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Looking Through a Broken Mirror - Chapter 10 UP (02-09-2013)


Guest Narci3l

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Title: Looking Through a Broken Mirror REDUX

Rating: PG13

Rated for: Mild-Graphic Violence, possible mild sexual content, occasional language. Might be updated to M15 at some later point.

Critique level:CRITIQUE ENCOURAGED. Very encouraged. I love reviews. I write for reviews. Hit me with your best shot. I'll do everything I can to make you love my writing.

Genre: Mystery, Action, Romance, Drama

 

So, 7 years ago, under the username Prophet K, I wrote a story called Looking Through a Broken Mirror (http://jedirp.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=17624). On a whim, I decided to come back here and read it again, and I was suddenly struck with the urge to write again. I debated just writing an 18th chapter and throwing into the same thread, but I instead decided to rewrite the entire thing, since frankly the writing was pretty poor. The general storyline will be the same, but the level of writing will be improved. I was 13 when I first wrote this story, so hopefully I'm a better writer now than I was then.

 

That said, since I'm using the old story as a skeleton for this one, I'm going to be able to knock out a lot of the early chapters in very little time. So hopefully, if any of you remember what happens early on, I'll get to new content quickly!

 

I wouldn't recommend reading the old story, just because it'll reduce your enjoyment of this one. There will be changes between the two, but it'll mostly be changes of characterization, dialogue and description. You'll ruin most of the story. It feels good to be back to writing, and hopefully you guys enjoy the story. Thanks for reading.

 

As in the old story, this one is slightly AU, though less AU than it was before. Takes place right before NJO would. Jaina, and Jacen are 16.

 

Prologue: Trapped

 

A boy of 13 sat up in the cot that he had in the blank grey room which he called his own. He didn't know where he was but he did know that he lived here for the past 10 years of his life. And if there’s one thing he learned in all those years, it was that it was incredibly boring inside that metal cube.

 

He had one window in the room, though he wasn’t sure if what lay outside it was real, or just a holoprojection. He knew all about the universe and it’s history up to this point. This room was equipped with everything he needed to educate himself. He was a studious young man, even if he didn’t want to be. He did his studies just so that he could concentrate on something. He had a robotic tutor, who guided his education. He did the majority of his work on a small holopad, which constantly updated itself with that days curriculum as decided by his tutor.

 

A year back he had made up his mind that he was going to get out of the hell hole. And that was a promise he planned on keeping, but until opportunity presented itself he was forced to sit. Study. And wait.

 

3 Years Later

 

Luke Skywalker woke up in a cold sweat and looked at the woman who slumbered beside him. Mara Jade, one of the most beautiful, deadly creatures he had ever met, his wife. It was one of the few moments where the two had no pressing needs to look after. They'd enjoyed a pleasant evening with his sister, Leia, before turning in for the night. Letting out a deep breath, Luke ruminated on the dream that had awoken him for a moment before sighing. He cursed his luck and shook Mara out of her slumber.

 

"What is it, Luke?" She grumbled as she slapped his hand off of her shoulder

 

"I had a dream."

 

"Damn your dreams." She pushed herself up off of the bed, and sat against the headboard. Her fiery red hair fell across her face, forcing her to push it out of her eyes. She looked at her husband expectantly.

 

"It was sent to me through the force. Someone needs our help, Mara."

 

"Someone always needs our help. What happened?"

 

"I was on Yavin. A shadow flew across the foliage and I followed it. It stopped at one of the Temples where Exar Kun channeled his energy, then it went inside. I followed till I found the shadow standing at a section of the wall that looked like it had been broken. There was a child in its grasp, and he was engulfed in flames. Then the exploded out towards me and everything went black."

 

"Why can't the galaxy ever be saved by somebody other than my husband?" Mara closed her eyes and tilted her head as far back as she could before letting out a long breath. Luke climbed out of bed, and began to put on his robes. "We can never get a minute of peace."

 

“Sorry Mara, but I have to g..." But Luke was cut off as Mara kissed him. He hadn't noticed her get out of bed.

 

"We, have to go to Yavin." She said with a rare smile as she stepped away from Luke to gather her own robes.

 

Luke smiled as he watched his wife walk around. He was glad to have her with him. He had a bad feeling about this one.

 

"Thanks."

 

 

Chapter 1: Search

 

Mara and Luke Skywalker stepped out of the Jade Shadow onto the top of the Jedi Temple. Many students took a moment from their daily training to look up at the returning Jedi masters from the temple grounds. Luke spotted Jaina and Jacen meditating together on the forest floor. Luke smiled with pride as he watched the Rodians lifting rocks with the force and some of the Twi'Lek students chasing each other across the campus grounds, jumping over fallen over rock heaps, and floating over the flowing river that ran beside the main temple.

 

"Master Skywalker!" Came a voice from behind the couple and they turned to see Tione walking towards them, her arms folded across her chest, hands hidden in the sleeves of her pale robes. Her white hair was pulled up into a sloppy bun on top of her head, a few loose strands falling onto her face. "What brings you here? And so early!"

 

Luke smiled faintly, remembering Tione's loathing of early rising. "The Force calls at all times, Tione." Luke was glad to see that the entire temple was up and training despite Tionne's natural tendency to begin her days late.

 

"Ah. So what is it you search for this time?" Mara smirked. Luke liked to think he was unreadable through the Force, but those Jedi who had known him for years could see his thoughts. But Mara liked to think she was the only one who could read him without using the Force.

 

"A temple."

 

"There are many temples, Master Skywalker, you should know this well." Tionne tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, feeling self concious in front of Luke. Though she was a Jedi Master now as well, and part of Luke's first apprentice class, she still couldn't help but look at Luke with admiration. At times he seemed to have surpassed even the title of Master, though he would never stand for such talk. "Perhaps if you were more specific, I could be of more use...?"

 

Mara hit Luke over the head before saying, "Don't listen to him, he always did like speaking in riddles."

 

"Tis' a Jedi thing, Mara," said Luke rubbing the back of his head.

 

"You and your Jedi mumbo jumbo," muttered Mara.

 

Tionne smiled at the couple's bickering. Some things never changed. Mara constantly poked at Luke's Jedi ideologies though she generally prescribed to them. Tionne personally thought that she just enjoyed the challenge of getting beneath a Jedi Master's skin.

 

"Fine, no more riddles." Luke wiped the smile off his face, and instead put on what he had privately told Mara he called his, 'Jedi Master' face. Mouth closed, eyebrows arched ever so slightly down, constant eye contact. A look of grim seriousness. "Tione, we have to go to the Yellow Petal Temple."

 

"Why would you wish to go to that place?" Why would they want to go to the last temple of Exar Kun? The only one that we could not destroy? And why now? Tione thought to herself.

 

"Someone's hidden there," Luke answered haggardly. He too, was wary of this particular temple. It was ringed with tsafogari plants, which had bright yellow petals sprouting from their thorny vines. They were only found on Yavin, at this particular temple. A deadly poison ran through them that would paralyze a creature at even the slightest piercing of skin. It was after these plants that the temple was named.

 

Tione nodded slowly, understanding, and led her former master and his wife down the edge of the temple. Though Luke and Mara had spent much of their recent lives together here, they couldn't help but notice the exotic beauty of the intricate carvings on the side of the temple. A two headed beast with gnarled wings. A serpent with a eye carved into it's forehead.

 

As the group reached the edge of the forest, Tionne bowed to Luke, and took a step back towards the temple. "I am grieved that I cannot join you, but the students need teaching. May the force be with you, Masters Skywalker."

 

"And you, Tionne." Mara nodded her agreement with Luke's statement and raised her fingers to her forehead in a relaxed salute. Tionne hurried back to the temple, leaving the two Jedi Masters alone.

 

Luke grabbed Mara's hand and together they opened their minds to the force. A sudden rush. Then, they were everything. Nothing. They were all and they were none. They were messengers: carriers of something greater. Leaving behind human emotion and replacing it with the emotion of... being. Of all. A great awareness. With a bounding leap Luke shot into the foliage followed by Mara. Both were no more than blurs in the sky until they dropped into the forest below. Then, they became glowing blurs as their lightsabers ignited allowing them to plow through the dense wall of vines, trees and rocks. Animals watched them in awe; feeling their presence before seeing them.

 

The two jedi masters arrived at their destination. Looking at the imposing wall of plants, and the Yellow Petal Temple behind it, Luke couldn't help the shiver that ran up his spine. The temple was made of a strange obsidian rock that flashed yellow when the sun was on it. There was a simple elegance of the temple that astounded many that saw it.

 

Around a central water fountain that gushed red water stood imposing figures of the Sith Lords of old. But the one that stood out most was the figure of the Dark Lord, Exar Kun. The features of his face had not dulled throughout the years and the sneering look didn't give Exar's malice justice. The husband and wife had cut off their connection to the Force and still they felt the evil vibrating from this place. Luke grabbed his wife's free hand with his own.

 

"I'm glad you're with me." He looked at the temple with a sense of foreboding. Mara looked at him quickly, noting the sweat on his brow.

 

"Calm down, fly boy," Mara squeezed his hand softly. "We've dealt with worse than this before."

 

"Yeah." He said softly, letting go of his wife hand, and bringing his emerald blade to the wall of vines in front of him. The smell of burning foliage filled his lungs, as he began to clear a way forward. Slowly, violet and emerald chewed through the wall and they stepped into the courtyard. As he set foot into the courtyard, he knew that he didn't share his wife's confidence.

 

Fin.

 

 

Thoughts? Comments? I'd also like a beta reader who'd be willing to check my work for grammatical/spelling/canon/logic mistakes, as well as be a soundboard for ideas later on. PM me if you'd like to help me out!

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I can help out here pointing out mistakes and whatnot if you would like. I already am an editor for someone else on another site, but I could help here. You have great promise.

 

I like your descriptions. I couldn't find many faults with your language and whatnot, though your punctuation needs working.

 

You have started strong. You set up a scene with a new adventure. You established a mystery in the prologue (who is the boy?). You are moving the story along.

 

One thing you didn't do is give us a better time frame as to when this happened. Obviously, it was after Luke and Mara got married, but how far after? It had to be before the Yuuzhan Vong War because by then, the Temple was leveled and they had Ben.

 

Character development was strong, and it helped that you already had developed characters to work with. You handled them with good detail and didn't deviate from their canon selves.

 

Below are the mistakes I found in my moderately quick read through.

 

Luke smiled faintly, remembering Tione's hate of early rising

Should be "hatred."

 

Luke was glad to see that the entire temple was up and training, despite Tionne's natural tendency to begin her days late.

No comma needed. Or, you could reword it like this:

Luke was glad to see that, despite Tionne's natural tendency to begin her days late, the entire temple was up and training.

 

"Tis' a Jedi thing, Mara." said Luke rubbing the back of his head.

 

"You and your Jedi mumbo jumbo." muttered Mara.

Both need commas at the end of the quotations, not periods.

 

Tionne smiled at the couple's bickering. Some things never changed.

Merge these two sentences. Alone, they are two basic, simple sentences that sound awkward. Together, they flow better and make up a single, complex sentence.

 

"Someone's hidden there." Luke answered haggardly.

Comma at the end of the quote, not period.

 

A deadly poison ran through them, that would paralyze a creature at even the slightest piercing of skin.

No comma in that sentence.

 

"Calm down, fly boy," Mara squeezed his hand softly, "We've dealt with worse than this before."

Period after "softly."

 

One possible logic mistake was having the temple only twelve minutes from the Great Temple. If it were that close, then the students would frequently go there and it would be trouble.. Try to make it farther, maybe an hour or so away.

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I remember this story! So glad to you see you back around these parts, and to see you writing again!

 

I would definitely recommend getting a beta reader. A lot of the grammatical things could be fixed easily with a good beta. Try posting in the thread about needing one...I'd volunteer, but things are bit busy right now.

 

Tionne smiled at the couple's bickering. Some things never changed.

 

Merge these two sentences. Alone, they are two basic, simple sentences that sound awkward. Together, they flow better and make up a single, complex sentence.

 

I actually disagree. They would work as one sentence with a semicolon in between, but I kind of like them as two. But then, that's more of a stylistic thing, and ultimately up to the author.

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SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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Thanks a lot for the input you two. I'm going to go back and integrate some of the changes you mentioned into the first part so any new readers will have a better experience. I haven't had anybody beta this part, but I really wanted to post something. Hope you enjoy!

 

 

Chapter 2: Found

 

 

Luke Skywalker hated this temple. It was a cancer on the fourth moon of Yavin. He had been aware of its presence clawing itself across the forest for years. A dark loathing that he had only felt when he was in a forced sleep by Exar Kun himself. Thinking back on those grave times still sent shivers down Luke's spine. How close his Jedi Academy had come to being a complete and utter failure still sometimes haunted him.

 

He put his hand on the engraved arch leading into a courtyard. The courtyard was large, and circular. In its center stood a large fountain with crimson water spewing from its centerpiece. Three Sith lords stood, back to back to back. Two had their hoods pulled over their features. The third, facing the archway, had its features exposed. The features of Exar Kun, drawn into a sneer. Those hideous statues clawed at his resolve. Evil nothings were whispered in his ear by the dark side of the force. He glanced at his wife; she was a pale shade of white and her eyes were wide open.

 

***

 

She heard his voice.

 

She heard his voice.

