Shadows of War - Updated 10/9/08

[Lhinneill]

I'm not really writing right now; writer's block and work, among other things, have been stealing all my focus. But I really want to finish this, so I figured I'd put it up. Maybe you guys will be able to help cheer me on (and beat the evil block to a bloody pulp).

 

This is the...prequel of sorts to Born to Kill. It's supposed to be a whole heck of a lot longer, though. Which, for me, means that there's a 90% chance I won't finish it. I've never finished anything, but I WANT this one to be the first. I'm hoping that if I have people pestering me about it, I'll get somewhere. *crosses fingers*

 

Anyway. I'm rambling. I'll shut up now. Here's the first part, shorter than what I usually prefer to post, but I think that's probably better for here...? It may not be much to go on, and I know there's a LOT of backstory here that I need to expound on, but I'm hoping it's clear. If not...feel free to ask questions and I'll do my very best to clarify everything in upcoming chaps.

 

I'd give it a PG-PG13 rating, if you're wondering.

 

Okay. NOW I'm shutting up.

 

----------

 

Wind whistled through the city, sweeping across the roof tops and balconies, lifting a faint cloud of dust and exhaust fumes that swirled around the lone Jedi Knight. She stood with her back to the setting sun, watching the shadows grow and deepen below in the streets of Coruscant. Ships and people scrambled about as usual, happily unaware of the growing storm the Jedi sensed, an ever-present doom in the back of her mind.

 

The galaxy was changing. Where the Jedi had once maintained peace and order, the Sith now rampaged, spreading corruption and violating all that was once pure. They had even managed to tamper with the Jedi's connection with the Force, with their ability to sense and perceive the future. The Jedi archives told of a time when the Sith had done much the same thing. It had all ended with the horrible deaths of hundreds of Jedi when Palpatine's Order 66 had ushered in the end of the Old Republic Jedi. Now, over two hundred years later, the Order had grown and evolved; it was no longer the Order the legendary Jedi had known.

 

Sometimes I wonder if it's still the same Order I knew as a youngling.

 

"Master?"

 

Skynia Drego turned, smiling gently at her young Padawan. "What is it, Jaia?"

 

With her hands folded behind her back, Jaia stepped up beside her Master. Her eyes swept the city, just as Skynia's had done only moments ago, though now the sun had sunk beneath the horizon. "It's coming, isn't it? Another war, I mean."

 

Skynia nodded slowly. "It's been coming for a long time."

 

"Do you think the Council's wrong?"

 

Skynia glanced down at her Padawan, frowning softly. The Jedi High Council had ruled against deploying more Jedi in a military posture across the galaxy, despite the obvious threat posed by the Sith and the rebellion they led against Galactic government. Skynia knew she wasn't the only one in opposition to the Council's decision. Just that morning, she had spoken to her friend and fellow Knight, Kianna Starflight, about what the spreading darkness could mean for the Jedi. If the Council refused to acknowledge the threat of the Sith, they could lose everything.

 

"I think that the Council has a difficult decision to make,”

Edited October 9, 2008 by Guest

[Anakin T Skywalker]

Good, this gives me a reference for when the other is supposed to take place.

 

Not really much to say at this point, not enough out here yet.

[Tiana Calthye]

Woo, sweeping epic dramatic... and yeah, you really need to put more up because it's hard to judge off this. You're a good enough writer that a couple pages doesn't dub you EW CRAP BORING.

 

I'm horridly bad at following... most of us are... so write for yourself first. Not to say we don't really enjoy what you post, though.

 

Yay for timeline! Kinda a depressing one and not what I'd been thinking--I'd been thinking wayyy back, but hey. Either way, it's nice to see something cut away from the block of canon.

 

Ayep. It's not bad, need more to leave a real review.

[Lhinneill]

Thank you both. Yes, I'll be honest...this story has it's depressing moments. In fact, I quit writing last time because I was depressed and it was SO not helping. Heh. I won't promise any happy endings, because...well, that would be spoilers and I don't know how the whole thing ends yet anyway. With how much of this stuff is living in my head, I could be writing this for a long...long...time.

