Borleias

[Aira Cadan]

"The best," I replied, my tone wistful. "That was quite possibly the best thing about serving. Everyone is on the same page. Everyone has the same training. You rely on each other, and you know that your fellow soldiers will never abandon you. They have your back and you have theirs." I hesitated. "Technically it's the same in the Jedi Order, but there are so few of us that we are often spread thin. The times I get to work with other Jedi are rare. And then, everyone has different shades of traininga nd experience." I sighed. "Yes, sometimes I really miss it, as strange as that sounds."

 

It didn't take us long to get back to our hotel. It was quite late, and we knew we'd only have a few hours of sleep until the sun rose, so we went to bed right away.

 

My dreams that night were dark. Death surrounded me. The cries of innocents, helpless, filled my ears. My heart ached within me. Something had to be done...

 

I woke in the morning convinced that my dreams hadn't simply been coincidence. The Force felt heavy, much like it had during the war. Staying quiet so as not to wake Aelyn in the other room, I flipped on the holonews, dreading what I might see.

 

We Do Not Comply

 

I stared, horrified, as the segment played. But it wasn't the terror of what had been awakened so much as the fact that there seemed to be no response by the Jedi or the GA. Certainly, something was being done. The Sith had reawoken. The GA would need to militarize again. They had to protect their citizens. I had to protect them. My role suddenly became very clear.

 

I stumbled to my feet and crossed the room to get my comlink. Belatedly, I noticed the green light flashing on top indicating I had received a message. Holding my breath, I opened it.

 

Reactivation of your commission in the Galactic Alliance Navy was all I saw at first. It was enough. Taking a deep breath, I skimmed the rest of it. They recognized my right to choose, given my status as a Jedi, but it was clear they wanted me back. The Force swirled in me, and suddenly, the sense of purposelessness that had been haunting me for the pat few years vanished. That was where I was meant to be. That was where I could make a difference.

 

I'd have to let Kirlocca know--and I'd have to find Aelyn another master. I was certain she wouldn't want to stay with me now. The thought filled me with regret. I had enjoyed teaching her. The GA was giving me a few days before they wanted to hear back from me, so I had time to wrap things up. And suddenly, I wanted to get them done.

 

I smiled. "I'm back."

[Aira Cadan]

I took a deep breath. "Yes, Aelyn. Something has happened. Remember when Imperial Remnant Head of State Zinthos said that she was going to take a hard line on the Sith? They have decided to fight back. And...it's bad." I thought about showing her the holonet segment, but then changed my mind. She didn't need to see that. "They killed a lot of people on Carida. The war has begun again. And...the GA has taken notice. Between the Imperials breaking off and them instigating this fight against the Sith, things are going to be changing drastically and suddenly. The GA is going to reform their navy, and they want me back. Aelyn, I can't let this go unanswered. It's not only my duty as a former solider, but I see it as my duty as a Jedi. I have to protect people the best I know how, and that means accepting the position."

 

I sighed. "Can you feel it in the Force? The peace is broken." I was silent for a long minute, then spoke again. "I understand that this affects us," I gestured, "and I'm sorry about that. I know you probably won't want to continue as my apprentice when I'm going to be throwing myself back into the thick of things. I totally understand, and I'm sorry. I'll find you a new master, if you still want to be a Jedi."

 

I rose. "Okay?"

[Aira Cadan]

I couldn't keep a smile from crossing my face at Aelyn's words. I rose and grasped her hands. "Then we'll do it together," I said, stressing the last word. "We will do whatever it takes to prevent war from happening."

 

I took a deep breath, then let go. "No point in sticking around here, then. Let's go see Liv, and then head out."

 

We gathered our things and checked out of the hotel. There were two messages waiting for me at the front desk, both from the hospital regarding the patient. Apparently, I was the emergency contact. I shrugged, and we headed back to the hospital. "Now let's see if we can't figure out what's going on here," I muttered under my breath,

[Aira Cadan]

Honestly, I thought we might be able to help the exhausted CoreSec officer more than the patient/prisoner. Clearly, things were busy around here--so busy that there wasn't enough staff to fully provide for the planet's needs. I listened to the briefing, making a plan. Once he finished, Aelyn--clearly perplexed--indicated our interest. Before we moved, however, I put a hand on Officer Samuels' shoulder. "Take it easy, Officer." I reached out with the Force, and sent some energy into the man, just enough to wake him up and get him working back at his full ability. Once his eyes had brightened, I removed my hand and motioned to Aelyn. "My Padawan will take a look at the surveillance tapes. She'll see if there is anything that we can learn from them, and then let me know exactly what happened. In the meantime, I'll take a look at her jewelry. We'll meet again to compare notes before we go see her face-to-face. Perhaps having a full picture will help us figure out how to get through to her."

[Aira Cadan]

The room was full of the junk and detritus one would expect from a contraband collection room. I gave the room a sweep with my senses but didn't pick up anything out of the ordinary--except coming from the long table against the south wall. Samuels motioned to the brightly glowing jewelry sitting on it and stepped aside, looking expectant.

 

First I probed the jewelry with the Force. It was giving off a good deal of heat, and that seemed to be emanating from somewhere...up. I nodded to myself. The girl was clearly tapping into her low level of Force sensitivity. She was doing this, however improbable that was. It was what I expected, but it was good to confirm that there was no outside presence doing this to her.

 

Reaching out, I hovered my gloved hand over the metal pieces, then I sighed and began to remove my gloves. This was going to hurt, probably. Probably a lot. But psychometry could tell me much about the girl who seemed both perpetrator and victim. Samuels realized what I was doing, and moved to stop me, but I held up my other hand. "It's okay. I have to do this."

 

Slowly, I touched my index finger to the cortosis earring, ignoring the pain that I knew would come, and bathed it in the Force, my eyes slipping shut.

[Aira Cadan]

(Co-written)

 

With contact, the cortosis ring exploded with action.

 

Dust fills the air. Dirt is upturned and spraying under the pressure of explosive rounds and concussive barrages. Sounds of blaster fire are cascading into view. Verdant green lights and red fire light up the sky. Starfighters scramble and shoot across the heavens with little concern for the battle on the ground. A man of average height and jet black hair bolsters himself against the wall of a trench and tries to take a moment of respite. He looks down in his hand at a small crumpled up picture and a little metal earring. The picture features a small girl with pigtails. The picture has faded with age and wear, but the man smiles despite the obvious damage. He takes a moment to stuff both items into his pocket and pops his head above the trench to begin fire anew.

 

His opponents are obscured, but the white plasteel armor of Imperial stormtroopers is hard to ignore. The man’s leather jacket confers a few pieces of information: His name is M. Strong, the insignia of the Rebel Alliance is on his right sleeve, and another insignia sits on his left sleeve. It resembles a large bird with wings spread wide. The bird looks ordinary except for one thing, its wings curl up into massive red flames. The rest of his jacket is nondescript and aged. And the only other parts of the memory that stand out are the lush green landscapes that surround the battlefield, and an outpost that looks very familiar.