 

She saw his face. His god damned, wrinkly, pale face. His yellow eyes and his rotting teeth. She could smell the scent of his corpsified flesh. He reached a grey, dead arm out to her, the limb protruding from his black robes.

 

"Kneel." She resisted the urge to follow his commands. To bend to years of training.

 

"Kneel." Aggravation entered his voice; cracks could be heard as he bent his decrepit body forward. Still Mara resisted. She drew herself, who she was, all that she had learned in the years since the Empire's fall, into a ball tight in her chest, protecting it with all that she had.

 

"Kneel!" He roared, lunging out of the chair with the dexterity of a 20 year old man. A red blade appeared in his hand as his mind battered the tight ball she had drawn herself into. Her attention was so focused inwards, on protecting her independence from the years of indoctrination, that her physical reaction of drawing her own weapon was just moments slow. She could only watch as the unforgiving red of his blade approached her, ready to split her from head to toe.

 

Snap hiss. Green. Luke.

 

Her husband's blade intercepted the red of Palpatine's saber mere inches from Mara's nose. The heat from both blades, and the crackle of their contact overwhelmed Mara's senses. Acting purely on instinct she whirled away from the blades, igniting her own, basking the area around her in a violet glow. Luke kicked his foot out at Palpatine, disengaging their blades, before joining Mara. The violet and purple glows from their weapons battled for dominance of the floor, as Palpatine stalked around the two, his red blade weaving through the air.

 

"Do you truly believe that he loves you ?" His blade glanced off of the ground, throwing up a shower of sparks that illuminated his rotting sneer. He threw the full strength of his mental powers at her, causing the ball where she'd contained herself to waiver, ever so slightly. But slight was all he needed. He'd found something to work with.

 

"That he'll never leave you? You, who killed hundreds in cold blood?" Mara could feel her resolve slipping, her faith wavering and her tight hold on herself loosening. Then she felt a slight touch from her husband, which she instantly grasped onto like a drowning man thrown a rope. Suddenly Luke was all around her, filling her with his emotion, his strength, his love. She fed off of his emotions, steeling her resolve once more, and gathering her courage. As one, they approached the force projection. As Luke brought his blade at him from above, Mara ducked beneath the heavy overhand swing, stepped through his guard, and jabbed her violet blade through the apparition's ribs.

 

And then she was lying down on a bed of grass, with Luke looking down at her. She reached a hand up, grasped his neck, and pulled him down upon her, leaving a searing kiss upon his lips.

 

Grinning, Luke said "If only every time you woke up you did that." A weak smile appeared on Mara's face.

 

"Thank you," She squeezed his hand and sat up, "Let's find that kid."

 

With a firm grip on Mara's hand, Luke pulled her up. "I looked around a bit while you were out. I found something."

 

"What?" Luke stood and, with Mara on his heels, walked up to the figure of Exar Kun. Luke's hand went to the statue's shoulder, before slowly dragging down its arm. She could feel him applying the force to every point he touched. When his hand reached Exar's left finger he applied all his strength, and it clicked.

 

Then the fountain groaned as it slowly pulled away from its other half. The red water, which looked suspiciously like blood, filtered into the opening, revealing a stairway going deeper into the temple.

 

"After you, Skywalker." said Mara looking cautiously down the tunnel. She could hear the drip, drip of water hitting water.

 

***

 

Luke stepped down into the passage, and looked at the pictures on the walls as he descended. They were all familiar. A shadow, a boy, a wall, fire but then there was an extra picture, one of a beam flying into the sky. Upon closer inspection, he could see that the shadow wasn't truly a shadow. The edges were more pointed than in his dream. A black monster.

 

"Luke," Mara asked, "hear that?"

 

They had arrived at the end of the hall. It was a dead end with no other way to go. But by enhancing his hearing with the force he heard voices coming from the other side of the wall. He nodded at Mara as they both ignited their sabers. The violet and emerald glows hurt his eyes after being in darkness.

 

They plunged the blades into the wall and the repugnant smell of burning rock and- metal? - filled their noses. Not spending time to ponder the mystery of why they smelt burning metal, both Luke and Mara's blades met with a crackle at the top of the semi-circle they had carved from the ground to the top of the wall. Gathering his strength, Luke pushed the force into his hand and let it burst into the wall. The segment flew inwards, landing against another wall with a loud crack, before splitting into several pieces. Then they saw him.

 

 

 

Fin.

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Welcome back to Jnet! Always glad to see someone return as post again in the Library.

 

I could have sworn I'd already replied to the first chapter, but it seems not. Anyway, I like what ive read so far. Luke and Mara both feel quite real and they seem "in character".

 

Ive never read the original I don't think, but I'll follow this as long as you post updates for us.

 

Again, welcome back!

Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05

Order of the Nocturnal

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Welcome back to Jedi.net. Not only do I remember this story but I have this niggling feeling it was one of the early stories I beta read for. Man, back in the day, back in the day. I can't really remember what happens, though, I just recall the striking title and a few of the events.

 

And that stupid line, "Tis a Jedi thing." I must've complained about that before, I must have!

 

The biggest crit I have is a going issue with your capitalization. When you have a line of dialogue, ei:

 

"Thank you," She squeezed his hand and sat up, "Let's find that kid."

 

You're doing it wrong.

 

If it ends with a comma, the next letter is not capitalized unless it's a proper noun. In this case it should've been:

 

"Thank you." She squeezed his hand and sat up. "Let's find that kid."

 

Or you could do:

 

"Thank you," she said, squeezing his hand and sitting up, "let's find that kid."

 

As a general rule, if the next thing is an action rather than a dialogue tag such as "he said/she said" you're safe to end the dialogue with a period and then stand a new sentence in the break between.

 

Travis has already pointed out that, if the next thing is a dialogue tag, such as "he said/she said", your dialogue needs to end with a comma.

 

A strong start and strong continuation. You weave decent characters and make a believable fanfiction. This was the kind of stuff I used to love to read. At any rate, Mara's dream was creepy and I wonder what kind of crazy they're going to get into next... it doesn't seem like this is going in a happy fluffy flowers and butterflies direction.

 

It'll be nice to see where this goes.

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Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that.
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DarthBrendo, in terms of characterization I've rewritten a lot of Mara and Luke's dialogue from the original to get them into character. The old story had Luke as a much more whimsical character, and it didn't really make sense in the context of the story.

 

Tiana, I do believe that you were one of the early betas on this story. For one reason or another though, the later chapters were beta'd by NavyGal. I went through what I've wrote, and tried to find instances like those that you mentioned. I think I got most of them. Hopefully as I keep writing I'll catch those mistakes before I make them. I've been much more aware of when to use commas as I've been writing new chapters.

 

Amidala, thanks for reading. Hope this chapter keeps you interested.

 

Thanks for the reviews. Really appreciate that you're all reading. It's also good to be back on Jnet.

 

This is a long one, folks. Hope you enjoy it.

 

Chapter 3: Trust

 

Luke stood still. Mara stood still. The boy stood still. Everything stood still. However when the groan of a dying robot interrupted the silence, everyone moved. The boy jumped over an upturned desk. Luke moved to offer an introduction. Mara's eyebrow rose ever so slightly at the boy's movement. Luke was alarmed that he had jumped over the work bench, but carried on his introduction.

 

"I am Luke Skywalker; this is my wife, Mara Jade Skywalker. We're here to help you." Luke said gently. The boy peeked his black hair out from behind the desk.

 

"Prove it?" came the nervous reply.

 

"Kid, get out here before I make you." Mara said sternly, taking a step forward.

 

Luke shot his wife a disapproving look

 

It worked didn't it? Mara replied through the Force. Luke noticed the boy had stepped out from behind the table. His hands were trembling uncontrollably and he was a ghostly white. He had short, black hair and a fairly thin frame. He obviously hadn't spent much time doing physical labour.

 

"I... I'm Soren... Soren Vicarian, please... don't hurt me." He was afraid.

 

Luke's face was struck with concern at the teen's reaction to Mara's threat. With a few steps he reached Soren and knelt down in front of him.

 

"We wouldn't hurt you."

 

Soren looked at the Jedi Master with a calculating eye. Then the boy sighed.

 

"I suppose I believe you. But may I ask where I am? And what you intend to do with me?" Luke was startled again.

 

"What do you mean 'where you are'?" Questioned Mara, obviously thinking along the same lines as Luke.

 

"Well someone put me in this room thirteen years ago, and I've never left it." The boy said it with complete ease, as if it was the most obvious and normal thing in the world. It was his situation, and it was the only life he knew.

 

Luke sighed. He had easily found the boy was being truthful through the Force. The boys mind was not very strong. By the look Mara was giving him she agreed. He needed to bring the boy back to the temple, to question him further.

 

"You're on Yavin 4," said Mara looking at the boy curiously.

 

"Yavin 4? You mean the moon with the Jedi Temple on it?"

 

"Yes," replied Luke before he felt something through the force. Something dormant. Something coming from Soren. He then received a Force message from Mara.

 

Do you feel that?

 

Nodding, Luke stepped forward before placing the palm of his hand on Soren's forehead. He focused his mind, and began to probe into Soren's thoughts, searching for the cause of the strange vibrations in the force.

 

Luke delved into Soren's mind, sifting through his brain waves looking for what caused the disturbance in the Force. He saw the boy's past. Every detail explicitly clear. A woman. A man in black. Fire. People running, screaming. There was a very old feeling to the memories.

 

Then Luke found himself unable to move forward. Luke pushed forward. Nothing. He pushed left and right. His efforts were rebuffed, a powerful force pushing against him. He struggled for a few moments, before he began to feel light headed. The mind could not exist without the body, and the body could not exist without the mind. Extended time spent in another person's mind could result in a permanent separation of your own body and mind. He had maybe another 30 seconds, before his body would begin to shut down.

 

Out, thought Luke as he began to struggle violently. Twenty seconds. He began to spread his mind out, pushing violently against the force trying to contain him. Ten seconds. He quickly focused his attention on a singular point, and suddenly burst through the force containing him. The familiarity of the presence behind it set off a series of alarms in Luke's head, before he suddenly found his conscious surrounded, and quickly constricted by a menacing presence.

 

***

 

Train him. With a sickening crack Luke slammed into the wall.

 

"Luke!" yelled Mara in surprise, dashing towards him. She could see her husband was hurt. A few broken ribs definitely. Dislocated arm. Internal bleeding was a possibility. She skidded to a stop beside him, and fell to her knees, cradling his head. She pushed his sweat soaked hair off his brow, and put her fingers against his carotid artery, checking his pulse. It was weak, but there.

 

"St-STAY OUT OF MY HEAD!" Disturbing force energy rolled off the boy, emitting from him in waves. They washed over Mara, sending a chill down her spine. She had no doubt that whatever was happening to the boy, was related to Luke's current state of consciousness. Mara put her ear over Luke mouth, and felt his warm breath wash over her cheek. Mara's worries began to fade. So he was asleep. Accessing the Force bond they shared Mara tried to enter Luke's mind.

 

But nothing was there. Luke's end just dropped off into nothingness. Mara didn't know what had happened to him, but it wasn't good. She grabbed Luke, and slung his arm over her shoulder. She began to drag his inert body out of the room, and up the stairs. She left the boy where he stood, clutching his head and screaming incessantly. She stumbled into the courtyard, letting her husband slide off her shoulders and into a heap on the ground.

 

Then the ground rocked and Mara spun around. The Temple was collapsing on top of itself. Then Mara heard a laugh. A cruel, sneering, hateful laugh. A laugh which she had heard before.

 

"Kun..."

 

She expected to so the vile creature floating there. But no. It was the boy.

 

"Don't get involved in what you don't belong." He was floating in midair, his clothes flapping around him. His dark blue eyes stared down at her menacingly, piercing into her. The force rolled off him and into the forest around them. Creatures all around began to squawk in distress at the terrible feelings flowing off of him. "You will regret it." A bright flash of light filled the courtyard, forcing Mara to close her eyes. When she opened her eyes again, Soren lay sprawled on the ground, his face in the dirt.

 

"What... What happened?" came Soren's weak voice as he pushed himself up.

 

"What are you?" Mara asked, clutching her lightsaber.

 

"What? I'm--What happened to Luke?!" Soren slowly rose.

 

Mara jumped to her feet, igniting her blade as she did. She took a protective stance over her husband, causing Soren to back away.

 

"You happened to him. You did this." Mara stalked forward, closing the gap between herself and Soren. Soren scrambled away, until he backed into one of the temple's columns. Mara grabbed him by his collar and slammed him against the column. Her violet blade hummed in her hand, pointed directly at his throat.

 

"I d-d-don't know wh-what you're t-t-talking about!" Soren yelped.

 

Mara took a series of deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. She began to run through the events of the last few minutes in her mind, trying to think of her next move. As she reflected on the moment, she recalled, moments before Luke had been sent flying, hearing his voice in her head. Train him. She didn't like it, but she knew what she would do.

 

"You're coming with me." She dropped Soren, and deactivated her lightsaber. She walked over to Luke's body, and hefted him back onto her shoulder, "Help me." Soren, still shaken, slid in underneath Luke's other arm, taking half of his weight. The two slowly began the trip back to the Jedi Temple, with Mara clearing the way with her lightsaber. It was a very quiet trip, with Mara glowering at Soren every time he opened his mouth.

 

Mara looked at her comatose husband as the group trudged through the brush.

 

"Hold on, flyboy."

 

 

 

Fin.

