Sirvani Zsahra

The planet was quiet, as it always was. A graveyard of the Sith, it had never encouraged any permanent settlement. The dusty, rocky planet held many memories for anyone that visited, and Sirvani was no exception. She turned to her apprentice as she brought her ship down for a smooth landing on the surface. "Tell me, what do you know of this world?"

It was a common sob story, but Sirvani tried hard to see it though his eyes. She understood about the beatings, having received many growing up herself. "Draw on those experiences," she said quietly. "The pain will fuel you, allow you to keep going, and draw the Dark Side to you even more powerfully." Taking a deep breath, she shook herself and reached out to study the two items Torin had aquired. The gem was definately beautiful, and she wondered breifly if it would be fitting for a lightsaber gem. The second item was more interesting to her. She examined the runes on the stone. She knew enough to tell they were indeed ancient Sith runes, but couldn't read them. That had been John's hobby, and now she regretted not paying more attention to that particular lesson. She was about to tell Torin about the Sith runes when a beeping noise filled the cabin, signalling their arrival at their destination. She rose and beckoned him to follow her to the cockpit. Once there, a few deft switches moved them out the tunnel of hyperspace into realspace above the ancient Sith world of Korriban. ((To Korriban thread))

She knew this moment would come. The pain was unbearable, but she had been dealing with it day by day, moment by moment. She half expected it to get better over time, but it hadn't. Sirvani didn't know if she wanted to tell him. But part of her knew there was nothing that needed to be hidden, and that perhaps there would be healing in talking about it, even to one who barely knew her. "His name was...John," she said. Her voice was the softest Torin had ever heard from her. "He was a great Sith Master. In fact, he was my master." She paused, biting her lip. She would not show weakness to her apprentice. She would not. "We were married last month. But...it didn't last. The Force called him home." Her voice cracked at the end. A haunted, empty look filled her eyes, full of pain and loneliness. Her emotions weren't obeying her. But at the same time, it felt almost traitorous to the memory of John to not let herself feel grief. Perhaps Oblivion thought differently, but that was not who Sirvani was. If the Sith Order had a problem with that...well, then the Sirvani had a problem with the Sith Order. "He was...everything. You could never possibly understand. You will never comprehend..." She forced it all back again, hiding once more behind her tough, stern mask. If she didn't think about it, she wouldn't appear weak. If she appeared weak, then Torin wouldn't listen to her. "Now, tell me about yourself. Your past, your present, your hopes for the future," she said gruffly. "It's the least you can do in return."

It was a good question. She had hoped he would have questions about the meeting. It had been a significant one, if only for the general workings of the order. "There are three classes, as they talked about in the meeting. The first is the Sith Warrior. Lord Quietus chose this class to lead personally. They focus on battle. Attacks, lightsaber work, and anything that can aid them in a fight is what they focus on. "The second class is the Krath, or Sith Sorcerors. They are the alchimests. They forge armor, build new fighters, and work to protect the members of the Order. This is your former master Oblivion's speciality. "The third group is the Sith Assassins. They focus on the mind, manipulating and seducing. They are powerful, but not all brawn like the Warriors. Hiding in the Force like I showed you is one of the Assassin's favorite tricks. Master Exodus is the head of this class." She paused. "I suppose I am most like an Assassin, although I'm not a big fan of sterotypes. That's where I fit in best, I suppose." She turned the conversation to him. "Where do you feel like you'd fit in best?" She also wanted to ask him about himself. She didn't know anything about him, other than what had been revealed by his actions.

"Close," she replied. "It takes practice. Once you get good, you can vanish in the Force. But practice helps you also be able to come back. To retain your identity." She sat down. "Well, apprentice, what do you want to learn next? Do you have any questions for me?" She was in an odd mood. She didn't know what she was feeling, and didn't really know what to say, so answering his questions would alleviate some of that for her.

The black Nubian ship slipped through the blurs of hyperspace. Sirvani rose. "Come." She lead Torin to a small training room on her ship. "You remember what you learned on the Heretic." It was a statement, not a question. "The Force can also be used to mask your presence. It is the epitome of stealth. This gives you the element of surprise--you can hide your distinct Force-signature from other Force-users." She let it sink in for a moment. "Focus on the Force, and command it to do this for you." She began to lower her own Force-signature, and soon Torin would be aware that while he could see her, he could no longer feel her.

