone stopped beside her, grabbed her arm and roughly pushed her over. There was a wall where she stopped, her body shoved against it in such a manner that various splinters pressed their way through her tunic and pricked at her flesh. It had to be a house of some sort. It didn't feel like it was outdoors, the air wasn't fresh enough. It felt too trapped.

 

”œGood morning, girl.”

[Amidala Skywalker]

Interesting....

 

So Resi is not doing well, but Jarsen somehow managed to teleport himself out instead of falling to the true earth...so he saved himself--for now at least.

 

I'm curious by this sudden turn the story has taken. Very unexpected. I'm interested to learn where Jarsen ended up...and, of course, how Resi will get out of capture.

 

Not much to say, as it was short, but overall, well done. I do so enjoy little plot twists like that...

[jedi_master_gimpy]

Critique away! You guys have 2.5 safe weeks now.

 

I'd complain about the shortness of the post, but with 7 pages for the next one this was obviously a good choice. Lots of abrupt turns in plot, as Ami noted, and in particular some very good descriptions! The one thing that stood out to me was once again some repeated word choices ("sunk [him] back down", third paragraph of chapter six) which I will mention for if you go back through here when you get around to editing this massive outpouring for Nanowrimo.

 

Okay, so specifics...

 

Her head was a blur. Resi groaned and attempted to roll over, making absolutely no real progress before she was once more spinning, and her mind trapped in a chaotic mess of red and black sensations that refused to solidify into anything more tangible than colors of splattered paint. She couldn't open her eyes”¦

 

Or were they open?

 

Excellent description, here. It was a wonderful description of that surreal spinning and colors rushing by when you're waking up from faining, and so made her disorientation upon waking from the poison very realistic. It's interesting that they're keeping her drugged at this point - we also have no idea how long she was out, since she could be somewhere else or still in Matrix's house. There seem to be just a few reasons for this - either they were more interested in Jarsen and so she is second fiddle, they just want to wait to deal with her until they have both, or that they are keeping her subdued during some other type of wait period such as to transport her somewhere or have someone else show up.

 

Watch out, there's an open manhole! They're trying to fix it still!

 

Somewhere, he remembered someone screaming this at him.

 

Snrk. Again, nice descriptions with having his brain trying to cope with what's happening, and playing "catch-up" several seconds later to process what was happening as it so often does.

 

The echo of a clatter of plastic against metal reverberated as his figure vanished...

 

Hmm. Was this supposed to be connected just to his use of magic (the second half of the sentence is) or is it supposed to refer to...say...another dice roll having occured just then?

 

It was painful, vivid, and worst of all, burning. He could feel the sun digging into the back of his neck and head as he attempted to stroke his way over, arms crawling through the water.

 

Once again I must applaud the wonderful descriptions. You really caught the overwhelming heat and light of the sun which he would feel...great job.

But it was gone, somewhere in the forest, falling to its doom.

 

And that...really, I just had to laugh uproariously at it.

 

Excellent stuff, Tiana!

[Tiana Calthye]

This is the end of part one.

 

Author's note: Grayson may be changed to Liam or Hunter to fit later plot devices, but as I am not editing yet, I'm just making this as an OOC note to readers. Sorry, I'm not replying in depth to reviews, need sleep.

 

 

or is it supposed to refer to...say...another dice roll having occured just then?

Yes.

 

And... well... you'll see. I'm glad you liked my descriptive stuff.

 

I do so enjoy little plot twists like that...

I promise you, it gets so much worse.

 

Roughly, in reply to your review, Ami... there will be plot devices, and your questions will be answered... and here is a longer update.

 

<><><>

 

And then suddenly there was no longer any black, and though everything was a mess of various shades of blur and purple and red, there was light blasting into her eyes and Resi could see again. Coughing, she managed to right herself, forcing herself to sit up though her feet were bound sharply in front of herself and both hands behind. Her mouth tasted like it had been run through a desert and left to rot for some time, and then ran over with soap and various other disgusting flavored objects. She spat off to the side, no matter that it was floor, and blinked hard to regain her sense of sight.

 

Blue dots danced in front of her vision, and she coughed once more. The light was gradually sinking from a horrible shade of white down to a palatable light gray, which was probably, she reflected, the natural color of the lighting wherever she was. The suggestion of rattling from beneath reminded her that quite possibly she was moving. And her head after a while added onto that. It had been bounced around. Once her vision was back to normal, she glanced around suspiciously.

 

It appeared to be the inside of some sort of moving vehicle, she wasn't sure what type, only that it felt lightweight and the motor wasn't that loud. Magical, perhaps, but she was uncertain. It was cold, and the air didn't taste smothered, like it would have underneath layers of trees. It simply tasted like air, cool and free. The light streamed in through tiny pixel sized holes in black fabric over her head.

 

She dropped back down and rolled to see if any of her weapons had been left on her person. And”¦ no. Nothing. Whoever had grabbed her had done a very through job, managing to locate all the hidden daggers concealed along her leg, even the darts pierced through her hair which she carried a minor poison on had been removed. Her gun”¦ most certainly, and her bow had been outside of her clothing, definitely”¦ that and the case of arrows was gone. Resi growled a piece of a swearword before sitting back up awkwardly and leaning against the wall. She had been in this position before, weaponless and unknowing of where she was, it just simply wasn't a position she liked being in.

 

I suppose I'll find some way out”¦

 

She sighed, and closed her eyes. Her head pounded with a monster headache from being doubly doused with drugs, but that was minor compared to the immediate goal of escape. There was light that escaped through the black. Clearly she was above the forest. The shadowy creatures who she had seen before getting darted”¦ they had to have been related to wherever she was now. Certainly not in the forest, she thought. It didn't smell like the forest. It smelt more like nothing at all, a light-weight taste.

 

And then there was a hitch in the movement, a few calls. She focused herself further in onto what was going on outside, attempting to shift her awareness out far enough that she could feel what was beyond, taste it even”¦ to become a part of whatever”¦

 

Then the light was gone, and everything was a strange shade of black, the brilliance of something overhead streaming into a stench of ink and shadows. There was suddenly ground underneath, she could feel it”¦

 

Someone stepped through into the back, and grabbed her arms. ”œSo, you're up? Great. You're walking now, girlie.”