 

From this point on, I'm not using the old story as a skeleton. Certain sections so far have followed the original quite closely (Eg. the first half of this chapter), while others have been rewritten quite a bit (the second half). From here on out, it's going to all be freshly written. I've got a pretty intriguing story planned out here, I hope, and it's going to be a lot of fun sharing it with you all.

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Welcome back! Thanks so much for udating/reposting your story. It's so you're doing this! How old is the story exactly? You were 13 when you first wrote it?

 

I'm really enjoying this whole thing so far! Keep us posted

Proud member of the Jnet's Addict Club since 12/2009

 

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We admin best when we admin drunk.

 

The Life Adventures of Stanley the Plant

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I always feel like Mara goes quickly from wanting to kill Soren to being willing to train him, but I guess that's some of her Jedi compassion coming out. I'm sure she'll watch him like a hawk after this though, regardless. Especially if Kun is interested/involved.

 

Keep it up.

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SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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Vaderman, thanks a lot for reading! As long as you keep reading, I'll keep updating. I wrote the original in July 2004. I was 13 when I wrote it, yeah. I'm not really sure where I was taking it at the time, but I'm pretty sure the scope wasn't as broad as I'm planning for this version.

 

DarthBrendo, hopefully you read it again and found it easier to follow. If not, tell me the sections that you got lost in. I'll go back and try and clear them up.

 

Amidala, she doesn't trust him yet.

 

As always guys, love the reviews. Thanks for reading!

 

 

Chapter 4: Hard Conversations

 

Mara grabbed Luke by his shoulders while Tionne grabbed his ankles. Kam Solusar, Tionne's husband, and Kirana Ti, the former Dathomari Nightsister, both supported his body from the left and right. Together, the four jedi lifted Luke onto a stone podium on top of the Jedi temple. After Luke was settled, they all retired from the rooftop, and into a small chamber below. Kirana Ti, Kam and Tionne all sat down on the chamber floor, cross legged. Mara paced across the room, putting her thoughts together. Upon arriving at the temple, she had pushed Soren into a spare bed chamber, locked him in it, then summoned the rest of the masters.

 

"What happened?" Kam spoke, his voice low and his thoughts troubled. Mara stopped pacing, sighed and regarded the three people before her.

 

"I honestly don't know." Mara relayed all that had happened at the temple, including Luke's message to train the boy. As she finished telling the tail, she fell to the ground and leaned against the stone wall. "How did this happen?" She asked nobody in particular. The four were silent, Mara stewing in feelings of guilt and loss, and the other three processing all they had heard. Kirana Ti broke the silence.

 

"I do not think it wise to train the boy. He has already managed to subdue the greatest of our order," a dark look flashed across all of the Jedi's face, "how much damage could he do if properly trained? He should be sent to the republic to be dealt with." Kam was thoughtful as Tionne spoke.

 

"However it was Master Skywalker's wish that he receive training. He must of had some idea of what the boy is. He would not-"

 

"I agree with Kirana," Kam interrupted his wife, "he would be a threat to the apprentices we already have gathered here. We cannot knowingly expose them to the danger he poses. If he could defeat Luke, we cannot reasonably expect to be able to check him if he loses control." All three masters turned to Mara. She was aware that her vote would most likely be the course of action that they took. To her, there really was no choice.

 

"We'll train him," Kam and Kirana were both concerned, but acquiesced without a fight, "but we'll keep a very close eye on him. All of us."

 

Tionne got to her feet serenely. "What do we tell the padawans about Luke?"

 

"As little as we can. They'll all suspect Soren to be involved the moment they see him. We'll inform all Jedi Knights and Masters of the exact events, but the padawans don't need to know the specifics. They're going to have to live and train beside Soren. His training would be severely handicapped if nobody is willing to speak to him."

 

"Wise," Kam said as he and Kirana got to their feet, "but what about the Solos? They aren't likely to accept an incomplete explanation." Mara hadn't even thought of her niece and nephews. They would be devastated. And telling Leia was going to be even more difficult. She fully expected to have the entire Solo family descend upon the Temple within the week. Privately, she was glad of it. She would need Leia's support.

 

"I'll talk to them." Mara stood. "We're family. I should talk to them. May the force be with us." They all repeated the phrase, before filing out of the room. Kirana went down to the training grounds. Mara presumed she was on her way to find her apprentice, Miel Kai. Mara didn't doubt that Kirana would be telling the girl all about Soren. Probably to warn her off of him. Somehow, Mara had a feeling it would not work. Miel Kai was also a former nightsister, and found that her past dabbling in the dark side often separated her from the other trainees. She had very few friends, the closest of them being Zekk, who had experienced similar feelings due to his association with the Shadow Academy. Mara could see Miel rushing to acquaint herself with Soren, eager to meet somebody else who might feel her isolation. Mara was in fact hoping for it. Soren would need a friend, and Miel was a good girl. She would not think twice about reporting Soren's movements if one of the masters asked.

 

Kam and Tionne retreated to their private chambers. That left Mara standing in the hallway, wondering how the hell she was going to tell the Solos what happened to their uncle.

 

***

 

Jaina wondered what her Aunt Mara needed to talk to them about. Jacen, Anakin and herself were all gathered in the spartan room that Mara used as an office. The room had a wall of books to the west, filled with random odds and ends Mara had picked up during her years as a smuggler. The north wall was dominated by a large desk that Mara sat behind. On top of the desk was a holoprojector emitting images of uncle Luke, the Jade Shadow, the Solos, Mara with Talon Karde, and others. The three solo children were all seated in front of the desk. Mara looked perturbed, and her uneasiness was bleeding over into the force. It was causing a great deal of anxiety in all of the Solos.

 

"I don't-," Mara paused, "stang, this going to be difficult." Jaina's concern grew exponentially. Whatever was on Mara's mind was obviously very troubling. It was extremely out of character for the normally composed woman to be stumbling over her sentences. Jaina would know, she idolized Mara as much as she did her own mother. More, even. She could feel Jacen's concern through their link as well. You didn't need the force to tell Anakin was concerned too. His face gave it away.

 

"It's okay, Aunt Mara," Jacen said, "you can tell us. We'll be fine." Mara smiled at Jacen before shaking her head and putting a hand on her forehead.

 

"Luke's in a coma." Jaina gasped, horrified. Uncle Luke?! Jacen's face assumed a grim posture. Anakin mirrored his older brother. The three of them listened as Mara told them about Luke's vision, and their visit to the Yellow Petal Temple. Jacen leaned forward in interest at the mention of finding Soren, and Jaina ground her teeth in anger as Mara related the boy's response to Luke's mind probe. Anakin seemed to completely zone out, his mind leaving the room. Jaina could feel his force presence poking towards their uncle on the roof. Jaina joined him, and felt Jacen do the same. The three took a moment before realizing that instead of the normally vibrant emission of the force that accompanied their uncle, his presence was instead a void. None of them had even noticed it, though Luke's body had been atop the temple for a few hours.

 

"We have a rotating watch on him. Exar Kun put Luke into a coma once before, when he first founded the praxeum. His first class placed his body at the same place. Do you remember Jaina? Jacen? You protected him at the time. We thought it appropriate to put him in the same place." Of course, Jaina did not remember. She had been two at the time. I don't give a damn if Luke's body is in the appropriate place. He shouldn't be in a coma. The more she thought about it, the more furious she became. Barely keeping control of her anger, Jaina stood up and stormed out of the room. As the door slide back into position, she heard Jacen apologize for her reaction. She snarled at him over their connection. She got a vague sense of an apology back from her twin.

 

Jaina blew into her room, her force powers going out of control. Objects began to levitate all around the room as she sat down on her bed. She thought about Luke's predicament and could feel her rage building up. It's that kid's fault. Her model of the Millenium Falcon smashed into a wall, bursting into pieces. Holosheets whipped through the air as if caught in a hurricane. Her computer terminal was straining against the bolts that anchored it down, trying to rip itself out of the wall.

 

His fault. The supports of her bed crumpled in on themselves, causing the bed to drop to the floor with a crash. The chair in front of her terminal burst into pieces and began flying around the room violently.

 

Soren. The holos she kept of her family, and her favourite spacecraft joined the maelstrom of flying debris her uncontrolled force powers were creating. She felt a warm touch on her shoulder. She opened her eyes.

 

"Hey." Jacen's brown eyes looked into her own. The maelstrom stopped, and all the objects flying around the air hovered in mid air for a moment. Jaina grasped her twin pulling him into a tight hug. There was a loud crash as the room's contents fell to the ground. Jaina saw Anakin standing behind Jacen, and pulled him into the hug as well. The three Solos touched each other in the force, sharing their grief.

 

 

Fin.

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I also like the Jedi Academy references, especially because so far this has played out a lot like that time. I like how Anakin is still around. That helps date this a little more too.

 

You're still having a lot of grammatical troubles, but again, that would be fixed with a beta. Are you having any luck finding one?

 

I can't remember if Miel comes to be a main character, but I'm definitely interested in learning more about her!

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SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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The Jedi Academy books along with I, Jedi were favourites of mine growing up. I,Jedi in particular. I always loved Corran. There's a few references to the Dark Forces series of games as well. I was still playing Jedi Outcast as recently as 2008. They say write what you know, right?

 

Miel does become a central character. The next chapter's written from her POV so you'll get a chance to know more about her in about a week. And no, I still haven't got anybody beta reading any of this. I've honestly been too lazy to ask anybody. Are you interested?

 

And regarding when this takes place, you're the second person to mention not knowing where it fit in. This story takes place around 25 ABY, right before the Yuuzhan Vong would invade. Everything that happened before 25 ABY I'm still taking as true. Hopefully this clears up any questions about the timeline.

 

EDIT: I might incorporate the Vong Wars. Not sure.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think I addressed both of the reviews in my post above. Sorry this chapter took so long to come out. I went and found myself a beta reader, so that took a little bit of time. Thanks a lot to Amidala Skywalker for proofing this stuff for me!

 

This is not the double post you're looking for.

 

Chapter 5: Hi Friend!

 

Miel Kai peered out of the viewport of her bed chamber down into the temple training grounds. Soren Vicarian sat crossed legged on the grass, listened to Tionne lecture on the Force. Though Miel couldn't hear what she was saying, she guessed she was beginning to delve into the morality of the force, and the Jedi method of use. She had sat through those lectures a few years ago. Tionne always led off with morality before teaching her students how to use their Force powers.

 

Miel was fascinated by Soren. Her master, Kirana Ti, had come to her two days before and shared the boy's story with her, as well as his role in the fall of Master Skywalker. The next day, the entire temple had been called together and shown Master Skywalker's comatose body, and informed that he had suffered an injury at the Yellow Petal Temple, and that, as always, it should be avoided at all cost. Soren was not mentioned. Miel had spied him out, standing alone at the back of the assembly. She wasn't the only one to have spotted him. Jaina Solo was staring daggers at him, and was obviously aware of the role he had played in her uncle's coma. Jacen and Anakin were avoiding his gaze and firmly ignoring him.

 

As the students were dismissed, the entire hall exploded with conversation. Already, rumours were flying about the new boy with the black hair. Jaina's obvious dislike of him fueled talk of him being involved in Master Skywalker's injuries. Most of the students threw him a dirty look as they passed. Those that didn't, just hadn't heard the rumours yet. Miel knew that soon the entire temple would be turned against him. It was a matter of time.

 

As she filed out through the main archway, she saw a familiar head of black hair approaching her.

 

"Zekk!" A huge smile graced Miel's face. Zekk was her closest friend at the temple. They had bonded over their shared experiences with the dark side. Miel was a former Dathomiri nightsister and had dabbled in the dark side. She had come to the temple older than most of the other students, and with significantly more training. It had taken her months to stop relying on her dark side training, and instead use light side techniques. With most of the padawans, the masters were building off of a blank slate with no notions of how to use their abilities. Miel had spent years honing her skills, tapping into the darkside in order to unleash her power. Even still, the lure of the darkside was present to her. Master Kirana Ti had taken on the task of destroying Miel's already formed habits, and remaking her as a Jedi. It had not been an easy path for Miel, and for her first few months at the temple, she was always fearful of using her powers. Zekk had gone through a similar experience after his time at the Shadow Academy as their Darkest Knight. He had been so disturbed by his contact with the darkside that he had completely severed contact with the Jedi and became a bounty hunter. He had only returned to the Jedi in the last year.

 

"Hi Miel," Zekk gave her a weak smile. "This is all crazy isn't it? Master Skywalker in a coma? All these rumours about that new guy. Jaina's furious." Miel could practically see the dark cloud floating over Zekk's head. Miel had forgotten Zekk's close friendship with the Solos, and his infatuation with Jaina. All these events would affect him far more than herself. Miel looked around, and pulled Zekk into an empty room. There, she relayed all that Master Ti had told her. Zekk was troubled. He now understood Jaina's anger at the Soren boy, but just like Miel, he understood the isolation Soren was about to enter.

 

"Let's go meet this guy."

 

Miel smiled. She had known Zekk would understand. The two of them exited the room, and peeked into the grand audience chamber. The boy wasn't there, so they continued their search. They eventually found him examining the ships in the temple's hangar. Miel and Zekk approached him. He was scrambling over the T65XJ X-wing starfighter that served as Master Skywalker's personal transport, and didn't notice their approach.

 

"Hi there."