Sirvani listened quietly as Quietus spoke. He seemed to have thought everything through, and she applauded his reintroduction of the Sith Trinity. She thought it a wise step, especially given his lack of popularity in stepping up to take the vacant throne without a fight. By including Oblivion and Exodus in his planning, they should be able to come to a plan of action that would suit the entire Order fairly well. She listened as the others spoke out, voicing their concerns and acceptances of their positions. Cineon Yahn was one of the Sith she remembered disliking, as she had been severly disrespected by him back on Foy many years ago, and his blatant egotism and snide remarks reminded her of one reason why she didn't like the Sith. The question of the Empire that arose was a good one. She hadn't really been paying attention to the ancient organization--actually, she hadn't really been paying attention to many of the happenings in the galaxy recently--but she couldn't have avoided hearing about the Battle of Csilla's outcome. It would be interesting to see if the Sith remained tied to the Empire or not. Keeping a peice of her mind on Torin to make sure he didn't do anything stupid or wander off, she listened closely to see what Quietus would say in response.

"Don't worry about it," Sirvani replied. "As for Quietus, I'm sure whatever plans he has up his sleeves will be interesting. I remember the last time he held the mantle of Dark Lord, although I was a lot younger then." She felt Torin's fascination with both their conversation and the other Sith in the room. It amused her. She remembered early on in her training the Sith gathered on Mimban under the Dark Lord Bishop of Battle. She had felt the same way--a mixture of awe, intimidation, and desire to be just like them. And here she was, a Sith Master. But she didn't feel like she had gotten the title the same way as many of those old Masters had. Her path had been unique, and despite it all, she didn't think she'd want it any other way.

Her jaw tightened at the mention of the wedding. She knew Alora meant well, but she had abandoned that life completely. "I've managed," she replied. "Sorry about the wedding...but I'm just lucky we managed to get married after all." She didn't think her friend knew anything about what had happened, but Alora knew her well enough that she would be able to tell how much pain Sirvani was still in. Her mental sheilds were strong, but Alora would realize they were stronger because of the trauma she had been put through. She noticed Alora's glance at the ring on her finger, and paused for a moment. She hadn't even considered taking it off. The thought had never crossed her mind. She had forgotten that she was even wearing it. She struggled for a moment with the decision. That life was as good as dead, so why did she cling to it? Why didn't she want to rid herself of this last symbol of her past? But Sirvani was stubborn. She didn't want to take it off. It seemed...wrong somehow. After all they had been through together, his memory deserved this one bit of preservation. Sirvani was a Sith--she was allowed to be selfish. Quickly clamping down on her thoughts, she changed the subject. "I must say I was surprised when I learned who the new Dark Lord was. He just couldn't resist," she commented coyly. Both of the women knew Quietus well, although Alora certainly more so.

The Shadow's Shine appeared out of hyperspace over Korriban. It felt good to be back in the shadow of the ancient Sith planet again, Sirvani realized. It had been too long since she had been here. She brought her ship to land on the Heretic, then rose and went to the back where Torin had been sitting out the ride. "We are going to a grand meeting of the Sith," she told him, "as you know. There are many masters here. I want you to observe and speak only when you are spoken to. I will test you on your observations later." She threw on an outer robe over her standard, midriff-baring tunic and motioned for Torin to follow her. They headed directly towards the meeting room. On the way, Sirvani told Torin a little bit about Korriban--how it was one of the most ancient homes of the Sith in the galaxy, and about the famous Sith Lords that had battled and were entombed here. As they entered the room, she fell silent, observing the others present. Many of them she knew and remembered, while others she was not aquainted with. Pleased to see Alora again, she approached the woman. "Imagine seeing you here. How have you been, Alora?" It had indeed been a long time since the two women had seen each other. Sirvani would be interested to hear what Alora had been up to; at least, whatever she had done that hadn't been conveyed by her rather popular reputation.

As they parted, Sirvani felt an involuntary shiver run down her lekku at the apprentice's obvious attraction to her. It was flattering, but it struck her as way too ironic. The past, they said, had a tendency to repeat itself, and this scene was like the filmmakers had decided to splice in an past scene of a movie. She would have to decide how to deal with this. But for now, she'd ignore it until it became more of an issue. She felt Torin come onto the ship, and she quickly lifted off and pointed the ship's nose towards Korriban. With a flip of the lever, they were in hyperspace. ((To Korriban...))