 

I drew back as the memory faded. Psychometry was an unpredictable skill, guided by the will of the Force. Oftentimes, it showed what the owner of the object was doing, and could be used to track a person's movements. But other times, it showed a connection to how they had gotten said object. Or it showed a strong memory associated with it. I hadn't ever experienced a time when it had showed another person's memory, but I didn't put it past the Force. It knew what I needed to see to help Liv, and clearly this memory had a part to play. I assumed the girl in the flimsy photograph had been Liv, which made M. Strong her father. That made sense with what CoreSec had told me. Was that the insignia of Phoenix Squadron on his jacket? I wasn't sure how the memory helped, but I was determined to make sure I remembered every aspect of it.

 

After a moment, I reached out my hand and touched the next piece of jewelry, the pair of silver earrings.

 

When touched, the pair of silver earrings revealed a big sunny open street. Beautiful women arrayed themselves in no particular pattern. They talked amongst themselves in small crowds and busied themselves with idle tasks. Bright colors and a myriad of stalls surrounded the focal point of the memory. A young girl dressed in casual clothes – pants and a T-shirt – with tight curly brown hair, sprinted down the street to a taller woman with short brown hair cut into a bob. The taller woman was dressed in a full ensemble of khaki colors. Her emerald eyes lit up as the younger one approached and a deep sense of love and adulation was shared between the two. Like the light of an amber star, their love shined brighter than anything else in the bazaar and the faded edges of the vision rippled at their touch.

 

A fairy-tale castle perched on a black basalt crag and stood off in the distance, framing the back of the two females as they embraced. The architecture that surrounded the market was superb. It seemed that ideal beauty was praised over practicality. The stalls bustled with activity, yet the bustle of a planet like Coruscant was strangely absent. Lush green landscapes stood out in the background and beautiful mountains rubbed the edge of each horizon.

 

The little girl looked up to the larger women with joy and boundless curiosity in her eyes. The woman handed the girl two little silver earrings and smiled from ear to ear. The little girl squealed with joy and immediately started to show the earrings to all the women that were mingling around them. The taller woman tried to chase after her and catch her, laughing the whole way, but stopped. The taller woman looked off toward where Aira was and stared at her. Her glowing emerald eyes grew gentle and sad. Yet, before either of them could meet, the vision ended.

 

This time the memory seemed to feature Liv's mother. My Force senses had confirmed that the little girl had been Liv. I smiled a little. It was clear they had loved each other. There was little of substance in the memory that could help me now, however, so I moved on, reaching to touch the earring that was shifting and showing many different colors within, bleeding some of my pain from the burns on my fingertips into the Force.

 

She saw Coruscant in glorious form. Buildings bloomed in the upper levels of Coruscant’s busy atmosphere and hundreds of thousands of people pushed their way through the enormous pedways that ran the length of the planet’s illustrious surface. The sprightly little girl from before and the taller woman with her short brown hair cut through the crowd. They held hands to help navigate their way through the throngs of people and squeezed at each other whenever they felt as if they were drawing too far apart.

 

The little girl saw a window display on her left that glittered and sparkled in the artificial sunlight and drew the taller woman in that direction. Something stood out to the little girl and reflected in the window. It wasn’t anything too big, but the quaint shop was filled with remarkable baubles of all shapes and sizes. The little girl’s eyes grew wider than her head and she sprinted inside with the woman closing behind. The little girl reacted as one might think a little child would in a shop filled with strange and amazing things. It was like watching a pinball at high speed as it shot to every single stand. The taller woman seemed to grow exhausted at the sight, but a small smile hung on her weary face and her emerald eyes sparkled in the clear fluorescence of the shop’s illumination.

 

The proprietor, a big Nikto, looked annoyed but stayed relatively to himself. It was only when the little girl accidentally ran roughshod over a delicate vase that he got up and tried to stop her. He lorded over her and almost struck her in his anger. But the taller woman was quick to intercede. She stood between the two of them with anger in her eyes. The fire of her anger reflected in crimson hues that bloomed all around the small store. Loud words were exchanged and irritable impatience drew the owner to strike the woman instead. The woman took it and stared back at him with fire consistent in her glare. She retrieved an ample supply of credits from her bag, picked out a small piece of the glowing merchandise for the little girl, handed the credits to the Nikto and left the shop with the little girl in hand.

 

When they were outside, the taller woman scolded the little girl, but not with the ferocity that the Nikto had. It was clear that she wished the girl to be more careful, but the woman still felt as if the proprietor did not know how to handle children.

 

A small shiver went down the woman’s spine and her expression seemed to exit the reality of the memory again. Her emerald eyes were sad and her expression drawn as if she were near to tears.

 

I began to wonder if Liv's mother had been a Force-user. Force sensitivity often ran in families, although it could manifest in anyone. The way her anger had seemed amplified nagged at me, but then, perhaps it had simply been the effect of this being a memory. I frowned. I was starting to wonder if any of this would help, but my training told me to always follow up every lead, and there were two more pieces of jewelry. One was a regular black ring, and the other was green and--I grimaced--had the look of a tongue ring. My nose wrinkled in distaste at having to touch it, but I psyched myself up and put the sliver of a finger on the tongue ring, which was dancing with blue fire.

 

At her touch, the tongue ring cooled and filled her mind with a lively scene of more vibrant colors. The scenery was bordered by a large ovoid palace and large round structures that implied Nubian influence. Large formations of people gathered around on the stone terrace and goggled at a young Rodian with a huge cart of miscellany. The crowd’s words weren’t audible, but their intentions were clear. Angry faces and wordless phrases were thrown at the young Rodian and some of the crowd were throwing rotten fruit. The little girl with bouncing tight brown curls appeared around the corner. She stood older than she had in previous visions, but not quite as tall as the older woman with emerald eyes. When the little girl’s eyes found the Rodian, she shot toward him with fierce determination in her eyes. Her arms were wide and her expression was aggressive.

 

She took a rotten fruit to the face, but she didn’t back down. The little girl stood between the Rodian and the crowd of angry onlookers. Her arms were wide open and her expression was stony. She said a few words that were also inaudible. The crowd refused to back away. An older woman--Liv's mother--closed the distance with a squad of military personnel. And, although a little slow, the military personnel helped to break up the spectacle.

 

When the concentration of people diminished, the girl turned to look at the Rodian with a big smile and eagerly started to poke through his cart. The Rodian tried to stop her for a moment but retreated when he remembered what she did. When she returned from her search with a familiar bauble, the older woman started to dig for her credits. It was at that point that the Rodian stuck out a hand and did his best to smile. It was hard to tell on his face, but the expression was earnest. The older woman looked at the girl and smiled widely. Pride swelled in that moment; pride for the compassion that her daughter had shown in the face of danger. It was a subtle change, but the sensation exploded with color.

