Endor

[fuzzy_ewok]

True enough, the wooden shaft had burned away, but the serrated stone head, not likely to catch fire, and driven by the thrower's momentum, embedded itself in Hou-Jo, even as the shaft did break off and burn away.

 

Now the serrated spearhead tears away at the colon, ripping open a bleeding grash, causing precious red blood to spill between the hems of his pants- the wound was now life threatening due to his negligence and pride in ignoring such an attack.

 

Again, out of the forest, a large spear is launched, hurting down from the trees, this time planting itself between Hou-Jo's vertibre above the pelvis. The wooden shaft is again incinerated, now leaving no way to safely remove the serrated stone stuck in the Jedi's body- paralyzing him from the waist down.

 

"Yub.. Yub... Yub... Yub..." comes the chant.

 

[Translation:

 

Run, Run, Run.

You'll so be well done.

 

Soon you'll be sent to Heaven

At the call of Vladimir Lenin ("Who's Lenin?" one Ewok asks, Lenin being a long time into the future in another galaxy)

 

We threw our mighty spear

And stuck it up your rear.

 

We'll use our rocks to bash your head

and serve it on a loaf of bread.

 

We smell your loss of blood

Caused by our technology of Lud.

 

You'll learn the power of the red.

When we are well fed.

 

This will be a most lovely treat.

When we have you to eat!]

[Jidai Geki]

*Geki is scarcely bothered by the burns. He has had horrific injuries inflicted on him over the years, and in any event his nanites dull the pain and begin reconstructive work instantly.

 

*Geki looks around, slightly perturbed by the onslaught of the Ewoks. Curious, that they left him alone where they struck the Jedi. He wasn't about to complain, however. Hou-Jo's enemy was his friend.

 

*Geki walks over to the badly injured Jedi, still clutching his deactivated lightsabre as if it could help him. The fiery shield around him was failing badly; Geki nudges Hou-Jo's mind delicately with the Force, and the shield sputtered out. The Jedi is now entirely at Geki's mercy. To kill him would be cowardly, underhanded, and dishonourable.

 

*Geki steps forward and puts the barrel of a carbine against Hou-Jo's left eye.*

 

All of your Jedi tricks won't stop a bullet from this distance. Goodbye, Jedi.

 

*Geki pulls the trigger. The slug tears through Hou-Jo's head, exiting the back of his skull at great velocity and spattering the verdant foliage with grey brain matter, chunks of bone, and crimson gore. Hou-Jo is dead in seconds.*

Edited September 17, 2004 by Guest

[Makaveli]

...

[Darth Havoc]

The Enigma lands in a clearing near the area where Jidai Geki had just killed Hou-Jo Poleb, and Darth Havoc's skeletal, multi-armed droid exits. Followed by two bulky droids carrying several large metal crates containing military grade laser and ion cannons, Darth Havoc's main droid heads over to Geki and offers the burned individual a few med packs. The two bulky droids then set the metal crates down, and head back to The Enigma. At this point, Darth Havoc himself steps forth from the shadows and strides over to the remains of Hou-Jo Poleb...

 

"Impressive."

[Jidai Geki]

*Geki looks up at his old friend.*

 

'He's had it coming for a long time. Didn't figure on those for help, though-'

 

*Geki gestures to the surrounding foliage, where every now and then an Ewok is glimpsed.*

 

'Get the feeling they want him. I'm happy to oblige-'

 

*Geki takes a vibroblade and decapitates the fallen Hou-Jo in one fluid movement-*

 

'But I want a trophy. This will take pride of place back on Sanity's End.'

 

*Geki holds the head up and regards it, the left eye socket shattered and splattered with blood, the other eye wide and the mouth slack.*

[fuzzy_ewok]

The Ewoks slowly pour out the trees. They didn't know who these two were, but an enemy of their enemy was a friend, and at the very least- not to be eaten or even killed.

 

They swarm over Hou-Jo's body, picking it up and carrying it away, carefully searching it for anything neat. Before leaving, the Ewok's warchief hands Geki and Havok Hou-Jo's "firey stick of death" aka- lightsaber, and a a pamplet reading Das Capital. With a parting cry of "Yub Yub Commander!" they are gone.