"Pain makes you stronger," she replied. "It is not something to run from, but to learn from. Pain is your ally. It fuels your emotions, and adds fuel to your fire." It was a rebuke, and she spoke the words with a touch of reprimand. "But since you are weak, go, get bacta and heal yourself." She felt the dominant change in the Force, then felt the presence leave. It was of no concern to her. Just then her comm buzzed with an incoming message from the Dark Lord. Finally... she thought. I can figure out who the new Dark Lord is and see what commands he has. She activated the message, and was instantly struck with surprise at the face that looked back at her. Raynuk Montar?!?! She knew he had been the Dark Lord in the past, but didn't think he was still alive. It was like a blast from the past, and a welcome one. Raynuk was a good friend...or at least, he had been in the past. She turned to Torin and motioned for him to follow her. "We are going to Korriban. The Sith are gathering together under a new Dark Lord. Gather anything you need and meet me at the landing platform. This will be a useful lesson for you." She activated the turbolift, sending them up towards the surface. Once the trip was over--in which Sirvani did not look or speak to the boy--they exited the lift. Sending him off to heal and get ready, she went directly to her ship. She would wait there for him, then they'd leave this miserable wet planet.

((OOC: Thanks...must have missed that. I'll edit.)) IC: The boy had a lot of anger. Sirvani was impressed. She could feel it literally radiating off him in waves. He would be powerful, that much was clear. Her mind had already begun forming ideas naturally on how to teach him what it meant to truly be a Sith. In a way, it was refreshing to think about something else, to get excited about something. It was natural and healthy for her mind. "No, Oblivion doesn't like aliens," she replied. "But he respects my power. If you are to succeed in your training, then that is something you must learn." She paused. "To answer your question, I am Darth Anathema, a Sith Master of the Order. Oblivion has turned you over to me because he trusts me and knows that I will train you into your full potential." She didn't know why exactly Oblivion had made the decision to give her his apprentice. Perhaps he had seen that it was one path to healing for her to be in charge of another, to train a young mind in the ways of the Sith. "Do you have any other questions?" she asked. She had the feeling the boy would find her style rather different than Oblivion's. She had never seen Oblivion training an apprentice, but had a feeling his methods would differ greatly than that of his own master's. If the obvious pain the boy was in was any sign, she was right.

And he was gone. She felt like a new creature, with a new outlook on life. She would not let her past haunt her. Here she had that chance. A new planet, a new home, and new apprentice. She wrapped her cloak around her as she entered the underwater facility. She could feel the apprentice waiting, in pain, yet stronger for the experience. She would speak to him, tell him the change in plans. It was simple to find him. His training with the Force had been so little that he did not have any mental sheilding whatsoever. His thoughts were pouring out to her like an open book if she chose to read it. The doors slid open, and Anathema stepped through them. The boy was lying on the ground on his back. She noticed his skin was as crimson red as her own, and that surprised her slightly. She would not have expected Oblivion to take on an alien for training, given his disdain and predjudice. But perhaps this was a special case. She approached him. "Get up, boy. Oblivion has left you under my tutelage. What do you have to say for yourself? What is your name, and why did you seek out the Sith?"

Sirvani felt like crumbling under his presence. She felt like she could not continue like this...but now he was threatening to take away the tiniest bit of identity she had left... Pressure was building up inside her, pressure that had been building since the moment of his death. She couldn't handle it anymore. She couldn't live like this. The pain was simply too much to bear. Suddenly, anger burst through her, untamed. Why did he do this to her? What spell had he put her under, then abandoned her so cruelly? Had he ever really loved her? How could he, if he had gone and done something like this to her? Part of her cried out at this, telling her that she knew he had loved her. That the Force had called him away, and that it was the Force's cruelty, not John's. But the other side was gaining power. The bitter side. The angry side. The dark side. She was a Sith Master. She should never have allowed this to happen in the first place. If she was truly qualified, she would have not fallen under his spell in the first place. Or she could have saved him from dying. Unleashed her power and fury to stop the natural processes going on in his body and forced him to remain alive. The Force was pulsing out of her now, accentuating Oblivion's own powers. She had been shown no mercy, so she would show none. She had failed, and she would not fail again. She had learned her lessons, and was even now learning them from the cruel power that governed the universe. Now she would dominate, and show the galaxy that she was not to be trifled with, and that there was no power like a woman scorned. Her pain was a source of power, not of weakness. She couldn't allow it to hinder her, to hold her back. So she would not. She looked up at Oblivion; her irises were constricted, so that her eyes looked like they were all pupil. "You were right. There is no more self-pity. I am ready. Let me loose. Darth Anathema rises again."