 

A moment followed, that seemed consistent with previous visions, and the older woman looked out to where Aira was. The same face of sadness reflected in those emerald eyes.

 

I shook my head as the memory faded. Something was strange about these scenes. Liv's mother had seemed almost aware of my presence. Could her spirit be tied to these objects, somehow? I didn't sense a presence, but it was difficult through memories to detect things like that. My mind flicked back to the spirits Onderin and I had freed all those years ago. If Liv's mother was Force-sensitive, it could be possible she was trapped. Could Liv's mental instability be related to that? Had she discovered the truth and been driven to despair and madness as a result? It was hard to reconcile that courageous, compassionate young girl with the torturned, murdering drug addict I had met.

 

There was one last piece of jewelry. Hoping it would provide the key, I reached out, both with the Force, and with my hand.

 

The obsidian ring didn’t glow as fiercely as the others. But it called for contact. And it drew her mind through a murky transition. The scene that opened was dark and dirty. The buildings that surrounded her were huge and brightly colored, but they reeked of over-indulgence, while the street she stood on was poorly maintained and covered in detritus. The memory brought her to the door of a shop that was falling apart. And, for a moment, the memory seemed to wilt with little to no activity. But, with a few seconds of time, the familiar form of Liv bounded around the corner. The little girl from before now sported her trademark mohawk and was just as eccentric as ever. Yet, she still bore her compassion in the smile written on her face.

 

The pre-teen was eager to get into the shop but was stopped at the door by a large Weequay. And he didn’t turn to stop her, so much as his bulk was blocking the way. The man was beating a human that she assumed to be the store owner. When she found an opening, she reached into the holster at the Weequay’s hip and came away with a blaster pistol the size of her forearm. It was a bit unwieldy in the girl’s hands, but it was clear that she not only knew how to use it, but that she was a fair shot. Her mouth opened with aggressive phrasing and the Weequay paused in his beating to look her in the eye. Needless to say, he wasn’t intimidated. So, Liv shot him in the foot. Her intention wasn’t to kill. She wanted him to stop. The feeling was strong in the action and reflected outward in the ripples of the memory. The Weequay frothed in anger, but when Liv aimed to shoot the other foot and backed carefully away from his huge paws, the Weequay abandoned his mission and left the shop.

 

Liv held the over-large pistol in her right hand and entered the shop when the Weequay left. Her mother, the taller woman with emerald eyes, was slow to come to her rescue. And despite the finesse that Liv had shown in dealing with the situation, the woman’s concern grew. It was as potent as her other feelings and reflected in her expression. It shook the memory with the integrity of its sensation, but the memory held until Liv came away with an obsidian ring. She paid the human a little extra than he asked to help him with his trouble. Yet, her aggressive action toward the Weequay would have lasting results that the little girl couldn’t understand.

 

Her mother looked out again, staring into Aira’s eyes, attempting to contact her. But, once again, the vision fizzled.

 

Now I was sure. Somehow the spirit of the emerald-eyed woman was attempting to contact me. That was why the Force had guided me here, and it was the woman's direction that had chosen these specific memories. There was something she wanted me to see, to understand.

 

Absently, I turned to Officer Samuels. "Do you have a bacta strip for my fingers?" I asked. They were burned pretty badly. If the officer didn't have any medical aid, I could deal with it myself, but I wanted to be fully focused on the task at hand. And that task was putting together pieces of a puzzle that Liv's mother wanted me to solve. "Take me to Liv," I ordered. "I need to see her."

[Aira Cadan]

It was with a feeling akin to triumph that as we moved to the door, I sensed another presence in the room. I turned, and there was the woman from the memories, just as I had hoped. I nodded as she spoke. "I will do what I can to help your daughter," I promised. "But she has to be willing to try." I trotted back and grabbed the whole tray of jewelry. Shutting the lid, I slipped it into my pocket. The spirit faded, and the CoreSec officer led the way to the medbay.

 

Aelyn was already there, and she quickly let me know the security cameras hadn't shown much. I nodded. "My investigation turned up a bit more. There is a Force power called psychometry. I'll teach it to you sometime, but it basically allows me to see memories related to objects, particularly possessions." I pulled out the case of jewelry and opened it to show her. Then I quickly filled her in on what I had learned. "So basically," I finished, "guilt drove this girl to the darkness, and now the darkness has a hold on her. Her mother's spirit is nearby and will attempt to help us, but we just need to get through to Liv and help her conquer and move past all of this." My lips twitched. "I've never done anything like this before," I admitted to Aelyn softly. "There are other Jedi who are better at counseling and such. But the Force brought us here for a reason, and I think both of us have a role to play in Liv's recovery. Trust your instincts."

 

Samuels handed me a bacta strip, and I gratefully applied it to my burnt fingers. The soothing gel calmed the pain immediately. I smiled encouragingly at my padawan, then approached Liv's tank. "Liv? Can you hear me?"

[Aira Cadan]

I took a deep breath as the girl in the tank stirred. With one hand, I reached for Aelyn's hand. "Add your focus and power to mine," I told my apprentice through the Force. Aelyn would be connected to my mind through the whole exchange, serving as my anchor to myself, as well as being able to hopefully observe, learn, and help. Once I felt a flow of Force energy from her, I slipped the obsidian ring onto my finger and placed that hand on the outside of the bacta tank. The Force flowed through me as I lowered myself into its current.

 

The darkness was thick inside Liv's mind. It was guilt, it was doubt, it was regret. But as I searched, I came to the realization that, thankfully, it was not an outside source drilling into her. Rather, she was doing this to herself. That made the situation both easier and harder. I reached out and brushed my mind against hers.

 

"Liv, you need to forgive yourself. There are people who care about you. I have seen your past. I know it's messy. But everyone's is."

 

I channeled some of my energy into her. It was going to be a rough fight, and she'd need every edge she could get. Then I wrapped her in an invisible blanket of the light side of the Force--peace, serenity, harmony, knowledge, and life. The ring on my finger seemed to vibrate, and with a flicker, a blue-outlined ghost appeared on my right side, opposite Aelyn. Liv's mother mimicked my motion, placing a incorporeal hand on the glass of the bacta tank, her expression gentle and riddled with concern.

 

"Liv," her mother called to her. "Whatever of you is left in that shell, you must know that I forgive you. You must know that I don’t hold you accountable for my death. You will always be my little Rominaria Flower. Know that, I missed traveling with you and that I will always love you." The ghost looked deeply into Liv’s eyes, emerald green meeting matching emerald green. "Please, let it go. Just let it all go."

[Aira Cadan]

Between the three of us, Liv suddenly turned a metaphysical corner. I caught a brief glimpse of a band on a stage, each of us at an instrument. But then the image faded. Once I realized that she was going to be alright, I drew back from her mind gently, and then withdrew from Aelyn as well. The Force ghost faded, and I shook my head, dropping my hands. I breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. "She'll be alright now," I told the officer. "She'll heal normally, and her psyche is on the mend. That's about all we can do for her."