 

*****

 

Later that evening, they skin, cook, and roast the Jedi in a large pot of stew, delicately seasoning him. The chef laments there is no head to stuff an Endorian apple into for when they turned the body on a spit.

 

After a toast to there revered and sadly absent leader- "El Presidente" Willet Wolly of the Intergalactic Ewok Commentern, they eat. Unfortunately he turns out to be as tasteless in death as in life, resulting in severe stomach upset and nausia- making him more than a little hard to swallow.

[Hou-Jo Poleb]

OOC: Ok, you guys aren't trying to have fun, you are just trying to inflate your own freaking egos. The wood burned away from the fire because it was flamable. It is sustained by the Force as well, and I thought I made it clear that it would block any projectiles.

 

Geki, unless you can legally combine the ewok's attacks with your own, you can't kill me after only 2 attacks. That's common sense. And stop acting god-like, just because you've been a smuggler, any other type of NFU profession and a FU, doesn't mean you can have mastery over all of those skills. They have to be evenly dispursed among each other of average skill, because that really wouldn't be fair to other RPers.

 

I'm PMing DJ about this.

[Jidai Geki]

OOC: Firstly, I'd like you to show me where it says I can't kill you in two posts. You were already badly injured, ignored the fact that I shot your lightsabre, and ignored Fuzzy Ewok's attack. Secondly, I think DJ has better things to do with his time than deliberate over a petty argument between two RPers. You have a problem, speak to BHM or Chrissie. And BTW, I don't have mastery over those skills, but I don't think that I've posted anything too unfeasible or god-like.

 

By the way, if you have a fire around you hot enough to burn a solid wooden pole away before it gets to you, then's it's hot enough to badly burn you too. What a ridiculous power to claim; I've never seen a Jedi use fire.

 

IC: Geki recalls his ship, bids farewell to Havoc, and takes the Jedi's head and lightsabre with him as trophies. Minutes later he blasts into hyperspace.

[Tarrian Skywalker]

ENOUGH... First Hou Jo...the rule is no ONE HIT KILLS...definition...you can not kill somone in one post, it must be two or more. Where you are getting that it must be three or more is beyond me, and if we have changed the rule to it now saying NO TWO HIT KILLS, please show me where that it. You posted Geki's reactions to your actions which is illegal, you can say you threw fire at him, but you can not decide whether he got third or second degree burns. His reaction to your fire could have been diving out of the way, and only getting the sole of his shoe burned.

 

Second...DJ does not get involed in the petty scabbling of the rp, and contrary to what you may think, DJ is not at your beck and call just cause you chat with him over aim. Just incase you have forgotten, there are two mods that handle RP...myself and BHM...you need to go to them first...I realize that you PM'd me last night with this, but pardon me fore not feeling well and going to bed early...I'm sorry the first saturday in a year that I go to bed early. GRRRRRRRRr

 

RULING: Hou Jo is dead...see you in three days...don't make me have to take you out of the rp for those days, do not post in the rp again to do an OOC post or to post as a ghost or whatnot. Here is your warning...if you post another ooc post, I am tacking on another 24 hours to that and taking you out of RP for 4 days not 3.

[Darth Havoc]

A spherical probe droid, measuring at about a foot in diameter, and bearing the symbol of the Dark Tower of Nastarine, appears. As the droid's turbo-boosters die down, three small openings appear on different sides of the droid, and a couple of antennas and a wide-range scanner pop out. The droid then heads down to the surface of the moon of Endor.

[fuzzy_ewok]

Armed with primative weaponry and other fun items including EWEBs and missile launchers, the Ewoks fall upon the probe droid, smashing it to bits. Though it is utterly wiped out a few transmissions invariably got through. Satisfied, they examine it and note the Nastarine symbol.

 

Elsewhere in the forest moon, Willet Wolly, no longer only "El Presidente" but now "Chairman Willet Wolly of the Ewok's Republic of Endor", gives a speech to the masses. Having failed to cement his galactic revolution, he now turns to inciting the peasants. Thankfully Endor is still a primarily substinance, quasi agrarian economy.

 

He is busy giving a speech. As his side, Zhou en-Wicket is holding up a small red pocket book, waved around by the Ewok masses below reverently like a devout fundamentalist and his King James Bible.