 

Anyway, here's more. It's short too, but I'm thinking the next part will be longer. I'm doing some rewrites on it atm, but it should be up soon.

 

-----

 

//”

[Anakin T Skywalker]

Well, it seems you've got the characterization of a Wookiee all right.

[Dartha Athanth]

Whee, a new fic! Reminds me of wookiee_jedi. hahah. This sounds like a revan/malak situation! Interesting, I'll look out for more.

[Amidala Skywalker]

Great start! I really like Skynia already--and I like her name a lot too, as an extra side note. Same with Jaia.

 

This is really good for reference. I know what's going on in the galaxy now, the timeframe, where everyone stands. I like it. This has a promising feel to it. I think this is going to be a really good, interesting fic.

 

Keep up the good work! Can't wait for more!

[Lhinneill]

Thank you, everybody. Here's the next part, at last. I had a bit of trouble with it; I know these guys so well it's sometimes hard to tell if I'm being clear in my descriptions and stuff. Let me know if something seems wonky and I'll see what I can do. This chapter is mostly a stepping-stone with friendship stuff. More coming soon(ish, hopefully). Thanks again for your feedback! =)

 

----

 

"Do you think she suspects anything?" Kianna asked, leaning forward across the table and keeping her voice low so only her brother and fellow Knight could hear her. He sat opposite her, holding a tall glass of ice water. His brown hair was in need of a haircut again, but she doubted he would get it cut until after both she and Kestry had nagged him for several weeks.

 

Frowning, Truen scratched his ear. "I don't know. She hasn't said anything."

 

Kianna sighed. "Maybe we should ask Master Kibecca."

 

"Sounds like a good idea,”

[Amidala Skywalker]

Not bad. A little note that you should capitalize species names in SW. Like Farghul and Wookiee.

 

Not much happened, but it was fun to read. I like seeing how they are connected, the dynamics of their friendships, and a few little background stories.

 

Loved the mention of Ansionian tea. That was a good book, and I think Ansion is often forgotten.

 

Keep up the good work!

[Anakin T Skywalker]

I second the capitalization comment. I, having had limited experience with Farghuls, was suddenly unseure if they were intended to be sentient or not! (In the published books, a sentient species name is always capitalized, but nonsentient species names often are not,)

[Dartha Athanth]

I think you're great at coming up with names that match the species. I always do my names by jabbing a finger randomly at a page.

 

I loved Ansion too! The Luminara/Bariss cafe scene has always been one of my favourite book scenes.

 

"Haja, my sweet, what are you hiding under that big ol' robe?" *sI am a racist*

 

Though it irks me that in that book, lightsabers don't short out under water...

[Anakin T Skywalker]

I think you're great at coming up with names that match the species. I always do my names by jabbing a finger randomly at a page.

 

I loved Ansion too! The Luminara/Bariss cafe scene has always been one of my favourite book scenes.

 

"Haja, my sweet, what are you hiding under that big ol' robe?" *sI am a racist*

 

Though it irks me that in that book, lightsabers don't short out under water...

 

Hey, I love that scene, too!

 

Maybe all the Jedi in that book have built modified lightsabers to operate under water?

 

(Stops derailing thread)

[Amidala Skywalker]

*keeps derailing thread*

 

That is a great scene. "Well, if you're sure you want to look..." I also really like the scene with Luminara flicking water as high as she can with her foot, and Obi-Wan is using the Force to shoot jets of water at the suubataars.

 

It bugs me a bit too, about the lightsabers, but oh well. Several SW books aren't perfect like that.

 

*cough* This commercial break brought to you by The Approching Storm. And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

[Lhinneill]

Thanks, guys. I wasn't really sure about capitalization, so I appreciate the input. Will make sure to fix that from now on.

 

Kestry Calladann belongs to my friend.

 

---><---

 

Towering above the other four spires of the Jedi Temple, the central tower provided a breathtaking view of the city below. It was Kestry Calladann's favorite place to watch the sunset on Coruscant. From here, she had a clear view of not just the city but the streams of traffic in the sky as well. At sunset, the sunlight reflected off cloud and ship alike, creating a spectacular display of color and light. While the view during midday was nothing compared to the show of sunset, it was still beautiful. But today, Kestry wasn't here for sightseeing.

