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Star Wars: Advent of Shadows - Updated 9/19/2011


Lord Ar-Pharazon

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  • 2 months later...

Excellent start! This is well-done. I'm interested to see what the celebration is about. It's also nice that you could use Ara-Lai talking to the guards as a way to introduce the characters on the Council, and it was extremely amusing to see who is on the Jedi Council.

 

Nice start, and very well-written. Your hard work seems to be paying off! I'm looking forward to more!

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SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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  • 1 month later...

Nice update! I'm really enjoying the story you are weaving, and the way the characters are interacting with each other. You did a nice job with the relationship between AP and Krissi, and I think the scene was well done.

 

Nice stuff.

amipaint2.jpg

SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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  • 2 weeks later...

That and you just like the ego boost it gives you, right?

 

In a year's time, I'm sure it'll be okay to unsticky this thread. Probably.

 

 

 

BTW, I'm way impressed by Tiana's longest review ever. I think there should be a fanfic award for that or something.

amipaint2.jpg

SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

I'm actually going to disagree and say I liked this section a lot. It showed some more of the culture of the period. And since I'm a big music nut, I loved all the parts about Raynuk analysing his piece...I do exactly the same thing.

 

I thought this section was good for character development...and now I'm suspicious of Akturus and Geki.

amipaint2.jpg

SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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  • 2 months later...

Excellent work, Ben. I agree with Tiana that you have improved drastically. The pacing in this section was perfect, and you described their reactions perfectly.

 

I can tell Gantoris doesn't quite know what to make of this yet...and as an outsider I can always tell that there is a possiblity of these plotters becoming the very threat they feel is coming...

 

Nice use of Black Clone for Gantoris' nickname.

amipaint2.jpg

SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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  • 4 weeks later...

Good chapter! I like the character development, but it was well balanced with Krystal's musings on Ar-Pharazon's more...abnormal abilities. Nothing to critique. This is very well done, and, as always, I'm looking forward to more.

amipaint2.jpg

SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm not going into a long detailed post right now because I'm exhausted, but I will say that I much prefer thoughts and feelings of characters over narration. In fact, sometimes I do whole viggies where the whole action is told from the character's thoughts and reactions to what is going on. I think, personally, that as an author, you know all. You know what your characters are thinking. Sometimes I feel that I know too well--for example, I'll be thinking in real life "how would so-and-so react to this situation?"

 

Yeah. But that's me.

amipaint2.jpg

SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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  • 2 months later...
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  • 1 month later...

*dies laughing*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*revives*

 

Oh, Ben, you crack me up. Best April Fools joke I saw all day. And I loved the Aira POV. You've got her nailed!

amipaint2.jpg

SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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