FF's Poetry (Complete)

[ForceFusion]

So in addition to the fics I've got up on this site, I write poetry. I dunno how much I'll post here, but I've just composed one which I'd like some critiquing of. Be warned, the more of my poetry you read...the more of me you'll see. Though I don't consider myself a spectacular poet, when I do tackle the genre, I write about everything that's meaningful to me. (Well, I try to do that anyway, but I think you catch my drift.) I write for the spoken word, especially when I'm straying away from typical forms, so you'll want to read it aloud to catch the effect. (That is, if I've written anything with an effect.)

 

Anyway, here's the newly composed one.

 

A Weight on My Heart

 

No plucking of sad acoustic guitar strings

can bring you from your high peaks

and ancient bastions

to my humbled arms.

 

The repetition of music is the drug I have chosen

to replace the warmth

which belongs against

my biceps and inner elbows.

 

As the vibrations ring

from unseen speakers

I feel the staleness of solitude,

the unquenchable aching of distance

and an uncertain future.

 

A single minute of a scratchy voice

carried through miles of telephone line

or an electronic wink flashing through

fiber-optic cables and hard-drives

might pulse through my veins like an antidote,

and sustain my breath for another few days.

 

There is nothing, though,

that can replace your intoxication,

no repetition of the words "I miss you"

can possibly express

the weight on my heart which speaks them.

[Amidala Skywalker]

Very moving. Anyone who has ever lost someone or who has ever had someone they love move away can relate to the raw emotion in this poem.

 

Very nice work!

[Anakin T Skywalker]

Echo Ami.

 

I liked your descriptions, how you got all the senses involved!