She bristled at his use of the word "babbling", but pushed it off. She knew he meant nothing by it, only the slightest disrespect. But everything was so fresh in her mind that it was an instant reaction. She listened as he talked about making the boy more dependable and stronger, and inwardly wondered what he meant. She supposed she'd have to see for herself. Briefly, she wondered why Oblivion kept referring to 'his absence'. She was going to ask him where he was going, but they entered the lift and the moment passed. At his comment about never getting to know each other, she offered a short, bitter, barking laugh. "There is nothing you can do to help me. I'm a lost cause. I suppose I should take the comment that you can't see my pain as a compliment. I learned to hide my feelings well. But I have to admit I'm surprised you can't feel it. It is the essence of my being..." Her voice trailed off. It hurt too much to talk about it, to think about it, that she simply didn't. She had cut off that part of her mind completely, ignoring all the little things that screamed out to her as reminders of his absence. She couldn't even think his name. "As for telling you about myself...I don't know what there is to tell you. I...I almost don't know who I am. Not anymore." It was true. Her identity was in crisis. Her relationship to John had been so much a part of who she was that to have that taken away from her so suddenly was almost crippling. Only by falling back on her training, relying on her instincts, and forcing her self to go along was she finding herself able to live.

"Indeed," Sirvani replied softly. "You are a man. You simply need...practice. There is always something new we can learn. It has been a long time since my self-improvement has continued as well, so I understand your sentiments." She half-smiled at his previous statement. "So much like the one who came before you. I must meet her. Both you and him had a weakness for strong women, so I'm sure I will like her." She paused. "As for the boy, I would be pleased to meet him." So much of her speech was false; her words were true, but the emotions and expressions that accompanied them were mere show, a mask to hide behind. There was so much she could hand over to habit, and she did so willingly. It was too much struggle to think, to control her actions. The world was too small and insignificant and cruel for her to care anymore.

She felt Tethyn's return, and waited, knowing he'd come sooner or later. As he entered the room, she looked up at him, the haunted look in her eyes making her small smile at seeing him in person seem superficial. "I've never known the meaning of the word 'troublesome' until now," she replied candidly. "But I had no unforseen complications." She could tell he was hurt, and assumed he had come from battle, but didn't inquire. He'd tell her if it mattered to her, or if he felt like talking about it. "So this is your lair, huh? What made you choose Kamino, out of all planets? It's got to be a fairly lonely place, although...I felt a few other presences here and there...echoes of a fully-trained woman, and the closer presence of a young man." She glanced inquisitively at him. "So perhaps you are not alone that often?"

She brought the ship in for a surprisingly dry landing on the stormy planet. Actually, she found some irony in the fact that it was so gloomy here...it matched how she felt. The Imperials waiting for her didn't comment, but lead her inside the facility. She was informed that Oblivion was not currently there, but was given some quarters and left alone. The place was nice, austere and clean, like most places she had heard of on this world. Sitting at the computer screen in the room, Sirvani began to research the movements of the Sith.

The Shadow's Shine entered Kamino space, and exited hyperspace over the planet. Slowly, Sirvani brought the ship in an approach. She really hadn't known where to go, so she had taken Oblivion up on his offer. At least here, she might be able to find out some information on the location and identity of the Dark Lord. She sent a request in for landing, and waited. Most Sith had defenses installed above their planets, and even if Kamino wasn't completely under Oblivion's control, she felt it the proper procedure.