 

"Yub! Yub! Nasrashta Mar! Huta hutah oo chi wawa!" Willet proclaims from the top of Village Square, and below the people rejoyce.

 

[Translation: Without the Ewok's army, the Ewoks have nothing. The Ewok's Liberation Army is always a fighting force. Even after quadrant-wide victory, our army will remain a fighting force during the historical period in which classes have not been abolished in our quadrant and [captialist] imperialism still exists in the galaxy. On this point there should be no wavering or misunderstanding. All our officers and fighters must always bear in mind that we are the great Ewok's Liberation Army, we are the trops lead by the great Communist Party of Endor. Provided we constantly observe the directives of the Party, we are sure to win.]

 

(Taken from Section IX: The Ewok's Army, from the Quotations from Chairman Willet Wolly)

 

As Willet finishes speaking, an aid in a green army cap comes up and whispers into his ear about the violation of celestial sovereignty by the Nastarinian probe droid. Frothing at the mouth with agitation (and possibly rabies) Willet screams out a series of violent orders, demanding the perpertrator's head.

[Darth Havoc]

A heavily armed and armored medium-sized transport emerges out of hyperspace. As the transport rockets toward the forested moon of Endor, the glow of a far-off sun reveals the mark of the Dark Tower of Nastarine emblazoned on the transport's hull. As the transport draws ever closer, Commander Abigor, weary of the forested moon's defenses, sends out an open message.

 

"This is Commander Abigor of the transport Agaliarept. It appears that a wayward probe droid invaded your fair home not too long ago - I am here to retrieve that droid, and to make an apology for any inconveniences caused."

 

The message ends, and a member of the transport's crew promptly turns to Commander Abigor.

 

"Do you honestly think they will believe that?"

 

"Your place is not to question; your place is to control this ship. Do not forget your place again. And yes, they will believe that - the Ewoks are simple creatures."

 

Within the hold of the transport, a three dozen strong task force readies for the impending massacre.

[fuzzy_ewok]

War is the highest form of struggle for resolving contradictions, when they have developed to a certain stage, between classes, nations, states, or political groups, and it has existed ever since the emergence of private property and of classes. Unless you understand the actual circumstances of war, its nature and its relations to other things, you will not know the laws of war, or know how to direct war, or be able to win victory.

 

The Ewoks garrisoned at the forest moon's sphere defense center warily watch the approach of the retrieval ship. The first inclination of the Ewok at the comm is to hail the ship, granting permission to land.

 

"War is the continuation of politics." In this sense war is politics and war itself is a political action; since ancient times there has never been a war that did not have a political character.

 

The commander halts him. "Yub Yub!" he admonishes, rebuking his subordinate for forgetting to take up the cause of the revolution and being so willing to accept a peaceful settlement to the gross breach of Endorian space.

 

But war has its own particular characteristics and in this sense it cannot be equated with politics in general. "War is the continuation of politics by other means." When politics develops to a certain stage beyond which it cannot proceed by the usual means, war breaks out to sweep the obstacles from the way. When the obstacle is removed and our political aim attained, the war will stop. But if the obstacle is not completely swept away, the war will have to continue till the aim is fully accomplished. It can therefore be said that politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed.

 

Alarm klaxons sound and all around Endor, troops pick up guns escribed with the name or the UEER (Union of Endorian Ewok Socialist Republics) and ERE (Ewok's Republic of Endor) are gathered. For the other peasantry unable to own these valuable weapons, spears, slings, bows, and other impliments are grabbed.

 

Every Communist must grasp the truth, "Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun."

 

Being escorted into cave deep in the Yennan Forest sector of the moon, Chairman Willet Wolly gives one last rallying speech for his people against SIA plots and assassins, then enters the safety of this hidden, make shift bunker. Small shields against orbital assaults- akin to the ones used by the ones used by the rebels on Hoth, power up.

 

The seizure of power by armed force, the settlement of the issue by war, is the central task and the highest form of revolution. This Marxist-Leninist principle of revolution holds good universally, for Endor and for all other planets.

 

Several planetary guns- ion cannons, turbo lasers, and a golan suddenly open fire. This deadly barrage would reduce even a mighty fleet to dust in seconds. Nothing could stand its way due to the awesome, overwhelming firepower.