 

The boy was so startled by their approach that he fell off of the ships closed s-foils. He popped back onto his feet with a mix of youthful exuberance and embarrassment.

 

"Oh, hi! Wow, you're the first people to talk to me since I got here. You're Zekk!" His excitement made the pair feel a little awkward.

 

"Yeah, that's me. How do you-"

 

"I'm Soren! I've read tons about you. You were born on Ennth then became a spacer on the Lightning Rod! You eventually lived on Coruscant and were.." Soren continued to rattle off Zekk's entire life story, completely baffling the pair. Zekk's life was not common knowledge, like that of the Solos or the Skywalkers. Soren was rattling off very specific details that only the closest of Zekk's mentors and friends knew. Soren finally reached the end of his, or rather Zekk's, story before taking a deep breath. "Oh wow, how rude of me. I don't know who you are!" Soren locked eyes with Miel.

 

Miel forgot her name for a second as she looked into his gorgeous blue eyes. "M-Miel!" She squeaked.

 

"How do you know all that about me?" Zekk asked, confusion clouding his face.

 

"I told you! I've read tons about you! I've lived the last thirteen years stuck in a hole. All I had to do was read. I know about all of the important people in the galaxy. I know about all the ships in the galaxy, and most of the planets." Soren took another breath before turning to the X-wing he had been inspecting. "This is the first time I've ever actually seen a spaceship before. It's stellar." His voice dipped into a low whisper of admiration. Miel could understand his awe. It hadn't been so long ago that she saw her first space ship. While on Dathomir, she'd never seen one. She had been part of a very isolated nightsister clan, deep in the heart of Dathomir's unexplored regions. When Kirana Ti had descended to the planet in her own craft, Miel had thought it was a dragon come to end the world.

 

Zekk had a look of thoughtfulness of his face. She caught his eye, and he gave her a shrug, before approaching the craft and beginning to explain its inner workings to Soren. Miel found Soren's rapt attention and boundless enthusiasm kind of cute.

 

The two clambered across the ship for several minutes, Zekk pointing out interesting modifications, and Soren spouting technical specs. Miel watched them and laughed, offering the occasional comment. Then there was a rushing of air, as one of the hangar doors opened, and Jaina stepped into the cavernous room.

 

"What are you doing?" She hissed, and even from all the way across the hangar her voice traveled to the three of them. Soren and Zekk stopped their climb across the ship and looked at her.

 

"Oh, hi Jaina," Said Zekk, nonchalantly. Jaina closed into the X-wing in seconds, covering ground like a valkyrie. A snap-hiss was heard as Jaina's violet blade leapt into her hand.

 

"Get off of that." Fire burned in her eyes, and her fury beat against Miel in waves. Zekk and Soren both descended off the craft, Zekk drawing his own lightsaber but leaving it unlit.

 

"Sorry..." Soren mumbled as he tried not to look completely terrified. Miel moved her body in front of his slightly. Jaina and Miel had never gotten along well. Jaina, who Miel thought also harbored secret feelings for Zekk, didn't like how close he and Miel were.

 

"Guys, get out of here." Zekk motioned for them to leave as he strode up to Jaina, trying to catch her gaze. But her brown eyes were firmly locked onto Soren's blue, trying to burn holes into the back of his head. Miel grabbed Soren's hand, and hurried him out of the hangar. As the door slid shut behind them, Soren let go of her hand and threw his fist at the wall. With a crack, his hand made contact with metal, and he probably broke a bone or two.

 

"Kriff!" He slammed his forehead against the wall and Miel could see tears on his cheek. "Everyone hates me! I don't even remember anything." He slammed his already broken hand against the wall again."I didn't do anything!" Miel touched his shoulder, her entire heart going out to him. She understood. She understood so much. She'd cried herself to sleep so many nights her first few weeks at the temple. She'd felt completely alone. But she wasn't going to let Soren go through the same thing. She turned him to face her, and pulled him into a crushing hug. He sobbed into her shoulder, his broken hand already swelling up.

 

"I'm with you."

 

***

 

Mara sat beside her husband's comatose body, looking down at the praxeum's training grounds. From their position atop the temple all of the padawans could be seen hard at work. It had been three weeks since Luke had succumbed to the coma he was currently in, and life at the Jedi temple was beginning to settle into its normal routine. People's ability to adapt sometimes shocked Mara. Despite the head of the academy being incapacitated, life went on as though he were still there overseeing everybody. Mara could see Jaina sparring with several training droids, and Anakin racing Zekk around the temple's perimeter. Jacen and Tenel Ka were meditating together by the river. Lowbacca was carrying a laughing Tahiri over his shoulder as they headed into the mess hall. And Soren Vicarian was paying complete attention to Tionne.

 

Tionne's reports of his progress were astounding. He was flying through his traning faster than any of the masters had anticipated. His ability to grasp onto different techniques was prodigious, and his will to learn unmatched. It was understandable. Most of the padawans still would not speak to him. He had all the time in the world to train.

 

The only people who regularly spoke to him were Zekk and Miel Kai. Miel Kai was nearly always with him when they weren't training and Zekk spoke to him when he was sure Jaina wasn't around. She still harbored a great hatred for Soren, and would explode anytime she saw Zekk speaking to him. Kirana Ti had expressed concern about how much time Miel was spending with the boy, and had started to get to know him herself. She grudgingly admitted that he was perhaps the brightest padawan she had ever met. Mara didn't know how she felt about Soren's amazing abilities. One part of her did blame him for what happened to Luke.

 

Train him. She touched her husband's cheek. Well, Luke? We're training him. Now what? When are you going to come back? She looked down lovingly at her husband, and caressed his face.

 

 

Fin.

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Welcome back to fanfiction, Narci3l! I'm not sure I've seen you before, but I'm certainly glad you came back! You have a very solid start on this story and I'm interested to see where you plan on taking it. As others have mentioned, there are many small grammatical errors which can be easily remedied by a beta reader (looks like you have one now with Ami - she's good at this stuff) and you'll get better at catching them yourself with more practice. You have a good grasp of the characters and, like the others here, I like the time frame and how you are tying together a number of the books. It's been a long time since I've read something from this time, and it's fun to go back there! You've already done a good job of pulling us in to care about Soren through Miel's perspective, and yet we're equally concerned about Luke and the unknown danger which Soren (or whoever is living within him as well) poses.

 

I think my one remaining critique would be to be consistent in your capitalization for 'Jedi' and 'Force' - I believe both of these should always be capitalized (except for when you use force but are not referring to the energy field, of course).

 

It looks like you have a complex plot in store for us...should be interesting!

"It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo

Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi jedi_master_gimpy , thanks a lot, its good to be back. It's always good to hear from new readers. Capitalization of Jedi and Force was one of the first things Ami mentioned to me actually. I don't think it should be a problem anymore. If you like the tie ins to different books, it is something that I'm planning on continuing more and more as the story goes on, so hopefully it keeps you interested! Thanks for the review.

 

Anyways, sorry for the long wait on this chapter. School's been pretty hectic. Hope you all enjoy!

 

 

 

Chapter 6: Mayday

 

Mara Jade and Corran Horn stood opposite each other in a large clearing in a temple training room. Both wore their combat outfits, her in a gray tank top, and black pants and he in a green Jedi tunic. Both had their lightsabers drawn. Mara assumed her ready stance, putting her dominant foot behind and pointing her blade at Corran. In response to her offensive stance, he assumed a defensive posture, holding his blade in a vertical parry position. Mara came at Corran with an overhead slash, which he easily blocked. She twisted her wrist down, bringing the violet blade into a vertical position on her left to block Corran's counter. She spun away as the force behind his blow pushed her blade out of position, singing her hip. He followed, bringing his blade around in a low sweeping attack. Mara jumped over the attack and, in midair, jabbed her lightsaber at Corran. He slipped his head in a low circle, feeling the heat of the blade on the nape of his neck, before spinning away. The two returned to their ready stances, before advancing again.

 

Corran led with a sloppy sweep from the left. Mara stepped into the attack, and was shocked as his lightsaber passed through her own. Illusion. Corran was not much of a telekinetic, but his illusions were fantastic. A warning flashed at her through the Force and she barely had enough time to pivot around his real attack. He had jumped over her, and stabbed his blade at the small of her back. Mara batted his lightsaber wide before flinging a box of training droids at him. Corran whipped his blade into a flurry of motion, slicing the incoming metal into halves, and subtly influencing them around his person. He returned to his ready stance, his brow covered in sweat.

 

"That it?" He taunted, his breath heavy. Mara smirked and leaped at him, bringing a powerful overhead blow down on his head. Corran brought his lightsaber up to meet hers with a crack.

 

"You forgot one." Corran jumped as he felt the sting of a training bolt on his rear. She had turned on one of the droids and had it take up position behind him. Corran laughed before turning his lightsaber off and offering his hand to Mara.

 

"Nice one.” Mara shook his hand with a saucy smile. As the two separated, Raynar Thul ran through the training room's door.

 

"Master Skywalker! Urgent message in the comm room!" Mara grabbed a towel and dried off her forehead, before draping it over her shoulders and heading towards Raynar. Corran did the same.

 

"What is it, Raynar?"

 

"Pirates, master. A trade ship en route to Telos was set upon near Toprawa. They just entered the system, baddies on their tails. They are unarmed and need help." Corran sighed, and dried his hair off.

 

"I'll get into the air." Mara nodded at him before she followed Raynar out of the training room. Corran headed to the hangar.

 

***

 

Miel Kai watched as Soren slowly lowered the circle of rocks he had been levitating to the ground. The pair had finished their day's lessons early and had gone for a run. Miel guessed they were fifteen or so miles from the temple. Soren had been ecstatic about his progress in telekinesis and had begged to show Miel. She'd playfully denied him before finally agreeing to watch. She was impressed by his quick progress. It had taken her nearly twice as long to develop the concentration needed to perform that act he just had. He doesn't need to know that though. She started to clap as he let out a deep breath and got back onto his feet.

 

"Pretty cool, Soren." She smiled at him, her knees becoming weak as he beamed back.

 

"That's just the beginning!" Soren launched into describing his progress in all of his different training with Tionne. Miel had heard it all before. Soren excelled in everything, but was especially fond of his mental sparring sessions with Tionne. Defending his mind from her attacks and trying to probe into her thoughts was something he greatly enjoyed. Miel stared into Soren's sparkling blue eyes, nodding, laughing, and agreeing whenever appropriate.

 

Soren's dialogue was interrupted by a loud boom. The two of them looked up but didn't see anything. However, they did hear the sound of spaceship engines and the bark of laser fire.

 

A sudden screech, followed by a loud explosion caused them both to clap their hands to their ears. They watched as a turtle shaped freighter flew right over the foliage before a crashing into the ground with a sickening crunch. The freighter was followed by three Z-95 Headhunters, and a Skipray Blastboat. The Headhunters climbed into the air, before engaging with a sixth ship, which Miel recognized as the temple's XJ65. The blastboat disappeared into the foliage, however the distinctive whine of its engines could be heard powering down. Soren looked at Miel and an understanding passed between them. The two of them rushed into the forest towards where they had heard the first ship crash.

 

Four or five hundred meters ahead they slowed to a halt as they approached the crash site. They got onto their bellies and peered into the clearing. The freighter's nose was down in the dirt, the forward bulkheads caved in. A ragtag group of seven or eight was climbing over the ship's hull. They could see the blastboat about 20 metres away. Soren looked at Miel before mouthing Pirates? Miel nodded to him, and unclipped her lightsaber. They listened to the group's conversation for a moment. They were nervous. Those on the ground were shouting at those breaking into the ship.

 

"Hurry up! The Jedi will be here any minute!" After a few moments, the rear hatch of the ship opened, and all but three of the thugs jumped into the freighter. Miel looked up into the sky. One of the Headhunters was no longer there, but the XJ65 was still locked in a duel with the other two. They watched as one by one the pirates emerged from the ship carrying black crates. They started to shuffle towards the Blastboat carrying their loads. However, the last of them did not exit with a crate.

 

He emerged with a badly bruised woman. Her lip was split and blood masked her face. The pirate threw her into the dirt and said something to his three comrades before approaching the woman with an evil leer. The other three approached her as well, all of them eying her lasciviously. Miel felt a rush of anger in her veins and mouthed to Soren, Stay here! She jumped out of the brush and lit her lightsaber. She felt Soren's fingers try and grab her arm but she was already gone.

 

The furthest yelled as he saw her, and they all drew their blasters. They began to fire red blaster bolts at Miel. She swept her blade through the air sending the first wave harmlessly into the forest. She sent one bolt back at its origin, causing the man to shriek as his weapon exploded in his hand. He screamed in agony as he grasped the stump that used to be his arm. She began to approach the four of them, who were steadily retreating. The whine of blasterfire drew those that were at the ship back to their comrades. As they saw Miel, they drew their weapons.

 

Run! she screamed at Soren and the injured woman through the Force. She was spinning, and dancing across the ground, her lightsaber a blur of orange light as it swept away wave after wave of blaster fire. She noticed the woman crawl into the forest out of the corner of her eye. She didn't know if Soren heeded her warning.

 

Her limbs felt like rocks. Her legs and arms were on fire. She was constantly drawing on the Force to sustain her, but her reactions were slowing. Some bolts were slipping by her guard, though none had yet hit her. It was only a matter of time though, and the pirates recognized that. They were growing more and more confident, and slowly spreading out to encircle her. The first bolt struck her in the thigh. She stumbled, but waved her lightsaber in front of her deflecting the next wave back at the pirates. Another of them fell. There were still six left, though, and Miel was quickly fading.