 

I turned to Aelyn. "Sometimes all someone needs is to know that someone else believes in them. I'm sure you have a bunch of questions about this," I grinned. "I promise I'll do my best to answer all of them. But for now, I think what Liv needs most is peace and quiet to heal." I turned to Officer Samuels. "Feel free to give Liv my comm number when she wakes. I'd be happy to talk to her if she wants to." Liv was going to have to stand trial for her crime, although I was unsure how the court would plead. Insanity, perhaps? And then she'd have to go through drug rehab...it was a long road ahead, but I felt she was ready now to tackle that challenge. "Oh," I added, slipping the ring off my finger, "I'm sure she'll want this when she wakes."

 

I headed out of the CoreSec headquarters and back into the sunshine, Aelyn tailing me. I smiled at her once we were out. "Well, that was interesting."

[Aira Cadan]

I nodded. “One of the most famous Jedi Masters of old is famous for having said many things, but one of them was that to become a Jedi, one must unlearn what you have learned. It requires a paradigm shift, a new way of thinking. I think it's one of the most difficult things about becoming a Jedi. And you're right; it wasn't really us who did anything. We were simply the bridge, the guide, the hands and feet of the work that the Force wanted to do in her life. That's our job. It always will be.”

 

We were hungry, so we stopped for a quick bite to eat at a Twi’lek restaurant. I ordered the special, which turned out to be roast gornt. “Did you ever hear the joke about the Bothan who goes into a cantina with a gornt under his arm?” I remarked jovially.

 

After our meals had been served, I broached a new topic. “Aelyn, I've been meaning to talk to you about the next phase in your training. I think it's time you made your first lightsaber. It's important for you to learn to defend yourself and others. Not only that, but often, the mere sight of even a deactivated lightsaber will stop a dispute before it starts. It is the symbol of the Jedi, and by bearing one, you accept the rights and responsibilities of a Jedi. I think you're ready for that step.”

 

I wasn't sure how she would feel about it. She was very pacifistic, which I wanted to honor, but even the most pacifistic Jedi carried a lightsaber. “Besides, when we go before the Senate, I hate to say it, but you will be treated better if people know immediately you're a Jedi Padawan, and not just a regular young woman.”

 

On top of that, I knew how making a lightsaber changed a person. It was formative for both Jedi and Sith for a reason.

[Aira Cadan]

I smiled. "Don't worry. You'll get there. I think you'll make a great Jedi Knight someday." I was pleased with her decision. It meant that she was taking things seriously, and that a new world was opening up in her mind.

 

We made our way back to the hotel to check out, and then to Aelyn's ship. Once there, I let my padawan take us up, while I accessed the Jedi Order archives on my datapad. Once I had the information I wanted, I headed up to the cockpit, stopping only to use the 'fresher--I was paying the price for eating that roast gornt.

 

I slipped into the copilot's chair. "We're heading for Dantooine," I told her. "Every lightsaber is powered by a special crystal, which you can only find in a few places in the galaxy. Dantooine is one of them. And it's much nicer than the other alternative, Ilum."

 

Once we were in hyperspace, I handed her my datapad. "You'll find a diagram on there with instructions about how to build the casing for your lightsaber. It's mostly spare parts," I chuckled. "I'm sure you can find pretty much everything you need here onboard your ship. Anything you're missing we can pick up on Dantooine."

[Aira Cadan]

Space was chaotic over Borleias. Not only had most of the Jedi fleet jumped in, but we were met by another fleet. Squinting out the viewport, I felt relief wash over me as I recognized the device of the Survivor's Foundation emblazoned across their hulls. Now it really felt like I was back in the middle of the war.

 

I glanced down at the terminal I was seated behind and winced. If I had thought the refugee situation on Felucia was bad, it was much worse here. Being more Core-ward, Borleias had clearly become a massive destination for those fleeing Coruscant. There was no way the planet could handle such a massive influx. I quickly realized that one of our roles here would be transporting refugees to other destinations. But not many worlds had opened their arms wide to embrace the refugees. In fact, many had studiously looked the other way. The Galactic Alliance government was in shambles, it's fleet mostly crippled hulks drifting in space, and there was no one to force planetary governments to accept refugees. There was no one to even begin to attempt to organize something on this massive of a scale. My head hurt just thinking about it. But I knew that would have to be where we came in, too. Jedi had a voice, and the time had come to use it.

 

Though we were having leadership struggles of our own. No one had seen or heard from Grandmaster Trevelian since Hesperidium had hit. And as for the Jedi Council--Master Skywalker was missing in action over Onderon, presumed dead; Master Illioni had vanished from the galaxy several months ago; Master Organa hadn't been seen for a while either, and messages to her had gone unanswered. We were scattered, and I wasn't quite sure who to look for for orders.

 

That's the soldier talking, I chastised myself. You're a Jedi. You don't need to wait for orders to act. That's one of the things that makes us who we are. It also meant that the burden of dealing with all this had to fall on someone's shoulders, and it might as well be mine until I heard otherwise.

 

But where to start? It was a massive problem. The sheer scope of it threatened to overwhelm me. But then I took a deep breath, calmed myself, and focused. Start where you can. After a moment, I rose from my terminal. There were other Jedi in the system. It would be good to coordinate with them. Perhaps together we could spread out and talk some planetary governments in other systems into accepting some of the refugees before Borleias grew critically overpopulated. Once we started getting some other planets, our fleet could work with the Survivor's Foundation to begin shuttling refugees to those systems.

 

And as for credits...well, I bet that my old friend the Empress of the Imperial Remnant would be willing to help out. That would be a good first place to go. For planets, too, I mused, making my way through the ship's corridors, although any GA forces left wouldn't be too happy shuttling their civilians over to Remnant worlds, no matter the current peace between the two governments.

 

My train of thought didn't cease until I arrived at my apprentice's quarters. For a moment, I felt sorry for him. What a mess of a time to try to learn to become a Jedi on top of everything else, I thought. But I knew that going through these trying times would only serve to make him a better Jedi in the end, even if it was hard to see in the moment. I rapped on the door. "Mjan? It's Aira. Can I come in?"

[Aira Cadan]

Despite my heavy thoughts, Mjan's almost sheepish response elicited a smile from me as I entered and took in the scene. "Looks like you're making excellent progress," I joked. "Perhaps now is the time to exhort you not to use the Force too lightly. It's a great power, and as we master it, it becomes easier and easier to access, but it's not to be used trivially, or because one was too lazy to stand up and open the door physically." My tone took on a more serious timbre. "It's good to test your limits, to challenge yourself as you grow in ability. For now though, I want to fill you in on what's been going on."

 

The door slid shut behind me. The lighting in the room was too dim for my tastes. "Lights up by 20%," I said aloud, and the room readjusted accordingly. I took a seat at the small table. "I'm not sure what you know about the state of the galaxy right now," I began. "My impressions are that you have been fairly cut off from galactic news. But Jedi are almost always at the center of everything going on, and this will affect you directly, so let me give you a run down."