 

Unfortunately, being naught but Ewoks they can barely aim their damn equipment and only deal superficial damage to the ship.

 

(Quotes taken from Section V: War and Peace, from the Quotations from Chairman Willet Wolly)

[Darth Havoc]

Commander Abigor closes his eyes and sighs as the first blast hits.

 

Several alarms ring as the transport's command crew go about powering the ship's deflector shields and forward armaments. As another blast hits, and the ship rocks about violently, and Commander Abigor is forced to grab hold of the railing before him. Knuckles turning white, the aged war veteran barks out a string of commands to the command crew below him.

 

"That blast that just scraped by was from an ion cannon! Get a lock on the positions of those ion cannons and destroy them immediately!"

 

A black-uniformed officer asks Commander Abigor a question.

 

"No! I want our concussion missiles used against that defense platform! Fire when ready!"

 

Another black-uniformed officer informs Commander Abigor that the transport's shields were falling at an alarming rate.

 

"I want all available power switched over to the deflector shields at once!"

[fuzzy_ewok]

The Ewoks, a bit steadier this time, focus their return fire on the ship, knocking out its engines and causing it to plunge rapidly towards the surface. Unable to sufficiently draw a lock on the ship, a command is given to fire off the Ewok's ultimate weapon- a tool of mass destruction, that while still in its prototype stage, could devistate whole worlds, eaching across the galaxy as easily as a missile from Korea to California.

 

The North Raxus Prime Taepodong 2 Hyperspacial missile- drawn between Chairman Willet and his ally Kim-Jong Wok- was ready for lauch.

 

Like using a shotgun to take out a fly, the missile streaks up in the air with deadly and overpowering intent.

 

Like using a shotgun to take out a fly, it misses horribly, zooming out of orbit, then vanishing into hyperspace, its charges set.

 

"Yub yo?" the Ewok at the controls asks to the red bandana wearing comrade next to him.

 

[Translation: Um... Where'd that missile go?]

 

"Groot-cha," comes the reply.

 

[Translation: How the hell would I know?]

 

Speaking objectively from a from a galactic standpoint my dear reader, this is bad. Very bad.

[Darth Havoc]

Huge openings appear on the sides of the falling transport as it crashes towards the surface of the moon. As the seconds crawl by, massive cables, with strange, spherical attachments on the ends, shoot out of the openings ”“ the spherical attachments blow up to become parachutes as the transport streaks through the sky.

 

***

 

Two dozen heavily armed and armored troopers move throughout the trees, weapons drawn...

[fuzzy_ewok]

The forest moon is strangely peaceful. The sound of various birds and other animals can be heard and no sign of the Viet-Wok can be sensed anywhere. The unsettled calm embraces the Nastarine troopers as they march through- a sense of unease, though with no obvious danger.

 

The first hint that something might be amiss comes from the faint haze that seems to run up from the forest floor itself. The mist, possibly an accumulation of dew and other moisture, steadily rises with each passing minute, growing increasingly thicker and more pronounced.

 

A light headedness takes over the troops as they realize this isn't a haze or natural mist, but smoke. By the time that is realized, it is as obscuring as fog.

 

The sign things are very wrong comes from the giant Ewok they see- It's the cute teddy bear form of an Ewok, shambling by, holding a spear in its furry paws, with its wide, brown liquid eyes, but its twenty feet tall. It rushes towards them then vanishes.

 

Now strange, low, undefined voices can be heard as the forest seems to melt and swirl around, spots of colors and odd lines appearing hither and fro. The forest turns neon, then pastel, and all sorts of weird mutations of the flora and fona crop up in their sight.

 

At this point they should be asking one all important question if they haven't guessed it already: What on Endor was in that smoke the Viet-Wok were burning?

 

Down below the loam of the forest floor in their underground tunnel of the Ewok Communists, several Ewoks, having thrown together a small bonfire of specially regimented forest plants, known for their halluciongenic properties and used before the communization of Endor by the tribal shamans, chuckle behind their gas masks.