 

The second bolt hit her non dominant shoulder as she spun around another wave. The pirates were smartening up, and firing in more random, unpredictable patterns. They were targeting space now, not her, which was interfering with her ability to predict where they would aim. At least I saved that woman. She hoped Soren got away. She swiped her blade to meet a bolt, but was a nanosecond too slow. The laser struck her square in the chest. She did her best to absorb its energy but she still fell backwards, gasping for air. She felt her lightsaber leave her grasp. Her momentum spun her around before she hit the ground hard. She could tell she had broken bones. She was having trouble breathing. She heard the pirate's laughter, and footsteps as they approached her body. Mustering all of her strength, she turned over. Miel looked dead in the eye of the first one of them she saw, a Twi'Lek, daring him to even try to touch her. The last thing she remembered before she passed out was a snaphiss and the six pirates looking forward, fear written across their faces.

 

***

 

Corran landed the XJ65 beside the blastboat, before jumping out with his lightsaber ignited. However, nobody opened fire on him. He made his way towards the location of the downed transport. As he entered the clearing, he was shocked to find Soren sitting on the grass with Miel Kai's head on his lap. Her lightsaber lay on the grass beside him. Two pirates lay dead between he and Soren. Four more lay on the ground around Soren. Two were tied up and seated against the hull of the freighter, unconscious. A battered woman sat against a tree at the edge of the clearing, as far away from the living pirates as possible.

 

"What happened?" Corran turned his lightsaber off and returned it to his hip. He got down on his knees beside Soren and checked Miel's injuries. She was alive, but her sternum and some of her ribs were cracked. One of her legs was also bent in a very awkward angle. Soren told Corran the story, the entire time brushing his hand through her black hair.

 

"We weren't going to do anything but then they brought that woman out of the hull. They started to sort of circle around her," his thumb rubbed against Miel's cheek, "She attacked them and tried to get us to escape. I couldn't just leave her though. They started to attack her, but she was amazing. Spinning and deflecting all of their bolts. She was like a dancer. She got two of them before they hit her. I couldn't let them hurt her anymore. So I summoned her lightsaber and I..." Soren's voice broke, and Corran patted him on the back. Nothing more needed to be said. The scene spoke for itself.

 

"You did well." Corran returned to the X-Wing and reported in to the temple. After giving them their location, he returned to Soren. The three of them waited in the clearing for a few more minutes, until Mara, Tionne, Kirana Ti and a Republic medic team arrived in a Lambda shuttle. Corran supplied the other masters with Soren's story. The medics suspended Miel Kai in the bacta tank onboard the shuttle, with Soren watching their every move. He flinched at Miel Kai's every moan of pain. Kirana Ti joined him aboard the shuttle as it took off. A second shuttle arrived, this one carrying a cleaner team. Mara, Tionne and Corran surveyed the scene around them.

 

"How'd he do it?" Corran sat over the body of a fallen Gran, and began to examine the wounds that he had sustained. Cuts on his arms and a deep hole through the chest. The cuts were short and straight, not jagged and uncontrolled. The hole was a nearly perfect cricle. It was the kind of blade work Corran would expect from himself, not an untrained apprentice.

 

"Do what?" Mara dropped down to one knee and joined him in examining Soren's work.

 

"He killed four pirates and knocked two more out. Has he even held a lightsaber before? How'd he do it?" The lightsaber was a tricky weapon to use. The near weightlessness of the blades caused people to have a tendency to use them recklessly. And recklessness with a lightsaber more often than not resulted in the severing of one's own limbs. In the days of the Republic, Jedi had been taught to use them nearly their entire lives. Now, with many jedi being trained at an older age, lightsaber accidents were more likely. Tenel Ka, an extremely promising Jedi, had lost her left arm. Corran did not doubt that others would join her at some point.

 

Mara and Corran looked at Tionne, silently asking her for an answer. The white haired woman shrugged before gazing thoughtfully at the rest of the bodies littering the clearing. Her eyes lingered on a group of rocks which appeared to have a pattern of scorch marks on them. A pair of Republic troopers had loaded the two unconscious pirates onto the shuttle. The cleaner crew was beginning to take holos of the scene. They would return the bodies to Telos for a proper medical inspection, before they were incinerated.

 

"I guess he's just a natural," Corran supplied, "I mean, Luke learned how to fight all by himself, right? Maybe he practices in his spare time?"

 

"Yeah,” Mara said thoughtfully, “maybe.” If there was any conviction in her voice, Corran couldn’t hear it. All feeling a little perturbed, they boarded the shuttle. Corran made a mental note to examine the autopsy reports when he could.

 

 

Fin.

 

Review!

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  • 2 weeks later...

An update! I like how you fit the events purposefully driving this story seamlessly between the normal activities of the Jedi temple. Corran's one of my favorite characters, although it's been quite a while since I've read a book with him. I can't remember whether he used his illusions during regular sparring with a Jedi partner vs against the real "bad guys"... although I might be forgetting a couple battles between him and Ganner Rhysode, because I definitely could see him pulling it out then! Whatever the case, I loved that you pulled in that nod to Corran's special abilities.

 

"Pirates, master. A trade ship en route to Telos was set upon near Toprawa. They just entered the system, baddies on their tails. They are unarmed and need help." Corran sighed, and dried his hair off.

 

"I'll get into the air." Mara nodded at him before she followed Raynar out of the training room. Corran headed to the hangar.

I suggest moving the sentence starting "Corran sighed.." down to a new paragraph with "I'll get in the air." Then, another new paragraph to start off with Mara. When I first read it, until I read about Corran heading to the hangar I was really unsure who had answered that - Mara or Corran. I think the paragraph re-arranging might help distinguish that a little better.

 

I had a little more trouble with the logistics, although not writing execution, of the second part. I hadn't perceived Miel as being quite as advanced enough to tackle so many pirates for what seemed like quite an amount of time before being unable to handle the new tactics; in part because, as you mentioned, all of the new Jedi Order are starting their training much later in life. Granted, she has been a warrior for her whole life if not in possession of a light saber, but this still struck me as perhaps a little beyond her abilities? Outside of that, I did like the descriptions of being immersed in the Force but slowly tiring as more and more gets through her guard - I thought you did a good job with that.

 

Not many Jedi are capable of absorbing the energy from a blast, although maybe just enough to keep it from inflicting quite as much damage. I would expect the blaster to be on 'kill,' which means that the damage would be burned skin (even with most energy absorbed) unless you intended for her to fully/mostly absorb the energy but be unable to dissipate it expect through the a slightly explosive force, resulting in the broken ribs and enough force to break her leg on landing as well.

 

Moving on to the third part, I liked how you skipped showing us what Soren actually did. Granted, of course, I'd like to know exactly who's taking him over and all, but it was a great build up to the mystery. Also, since none of the Jedi are aware of what happened (and I don't think Soren really knows what he did or how), it makes sense that it seemed to happen without true explanation or comprehension, but simply came back to the aftermath.

 

The description of the pirates is the one other part where it seemed a little off to me. A small hole for the killing blow makes sense - it speaks to a single, confident kill blow that shows Soren's abilities - which is what was really being displayed here. While a few cauterized cuts might be found in addition to a killing blow when fighting another Jedi (or Sith), when fighting against a blaster the wounds should pretty much be deflected blaster bolts or the death blow, not lots of little close-up cuts, I would think? If the goal of the description is just to show Soren's proficiency, you could probably focus on the small hole or a precisely deflected blaster bolt instead of focusing so much on cuts, unless there is additional focus of cuts where there shouldn't be (this might point to a sadistic Sith Lord in Soren's head) . Anywho, just my thoughts on that.

 

Is the Republic supposed to have a strong enough presence on Yavin to have a clean up crew ready like that, or was it supposed to come in from Telos in aide of the attacked ship? I liked how Corran, Mara, and Tionne to a smaller extent were playing curious investigators in the aftermath scene. It seems to suit them all quite well in this case!

"It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo

Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23

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  • 3 weeks later...

jedi_master_gimpy, thanks for the long review! I always like replying to them. Thinking up of different ways for characters to interact during temple activities has actually started to become a bit of challenge. There's only so many times people can duel before it gets overused and I think I'm getting to that point pretty quickly.

 

Corran's been my favourite SW character since the Rogue Squadron books, so whenever I get the chance to write him in I do. I'll definitely move around the phrasing of that section to improve its clarity.

 

Miel's not a particularly adept Jedi. By all accounts, she's an entirely average student. However, sometimes Jedi (or anybody really) have moments of clairvoyance. Ganner had one on Coruscant before his death, and Miel had one here. Not to the same level, perhaps, but she had a moment where she was able to transcend what she would normally be able to do. Miel's injuries weren't actually a result of the blaster bolt. She did succeed in absorbing most of the energy from it. What was left wasn't enough to kill her, but was more than enough to knock her to the ground hard. Her injuries came from the force of her impact with the ground. She does hit the ground face first, which I probably didn't emphasize enough. That's how she broke her ribs/sternum. Her knee injury was a result of the rapid twisting of her body. Whenever I go back and do rewrites I'll explain all that better.

 

The team was supposed to be on Yavin already. It really wasn't that important of a detail to me. Though thinking about it now, the question of why there would be a cleanup team on Yavin is one that I am completely unable to answer. I just didn't think that much about it.

 

Corran used to be in Cor Sec! He was an investigator!

 

Thanks for the review! Here's Chapter 7!

 

 

 

Chapter 7: Padawan

 

 

Miel winced as she tried to catch up to Soren. It had been three days since the encounter with the pirates. The two Soren had captured were on their way to Telos for incarceration, along with the bodies of their partners. Miel had been suspended in bacta for two days, healing from her injuries. She couldn't help but be awed by bacta's amazing properties. On Dathomir, she had never had access to bacta. Whenever her, or somebody in her clan, had gotten hurt, they relied on traditional methods and time to heal their wounds. The injuries she had sustained in her fight with the pirates would have killed her if not for her timely submerging. Even so, bacta was not a cure all. Though her chest and ribs felt much better, they were still very tender. Her left knee, where she had torn a ligament, still felt extremely weak. She and Soren were out for a quick jog around the temple, as prescribed by her physical therapist. The uneven terrain was extremely difficult for her to traverse. Her knee felt like was going to explode.

 

Soren slowed his pace, drawing in beside her. Miel grabbed onto him and put her weight onto his arm, trying to give her knee some rest. Soren looked at her with concerned eyes.

 

"Can we sit?" She groaned out. Soren nodded and the two walked over to a fallen over column. Sitting down, Miel laid her head on Soren's shoulder and began to gently massage her knee.

 

"You okay?"

 

Miel hummed an affirmative, her hands trying to dull the pain in her knee. The therapist had said that it would be weak for a while. The best way for it to heal would be to use it, and allow the muscles to strengthen again. Swimming would be best, but the only water at the temple was the river. Miel's knee was not up to fighting against a current.

 

She flushed pink as Soren pushed her hands away from the knee, and began to massage it himself. He slipped down to the ground in front of her and began applying gentle pressure to it. Miel let out a deep sigh before regarding Soren. "Thanks."

 

Soren looked up at her, his smile extending all the way into his eyes. His hands continued to work her battered knee. "It's no problem."

 

"You saved my life."

 

Soren's ministrations paused for a moment, and a indeciferable look crossed his face. "I should have helped earlier." Miel felt Soren's grip on her leg tighten ever so slightly, "I could have. You were amazing. You saved that girl, while I was scared in the bushes. You were a Jedi. I was a coward."

 

Miel reached her hand forward and brushed it against Soren's cheek. "You're the only reason I'm sitting here," she looked him square in the eye, "if you weren't there, I'd be dead right now. Dead."

 

Soren was quiet for a moment, before he began to rise. "Ready to go?"

 

Miel looked him in the eye again before pushing herself to her feet. She put some weight back on her injured leg. It was still painful, but bearable. The two set off at a slow pace.

 

***

 

Mara sat behind her desk, looking at Kirana Ti who was standing across the table.

 

"Are you sure?" Kirana had approached her about taking Soren on as her apprentice. Based purely on skill, Soren was already better schooled in the Force than most new apprentices. However most masters were still wary of him. Mara had not expected Kirana, who had been opposed to giving Soren even the most basic training, to express interest in being his master.

 

"I've given it much thought," Kirana said as she took a seat. "Somebody needs to train him. That much is clear. His skills are incredible. He and Miel get along very well. There will be no conflict between them. While I agree that he needs to be trained, I'm still wary of him. This will give me the opportunity to keep a much closer eye on him. And his relationship with Miel. They get along too well. I worry."

 

Mara steepled her fingers together, looking at Kirana across the table. Kirana was one of the most senior and experienced Jedi at the temple. She would be a good teacher for Soren, and a better observer of him. She would not miss any strange behaviour by him, but would still be able to teach him much about being a proper Jedi.

 

"I agree with you. You'd be a good master for him. It's not like you need my permission though."

 

"No. But I value your opinion." Kirana thanked Mara before she stood and walked towards the door. As she stepped out, Mara spoke.