A small, sleek, familiar ship exited hyperspace above the polluted atmosphere of Raxus Prime. Sirvani was hit with a wave of pain just on seeing it's familiar location. She remembered the first time she had seen it, a brown, desolate orb hanging in space. It hadn't been remarkable, and she remembered never having heard of it. She was young and unexperienced, barely even able to tap in to the Force and awed by the power radiating off her new master. For a while, she let the ship sit in the atmosphere. Emily had joined her in the cockpit, and the mother and daughter sat looking down at the surface, each lost in her own thoughts. Sirvani's mind was a whirlwind of pain. She hated the universe at large. Why did this have to happen to her? Why did John abandon her? True, she could take care of herself...but she needed him. He completed her. And now she felt as though half of herself was missing; gone never to be replaced. She could barely think about all the times they had spent together. The planet below held so many memories. But she couldn't allow herself to think about them, or she'd explode with sorrow. She wondered for a moment how she could go on like this...how she could live without any purpose to her life. Banishing the thought from her traitorous mind and clamping down on the tears, she reached out and slowly brought the ship to a landing at the Temple. She remained in her seat weakly. She couldn't do this. No one could ask this of her. But then she remembered that she had agreed to come. That Emily had wanted to come. That her daughter would be staying behind and Sirvani would have to come back here often to visit with her. She reached out to her training, drawing strength from her sorrow and anger. She was a Sith Master, and this was no kind of condition for a Sith Master to be in. She was supposed to be strong. She held Emily's hand as they exited the ship. Several Nohgri were there to meet them. Sirvani was tempted to tell them nothing was wrong, but she could tell just by looking at them that they knew John was gone. She'd have to put up a strong front if she was to retain their services. "Emily is here to stay for some time," she told them with authority in her voice. "You must serve her, protect her, and care for her. I will be here occasionally to check up on her. Don't let me find that you've neglected your duty, or the consequences will be...dire. You served your Master well, and now you will serve his wife, your Mistress." The head Nohgri bowed. "Yes, Mistress," he mewled. "We will care for your youngling." The Twi'lek turned to Emily. "I promise I'll come back as much as I can," she said. "It's okay, Mommy," Emily replied. "I know it hurts you. I can feel it." Sirvani offered a small smile. "That's okay. This is still our home. You have my comm if you need me. I promise not to forget or abandon you." Emily smiled. "I know you won't, Mommy. I love you." The two hugged fiercely. They had been companions in sorrow the past few days, and the bond between them had deepened. "One last thing I want you to help me with, Em," Sirvani said. They headed outside to a clearing. Sirvani painfully remembered sparring here with John before. It was fairly clear of trash, and covered with a soft layer of grass. It was actually a fairly beautiful spot, and only a stone's throw from the Temple. Carefully, Sirvani used her lightsaber to carve an inscription in a flat rock. She then raised it vertically and stuck it in the ground as a tombstone. The inscription read: In Loving Memory of John Skywalker, Sith Master, Father, and Husband. He dared to think beyond the normal and challenge the laws of the universe. May his soul ever be at peace in the Force. The two stayed at the tombstone for a while before Sirvani regretfully knew the time to part was here. "Goodbye Emily," she said. "I love you, my daughter." "Goodbye Mommy," Emily replied. "I'll miss you. Be safe." Kissing her daughter on the head, Sirvani turned and headed back to the hanger. She started the engines and lifted off, not looking back. Once she had cleared the atmosphere, she whispered, "Goodbye Raxus Prime. Force knows when we shall meet again." With a blur of stars, the shining Nubian ship entered hyperspace.

It was good to leave the planet. As the ship lifted off the ground and into the atmosphere, Sirvani glanced down at the planet. She doubted she'd ever come back to Corellia. The thought was not a depressing one. She had no ties to Corellia, and couldn't even remember why they'd gone there in the first place. It had been such a merry party on the way here... Sirvani stubbornly clamped down on that thought. Things would never be the same again. With a tightening of the jaw, she threw back the lever, sending the ship into hyperspace.