 

Noticing the tea, I rose and grabbed a fresh cup from the tiny kitchenette, then returned to the table and poured myself some of the tea as I spoke. I started with the end of the last war, with the formation of the Galactic Alliance and my role in it. I spoke about the few years of tentative, hopeful peace, until eventually the treaty failed and systems began breaking away to form the Imperial Remnant as a response to not feeling secure in GA hands. "Maybe in retrospect, the dissolution of the fleet was not the right choice, but at the time, it seemed like the only way to maintain order," I mused, taking a sip of the tea.

 

I continued, telling him about my conversations with the empress, and her offers to ally with the Jedi Order. Opening up, I hinted about how I wanted to trust my friend, but I couldn't shake my concerns about how quickly she had taken power and all the benefits it offered her. "Anyway, despite the fracture, I still had hope for a peaceful galaxy, these two governments co-existing. But then the Sith reawakened." I shook my head. "They had been quiet for a long time. Who knows what they were up to, keeping their heads down and working behind the scenes. But the Imperial Remnant's drive to snuff out all darkness caused them to respond violently, and it was as if they exploded onto the galactic stage again at full force, ready to burn and slaughter their way through the galaxy again."

 

I explained how the rest of the galaxy had tried to fight back, informing him about the death of Kirlocca and the battle of Onderon and the reemergence of Vladimir Faust. "Our current Grandmaster, Master Trevelian, is no coward, but he is adamant that Jedi should not take the offensive and act as soldiers." I shrugged. "You've seen by now that I'm just as much a soldier as a Jedi, so you know that I don't quite see things the way he does. But I appreciate where he's coming from: in war, it's very easy to justify horrible actions. In the end, civilians are going to be killed. And it's up to the Jedi to stand in the gap for that as much as we can. We're protectors, shields. And it's hard to balance that with the knowledge that sometimes sacrifices have to be made for the greater good." My lips quirked wryly. "See, even as I say that, I'm not sure that's something a Jedi should ever say. I'm sure most of the Jedi Council would disagree with me. They'd say that as Jedi, it's our job to find another way. And maybe that's possible. But...well, my old master used to say, 'There's no good in war, but there is good in why we fight them.'"

 

As if to punctuate my point, our comms pinged simultaneously, and I played the message from Knight Alluyen aloud. Clearly the Force was working, for she and I had been thinking along the same lines. However, I hadn't heard about Raven's capture. The news saddened me, and hardened my resolve. Still, something in Adenna's words set off a warning bell in my mind. It was probably nothing, but her words were so...staunch, so full of zealous righteousness. I glanced at Mjan and slowly put away my comlink. "There's another risk we as Jedi face," I said, lowering my voice. "As Jedi, the ends can never justify the means, or we'll be serving the very darkness we wish to push back against. Darkness can never truly be defeated--it will always be there, lingering in the shadows. And it's clever. It can take the most zealous heart and corrupt it. The most corrupted people I've ever met are not those who are mad with darkness and drunk on power and just want to watch the galaxy burn; it's those who do wrong for what they think are the right reasons."

 

I had leaned forward in my chair, and now I drew back and spoke with a lighter tone. "I'm not saying that Knight Alluyen is doing that. I happen to think this is the right course of action, and I want to join her. I just say that as a warning--we need to constantly examine our motives and our actions."

 

I downed the rest of the tea. "Now, I've talked enough. What do you think? Do you think we should join in and help rescue the empress?" A spark of humor rekindled itself in my eyes. "Are you completely overwhelmed with all of this yet?"

[Aira Cadan]

I nodded once. "It's decided then." Rising to my feet, I held out my hand for his teacup, and once he handed it to me, I took both of our cups over to the sink. "We'll head over and meet up with Knight Alluyen. On the way, I'll get you started on the enlistment paperwork. You'll have to learn on the go, just as I did, but I think you'll be a valuable member of the fleet, as well as a Jedi padawan."

 

Once the dishes were rinsed, I dried my hands on a towel. Pulling out my comlink, I sent a text query through it, and a response pinged in a moment later with Alluyen's location. "Right, she's on the Sanare," I said. "Ready to go? We can catch a transport over."

 

Together, we headed to the hangar, while I filled Mjan in on the military structure of the Jedi fleet. They used the same general ranking structure as the GA fleet, but Jedi were always considered officers. Mjan would start as a lieutenant.

 

The flight over was short, and we were soon making our way to the bridge. I saluted the Mon Cal captain, then let my gaze fall to Knight Alluyen. She looked familiar, and after a moment, I placed her. We had met a few times over the years. The last time I had seen her, we had attempted to heal Geki's fractured mind, with no success. I inclined my head to her. "Knight Alluyen? I'm Knight Cadan, and this is my apprentice, Mjan. We're here to volunteer to be part of the rescue mission for Empress Zinthos."

[Aira Cadan]

I was intrigued by Adenna's insistence on getting the support of the full Council. Wasn't that why the Grandmaster had appointed masters for each of us to report to? So that we wouldn't have to wait until the Council was in session to take official action? Besides, as I had just finished telling Mjan, one of the strengths of the Jedi Order was that we were able to operate with some level of independence. Still, I supposed Adenna was thinking of some major, public action. It wasn't how I would go about it, but if she was planning that, she was right to wait for Council permission. But I was sure they'd agree, so there was no harm in starting preparations while we waited.

 

I frowned as she continued. "We don't even know where she is being held? That is indeed a major setback." I thought through our options. "The GA would likely be willing to help, but they were hit hard after Coruscant fell. They're honestly in shambles right now, and I'm not sure what's going to happen. Much of the leadership is dead, and with them, a lot of their resources. I would guess that they're pretty busy worrying about themselves right now. No, our own people might be better at finding her. But I can call in a few favors with some other contacts. Maybe one of them will know something." I paused. "Just how much are you willing to risk to rescue her? What if, say, she's on Onderon? There's no way we can stand against the Sith fleet. We were slaughtered last time we tried, and that was when the GA fleet was strong."

[Aira Cadan]

I immediately nodded. "I know many in GA leadership. But I think our best bet at this point in time would be to try and contact Admiral Bruce Slaughter. Last I heard, he was essentially the fleet commander. And he's an old...friend of mine." Okay, so he wasn't really a friend--the man mistrusted Jedi too much for us to really be friends--but I had worked with him a lot during the war, and I highly respected him. "Do you want me to ask if their intelligence has located Raven? Excuse me, the Empress? Or are you more interested in fleet support from them? I'd like to know exactly what you wish to propose to him before I try to make contact." I paused very briefly. "The Remnant is likely our best source regardless, though. They will have the most motivation to find her as well."

 

Meanwhile, I was pleased that Mjan had been bold enough to speak up. I reached out and spoke through the Force into his mind. "Never be afraid to express your thoughts and opinions, padawan. They are always welcome."