 

"Two eyes, Kirana. Keep two eyes on him. I don't know what's happening with him, and I don't like it." Kirana nodded in agreement as the door slid shut. Mara spun her chair around, and gazed out the window. Jacen and Tenel Ka were engaged in a duel on the temple training grounds. Anakin, Lowbacca, Jaina and Zekk all stood on the perimeter of the fight, analyzing the two duelling Jedi. Mara stood from her chair. She cracked her back, and went to go find Corran. I could use a good duel.

 

***

 

Miel collapsed onto the soft dirt of the training grounds. Her knee was on fire, and she was starting to find it hard to breathe. Soren sat down on the ground beside her, laughing playfully at Miel's obvious discomfort. Miel rolled onto her belly and brushed her face against the soft grass.

 

"Shut up," Miel groaned. Soren got onto his stomach with her, and the two of them watched Jacen and Tenel Ka engage in a fierce duel. Despite Tenel Ka's obvious disadvantage in missing her left arm, she had battled Jacen into a corner. With a limberness never before seen by either Miel or Soren, Tenel Ka spun and twirled around Jacen's attacks, and responded with her own. The dizzying nature of Tenel Ka's fighting style allowed her to bring strong attacks Jacen's direction despite only having the use of her right hand. Jacen was slowly being backed into the circular boundary the two had decided on at the beginning of the fight.

 

Suddenly Jacen brought a strong overhand slash down directly at Tenel Ka, both of his hands grasped tightly around his lightsaber. Tenel Ka brought her blade up to block, but it was in situations like this where she could do nothing to overcome her missing limb. Her one arm simply didn't have the strength of Jacen's two. Instead of trying to sustain the block, she let her guard down, and slid around Jacen's attack. She delivered a swift kick to his unguarded back causing him to stumble forward. She then rushed the unbalanced Jacen, delivering a barrage of swift, twirling attacks to keep him off balance. Jacen still managed to parry each of Tenel Ka's quick slashes, but was unable to mount any semblance of an offense.

 

Out of the corner of her eye, Miel Kai spotted Kirana Ti approaching. She pushed herself off her belly and to her feet. Soren followed suit. Miel bowed to Kirana as she approached.

 

"Master Ti. Is there something I can help you with?" Miel was usually left to her own devices after the day's training was completed. Then again, Kirana was not Soren's biggest fan. Maybe she wants to warn me about how little we know about him. Again. The two of them had that arguement it seemed every week though less frequently now. Miel would say that they didn't know anything about him because nobody tried to talk to him. Kirana Ti would counter that not even Miel could explain the events at the Yellow Petal Temple. The two would basically reiterate the same points over and over, neither willing to budge from their position. There was a great divide between Miel and her master on the subject of Soren Vicarian.

 

"Actually no, Miel. I'm here to ask Soren to become my apprentice."

 

There was silence for a moment. Then Miel shrieked in glee and jumped on Soren. She pulled him into a crushing hug and began babbling about how much fun it would be training together. Kirana smiled at her apprentice's antics. Soren laughed and returned Miel's hug. He then beamed at Kirana.

 

"Thank you for this opportunity, Master Ti. I promise I won't let you down."

 

"See that you don't, Soren. Both of you meet me by the river at dawn." Kirana gave the two a short bow, which they returned, before turning and starting to walk back to the temple.

 

"Soren!" Zekk, Anakin, Jacen, Tenel Ka and Lowbacca all approached the pair, apparently finished with their sparring. "Couldn't help but overhear. Congradulations!" Zekk gave Soren a hearty slap on the back. Lowbacca roared his agreement.

 

"Kirana Ti is a fine Jedi. You are lucky to have her as a master."

 

Soren smiled at Tenel Ka's statement; Miel could practically see the pride radiating off of him. Soren met eyes with Jacen, and a heavy silence fell over the group. Jacen finally broke it.

 

"Congradulations, Soren." Jacen extended his hand to Soren and gave him a firm handshake. "I'm sorry if I've been a jerk since you arrived. Luke's my uncle. It's been difficult. But it seems like it's about time that we became friends." Jacen looked back at Anakin, who nodded, and shook hands with Soren after Jacen.

 

"If Master Ti thinks you're trustworthy, then I guess I should give you a chance." Anakin looked Soren square in the eye, his grip firm. It wasn't an aggressive handshake, but it wasn't friendly either. Guarded would be a good word for it.

 

"It's okay. I understand. Thanks a lot you guys." The group moved to the archway that led into the temple. The other Jedi shared stories of their apprenticeships with Soren and Miel before heading their own ways. Soren and Miel were left standing in the archway.

 

"They don't hate me." Soren's gaze was vacant as he watched the departing Jedi. Miel could tell he was talking to himself more than he was talking to her. Regardless, she spoke.

 

"I told you everything would be okay."

 

Soren smiled. "You might be right, Miel."

 

A huff was heard behind the pair, and then Soren was shoved hard into the rock column beside him. An enraged Jaina stormed between them. Rage coursed through Miel as Soren fell to the ground. She wheeled towards the departing Solo, intent on giving her a piece of her mind.

 

"Jaina, why do you always have to be such a -,"

 

Soren grabbed Miel's hand causing her to stop speaking mid-sentence. "It's fine. Let her go."

 

Still angry, Miel helped Soren to his feet. She glowered at Jaina's back as she left.

 

 

 

Fin

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  • 8 months later...

Hi there.

 

It's been a while since I posted anything. Hell, it's been a while since I've been on this site. I really lost inspiration and time, both of which are essential to writing. However, I do have a couple chapters of this story that I had written ahead of time, and I'm going to start writing again during the Christmas break. So I'm going to start posting again. I'm not going to have my chapters beta'd, mostly because I don't have the patience to go back and re-edit chapters. Any criticism given to me in reviews, I will try to work into future chapters. I really want to speed up the turnaround time on these, as I find that I need constant feedback to continue writing. I really do write for reviews.

 

Anyways, I'm pretty excited to start writing again. I can't promise that I'm not going to go on another long hiatus, as I've definitely done it more than once, but I'm really committed to finishing at least Part I of this story, and I'm not really all that far away from doing so. So I hope you enjoy what I've got for you. It's probably not as polished as some of the other chapters, as again I'm going to be posting un-beta'd for the rest of the way, but I hope it's still written well enough for all of you to enjoy.

 

And, without further adieu I give you...

 

Chapter 8: Stang

 

 

Jaina entered the mess hall and made a beeline for the cafeteria. Her stomach growled at her after a hard day's training. Standing in line behind some younger Jedi, she cast a quick glance around the room. She spotted Zekk eating by himself off to the side of the room. She gathered her tray of food and went to join him. Zekk glanced up as she sat down, before speaking through a mouthful of food.

 

"Hey Jaina. What's going on?" Jaina shook her head at Zekk's terrible manners. He had grown up in Coruscant's underbelly and sometimes it showed. Etiquette was not particularly high on his list of concerns. Jaina on the other hand was the daughter of a former head of the galactic government. Proper table etiquette had been drilled into her from the moment she could feed herself.

 

"Don't eat with your mouth full, Zekk." Jaina began her own meal as Zekk gave her a cheeky grin, bits of his dinner stuck in his teeth. It was not the first time they'd butted heads over manners. Jaina wasn't a stickler for them like her mother, but you had to draw the line somewhere. Zekk speared a slice of dru'un with his fork before speaking again.

 

"I saw Leia on the holonet last night. I don't know how she does it. She's on Ter Abbes trying to stop the civil war there." Jaina swallowed and looked out the viewport on the mess hall's wall. She looked vaguely into the sky. She hadn't thought about her mother in a few weeks, since she'd left the temple. After Luke's injury she had descended on the Temple with Han and Chewie in tow. They'd stayed for a few days. Leia had been an absolute wreck. She had always been one of the strongest women she had known, and seeing her so utterly devastated was a very humanizing moment. Jaina had never realized how much she idolized her mother.

 

"She's hurt." Jaina whispered, her fork shaking in her hand, "Uncle Luke was her brother. Her twin. It's like if I lost Jacen. I don't know what I'd do." Just the thought of life without her brother disturbed Jaina deeply. She reached out to Jacen in the force, and he touched her back, his curiousity evident. She tried to express her love to him, before returning her focus to what she was saying.

 

"I think she's just trying to bury that pain in work. You saw her when she was here." Zekk nodded in agreement and touched her hand with his. The two of them hadn't really talked about any of this. They hadn't talked about anything for a while. A tension had formed between them when Zekk befriended Soren. She found it infuriating that Zekk didn't see eye to eye with her on the boy. So she'd pulled away from him, just a little bit. But that bit was enough. She missed talking to him. She missed his jokes, and the comfort he gave her. Sitting in that cafeteria, Jaina didn't understand why they'd grown apart in the last few weeks.

 

So they talked. Jaina shared her feelings about Luke, Leia, Jacen. Zekk listened, like he always did, offering just the right amount of advice, understanding and comfort. The two got up from their seats, and began to exit the mess hall. Jaina completely forgot why she had been angry at Zekk the last few weeks.

 

"Hey Miel. Soren." The offhand comment completely threw Jaina off. They had walked by the pair and Jaina hadn't even noticed. They were eating together near the mess hall's entrance. Miel gave Zekk a wave of acknowledgement while Soren looked nervously at Jaina. That was the extent of the interaction. But it reminded Jaina entirely of why she was angry at Zekk. As her and Zekk exited the hall, indecision washed over her.

 

She missed him. She missed this. But she couldn't stand that he so openly accepted the boy who had put her uncle in a coma. Should she just forget about her anger? Should she continue holding him at armslength?

 

"What is it?" The two of them had entered the temple's Hangar. It was mostly deserted, with only a few droids scurrying across the durasteel floor. Jaina looked Zekk in his emerald green eyes.

 

"Why, Zekk?" The black haired jedi raised an eyebrow in confusion.

 

"Why what?"

 

"Why are you friends with him? How can you forgive him for what he did to uncle Luke? How can you choose him over me?" Jaina's voice was very quiet as she spoke. She avoided Zekk's gaze. She hated how pathetic she sounded. How needy. How hurt. Zekk was quiet for a moment, locking his gaze with hers.

 

"I'm friends with him because he's a good guy, Jaina. Just talk to him and you'll see. Jacen and Anakin are giving him a shot. You're the only one that won't. He's nice. He's not some sith lord out to destroy the Jedi. Whatever happened with Luke," he paused, letting his train of thought catch up with his tongue, "it wasn't him. He wasn't himself. I'm not saying he shouldn't be watched. But he shouldn't be shunned. He's not a pariah. He saved Miel's life. Doesn't that count for something?"

 

Jaina was quiet. Of course it counted for something. But to her, it wasn't even close to balancing out what happened with Luke.

 

"But what about what he did to Luke? He's still in a coma. He doesn't respond to anything. How can you just ignore that?" Zekk brought one hand up to his face and covered his eyes for a moment. He took a deep breath before speaking, his voice laced with anger and frustration.

 

"I havn't ignored it, Jaina. Who do you think I am? I've talked to him about it. A lot. He doesn't remember a thing. Not a thing. He's just as torn up about Luke as you are. He goes and watches over him every week. When he knows you won't be there. Did you know that? You havn't even tried. And he's not even angry about that. He thinks you're absolutely right. He's afraid of himself. He constantly worries that he's going to close his eyes, and when he opens them he'll have hurt someone else. Miel. Kirana. Me. You." Zekk's hands had closed into fists as his speech reached a cresciendo, his frustration having built up over the weeks since Soren had arrived. Jaina was at a loss for words. It had never occured to her that Zekk would have been angry at her.

 

"I'm s-"

 

"Don't say sorry to me, Jaina. Go talk to him. That's how you'll apologize. By swallowing your pride and seeing just how wrong about him you are."

 

***

 

Jaina laid on her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. It had been several hours since her and Zekk's arguement. His frustrated voice was bouncing around her head. Her anger at Soren was wrestling with her guilt over the truth in Zekk's accusations. She'd never gave the guy a chance. Luke would have been completely disapproving of how she had treated Soren the last few weeks. Luke's own wife had gotten over her anger at Soren.

 

"Stang." Jaina groaned as she rolled out of bed. She was still conflicted but she could feel her anger finally beginning to fade. In its place, a deep sense of loss began to fill her. The pain she'd be feeling for the last few weeks was miniscule in comparison. Then she'd had somebody to blame, somebody to hate. She could vent all her emotions regarding Luke onto Soren. Feeling overwhelmed, Jaina exited her room and made for Luke's resting place.

 

As she approached her comatose uncle, Jaina felt her eyes begin to wet. Fierfek. She couldn't remember the last time she'd cried. She brushed a strand of sandy hair out of Luke's face, and perched herself on the edge of the platform he lay on. Slowly, she laid her head against her uncle's chest. She took comfort in the beat of his heart. He wasn't dead. Just missing. And they would find him. Her, Mara, Everybody. They'd find him. She heard footsteps coming up the stairs to the platform. She turned to them.

 

***

 

Soren was surprised to find Jaina sitting next to her uncle, looking him dead in the eye. His tongue stumbled on his words for a moment before he began to speak.

 

"Jaina! Sorry, I'll-" Jaina raised an open palm to him and looked at her uncle.

 

"It's okay. Come sit down." Soren stood still for a moment. Jaina motioned her hand, beckoning him towards her. With uncertain steps he approached before sitting on the edge of the platform with her. His eyes went to her drying cheeks.

 

"Are you okay?" Jaina looked at him thoughtfully.

