Chosen One Ephant Mon

Haha, thanks, dude. I suspect it may have a lot to do with the "Arrested Development" tag. Too few aficionados, I'm afraid.

Thanks, man. I've kept open the idea of a "Season Two" when I have the time to write freely again. I'll let you know if/when that happens. Thanks again for the support. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

(episode five) [finale] THE FINAL COUNTDOWN ------ ”œNow the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the beaten & bloody, battered & bruised, twice-dead, oft-tortured, emotionally crippled and slightly deranged federal agent who fought every urge to blow their brains out.”

Also awesome. The world needs more After School Specials . . .

This is inspired. Well done.

Thanks for the praise, dawg. Will check out yours fo' sho'. Now onto #4, and then the finale (which, incidentally, is my favorite ). -------------------- (episode four) CALL BAITING ------ ”œNow the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the beaten & bloody, battered & bruised, twice-dead, oft-tortured, emotionally crippled and slightly deranged federal agent who fought every urge to blow their brains out.”

(episode three) ACTING PROTOCOL ------ ”œNow the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the beaten & bloody, battered & bruised, twice-dead, oft-tortured, emotionally crippled and slightly deranged federal agent who fought every urge to blow their brains out.”

Thanks, dude. Appreciate it. AD fans are few and far between, so it's always nice to hear feedback from someone who "gets" it. I guess I'll start posting the rest, then! ETA: I don't want to, like, quadruple post, so if you're reading maybe you can just throw a post in there as an a-OK before I bring up each new installment.

bububump More episodes available upon request (I have five total).

(episode two) OPERATION: FRIGHTFUL ------ ”œNow the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the beaten & bloody, battered & bruised, twice-dead, oft-tortured, emotionally crippled and slightly deranged federal agent who fought every urge to blow their brains out.”

EDIT: Whoops, sorry about the double-post.

Hey, y'all. Figured it would be fun to post a little non-SW thing I wrote a while back. It's a parody/comedy that mixes the television shows "24" and "Arrested Development." Don't know how much of an audience there'd be for something like this, or if there's even anyone here who has seen both shows, but it's not too long and it was a lot of fun to write so I decided to give it a shot. There are five "episodes" to the story, and I'll post the first one for now. If it draws any interest I'll go ahead and start posting the rest. Thanks! PREMISE: Jack Bauer has just been captured by the Chinese. The Bluth family has just thrown a party on the Queen Mary. When Jack escapes and washes aboard the Queen Mary, he thinks he has escaped the promise of torture...only to encounter an entirely new one. It's told in the style of Arrested Development and includes many of the show's inside jokes, so a working knowledge is ideal, but I've been told by some readers that they have found it funny without ever having seen it. Anyway...here ya go! PILOT ---------------------- [The High Seas, California-ish] Jack is in a dark and grimy cell room about the Shanghai; chained, bloodied, and beaten half to death. NARRATOR: "This is Jack Bauer. For two decades he's worked for his nation's government, waiting for anything at all to go his way. And right now, he's not happy." Cheng walks up smiling. CHENG: "Look what we've done to you, Bow-ah." NARRATOR: "This is Jack's captor, Cheng Zhi. He is happy." CHENG: "Look what my metrosexuals have done to you." Jack notices that he'd been not only beaten and dragged but also outfitted with a fashionable shirt and hat. NARRATOR: "Cheng is thrilled that his elusive nemesis is en route to a Chinese prison, where he'll have to endure a life of excruciating torture." A random Chinese guy walks up and tasers Jack. NARRATOR: "This is a random Chinese guy. One of the many who will surely make Jack's near future a veritable hell." Flash to a staged group photo of the chic Chinese Interrogation Squad (CIS). Some are holding syringes, some are holding pistols, and one is holding the DVD slipcase of Kangaroo Jack. (not on boat) NARRATOR: "They work in China, where they've been celebrated for their skill in fusing brutally efficient interrogation with male model elegance." Random Guy exits, swaggering to the door as if strutting down the runway. NARRATOR: "Yes, these are Jack's enemies. So why, after all the devastation and heartbreak, does he still possess a shred of sanity? Because he hasn't met the Bluth family." ----------------------------------- THE UNUSUAL SUSPECTS ----------------------------------- NARRATOR: "Jack was feeling more optimistic about his journey on the evening of his capture." JACK: "Kill me. Just”¦kill me." CHENG: "I feel like we've been through this." JACK: "Again”¦I need to hear it again." CHENG: "Okay”¦'Kill you? You are far too valuable to kill, Mr. Bauer.' " JACK: "How so?" silence CHENG: "Well, we do need a fourth." [Minutes later”¦] Cheng and Jack are out on the Shanghai's helipad with tennis rackets in hand while two nameless henchmen set up the net. CHENG: "Mr. Bauer is with me." The two others pick up rackets and take their position on the other side. Cheng secures Jack to prevent escape, wrapping four giant chains around his body and fastening them to the ground. Random Guy 1 bounces a ball and serves. The ball comes straight to Jack, who takes one step before collapsing over the immobilizing chains. The ball bounces past him and goes over the side of the ship. Cheng shoots Jack a dirty look. RANDOM GUY 1: "Fifteen-Love." [Two sets later”¦] CHENG: "This is no good. Mr. Bauer”¦I will unchain you if you promise to play your hardest despite your bitterness toward me." JACK: "I give you my word." [Moments later”¦] Jack tosses the ball in the air and fires it across the court, serving an ace. CHENG: "Score! Well done, Mr. Bau”¦" Cheng turns and Jack is gone. He hears a splash. CHENG: "Noooo!" A depressed Cheng pulls out a scrap of notebook paper entitled ”œHOPES and DREAMS”

Ephant Mon's body (both parts) crumpled to the floor. He could feel life escaping him. It had been his impatience. It was his downfall, from the very beginning to the very end. But it would do no good to dwell on it now, as he lay dying. He gazed into Ragnok's eyes, who gazed back. Ephant cracked a grin and emitted a wheezing, cackling laugh. "Well done, Ragnok. You should go far. Though, this is not the last you will see of me," he managed to say, still with a grin on his face. This was the end. Death was near. Though he still had little strength left. With it, he once again laughed and cackled. And with that final sound, he let his final breath and died.