[Aira Cadan]

Adenna left fairly abruptly--she was like that, I remembered, never lingering when she had said all she had needed to say. Others considered her rude at times, but it didn't bother me. Better brief and considered rude than long-winded and considered boring. I turned to Mjan just as he mentioned some reservations he was feeling. "Hmmm," I nodded, "what do you mean by political rather than rescue? Is it merely because she is the Remnant Empress?" I didn't pause, but continued. "Of course, that will bring politics into this, no doubt about it: a Jedi is a negotiator, a diplomat. But we aren't politicians." Sometimes it did feel like it, though. I had spent the last few years being what was essentially a political liaison between the GA and Jedi, a role that I could have done just as easily as a non-Jedi. But it was good for the Jedi Order to have a Jedi be their spokesperson, and it was a role I was willing to fill, even if it wore on me sometimes.

 

But I was interested to hear what my padawan was thinking. I motioned for him to follow as we headed into the turbolift and I sent us hurtling down towards the hangar deck.

[Aira Cadan]

I sighed. "Unfortunately, you're probably right. It shouldn't be that way--a Jedi values all life, and every life is just as important as any other life. We are called to risk and sacrifice ourselves for the lowest as well as the highest. But we're also fallible beings, and fallible beings can make good decisions for the wrong reasons." I paused. "Now, I'm not saying that Alluyen is making this decision for the wrong reason. I don't know her thought process. But I'm choosing to focus on the fact that regardless of who Raven is, we're rescuing her because she is a being that deserves dignity and respect, and because it's our call to try and save her." We continued down the corridor. "As to if this mission would be taking place if she wasn't the empress....the truth is, I don't know if we would have known about it if she wasn't. If we had, I would hope that we would still make an attempt to save her. But I don't doubt that Alluyen is willing to risk more than normal because of Raven's position." I sighed again. "I don't agree with that. Raven is my friend, and I want to help her, but we are at war, and in war, sacrifice is required. We have to make smart choices with our resources."

 

I shook my head. "And that's exactly why Jedi are bad at war. The Code teaches us that we should hold all lives equally, but war demands ruthless calculus." I hated it, but I couldn't see another way. The Masters, the Council, perhaps they could. But that wisdom was hidden from me.

 

I took a deep breath. "Anyway...speaking of the Code, you were reading up on the basics of it, weren't you? What did you think? What questions do you have of me?"

[Aira Cadan]

A wry smile touched my face at Mjan's confusion. "Well first off, let me just say that it's no surprise that you struggle with those last two tenets. Every Jedi struggles with them. Even older, more experienced ones." The lift hissed open and we stepped out, heading down the hall. "But I'll tell you what I've learned. There is no chaos, there is harmony. Obviously there is chaos in the galaxy, but there shouldn't be chaos in the heart of a Jedi Knight. He is always at peace, calm of mind, and sure of intent. We don't make rash decisions. It also refers to how we operate together. We work in harmony, as much as it depends on us, with everyone, and don't let things like personality differences get in the way. We also work to calm chaos. Note that it doesn't say there is no chaos, there is order. That is how some people apply this line of the code, and I personally think that's one of the issues at the heart of some of the disunity among the Jedi and Imperial Knights." I shrugged. "Not that I know too much about their ideology."

 

An officer saluted me as we passed, and I saluted back habitually, then continued to speak, slower this time. "As for the last line...death is a mystery, and it happens to everyone eventually. No living being is truly immortal. But this line of the Code speaks to the fact that the Force is beyond even the realm of death." I bit my lip, trying to explain. "This is the reason that among Jedi, we often refer to death as 'becoming one with the Force'. Jedi can merge their remaining life force with the Force at death, and so, at times, retain the ability to influence events. We often refer to them as 'Force ghosts'--spirits of the dead whom we can communicate with. Is it really the person's spirit or soul? No one can say for sure. And it seems as if, though every Jedi has the potential to do this, not many actually do." I thought for a moment about my old master Onderin Starlisk. If I could speak to him again, what words of wisdom would he be able to offer? His experience was sorely needed as the Jedi turned to war again. "Anyway," I shook myself, "this belief means that death doesn't have to be something we dread. Instead of being afraid, we can trust that we will still fulfill the Force's purpose, and that in turn frees us to take the risks we sometimes need to take to save others."

 

We finally arrived at our destination: the comm center. Here, signals were sent and received from halfway across the galaxy, with boosts powerful enough to cut through even low level subspace jamming in a pinch. I stepped up to the officer in charge. "I need to get in contact with Admiral Bruce Slaughter of the Galactic Alliance."

 

The man nodded. "Just a moment, I'll try and locate him."

[Aira Cadan]

I paused. "No, I wouldn't say that. Good question though. I guess I'm not really sure, but I would say that the Jedi would be protectors even if the Sith did not exist. For it's not just against the Sith that we fight. It's against injustice, cruelty, chaos, anger, strife. All kinds of evil, whether easily visible or more subtle."

 

The officer glanced up then. "Ma'am, I'm having trouble raising the admiral. His ship was at Coruscant, and subspace there is filled with tons of interlapping signals. Even our own internal systems bring no answer. The only thing I can tell you is that the fleet there has suffered a great number of losses. It's possible the admiral was one of them. The last sighting of his ship showed it in serious trouble."

 

The news made me ache to jump into a ship and race to the city-planet, but I knew by the time I got there, it would be too late to do any good. "Thank you, Lieutenant," I replied soberly. "Will you please alert me as soon as you have news?"

 

"Yes, ma'am," the man replied with a salute.

 

I nodded and motioned for Mjan to follow me out of the comm center. Every time I thought about Coruscant, my heart hurt. I couldn't help but play the mind-game of 'what if'--what if more Jedi had been able to get there on time? What if we had caught Faust before all of this was triggered? But I was an experienced enough officer to put those thoughts aside. A good officer thought through the what ifs to be better prepared for the future, not to dwell on the past.

 

I suddenly started, realizing I had lapsed into silence. "Sorry, Mjan. Well, we can't really do much until we hear from the admiral, so let's get your commission squared away, grab some lunch, and then we'll work on some more practical applications of the Force. Beyond just lifting marbles."

[Aira Cadan]

I nodded, showing that I appreciated Mjan's encouragement, but didn't comment further. We made our way to an office where Mjan could formalize his enlistment as a member of the Jedi fleet. It wasn't a long application, much different from my application process to the GA fleet when I was a padawan, but there was still a level of formality that I always thought had been a smart move by the Grandmaster when the fleet was formed. A fleet never worked well when people couldn't take orders, and that was traditionally one of the weaknesses of the Jedi, given that we were trained to operate independently. Once everything was squared away, Mjan officially became a lieutenant, and was assigned some kit should he desire to use or wear it.

 

"Let me just say," the officer helping us added as he stood and shook Mjan's hand, "that you're the first ethnic Sith to ever join this fleet, and I say it's a good omen. Congratulations, Lieutenant."