 

"I will be. He wasn't lying." Soren looked at his feet for a moment, wringing his hands in his lap. He wasn't sure what she was talking about.They were both quiet for a moment, before Jaina broke the silence. "Do you come up here often?"

 

"Yeah. I usually come up here around now. It's pretty quiet. I can be alone."

 

"Not alone tonight." She took hold of her uncle's hand, rubbing his palm softly. "Why do you come up here?" Soren didn't hesitate.

 

"To apologize. I don't know what I did," Soren looked blankly out at the jungle, "but I did it. I did this. He's here, or, not here, because of me. I did something. So I come to apologize. Maybe he blames me. Maybe he doesn't. But I blame me."

 

Jaina gazed out over the dark jungle as well.

 

"You didn't know Uncle Luke. He wouldn't blame you for anything. He wouldn't blame anyone. He's always seen the best in people," Jaina squeezed Luke's hand. "I'm not like him. I don't trust everybody. I see the bad just as much as I see the good. Maybe I see the bad more. Zekk's more like him. Jacen too. They can see the good in people."

 

She turned to look at him, and he looked at her as well.

 

"Zekk sees something good in you. Something so good that he could look past whatever happened with Luke. You saved Miel. Zekk trusts you. Mara seems to. My brothers are coming around. I'm the only person who- just- stang. This is hard," Jaina reached a hand up and tucked a strand of her behind her ear, "I'm trying to say that I never gave you a chance. And I think it's about time that I did."

 

Soren was dumbfounded for a second before breaking out into a smile. His eyes reflected the light from the moon, illuminating their deep blue colour.

 

"I- Thank you. I really appreciate that." Jaina smiled back at him before getting onto her feet.

 

"Bye, Soren." She turned and began to descend the stairs, leaving Soren alone with his thoughts.

 

Fin

 

 

The mention of Leia near the beginning there is a pretty awkward thing for me. It's really the result of my laziness. If I were to go back and rewrite the early chapters, I definitely would have included a chapter or two with her, Han and Chewie coming to Yavin, but alas I did not. It was really a lost opportunity on my part. Maybe I'll go back and write it in at some point, but it's not plot essential. So for now, those little paragraphs are all there is. I'll admit, it's really a cop out on my part. And I apologize for it.

 

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. As always, please leave your reviews below. Thanks for reading, everyone.

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I just went through and read all eight chapters so I can keep up with what else you are posting. I like what you are doing with things and the direction you are going. If you wanted, you could really expand these chapters into something far longer and detailed, but that would be a lot of work. As it is, you have some decent character development with your own characters and you use canon ones generally as they should be used without trying to make them too much your own creation.

 

Now that I am caught up, I will be continuing to read these as you post them.

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I remember enjoying this before you disappeared, and i like what you've added here. I don't think the inclusion of Leia here is awkward, and I think that sandwiching something in would be...I think that you've established they are not part of the main story, so, really, a brief cameo here and there is all thats needed I think.

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Order of the Nocturnal

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  • 1 month later...

Hi guys,

 

Been a while again. School, social obligations, you know the drill. They drag you away from commitments you would like to honour. Anyways, I've got another chapter here for you. Hope you all like it. First of all, I'll address my reviews.

 

Travis, I appreciate you going through and reading everything. I'm a very to the point writer, and I tend not to beat around the bush too much. You're definitely right though, a writer with a little more interest in architecture or something could definitely expand this story a lot, unfortunately that writer is not me. I'm very interested in character beats, and I've got a lot planned, probably more than you anticipate, for all of these characters.

 

Shazam!, it's likely that my feeling of awkwardness with Leia's mention is because I do introduce her in a role later on. It's really just a result of me having written the early chapters before I'd actually planned the entire story out.

 

Anyways, on with the show.

 

Chapter 9: Without Anger

 

"Fierfek!"

 

Miel Kai laughed as Kirana Ti struck Soren's wrist with her wooden blade. The trio were in a dueling chamber in the temple. Kirana had started training Soren in proper dueling a few days earlier. Much to Miel's amusement, and Soren's frustration, it was not coming to him as easily as everything else did. He had yet to land a single blow on Kirana in the three days they had been training. In fact he was unable to hold out against her for longer than a minute.

 

"You aren't agressive enough, Soren. You allow me to dictate the flow of battle with ease. Again." Kirana took up her ready stance.

 

"But anger leads to the dark side, Master Ti." Soren's breath was ragged as he took his ready stance as well. However, Miel could see that his guard was too low, a result of his exhaustion. Kirana would surely take advantage.

 

"Anger and agression are not synonymous. One can be agressive without being angry." Kirana shifted her weight slightly and then pounced on Soren like a jungle cat, bringing a series of low blows against him. Soren met each of them with his weapon, his guard sinking lower and lower. Miel saw her master's plan immediately. After having spent so much time sparring against her, Kirana's tendencies were well known to Miel. She was baiting Soren into lowering his guard, playing on his exhaustion to cause him to cheat and keep his weapon low in anticipation of ground strikes. As Miel predicted, Kirana brought a hard two handed blow at Soren's feet which he caught on the edge of his blade, before releasing her left hand's grip on her blade. She brough her now free hand up and delivered a straight jab at Soren's nose. It made contact with a sickening crack. Soren stumbled back, holding his blade between them with his right hand while bringing his left up to his freely bleeding nose.

 

"Aggression without anger."

 

Soren growled in frustration, and glanced at his now red hand. He shook it, sending a spray of blood onto the green grass, before rushing at Kirana. He attacked from below aiming to cut Kirana from hip to shoulder. Kirana met the blow with a one handed block before she slid into his guard. She delivered a strong knee to his stomach and he fell away gasping.

 

"Without anger. "

 

Soren used his blade to get back onto his feet, and glared at Kirana. He was panting heavily. His eyes were flittering around the clearing, looking for any way to gain an upperhand on Kirana. However Miel knew that it was a fruitless search. If she could see what he was doing, then Kirana certainly could. Anything he might find, Kirana would have noticed first, and have a defense prepared. Soren took a deep breath,trying to clear his mind, then closed his eyes.

 

Kirana shifted her weight slightly, spreading her feet a little further apart. She lowered her centre of gravity in anticipation of Soren's next move.

 

Soren raised his weapon in his right hand, and assumed a stance perpendicular to Kirana's. His left arm extended in front of him, pointing at Kirana. His right hand brought his blade parralel to the ground, held at shoulder level. Miel recognized this as a classic Soresu opening stance. Soresu was the third of seven lightsaber forms. Its focus was primarily defensive, relying on opponents to make mistakes before any offense was generated. Quick economical movements of the blade were used, combined with slight dodges, in order to tire out the opponent while suffering no damage. It was a change from Soren's past tactics.

 

Kirana studied his form, and Miel knew that she was judging which of the hundreds of ways of breaking down Soren's defense would be best, taking into account his tendencies and what he may try to do in order to counter her. One of the first things that Miel had learned about dueling was that in many ways, duels were decided long before the first strike was delivered. It was as much mental as it was physical.

 

Miel noticed the slightest change in Kirana's stance, signaling that she was about to launch herself forward. This time, Soren noticed it as well. As Kirana launched into the air, he reacted.

 

Lightning quick, Soren hurled his blade at Kirana, spinning horizontally through the air. Miel could tell that she was surprised by the tactic. However, as Kirana moved her blade in an upward motion to meet the flying object, it became obvious that Soren had thrown his weapon far too early. Though it only took a second for the weapon to reach the mid-air master, that was more than enough. With a loud crack, Kirana sent Soren's blade flying high into the sky.

 

Kirana gracefully landed a foot away from Soren, who stepped backwards. Kirana extended her blade to Soren's neck.

 

"Never relinquish your weapon. Your lightsaber is your-" Kirana inhaled sharply, before she spun around and knocked Soren's blade, which had been rocketing towards her back, out of the air. Miel recognized that Soren had directed it with his telekenesis. As Kirana turned, Soren dropped to a crouch and attempted to sweep Kirana's legs out from beneath her. However, the master carried the momentum of her blow through, and brought her wooden blade hard into Soren's ribs. With a howl of pain Soren rolled onto the grass, clutching at his surely bruised side.

 

Kirana exhaled. "Your lightsaber is your life. We're done for today." Kirana walked back towards the temple.

 

Miel walked over to Soren and helped him back up to his feet.

 

"I thought for sure that I'd get her that time." He groaned as he lifted his shirt to examine where he had been struck. An angry purple bruise was already forming. He would not be sleeping on that side tonight. "I'm terrible at this dueling thing."

 

"You aren't that bad." Miel smiled, "She was angry that you almost hit her. That you surprised her. That move would have gotten me. You aren't Tenel Ka, but you aren't bad. I think she really didn't want you to hit her. Probably trying to stop your head from swelling."

 

"What's wrong with having an ego when you're the best?" Miel punched him in his freshly bruised ribs, causing him to gasp in pain.

 

***

 

"That must've hurt." Jaina leaned on the doorframe of the temple infirmary, watching Soren get bandaged up. The medic droid had put a bacta patch over his bruise, before wrapping him in gauze.

 

As the droid retreated from Soren, he swung his arm in a circle, testing his mobility. Pleasantly surprised at his range of movement, he got back onto his feet and put his white shirt back on. "I feel like a Rancor ran me over. Master Ti won't cut me a break."

 

Jaina had watched a few of Soren's training sessions out of curiousity. Word had spread around the temple about Soren's abilities over the weeks that he'd been there, and Jaina had wanted to see what the fuss was about. As she watched, she noted that Kirana Ti seemed to be very hard on him, considering he had only been practicing for a few days. He didn't have much success against her but Jaina didn't blame him for that. He was raw as a duelist and Kirana was one of the most accomplished Jedi in the order. Still, Jaina could see that he had potential, despite his struggles.

 

Jaina thought of herself as a very strong duelist. Of the Jedi her age, probably the only one who could rival her skill would be Tenel Ka. Because of that, she felt pretty confident in her analysis of Soren's skills. He seemed to have much of the basic techniques down. He had developed a good understanding of Ataru, the fifth form of combat, which was focused on power and attacking. He was also developing a good feel for Soresu, the defensive form. As in most of his skills, he understood the concept of dueling very well. Unfortunately, dueling was not about concepts.

 

Jaina judged his biggest weakness to be one of confidence. He second guessed himself at every point, unwilling to trust what his eyes, brain, and the Force were telling him. He also lacked flexibility. Once he drew up a plan, he would stick to it. He was unable to recognize when it was no longer viable, and would often get battered because of it. She also believed that Kirana Ti's training was doing him no help in improving. He couldn't beat her because he had no confidence, and he had no confidence because he couldn't beat her.

 

And that's why Jaina had come to find him. She had known Kirana for much of her life, and didn't think she would be very interested in Jaina's evaluation of her teaching. So instead, she took it upon herself to try and give Soren some confidence. She'd be lying if she said that she wasn't looking forward to giving him a few bruises along the way.

 

"Yeah, I noticed. Look, Soren, I've got an idea," Jaina crossed her arms in front of her chest, "how about you practice with me? I need to keep sharp. You, well, you need practice. Win Win."

 

"I won't exactly be a challenge for you. How am I going to keep you sharp?" Soren and Jaina exited the infirmary and walked towards the mess hall.

 

"You're creative. And yeah, I'll beat you for a while. But you'll start to figure it out the more we fight."

 

Soren ran a hand along his jaw, thinking for a second. "Okay. I'm in. Try not to hurt me though."

 

Jaina grinned. "Of course."

 

 

Fin

 

Hope you enjoyed! Review! Thanks all.

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It was a bit short, but better than nothing. You need to come out with these more often. I understand school and all, but don't leave your readers hanging for so long.

 

I am glad you have plans for your characters. I look forward to what you can do, especially with the fanon characters that don't really need to stay within basic parameters.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks for the reviews guys! And Travis, this one's longer. I'll try to keep the word count higher from here on out. Hope you guys enjoy.

 

 

 

Chapter 10: Psychosis

 

Mara Jade entered one of the temple's chambers. The room consisted of several chairs facing a holoscreen on the east wall, and a large window dominating the north. Those chairs were occupied by many of the top Masters in the order. Kyp Durron, Kyle Katarn, Corran Horn, and Kenth Hammer were there from off world. Cilghal, Tionne, Kam, and Kirana were all present as well. Mara motioned for Kirana to step to the front of the room. The other eight masters, Mara included, sat down and gave their attention to the Dathomari woman.

 

The purpose of the meeting was to discuss Soren. It had been nearly three months since his arrival at the temple, and a month since his apprenticeship to Kirana. Similar meetings had been held nearly biweekly, but this one was of particular importance. Kyp Durron, the only Jedi in the order who might be more powerful than Luke, had once been possessed by Exar Kun. Mara, and most of those that heard her retelling of the events at the Yellow Petal Temple, believed that if there was an evil force influencing Soren it was most likely Exar Kun. Kyp had by far the best chance of finding out what was happening with him.

 

The lights in the room dimmed, and Kirana began to speak. First, she briefly ran through the events at the Yellow Petal temple. They didn't need much reiterating. Everybody knew what had happened.