Ephant Mon growled and with an "Ahhhh!!!!" unleased a furious attack at Ragnok to keep the Zabrak and his two lightsabers at bay. He gritted his teeth, then hacked and slashed his adversary with all his strength, speed, skill, and cunning. Fueled by rage, Ephant drove forward with everything he had. But he soon became fatigued. He tried to carry on, to keep fighting for his life. He knew that if he quit, his life would be over. He had to keep fighting, had to keep going. Though Ephant's mind was as keen as ever, but his body just could not handle it. Ragnok had been playing it defensively, and had not used near as much energy as Ephant had. He began rasping for breath, his body near the breaking point.

Ephant Mon made no change in his facial expressions, but leaped back at Ragnok, this time fighting with full force. He was put on the defensive, however, as Ragnok blazed his two sabers. Ephant Mon gained the upper hand and launched offensives whenever he had the opportunity, with knowledge that Ragnok intended to kill him. Ephant fought just to stay alive. I always knew there was something about Ragnok that I didn't like, he thought with a frown.

Ephant Mon drew his lightsaber, though not in the mood for training. But he felt that his skill could always improve, so he gave Ragnok a short nod and lashed out with basic strikes, obviously not trying to hurt his opponent.

Ephant Mon grinned, and began to set out on a second strike when he heard a faint beeping coming from the cockpit. He backed off, figuring that that alarm meant that they were approaching their destination. He glanced at Ranok, then gave him a nod towards the cockpit. He deactivated his saber and attached it to his belt. "I think we're approaching our destination, Ragnok," he said.

Ephant Mon drew his lightsaber with a small grin. He gazed at the saber for a moment before turning to Ragnok. "You ready?" Since Ragnok had taken a defensive stance, Ephant Mon leaped forward with the first strike, first attempting to aim well-placed blows to catch Ragnok off-guard, but obviously not trying to harm his opponent.

"An excellent suggestion, Ragnok," stated Ephant Mon. He drew his saber and gazed at it for a moment, then back to Ragnok. "If the coordinates are set, perhaps we can begin now."

Ephant Mon responded, "Out Master says he was last seen at the black hole. Let's go now, we shouldn't waste any more time." Ephant sat back and waited for Ragnok to take the controls of his ship.

Ephant Mon received a crystal from Taren and got to work on his new lightsaber. He sat on the ground, reading over each instruction carefully so not to make any mistakes. He did not want any flaws in his saber. Ephant slowly crafted a saber that would fit his needs perfectly, and appeared just as he wanted it to. He turned and observed the hilt before giving it a little flip in the air. He caught it easily and pressed the activation button without hesitation. A laser blade with a dark purple glow emitted from the hilt. He gazed at it. His first lightsaber. After a few moments, he deactivated it and latched it to his belt. He approached Taren. "Thank you for the instructions, my master. I hope to use it well." Ephant gave one last bow before turning, then he began to walk. He soon caught up to the waiting Ragnok.

Ephant Mon had been listening intently to his master's instructions, and immediately approached her when she called for him. Looks like another mission with Ragnok, he thought as he walked swiftly. He soon arrived in front of his master. He looked into her eyes and gave a slight bow. "You wanted to instruct me on my mission, Master?" he asked her.

Ephant Mon took one last glance at his two crystals before pocketing them. He began walking in the direction that Ragnok had just a few minutes before. It was not long before he came upon Ragnok. He was to be standing there silently, not moving. Ephant walked past him and crouched on the ground and exhaled lightly. He figured that since Ragnok was not doing anything, he had already made contact with Taren. Ephant closed his eyes and meditated as he waited for his master.

Ephant Mon set off to look for crystals. He quickly pocketed any that looked good at first glance, deciding that we would later pick out the best ones and return the unused. After several minutes he returned to where the hunt had begun, this time with his pockets full. Ephant crouched down and pulled out the first crystal. Not bad looking, but by no means perfect. The Chevin wanted to be sure that his lightsaber would be safe. He continued to dispose of the flawed crystals and picked out a few that he considered the best. He eventually narrowed his search down to five, and then carefully examined them to make sure there were no miniscule chips, cracks or dents. After an uncomfortably long time of close examinations, he chose the two perfect crystals. He stood and stretched his tense and cramped body. He was ready to return to Taren.

Ephant Mon was left behind as Taren plowed through dozens of people to get through. He immediately began and jog after her. He easily made his way through the open path that Taren had created. Some people gave him strange looks as he followed Taren. Ephant Mon barely even noticed and did not stop. He growled as he caught up with Taren, who was now unleashing her outbust and proposing her plan to the Sith. Another mission gone wrong. He sighed. As he slowly approached the seething Taren, he began to feel slightly light-headed. As he glanced around the room, he could see that other trainees were feeling the same strange effect as himself. He decided to back away a bit to clear his head. As he walked farther away from Taren, the effect seemed to slowly wear off. He sighed. Somehow he knew that Taren would act this way. From being around her, he could tell that she did not like it when things go wrong. Couldn't blame her for this outrage. In fact, it was not bad. Standing as the center of attention with many trainees looking on, her strength and willpower were clearly expressed. It actually gave Ephant more respect for his master, and a fear of her if he should ever get on her bad side. It looks as if we will be going after this General Tantil to ensure our domination over the galaxy.