 

The door behind her opened with a soft swoosh.

 

Kestry didn't turn. "Where are they?"

 

Kibecca stepped up beside her fellow Jedi Master. She gazed out the window, woofing gently. //"I left Skynia at the commissary with her friends."//

 

"Good," Kestry smiled.

 

//"You know what they're planning, don't you."//

 

Kestry raised a brow, looking up into Kibecca's twinkling blue eyes. "Oh, do you think they could hide it from me? You know Truen."

 

The Wookiee rumbled, amused. //"Of course."//

 

Kestry let her gaze return to the cityscape. Her smile died. "I hope they have time, Kibecca. I really do. They've all worked so hard and come so far. They deserve this."

 

Kibecca snuffed. //"We will make time, my friend. Skynia's birth celebration is a thing I don't intend to miss."//

 

Sighing softly, Kestry nodded. "I know."

 

But we may not have much choice.

 

The galaxy would not wait. Kibecca knew that as well as Kestry did. The Jedi had a duty to uphold. As much as Kestry hated to accept it, she was aware there was little chance of Skynia celebrating her eighteenth birthday with her friends on Coruscant. Despite the Council's recent ruling, the Jedi would still be deployed. They would do their duty. They would fight the Sith, no matter where the battle took them. Centuries before, Jedi not so much unlike the strong individuals Kestry now knew had made their stand against the Dark Side. The extensive archives of the Jedi Order listed names of those hailed as heroes of the Force. Names like Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and the great Jedi Master Yoda were names familiar to every Jedi in the Order. Kestry had studied their lives as a Padawan because her Master told her it was important. She studied them now because she knew it was important. It would be foolish of them to dwell entirely on the lives of long-dead heroes, but they could learn from the past.

 

Learn from it, or be destroyed by our own mistakes.

 

"We can't wait, Kibecca."

 

Kibecca bowed her head. //"There will be time, Kestry. By the end of the week, we will--"//

 

"By the end of the week it will be too late. You heard the report. Tardin knows where it is. If he finds it, you know what will happen."

 

The towering Wookiee lowered herself to a seat so she was at eye level with Kestry. //"Kianna and Truen will go without hesitation, you know that."//

 

Kestry frowned. "I do. That's the problem. I will not send them to face that monster again. Not unless we have no other choice. We're not that far gone, not yet."

 

//"Who, then?"// Kibecca questioned with a woof. //"You know the Masters will not approve. They believe the holocrons are gone. Destroyed, lost, forgotten. You heard Master Fyeak. They will send no one."//

 

Kibecca was right. The Council would not respond until they had been shown solid evidence that Tardin had indeed found one of the lost Sith holocrons. By then it would be too late. That left only one option. "I will go."

 

Kibecca's eyes widened. //"No! That would be suicide!"// she roared. //"Kianna and Truen still need you. The Order needs you. You cannot go!"//

 

"You would rather the Council send our students?" Kestry countered. "They've underestimated Tardin in the past, and I have little faith that they've learned from the experience. The Order doesn't need me, Kibecca." She laughed dryly, "The Council doesn't want me."

 

The Wookiee fell silent and avoided Kestry's gaze, focusing instead on the constant traffic streams above the city.

 

"Kibecca. You know I'm right."

 

//"Yes,"// Kibecca growled at last. //"You must go."//

 

Kestry smiled, reaching for the Wookiee's furred paw. "Thank you. I knew you would--"

 

//"I will go with you."//

 

Kestry blinked and withdrew her hand. "What? No. No, you won't. This is something I have to do myself. You stay. I know Sky will want you here at the celebration. Besides, someone needs to keep an eye on the kids."

 

//"I am going with you!"// Kibecca woofed. She stood, sternly gazing down at Kestry. //"We will deal with this Dark Lord together."//

 

Kestry exhaled sharply and looked away from the Wookiee's intense gaze. She should have known what Kibecca would say. After all, Kibecca was a Wookiee. A reluctant smile touched Kestry's lips and she bowed her head. ”œFine. We'll both go.”