 

Ready to get into the meat of the presentation, Kirana cracked her neck. "Soren has shown remarkable ability in all areas of the Force. He has a natural grasp of telepathic skills and is able to fend off a variety mental attacks. His telekenetic ability is also far above what I would expect of a similarly trained apprentice. He's able to draw upon the Force to bolster his own physical abilities with little thought, and only struggles with maintaining that connection when extremely stressed. Despite his prodigious talent, he has shown very little ability with a lightsaber thus far. I've been pushing him extremely hard, in an attempt to see if he has any latent ability with the blade, to little succes. However, he shows a great deal of desire to improve this and spends much of his day working on his skills."

 

Kirana took a breath, before glancing down at the notes she had in front of her. "Over the last few weeks he has befriended several of the younger Jedi. Zekk and Miel Kai remain his closest friends. His relationship with Jaina, Jacen and Anakin has improved greatly. As a result, other apprentices are beginning to speak to him. Jaina seems to be helping him practice with his blade." Mara crossed her legs, only half listening. She and Kirana talked about Soren's progress almost daily.

 

Kirana activated the holoscreen, and a slideshow of the freighter crash site began to play. "However, it is not his progress that we are interested in. It is the mystery that seems to follow him wherever he goes. Over a month ago, a freighter en route to Telos was waylaid by pirates. The ship crashlanded seventeen miles from the temple. Master Horn engaged the pirate's aerial forces as their main transport landed on the ground. Soren and Miel Kai were, by chance, near the crash site. The two approached and watched them unload. According to their reports, they were not going to engage until a battered woman was pulled from the transport."

 

A slide of the woman, taken on Telos after the crash, quickly flitted by. A chord of sympathy struck Mara. The woman had obviously gone through a horrifying experience on that ship.

 

"Then Miel Kai engaged the pirates. She held out for a short period of time, giving the woman and Soren the chance to escape before she was subdued. Soren however remained. After Miel was struck down, Soren took up her lightsaber and killed four pirates. He took two more prisoner." Two pictures flitted by quickly, "At nineteen thirty-one standard galactic time, Master Horn arrived on the scene. He gathered Soren's initial report, which is consistant with those taken later."

 

"Soren has no clear memory of the events that took place once Miel Kai was unconscious. He claims to remember moments, saying, quote, 'it's mostly a blur. I get pictures. A stab in the chest. Cutting another's arm.'" Kirana read this directly off of her holopad. "This is consistant with the injuries sustained by the four dead. However, there are inconsistancies. Master Horn will elaborate." Kirana gave the presenter's area over to Corran. He ran a hand through his hair before bringing up another series of slides.

 

"The coroner on Telos found light burns across the skin of all four deceased," several slides of said burnt areas clicked past, "and similar burn marks were found on an outcropping of rocks in the area, and both surviving pirates. The coroner was unable to find the cause of the burns."

 

Corran turned back to the screen and photos of the two living pirates came up. "Justice allowed me access to the two living pirates for questioning. Neither has any recollection of the event. Psycological services says its common in traumatic cases, and that they are burying their memories beneath layers of psychosis. They would not allow me to examine their minds."

 

"Did you anyways?" Kyp.

 

"No."

 

"You should have."

 

Mara couldn't help but agree, but didn't voice that opinion. Instead she asked a question. "Did the woman see anything?"

 

"No. She's suffering from a similar psychosis. She clams up whenever someone mentions the incident. I didn't examine her memories either."

 

Kyp let out a sigh. "It doesn't seem like we have that much to go off of here. Some burns, and some bad memories." He stood up and the lights brightened. "Still, it's something. Combined with the Yellow Petal, I should have came back a while ago.The entire thing is kriffing insane."

 

Kyle shifted in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest and balancing his right foot on his knee. "What are you suggesting, Kyp?"

 

"I'll take a look around inside him."

 

Cilghal practically jumped out of her chair. "It's way too dangerous. Look what happened to Luke."

 

"That might've just had something to do with the Temple. Kirana's attacked his mind since, and she's still here." Mara hated how everytime they mentioned her husband, it was as if he were dead. He was here, not five hundred feet above them.

 

"But I wasn't trying to go deep," Kirana look exasperated, as if she couldn't believe that this was even under consideration, "I barely skimmed his mind."

 

"Yeah, well, somebody has to dive in. And it should be me. I know what Kun feels like. He was in my brain. If I catch a scent of him, I'll know and I'll get out. Not to mention, I'm more powerful than any of you."

 

Mara leaned forward and looked Kyp straight in the eye. "We can't lose you, Kyp."

 

Kyp laughed. "Yeah, you can. I'm by far the most replaceable out of the people in this room. I spend most of my time vaping smugglers on the outer rim. You guys are the Order," Kyp crossed his arms across his chest, "not me. I should do this."

 

"I agree with Kyp. This is the best course of action." Cilghal and Tionne both turned on the voice. It was Kenth Hammer. Both opened their mouths to object, but were interrupted by Corran.

 

"Me too."

 

Kyle thought for a second, running his hand through his beard, before agreeing as well. The entire group was quiet for a moment, seeing if one more person would give their assent. Currently, the decision was split five-four against. One vote would turn it.

 

After about ten seconds of complete silence, Kam spoke. "We'll have to figure something else out the-"

 

"Do it." Mara whispered, her gaze still locked with Kyp's. "Figure it out. And come back."

 

Kyp nodded somberly.

 

***

 

Jaina walked towards the mess hall, her mind full of possibilities. Mara had sent her to collect Soren and bring him to one of the chambers deep in the temple's underground structure. Those facilities, which had been bustling when the Rebel Alliance had used Yavin as a base, had been mostly unused for nearly 25 years. Mara had been very vague about the purpose of the meeting, but judging by the fact that nine of the Order's masters were all at the Temple, Jaina could guess that it was important. And so her mind was sifting through the possibilities.

 

She found Soren sitting with Miel Kai in the mess hall. They were nearly finished their meals and getting ready to return their trays to the cleaning station. Jaina approached them, and touched Soren on the shoulder.

 

"Soren. Mara wants to see you." Miel looked at Jaina with thinly veiled contempt. Soren turned around as she touched him, curiousity on his face.

 

"Right now? About what?" He ran a hand through his black hair. He looked tired, dark circles forming beneath his eyes. Jaina had seen how hard he pushed himself over the last few weeks, and it looked like it was catching up to him.

 

"Right now, and I don't know. She just told me to get you, so come on. She wants to meet in one of the basement chambers." Soren apologized to Miel, who shrugged. He stepped in line with Jaina and the two walked out of the mess hall. Jaina adjusted her course to the nearest lift.

 

"So come on, what's this about?" Soren looked at Jaina anxiously. She gave him a half hearted shrug in return.

 

"I told you, I don't know." Soren tilted his head in disbelief and gave her a doubtful look. "Okay, fine. I don't know for sure, but I have an idea. There's a lot of masters at the temple right now, including Kyp. Mara's been wanting him to come back for ages. I think they might want to probe your mind for some clue about what happened to Luke. Kyp was possessed by Exar Kun once. Mara didn't want to try anything without him here. She probably thinks he'll be helpful if Kun is doing something similar to you." The pair reached the lift as Jaina finished and entered, Jaina pressing the appropriate subfloor's button as the doors slid shut.

 

"That sounds," Soren was thoughtful for a moment, "dangerous. But promising. They won't hear any arguement from me." Jaina nodded approvingly. She hoped that the masters would find something. She hated to admit it, but Zekk had been right about Soren. He was genuinely a nice guy. Yet despite her best efforts, Jaina still found herself unable to trust the man. Not while her uncle lay comatose on the temple roof. She'd feel better if they at least found some proof that Soren was possessed. Any clue as to what had happened at Kun's temple would be welcome. Jaina didn't dare hope that they'd be able to reawaken Luke, but the thought grabbed at her anyways.

 

"I'm glad. Kyp's very powerful, plus he's had some experience in situations like this. I really think this might have some results." Jaina tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she ushered Soren around a corner and though an open door. In the room were Mara, Kirana, Corran, Kyle, Tionne and Kyp. Jaina assumed that the other masters were overseeing the temple. Despite the generally high level of responsibility among Jedi, you couldn't leave a hundred children to themselves and expect good things to happen. Mara spoke.

 

"Soren, thank you for coming. We have a favour to ask of you." The six masters were standing in a straight line, with Mara and Kyp in the middle. Kyp was standing with his arms across his chest, eyeing Soren. All of them were looking at him, but Kyp was measuring him up. The others were all looking at him with a mix of concern and interest.

 

"You want to scan my brain." He turned and looked at Kyp. "Specifically, you want to scan my brain. I completely agree that it is necessary for you to do so, however, I have one request." Jaina looked at Soren. He seemed different. He was standing taller, his back a little straighter. This was not a naive sixteen year old. This was a man who knew exactly what he wanted, and was not willing to negotiate. He was making direct eye contact with all of the masters, making sure that they were all listening to his request.

 

"If something happens, and it seems like I'm about to lose control again, then you will kill me."

 

Silence reigned. The masters looked at each other at a loss.

 

"If nobody can control me then I need to die. Because there's no telling what I will do. What I can do."

 

"Okay." Mara said quietly, under her breath. She was obviously conflicted over this, as were the other masters. None of them voiced an objection, but they did look at her with concern. But the truth was, after Luke, Kyp was probably the most powerful Jedi in the order. If he was incapacitated, there was very few people left who might be able to challenge whatever monster lay dormant in Soren. She wasn't even sure if they could kill him if things went badly. But she'd sure as hell try. There were a hundred padawans, who trusted their lives to the Jedi, just above their heads. "We'll kill you."

 

"Thank you." Soren moved to the middle of the room, and sat cross legged. The masters, along with Jaina, circled around him. Kyp stepped forward and sat in front of him. He took a deep breath, looking Soren in the eye. Soren's hands were shaking on his knees, betraying his fear.

 

"Okay. I'm going in." Kyp closed his eyes, as did Soren. Jaina could feel Soren dropping his mental barriers, his emotions suddenly flooding the room. There was fear, and guilt but innocence and hope as well. Moments passed, neither Kyp nor Soren moving, both of their presences flowing around the room. Jaina could feel Kyp sifting through Soren, his consciousness razor sharp. She felt Kyp's presence waver for a moment before plunging into Soren like a knife through butter.

 

Soren's eyes shot wide and his mouth opened into a scream, his eyes bulging out of his head. His presence suddenly changed, drawing in tightly where Kyp had attacked. Jaina could feel Kyp being expelled from Soren's mind, and an old creeping rage bubbling up from Soren's subconscious. The other masters sensed the change too. Jaina could practically see them all reaching out with their minds, and throwing their mental weight behind Kyp's attack. Jaina joined as well, and felt her will come crashing against the evil and ancient mind of Exar Kun.

 

Soren fell to all fours, coughing up blood as the gathered Jedi struck at Kun. No single one of them seemed to be having much effect, but together they seemed to be overcoming the Sith lord. Death by a thousand cuts. A horrifying scream lept from Soren's lips.

 

"You will not be rid of me so easily, Durron!" Blood flowed steadily from Soren's mouth as he clawed his way towards Kyp. The brown haired master remained motionless, his dominating mental assault bearing down on the younger man. "You would kill this boy, Jedi?" Soren's face twisted into a sadistic sneer, "He will not survive without me." Kyp's eyes snapped open.

 

"Yes, he will." Jaina was blown away by the force Kyp unleashed at that moment. His presence was a hurricane tearing away at the darkness that was trying to keep hold of Soren. She could practically see the older Jedi tearing Kun's claws from Soren's soul. Black smoke began to billow from Soren's mouth, crimson blood still flowing out of him. The smoke began to swirl around the room, before coagulating together into the form of a man.

 

Exar Kun, formed out of black smoke, stood in front of Kyp. He was not human. Not anymore. Vines protruded from his back, twisting around his neck and caressing his skull. His flesh was more like rock than actual skin. The only part of him that showed his former humanity was his face, that of a beautiful twenty year old man.

 

"I am the greatest of the Sith, Durron. You have not defeated me. You cannot."

 

Kyp rose to his feet, staring down Kun's nose.

 

"Stow it." The assembled Jedi masters all attacked together. Kun's forehead furrowed in concentration, as he tried to fend off the attack once more. But his efforts were in vain, as the gathered Jedi poked holes in his defense, reducing his ability to combat them. As one they coordinated a final attack. Kun's form froze in a scream of pain, before it burst into smoke and dissipated from the room. Kun's presence was nowhere to be found.

 

Jaina rushed towards Soren, lying in a pool of his own blood. His tongue lolled out of his mouth and his eyes were half closed. She checked his pulse quickly as the other Masters gathered around.

 

"Does he live?" Whispered Tionne, kneeling beside Jaina. Jaina nodded.

 

"Yes. Barely. He's like a whisper in the force." Kirana Ti wrapped Soren in the force, lifting him from the floor without allowing his body to change position.

 

"I'll get him to the med bay." She turned to leave, and Jaina was halfway to following her when Mara grabbed her arm.

 

"Do you feel that?" She whispered. Jaina spread her senses out, and immediately knew what her aunt was talking about.

 

"Uncle Luke." He was awake.

 

 

Fin

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is able to fend off a variety mental attacks.

 

You need an 'of' between variety and mental.

 

I really like the visual you create with this in terms of Kyp and Soren and the 'attack' on his mind to draw Exar Kun out. The only thing I'm unsure on, is the willingness of Soren to just tell them to kill him if they can't get Kun out. I don't think you've established enough of his character, and the type of person he is for that to be believable. The self-preservation instinct is strong, and at this point, his willingness to sacrifice himself is to casual and meaningless.

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