He didn't seem to know very much. Either he was working apart from the center of the Sith, or he just simply didn't know. The rumor of a new Dark Lord was interesting to her, as was the information that he hadn't heard of the man before. She wondered who would rise up so suddenly with enough power to dispose Kakuto Ryu. Or perhaps, it was someone from the past who had decided to come forward again. Regardless, she listened to what Oblivion had to say, and stored it away. She had an idea of what to do...the key being of course, whether she could actually do it. "Then farewell, Lord Oblivion," she replied. "Thank you for your offer, and your condolences." She understood the strain he must be under to project his image this far, so she let him go. She then turned her sad eyes on Emily. "Em, do you understand what that was all about?" Emily nodded soberly. "You are going to find the Sith. But Daddy said the Sith were wrong." Sirvani sighed. "Yes, sometimes I suppose they are. But we have nowhere else to go. The Sith are all I know now." Emily scrunched her eyebrows. "We can go home," she offered. Sirvani bit her lip. She couldn't go back to Raxus Prime. Not now, not yet...it was too soon. If she went there, she would break down and loose all semblance of control. Perhaps it was not healthy, bottling it all up inside her, but it was the only way she could think of to keep going. "Maybe someday," she managed. "For now, I'll give you the choice. Do you want to go back there, or go with me?" Emily sat for a moment. "Will you visit me?" Sirvani was equally silent. "Yes," she said after a pause. "Then I want to go home. That's where I can learn and grow." The Twi'lek was amazed at the girl's maturity. "If I can, I'll come back a lot and take you on trips with me. When you're old enough, I can train you. And maybe I can get Uncle Andon and Aunt Jaina to come stay with you sometimes, too." Emily nodded. "Yes, Mommy." Sirvani sighed again. "Well, I guess we have to get back home then, huh? Let's go." There was one thing she knew she wanted to do on Raxus Prime, if she could bear it, before she left for who-knows-how-long. But she'd face that when she got there. Reaching down, she picked up John's lightsaber and clipped it to her belt. Then she grabbed Emily's hand, and they walked back to the ship.

Part of her realized Oblivion was only saying what he was because he felt it was his duty. But another part of her recognized the truth in his words. What other life did she have? What other purpose was there to live? She was alone for the first time in a long time, but she had her training to fall back on. She was Darth Anathema, a Sith Master. That was still part of her, even if it had gotten put on the back shelf for a while. She had found identity within the Sith Order. It was where she belonged, just as Tethyn had said. "You're right," she said softly. "You don't have to convince me. But thank you for reminding me who I am." She knew it was a strain on him to be here in this form, and she was grateful for him for knocking some sense back in her head. But there were a few things that still irked her. His offer of protection for one. Anyone who knew Sirvani would know that would get on her nerves. She was a competant woman, and hated being babied. At the same time, however, she knew Tethyn was at least partially right, and was sure his backing would be helpful to her. One last thing was left...his statement about thinking of herself over Emily. It was something she just was not ready to do. She knew it would hold her back as long as that was a factor, but she couldn't just abandon her daughter. No, Emily would have to come with her, become her apprentice, if in name only. She knew John had wanted her to stay away from the Dark Side exclusively, and she intended to honor that wish. But for now, she would offer what training she could to her daughter as she took on a more active role with the Sith. "One last question for you, Tethyn," she said. "Where are the Sith now? Where will I find the Dark Lord?"

She sat there for a long time, Emily beside her. Her tears had dried a long time ago, and now she sat in mute silence. Part of her knew she couldn't sit there forever, but another part of her wanted to. In the midst of it all, she suddenly felt Tethyn's presence, and looked up to see him standing before her. She knew he wasn't physically there, but it didn't matter to her. She listened to his words, which would have threatened a new wave of tears but for the fact that they were done. "Thank you Tethyn," she said quietly, as he placed his hand on her shoulder. "He will be at peace now." She and him had had their disagreements in the past, not only as a boy in training, but as he became the man he was today, with his stark and resolute ideals. He had cut her down, and it had hurt her, but she was a Sith. She hadn't let his words get to her. But now, she realized that she had put up walls between them, to distance herself from him. Between him and Emily...they were the only 'family' she had left. "You are not my enemy, Tethyn. Maybe I though you were for a time, but I see how wrong I was," Sirvani replied. "Thank you for coming...he would have appreciated it." She took a deep breath, a little shakily, but stronger for the present. "As for protecting me, there is no need...I can take care of myself. But I do fear for Emily." At the mention of her name, the little girl glanced up. "Mommy, don't be afraid." Sirvani would have smiled if the time had been different. "You have no training, Emily dear. For now, you must stay with me, or with someone else that I can trust you with."