[Anakin T Skywalker]

Very nicely written! I liked the description in the beginning, and the sense of lurking danger.

[Amidala Skywalker]

Excellent. I love the plot development in that last section. Very good!

 

Not much to comment on, just that I like the portrayal of the Jedi.

[ForceFusion]

Well, I just caught up with your story and I'll give you a couple thoughts.

 

First, I'm generally intrigued by the setting. But I'd like some more. It seems like there's a lot of crazy stuff going on in the galaxy, but I have no idea what. We're on the brink of a war and there's some Sith lurking about, but that's about all I know.

 

Major critique in the first post: The Sith have tampered with the Jedi's ability to connect with the Force? How? This is something you really need to show, not tell. I hope it comes out later in the story. Perhaps that's the drive of the plot? I dunno, but it needs to be addressed.

 

Second post I generally liked. No major critiques, but one suggestion. When you give us Kiana's past statements in Skynia's head, I think less is more. Right now it's "IF we keep waiting for them to strike us first, we'll all die....We can't wait for the Council, etc." I think you can get a lot more tension if you just cut it off at "we'll all die." The rest is pretty much implied, IMO.

 

Third post was a lot of fun to read. I can tell you have a blast with these characters and so does the reader. Only major critique: the siblings got their Knighthood after confronting the Dark Lord of the Sith? That's not normal is it? Another show, not tell.

 

Final post was fine. I'm glad to see the story getting some legs. No critiques here.

 

Good set up, I'm intrigued enough and hope you get another post soon! I know this is a part of a larger story which I haven't read, so if some of these things are explained in prequels or sequels, then my critiques aren't as important. But you still need to orient the reader in regards to those events a little better than you have.

 

Keep it coming!

[Lhinneill]

*sheepish* It's been forever, I know. Sorry, guys. I've ran into another bout of writer's block, but I think I'm starting to break through it. Sorry for making you all wait. This update's going to be kind of small, but hopefully worth it.

 

ForceFusion - thanks for your feedback. I'm never sure of how much to put in/leave out. There's so much backstory and stuff that we have, I don't want to cram in a huge infodump and make it boring, but I also don't want the readers to be completely lost. I'll see what I can do to answer your questions, hopefully in a way that makes sense.

 

Now, on to the story.

 

----

 

Skynia dashed through the Temple halls, guided by nothing but her growing sense of urgency in the Force. She found Tru seated on the floor, his knees drawn up close to his chest, head sagging. She slowed her pace, hesitantly drawing closer. "Tru?" He didn't react to her voice. "Tru, are you all right?"

 

He looked up finally, and she saw that his eyes were bloodshot. "Oh, Tru," she dropped to her knees beside him, reaching to brush his cheek with her fingers. "What happened?"

 

He opened his mouth, but closed it when no words came. His head dropped to his knees and he rocked side to side. A single sob escaped as his shoulders shook. But before Skynia could ask any more questions, the door to the Council room swung open and Kibecca and Chldrrl stepped out. The younger wookiee's head hung and his shoulders slumped. He didn't look at Skynia or Truen.

 

"The Council will see you now, Truen," Kibecca woofed gently. Truen pulled away from Skynia, standing and shuffling into the Council room. He didn't look at Chldrrl, and the wookiee still kept his gaze fixed on the floor tiles.

 

"You may go to your room, Rrl," Kibecca said, her voice soft and calm. "We will contact you once our decision has been made."

 

The room swirled around Skynia. The faces of her friends changed and faded, their voices slurred and then went silent.

 

The Dark Lord smiled. ”œIt's destiny, child. You know that.”

[Dartha Athanth]

oo scary. Yeah it's been quite a while i will have to reread everything again. so for though I just think there there ought to be more transition before the dark lord comes into the vision.

 

Goodjobpostmorepls!

[Anakin T Skywalker]

I actually thought the vision was rather excellent - jolty and unclear, as they are.