 

We then headed to the officer's mess for some lunch. I insisted on making it a celebration, so I kept the conversation light, and tried to introduce Mjan to as many other officers as I could, as well as just getting to know him better. Towards the end of the meal, I grabbed two slices of cake. "Do you like cake?"

 

--

 

Eventually, the two of us found ourselves in an empty workout/training room with high ceilings. "Alright, Mjan," I said, getting down to business. "So you've learned the basics of telekinesis. Those basics have a wide variety of applications. This afternoon I'd like to focus on applying those principles to your own body." Readying myself, I suddenly leapt straight up, using the Force as a springboard, until I grabbed some pipes in the unfinished ceiling. Then I dropped to the floor, landing as lightly as if I had simply stepped instead of fell twenty feet. I then threw myself into a backwards leap, twisting several times in the air and staying up just a hair too long to be normal. "One of the lightsaber combat forms, Form V, uses these applications frequently to allow quick movement on the battlefield and fast evasion of an enemy's attacks." I gestured to him. "Give it a try. You're only limited by your creativity."

[Aira Cadan]

I grinned. "You're a fast learner. Now, as I said, the use of something like this is mostly up to your imagination--the principles are generally the same. You can jump, slow your fall, flip. But you can also push air molecules away from yourself and so run faster than any normal being can."

 

I didn't demonstrate, figuring he could understand without it. "Try a couple things. Get the hang of it."

 

As he did so, I crossed the room and picked up two long and light bamboo rods. Our next task would be one I guessed he'd take to equally as well.

[Aira Cadan]

"Good," I encouraged him. "You'll have time to keep practicing on your own, and now that you've got the basics down, you'll find many new applications as you live your life as a Jedi." I handed him one of the bamboo sticks as I spoke. "Now, perhaps you've already had some training in using a blade as a weapon in combat, but a lightsaber is different. There is no weight beyond that of the hilt, which takes some getting used to, and of course, it's as much a defensive weapon as an offensive one."

 

I took a stance in the middle of the room, my weight balanced evenly between my two feet, my bamboo stick raised perpendicular to the floor at an easy guard. "Obviously, these sticks have weight to them, but they're a good starting point to work on your form." I went on to explain about the six zones of defense, and the three rings of awareness. Following that, I showed him the first few postures of Form I. "There are seven forms in all," I continued. "I'll send you an attachment to some data files so you can look them over, and once you've mastered these basics in Form I, I'll teach you everything I can about whatever form you wish to learn about. Most Jedi end up focusing on one form that they become masters of; I myself prefer Form VI. The Order currently has masters of almost every form; if I can't take you deep enough into your desire to learn a particular form, then we can surely find another Jedi to teach you more."

 

From there, I went on to explain about the precognition the Force granted us, and how it was useful in combat. Once I had exhausted both my knowledge on the subject and my student, I made Mjan work through more of the basic formwork. Several hours passed until we were both pretty wiped, and I was satisfied that he had begun to really grasp Form I.

 

Once the lesson had finished, I collected the bamboo sticks. "Next time, we'll use training sabers," I smiled, wiping sweat from my brow. "Good work today, padawan. The rest of the day is yours to spend as you see fit."

[Aira Cadan]

"Hmmm," I mused, "that's an interesting statement. I've never heard that said before." I placed the sticks back on the rack as I spoke. "I suppose I'd say that that both oversimplifies and overcomplicates the issue. Yes, to a certain extent the lightsaber is an extension of our will, of our thoughts and desires. I'd say it's more like an extension of our body, a tool. But that statement puts too much emphasis on the idea that it's the Jedi controlling the lightsaber. Like in every other area, our actions should always be only what the Force wills. If our minds are at peace, and our wills surrendered to the Force's, then they become one and the same and we can act without hesitation. Knowing the will of the Force will, ideally, become second nature to you. That is what I believe true mastery is. You're empty of yourself, and there is only the Force."

My tone had grown misty, and I shook myself. "As far as others being attracted to a lightsaber, that's also sort of true. Many beings will recognize you as a Jedi because of your lightsaber. Their response then is usually one of two things: wariness and antagonism, or relief and respect. Even if you don't draw the weapon, sometimes its mere presence is enough to end a dispute--or start one," I added. "Anyway, each Jedi is slightly different in terms of how often they use their lightsaber, and why. But honestly, most of the time Jedi only find themselves needing to draw their lightsaber as a last resort. Most situations can be diffused without it."

Or at least, hypothetically, I thought. My experience had been a little different. But I was still a Jedi Knight myself, not a Master, and training Aelyn and Mjan was showing just how far I still had to go. "In terms of defense, yes, there are forms more focused on deflecting blaster bolts and the like, particularly Form III."

I fell silent then. I was tired, and I had done a lot of talking today. What I needed was a shower, another meal, and a good nine hours of sleep. Plus, I needed to recharge by being alone for a bit. Mjan was great, but I was kind of people-d out. Tomorrow would be another day, and if I was right about the nudges I was feeling from the Force, would require much from both myself and my padawan. 

I smiled tiredly at him. "Okay, I'll see you in the morning. 0800 hours, back here, okay?"

[Aira Cadan]

I was happy to be back at my quarters. "Lights at 60%," I said, and the lights dimmed to a soothing yellow as the door slid shut behind me. I headed into the refresher, and after a moment, drew a bath instead of taking a sanisteam. Once the tub was full, I undressed and slipped into the soothing warm water. For a moment, I wished for some pleasant-smelling foam or oil to add to the water, remembering the luxurious baths I had had as a teen, but then I let it go. Both the Jedi and the military didn't approve of frivolity. In fact, I remembered Onderin giving me a hard time once about my numerous hair care products, but I had put my foot down on that one. 

I was out of the water before it got cold, drying off and dressing in a simple long-sleeved under tunic and soft woven pants. The ship was honestly too cold to wear that without my warmer outer tunic, but I wanted to be comfortable and was feeling too lazy to pull on the outer layers. Heading out of my room, I made my way quickly and quietly down the hall into the mess. I grabbed a simple meal--a sandwich with some kind of meat and a salad of local greens, packed it up, and brought it back to my room. Once back, I kicked off my boots. Unfortunately, there wasn't a nice soft chair I could curl up in--another example of military and Jedi spartan philosophy--but I was comfortable enough on the soft rug that covered the floor by the bed. Lastly, I set the computer playing some quiet classical music. I had discovered that listening to music often helped me clear my mind, and since that discovery, I'd been trying out various pieces from composers around the galaxy whenever I had the opportunity. Tonight's piece was Valachord Cantata in G Minor by a Nautolan composer. 

I leaned back, eating my meal and enjoying the music, my mind slowly processing through the events of the day, and then clearing bit by bit. The music, the dim lights, my contented fatigue and full stomach all combined, and my relaxation slipped into meditation. As I relaxed, the Force flowed through me, washing away my anxiety and sorrow, replacing them with calm acceptance and faith.

After a long while, I rose, disposed of my trash, and got ready for bed. Sleep came quickly after I slipped between the covers, and I slept long and deep above Borleias.

