Jump to content

Keelah se'lai (ME FanFic)[[ON HOLD]]


Pinckz

Recommended Posts

Title: Keelah se'lai

Rating: PG-13 (over 13) / M15 (over 15).

Rated for: (Possible graphic violence, and sexual leanings. Nothing explicit, but enough to be cautious. Plus, it never hurts to cover your bases)

Critique level: [CRITIQUE ENCOURAGED]

Franchise: Mass Effect Franchise

 

Disclaimer: If you are reading this Fan Fic, you are doing it in full knowledge that there are or might be game spoilers in it. If you are planning on playing Mass Effect (or any of its DLC) and/or Mass Effect 2/3 in the future, or have any other sensitivities toward spoilers I don't want to discourage you, but I recommend not reading much further than this disclaimer. Also, there may be some mild sexual content (words, innuendos and the like... Nothing too bad, but be forewarned.)

 

___________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things you need to know: (I am aware I made a section like this in my last Fan Fic. However, I realized the futility of explaining this to people who already knew and giving possible spoilers to people who may not have wanted them. So instead of putting a bunch of information here and drowning this out with a lot of hullabaloo, I am going to leave it open to IM or PM. If you have any questions about this that you don't feel like posting, please drop me a line. I would love to hear from you. )

 

Please enjoy the Fic.

 

____________________________________________________________

 

MassEffect_zps11b7fbbd.png

 

[[being Re-written. (not completely). Will be replaced later.]]

Edited by Guest

 

Feel free to contact me by Discord/PM/Email or, on Facebook

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Interesting beginning. I love ME.

 

Crit:

 

It was long. Too long. That made it feel repetative. A guy wandering around an empty lab trying to remember who he is is interesting enough, but frankly, not for that long. It makes the beginning of the story feel dragged out, which is something you never want to do when you're writing. The beginning has to grab the reader's attention. Then you can go into some of the long philosophical things. If you're going to start it like this, you need to have something happen in the middle. Take ME2 for example, since you're beginning this just like that. It gave Shepard a few minutes to catch his/her bearings, and then you were thrown right into the action. It wasn't until after you escaped the station that you got to sit down and talk with Miranda and Jacob and figure everything out.

 

Anyway, that was something else I thought of. I know the Illusive Man is dead, but his contacts aren't. And frankly, the whole galaxy owes Shepard. Wouldn't they do whatever they could, no matter the cost, as a way of paying him/her back? I don't really buy the idea that they would abandon a project that seemed like it would reasonably bring Shepard back.

 

Anyway, interesting start. I did enjoy it.

amipaint2.jpg

SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Will, I just wanted to let you know that I've tried a few times to get into this now, and that I can't. It's not that its poorly written or anything like that, I just engage with the story for some reason, and I can't even pinpoint why. I thoroughly enjoyed ME, and I really invested in the character.

 

I just wanted to let you know, not to discourage you, but so you knew why the viewed numbers had been going up with no other reviews. Sorry.

Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05

Order of the Nocturnal

thunderpie.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is okay. Like a few, if not all of my fanfics, this one is unrefined.

 

I tend to jump the gun with a lot of my ideas and they end up falling out.

 

I do however have more of a story idea with this one. I know where I wanted it to go. (I did with some of the other ones too, but they kind of fall apart in the end.)

 

Don't worry Brendo, it doesn't discourage me. It just tells me that I have to find a new approach. What Ami suggested is a good Idea and I may try re-writing it to fit the audience a bit more.

 

Feel free to contact me by Discord/PM/Email or, on Facebook

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't worry Brendo, it doesn't discourage me. It just tells me that I have to find a new approach. What Ami suggested is a good Idea and I may try re-writing it to fit the audience a bit more.

That is a good attitude. I put up one of my early attempts at a novel up here and it did not generate good feedback, so I abandoned it. I wasn't angry because it meant that I wasn't going to waste more time. With my current novel, I totally went a different direction, matured greatly, and followed feedback from people here (and elsewhere).

 

I wanted to let you know that I haven't been ignoring you, I just haven't played ME yet and don't wish to spoil things. Not only that, but I wouldn't be able to follow anything as I don't know what is going on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

I am still working on this. It is just taking me a bit longer to re-write this than I thought it would. However, it is still under production as well as my other ones. I am going to try and come up with a few updates so I don't have too many more long drawn out pauses like this. If I can.

 

 

Keenava Two Suns.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...