Acceptance (NSW Poem)

[Qyrisa]

Acceptance

 

Fear

The sharp electric jolt that kept me up nights

Transformed by the sunrise into a soft black cloud of madness

That dragged me down days

Drove me through endless cycles of boom and bust

Gloom and mistrust

Until I became convinced that her forgeries were real

Always hiding in the background

Wanting to remain anonymous

Yet revealing yourself at the most inappropriate moments

And me, blissfully unaware yet knowing at some level

That you were waiting there on the periphery

I just didn't know your name back then

 

Ecstasy

We dined together quite comfortably in luxuriant décor

But you were always in a rush to go and see some other lover

Knowing all the while how much I hated to be left alone

Yet knowing as well that I gave you my tacit consent

I wanted to be with you always

But you said ”œthat's not how it works”

[Tiana Calthye]

Hey, welcome to the Library! Good to have you here. Nice word choices and an interesting poem. I like the section that starts on about the hospital bits... throat surgery, insomnia, and morphine shots. Very visual.

[Qyrisa]

Just noticed a few areas where I screwed up word order, but it's no big deal. And thanks for the feedback. I have other stuff I might post here. Mostly stream of conscious poetry.

[jedi_master_gimpy]

Wow! You have a really interesting style. I like the stream-of-consciousness and the way you formatted the sequence of emotions, personifying each one. Your word choice and descriptions packed in a punch, and while the details of the particular situations were, of course, hard to grasp, I truly felt like I ran through one of the hardest and most defining periods of time for the person - not just that one illuminating moment as a lot of poems or stories can focus on, but a couple of years, almost, of dealing with life. I'd definitely be interested in seeing more of your stuff. Welcome to JN!

[Qyrisa]

More stream of consciousness

 

 

 

 

The critical moment of insight

Arises without warning

A brilliant sunrise preternatural

Without preceding dawn

Tantalizingly close to the infinite

Yet never quite reaching her lips

As time's formerly ceaseless flowing

Abruptly stops

And never was or is nor shall be

The past fades to an abstract concept

So far removed from the realm of experience

As to be rendered meaningless

Academic

Absurd

And the once cherished and anticipated future

Warmly nurtured and carefully groomed

Is now nowhere to be found

Forgotten

Forsaken

As the mind remains focused on no particular thing

Content to be absorbed in the simple joy of being

Aware

Alive

 

Meanwhile the warm night

With her dense humidity darkened silence

Cut occasionally by raucous motorcycles and automobiles

That are quickly overcome

By her quiet emptiness and soothing warmth

Provides the rhythmic background for this scene

Like the rolling waves on the ocean

Or breathing while asleep

Or thinking while awake

So easily overlooked and taken for granted

While hiding there inconspicuously in plain sight

An integral part of this experience

She lends her subtle hues to the painting

Demanding nothing in return

(What could she possibly need?)

 

And it is in this spacious magical moment

That a solution to the problem arises

From the unfathomable depths of inner realms

Only it isn't really a solution to a problem at all

It is this crazily inexplicable explosion of creativity

That lies beyond all concepts and words

All things and forms

And contains within its essence the solutions

To all possible problems

Conceivable by the mind that asked the question

That prompted its emergence

And it creates myriad new classes of problems in its wake

Effortlessly providing their solutions as they arise

Gratis

Overwhelming the waking the mind

Which responds unsurprisingly

With its lazy habitual fear and limitation

So that only a solution to the problem arises

In this spacious magical moment

 

The creativity underlying these inner realms is inexhaustible

Here, abstract problems and their solutions become intertwined

Intermingled

Inextricable

Dancing together until they no longer feel separate

Until there are no problems or solutions anymore

Just the joyous thrill of spontaneous creation

On infinitely many levels and in all directions

Magnificent

Magical

Thereby escaping the limitations of every particular manifestation

 

They dance for us until we no longer find them significant

But they do not disappear as it may seem

To the casual observer

Not accustomed to introspection

Untrained

Undisciplined

They just leave the squalid rooms of our impoverished minds

And continue their dance

Somewhere else

A place where they feel loved and at the center of the universe

A place that is not a place at all

The center of the universe is not a place

It must be crowded though

Since everything has this feeling of being here

And there is no place on this Earth that is what it appears to be

How can there be any places at all

When there are no boundaries

 

 

But how the hell am I supposed to apply this to solving my problem

The student asks in hysterical angry naked frustration

Disconcerted

Demoralized

Discombobulated

An answer comes without hesitation

Who are you

And what is the nature of this problem

That so troubles you

But the answer is misunderstood

And seen as a question

That presents new problems

So something more must be said

In a futile attempt to express that which is intrinsically

Inexpressible

Ineffable

Infinite

The mere existence of this problem

In your mind

Implies that of its solutions

In our mind

So don't burden yourself with the false presumption

That you must somehow create a solution

Fashioned by your own calloused hands

From nothing

When it's really more a matter

Of knowing where to look

It's not your place to solve the problem directly

It's enough to understand it

Precisely

Purely

Perfectly

Then if you look with a calm open mind

You will find the raw materials for a solution

Satisfactory for your purposes

Were always there

All around you

And that you can use your innate abilities

To fashion something of beauty

That carries within it

The unmistakable aroma

Of yourself

The purpose of these problem solving sessions

Is not merely to teach you to solve certain kinds of problems

Who would waste their time with such nonsense

It is help you find within yourself

The source of all creativity

And the power of expression

So that you can use them in your inimitable way

To create something beautiful

Enchanting

Exquisite

Eternal