[Aira Cadan]

Mornings onboard a ship arrived with the chirping of an alarm. I rose a little grumpily; I liked being on ships, but I always preferred waking up on the ground, a planet's sun or suns rising and streaming in through the shuttered blinds on the windows. Space was always just dark. At least, I thought, crossing to my viewport, there was the beautiful sight of the swirling blue-and-green world looming large beneath us. The planet's magnificence dissipated my grumpiness and I dressed with a renewed energy to tackle the day, choosing a set of grey-and-cream Jedi robes that I rarely wore. I tamed my hair and performed my other ablutions, choosing to skip a full breakfast in favor of an energy bar and a cup of caf in my quarters. 

At the designated time, I headed down the hall to the training room. Mjan was already there. "Good morning, padawan. I hope you slept well." I jumped right in. "So I've rethought today's lessons. Let's head down to Borleias."

We made our way through the halls to the hangar, where we waited for an opportunity to make the brief trip to the surface. It wasn't long before an opportunity arose, and we claimed spots on a supply shuttle. As we boarded, I handed Mjan a data chip. "Here, you can read up on the lightsaber forms, as I promised last night."

Half an hour later, we touched down. The cargo door opened with a hiss, letting in the warm air of the planet. I smiled and inhaled deeply. I have breathed the air of a thousand worlds, I thought, quoting the line from one of my favorite poets to myself. 

We had landed in one of the refugee camps. The Jedi were doing what we could to make the camps habitable for a longer term. It was going to take a long time to find permanent homes for those displaced from Coruscant. We made our way through the camp. I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but I knew the Force had led us here. So I turned to Mjan as we walked, and posed a question to him. "Mjan, what is the dark side?"

[Aira Cadan]

I nodded. It was difficult to define something like the dark side without resorting to poetic language, yet Mjan did a good job of grounding his in the harsh reality of the situation around us. "Tell me this, then," I said slowly. "How does one fight against the dark side? If it's a pebble thrown into the water, how does one prevent the pebble from causing ripples? Is darkness not inevitable? Won't there always be chaos, war, strife, anger, somewhere in the galaxy?"

I gestured broadly to the beings around us. "Despite the best efforts of the Jedi Order, these people still lost everything. We tried. The best of our Order gathered, gave it their best effort, and yet they still failed. And failure is not an isolated incident. As a Jedi, our capacity for failure is greater than others', because of our power and because of the situations we find ourselves in. If failure is, at some point, in many situations, inevitable, and even our successes don't drive back the darkness completely, what, then, is the point of trying?"

[Aira Cadan]

Mjan's answer wasn't what I expected, but then, the Sith continually surprised me. He continued my metaphor, expanding it in a way I had never considered. "An excellent way to put it, padawan," I praised. 

We continued walking. I sensed we hadn't yet reached our destination. "It's not easy to be a blade of grass," I stated, almost abruptly after a long silence. "The life of a Jedi is about forgetting oneself, always putting oneself last. The needs of those around us trump our own needs or desires. Even to the point of self-sacrifice. We always have to be willing to do whatever it takes to save, protect, or help. Well," I hesitated, "not 'whatever it takes'. There are lines we cannot cross. Anger, aggression...the lure of the dark side will always be there. But we have to be willing to sacrifice everything in ourselves to achieve peace."

I didn't think I was explaining myself very well. "Anyway, that's why a Jedi should always be slow to attack. There's almost always a way where the price is shifted to us and not others. It just requires some creative thinking sometimes."

I still wasn't quite satisfied with the way I had put it, but I hoped Mjan would understand. Suddenly, the sensation I had been getting in the Force clarified. I grabbed Mjan by the coat sleeve and pulled him to the side. "See that family over there?" I gestured with my chin. "I think you can help them. And I think you're supposed to help them. Go. Let's see where following the leading of the Force takes you."

((OOC: The details are up to you, but I'd like it to take a few posts, and I want it to require procuring something hard-to-get, requiring you to go outside the camp.))

[Aira Cadan]

"Indeed, I'm sure they shall," I replied. But even as I said the words, I shook my head. "This task, however, is yours to complete. Be on your guard, let the Force guide you, and use what you have learned, and you will not go astray." I reached into my satchel and pulled out a training lightsaber. It wouldn't put Mjan at risk of losing his limbs if it was miswielded, but it would still offer him some protection in case he needed it. I handed it to him. "I'll be a comm call away if you need me. May the Force be with you."

I crossed my arms then and saw him off. I had no doubt that he would succeed, and more than that, that he would learn something new. 

[Aira Cadan]

When I wished my padawan luck and sent him off, I had no idea just how long he'd be gone. 

As the days passed, I fell into a routine. There had been no news of Knight Alluyen's plan to rescue the Empress, so I didn't push it. Either they had gone without me, or the Force was leading them in a different direction. And while I hoped the best for my friend, I was growing in quiet confidence in the Force's guidance. 

Day by day, I mediated, seeking direction, and every day, I knew my role was to stay. So I threw myself into helping the refugees on Borleias however I could. Some days it was as simple as setting up new prefab shelters, while other days I spent hours in a form of the battle meditation my old master had taught me, linking all the other Jedi at work here and bolstering the spirits of the refugees. Occasionally, I'd return to the fleet to take care of business, but those days were few and far between.

I grew stronger and calmer as the days turned into weeks. The burden of despair that had come over me after Coruscant's destruction slowly dissipated. I sweated and ached and wept alongside the refugees, but I also encouraged them and built hope back into their lives. The Force flowed more strongly in me each day, and I became possessed of a quiet contentment. For however long this lasted, my soul felt at peace.

At the end of the second month, however, I had to admit I was starting to wonder if Mjan would ever return. I knew that he was still alive--I felt confident that I'd sense it if he died--but I had no idea what he was learning, or even where he was. I searched the Force with more urgency each morning, and found only the reassurance that he was on the right path. It would be my choice if that was enough for me.

A few days later, however, I sensed a change. Danger was lurking. I could tell that it wasn't directed at the camp itself, but that was all. Uneasily, I ordered a patrol of the surrounding jungle, then forced myself to do something else to get my mind off it. Two hours later, however, the patrol returned--and they weren't alone. I saw them pull up to the hospital shelter and I quickened my stride, knowing I was supposed to be there. 

As I approached, I knew why. Mjan lay on a stretcher, unconscious and emaciated. The medical staff hooked him up to an IV and after some efficient checks, left him to tend to patients in more dire straights. "He simply needs time to recover," one told me on her way out. "It's just starvation and dehydration."

I nodded, then when we were alone, pulled up a chair to his bedside. This was my place until he awoke. I felt a little bit guilty--he could have died--but the feeling quickly faded into the Force. Things had turned out exactly the way it had desired, and I knew Mjan's experiences would be crucial in shaping him into the Jedi he was destined to become. For now, then, I'd make sure that mine was the first face he saw when he awoke.