[Guest]

*Deep in the forests of Endor, away from the oppressive strongholds of their communist compatriots, a group of disenfranchised dissidents gather around their impassioned leader: Der Führer, Jerry Hungo, an unusually small Ewok with a tiny stripe of black fur across his upper lip, in stark contrast to his pure white fur. He wears a small red armband with a swastika on it.*

 

'Yub, yub! Cha-cha wa Jerry Seinfeld nichuta harika ni!'

 

['Brothers and sisters, for too long has the Red Scourge oppressed our people and ruled over us with an iron paw! National Socialism has risen to show us the way out of this morass of hatred and backwards Marxist-Leninist-Walletist doctrine! The rise of communism shows the international Jewish conspiracy at work deep within our own beloved Fatherland! We MUST answer this great call to arms and vanquish the cursed Reds! To the Reichstag!']

 

*Jerry becomes quite annoyed at the lethargic response to his rousing speech. A few mutters of 'not even Endorian' and '-only hates them because one wouldn't sleep with him' can be heard over the lacklustre cheering.*

 

'YUB YUB!'

 

*The Nazi Ewoks cheer loudly this time, scared of the diminutive sociopath's fits of rage. Some attributed it to the fact that he had been only half-neutered when he was younger.*

 

'Chiha nowa Coca-Cola ha!'

 

*A young, nervous Ewok steps forward. His little leather pouch is overflowing with Communist pamphlets and he wears a jaunty red beret with a hammer and sickle emblazoned on it.*

 

'Tutu Bliwa BOOM-BOOM!'

 

*The Ewoks draw back, aghast at Führer Hungo's plot. Der Führer hands some small, explosive fruits to the young Ewok, with some crude molotov cocktails.*

 

'Tewa chinook!'

 

*The young Ewok nods fearfully and runs into the forest. His plan; to burn the Reichstag to the ground and blame the Commie Scum for it.

 

Jerry sits down and adds to his seminal book, 'Yub Yub' (Translation: Mein Kampf)*

[fuzzy_ewok]

At the meeting of the Politburo standing committe, El Presidente, Chairman Willet Wolly of the UEER converses with his few "trusted" advisors. Always suspicious, and now paranoid over anyone who might supplant his power,

 

"Yub yub!" comes the report from a Viet-Wok general.

 

[Translation: We've detected a fascist element in the Ewoks. They've taken off to a far corner of Endor and are slowly massing. They are inconsequential and will face the power of the people. The subversives we exiled to the Gulags on Hoth have been re-educated as planned it seems, the Imperials acting as we'd hoped, but we should keep our eyes and ears open as a precaution. Furthermore Chubby Trotsky McFurkins, the dissident socialist has been sighted on Tatooine, taking up with a Drall artist- Adirf OlahK.]

 

Willet considers this.

 

"Huta! "

 

[Translation: Have Chubby Trotsky McFurkins murdered. Send word out to all the bounty hunters and keep it on the low and low. Make it look like an accident or a random murder. Ignore the fascists, but use them as leverage to purge enemies of the state and of the people and revolution. Also, keep me informed on how the people's revolution on Nastarine is developing.]

[Strongheart]

A Jedi starfighter landed on the beautiful planet of Endor. He sensed a lot of living creatures on the planet. He stepped out of the ship and closed it. Rob coverd the ship with some branches to hide it. Then he went to look around, not too far from the ship.

[fuzzy_ewok]

Shambling out of the thick forest, a small Ewok wearing an overlarge headdress, adorned with human skulls walks up to Strongheart and delivers him a message on a strange leathery parchment with written with some crusty ink that may have been red at one time.

 

Dear Stranger

 

You are tresspassing on Ewok territory. Failure to remove yourself will result in a slow, painful, and humiliating death.

 

-Willet "Los Angelos Del Muerte" Wolly, Chairman/"El Presidente" of the UEER

 

Having delivered Willet's message, the Ewok quietly turns about and walks back into the forest.

[Strongheart]

Rob ran after the Ewok.

 

"Wait. I want to help you!"

 

Rob used force speed to catch up with the Ewok.

 

"I'm here in peace. I want to help you Ewoks. I'm not there in Jedi business. If you accept my offer I'll stay and fight against the bad guys, but if you won't, i'll leave."

 

Rob waited for the Ewoks decision.

[Maelstrom]

Mael crept through the forest, observing Rob and collecting information. He took various pictures of the Jedi and his ship, then backed away out of the Jedi's sensory range. People may pay for this information after all.

 

He contemplated placing a tracer on the starfighter, but considered himself lucky for being this close to a Jedi undetected (perhaps the Ewok's precense masked him) and decided to leave the area and acquire a means of transportation off the planet.

[Strongheart]

Rob waiting for the Ewoks respond, sensed something. He did don't know what it was. Rob left the Ewok and went to the place he was sensing it. He cam closer and closer, now he knew that is was an human being. Rob used the force speed to get to it quickly. He stoped when he saw him.

[Maelstrom]

As the Jedi approached the Holographic image of Mael, Mael slunk back towards a ship he had stolen from Naboo and camoflauged. He had considered taking the Jedi starfighter (as it is an impressive ship), but didn't think he'd make it off the ground before the Jedi caught him. The holograph had bought him enough time to put some distance between them and add confusion, although he lamented having to leave it behind.

 

He entered the small undercutter ship and raised out of the underbrush, seeing the Jedi about a quarter mile away. Smiling, he engaged the thrusters and left Endor, setting a course for Tatooine. Maybe the Hutts could find this information useful enough to buy or prove that he is fit for work...

[Strongheart]

Rob saw an ship fly off the ground and knew what he was looking for. He thought of following the ship, but he had better stuff to do. Rob used force speed to get back to his ship. He got in to the ship and used the force to send an message to the Ewok.

 

I'm sorry, I have to go. I will come back...

 

The ship took off the ground.

[Bothan CIW Agent(s)]

Disguised quite effectively as a harmless meteorite as it enters the atmosphere, the probe droid begins its assignment and impacts upon the surface of the planet, extracting itself to provide ample reconnaissance without further detection due to its small size. From a specially-tuned antenna, it begins to send out trace bursts of information to be piggybacked on local HoloNet transmissions. It bears no markings of any kind, and is equipped to handle all terrain, even underwater.

[fuzzy_ewok]

The Ewoks, superstitious and primative, investigate the meteor. Their primative bearings do not really set off any serious tranmissions. UEER technicians however, discretely and quietly analyze it. The Desert of Salma is the meteor's final resting place, but by then the Ewoks know who sent it, from where, and can guess why.

 

The conclusion: This is an act of war.

 

Like Nastarine before it, they would pay for the launching of a probe into sovereign UEER space.

 

The solution: Nuke 'em.

 

Once again, this time with intent, a Taepodong 2 hyperspace missile takes off and vanishes into hyperspace.

[Guest]

From a large asteroid floating around the forest moon of Endor, a very small, barely detectable and camouflaged probe droid was released. It was made to look like a flying creature that belonged to the forest moon so it wouldn't attract undue attention. Remotely it was monitored as it entered the atmosphere. Note was taken of the "harmless meteorite" that went past it and the droid took evasive action just incase it was to be detected. It had special capabilities that let it go undetected where as the meteorite was picked up immediately.

 

The sound receptors, while minute were very state of the art and as the "flying creature" closed in on the Ewok camp it was able to record and beam back on a special frequency, the information. The droid then witnessed the launch of another missile.

 

It didn't take long to decode the message from the droid, and an emergency transmission was sent to the Bothan homeworld warning them that the Ewoks had launched yet another missile and for them to evacuate immediately.

 

The ship then powered up and left the asteroid, heading back towards the coreworlds.

[Hou-Jo Poleb]

A Jedi Starfighter left hyperspace and went down to the forest moon of Endor, where he could find those who opposed the Viet-wok. He spoke to the droid, "Get the ship out of here, I will tell you when to come back. I do not wish to lose my exit."

 

*Beep, bloop, bop* Whistled the droid. With that, Hou-Jo jumped out of his ship and fell to the ground. He grabbed a hold of a vine and used it to swing to the ground. He was no where near any civilized place, at least civilized by the means of the Ewoks. He scaled a tree and quickly reached the canopy. He closed his eyes and went into meditation. He would sense anything coming toward him that would mean him harm, and be able to defend himself instantly. Whoever would want to meet with and negotiate with Hou-Jo would find him. His entrance undoubtedly made the Ewoks aware of him.