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Turning His Back (PG for Violent references)


Obi-quiet

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Well, I'd like to see if I can make it a little more interesting first. Call me a perfectionist.

 

Oh, do you think I might be able to find a beta reader here on the site? I think it'd be a lot easier to keep in contact with them, and it would also be a lot more personal.

 

I plan on posting both of the other Star Wars stories that I'm doing, but I'm probably only going to do one at a time (maybe I'll do both, but that's kind of up in the air at the moment). I just need to get a few plot points hammered out, you know?

 

Thank you so much! I'm probably going to keep Obi-wan like that, with one capital and one lower, just because it will be a little more uniform with some of my other stories, but I don't mind nit-picky, so thank you! Fixed.

You know the closer you get to something

The tougher it is to see it,

And I'll Never take it for granted,

Let's go!

 

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Oh, do you think I might be able to find a beta reader here on the site? I think it'd be a lot easier to keep in contact with them, and it would also be a lot more personal.

Easily. I do a lot of beta reading, though I'm less of a grammar nitpicker, and more of a story/character/plot picker. Ami also beta reads and there's a few other people (like Raynuk who volunteered) who will if asked. Put out a "I want someone to read" call in the Memo Pad (I'm trying to push that thread as a jack of all trades thread) or PM some currently posting writers who you admire if you'd rather make it more personal.

 

It's not difficult to get a beta reader. If all else fails, PM me (I beta read for anyone who asks as part of my modly duties), but I think you'll be fine.

spsig.jpg

Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that.
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Well, that was...easy. Too easy...*suspicious* Eh, what can I say? I'm a conspiracy theorist at times.

 

I will keep that in mind, Milady Tiana. Thanks!

You know the closer you get to something

The tougher it is to see it,

And I'll Never take it for granted,

Let's go!

 

Every_Super_Villain_should_have_a_g.jpg

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OBQ! How exciting to see your name pop up! Methinks we are in the same boat of trying to find a little more time for writing once more, and making it back around good ol' Jnet.

 

I liked the vig a lot...I always enjoy me some Obi-Wan fics. I've always loved his story and the depth of his character. He's been through some crazy stuff! I always thought Ewan did a great job of fitting in as much depth and emotion as the script allowed him, and I love delving into it more.

 

Like others said, there were a few rough parts - I would imagine mostly due to getting back into the writing swing still. I thought overall you did an excellent job of capturing Obi-Wan and bringing light into a relatively unexplored part of his life, and exile of both external and internal forces. It was insightful and a great read. I think the one thing which I didn't quite agree with is describing Anakin as being like a son to him, since in the movie he refers to Anakin as being like a brother multiple times.

 

I hope you get around to more stuff!

"It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo

Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23

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Gimpy! *hug* Awesome to see you!

 

Okay, you said there were some rough parts. What would you say was rough that I might be able to fix? I appreciate the feedback.

 

Thank you so much for reading! *hug* I'm glad you liked it! I just never bought that Obi-wan would walk away without a good reason, and he's a good man, no matter what anyone *cough*THEBOOK*cough* says. I just can't see him abandoning Anakin. I can't. *shrug*

You know the closer you get to something

The tougher it is to see it,

And I'll Never take it for granted,

Let's go!

 

Every_Super_Villain_should_have_a_g.jpg

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It is so good see you, too! I hope you stay around!

 

Yeah, I never read the book... maybe I should, but it's always a toss-up of whether I'll agree with what they write or not, especially the books which cover movie events. Lol - probably shows too much pride in what I think the characters should/would do!

 

You really gave me a tough task to try and go back to better define what I thought, OBQ! There isn't really anything major, and like Silas mentioned I think it might just be more of my possessive take on Obi-Wan than anything else. Really, this is an excellent piece of work and a great analysis of Obi-Wan, so it was quite difficult for me to go back and try to nail down a few specific things which were a tiny bit off.... from my own, personal, pre-conceived notions!

 

First off, though, I guess as I was reading it I kind of felt that slight disconnect of a first return to writing. I know that feeling well, myself, and am not looking forward to experiencing it again the next time I throw something together, since I haven't actually written anything in a while. The ideas and words are there, but it just feels a little less flowing and smooth than when you were regularly writing, ya'know? Not anything obviously strange or wrong, because you're too advanced of a writer for that, but just like you were working a little rust off in a scarcely noticeable manner, if that makes sense. The Palpy fic you posted shortly after didn't have that feel to me. Of course, even that could be due to the fact that I'm dreading my own first written work because I'm afraid that it will show my lack of practice...

 

Anywho - I tried to find specifics, and there weren't many... the fact that I have to try to explain each one of them in such a detailed manner shows how little I have to point out or how vague it is even in my own mind!

 

Some would say that leaving him alive was a sign of his affection...his attachment. He'd agree. Both affection and weakness were synonymous in his mind anyway. Attachment went against the Jedi code. Attachment made you weak. It had certainly made him weak, for he had loved the boy he'd raised, and while he hadn't wanted to admit it earlier, he had become attached.

 

I think the only thing which sounded wrong to me here was the use of the word "weak." I can't remember - it may be exactly what word was used in the movies for attachments, however it seems more like a Sith thought to me - they make you weak. For a Jedi, it would be more of a distraction, or an impairment of judgment in contrast when serving the greater good. Nothing actually wrong, you see, and I can't say that the Jedi wouldn't label it as a weakness even, AND I agree that Obi-Wan would berate himself and see it as a weakness in trying to serve the greater good in this case. So I would agree with almost everything in that paragraph, except maybe "Attachment made you weak", I might change it to "Attachment clouded your mind from sound judgment" or something.

 

All of those feelings, if given into, lead to the dark side, so if anyone accused him of leaving Anakin there as an act of the dark side, he could see their logic. Thing is, he hadn't given into those feelings. He'd stayed true to the Jedi code until the end. Oh, he'd wanted to give into the dark side for a moment there, but Anakin's red-yellow eyes, so filled with hate and pain were the perfect reminder to keep his feelings in check. He probably would have done so anyway. He hoped he would have. He'd never admit that sometimes he wasn't so sure.

 

I think my struggle here is because I can never see Obi-Wan as being close to the dark side there. Grief-stricken, yes. Mourning a friend before they were physically dead, yes. Angry, yes. And yet, talking to Anakin was good, because he finally knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that his old padawan was gone, and that there was not any mistake on the security holos at the Temple. Obi-Wan is always so dedicated to truth and duty to the people and greater good that I can only see him in this manner - fully aware now of what must be done, and determined to do the right thing, even as it tears him apart inside. He never hates Anakin enough to want to truly kill him, and he always so sure of what must be done that he does not have doubts about going as far as he did...even if he hates himself for having to do it. Obi-Wan was consumed by grief, but would not let it keep him from his duty. I completely agree with you that he never delivered the final blow because his love for Anakin could not let him do that, not when Anakin posed no physical threat.

 

I guess I just fought internally against there having to be such a big mention about the dark side here because of that...I can't see it being an option. And yet, you were explaining why it shouldn't be an option, and really trying to point out what you didn't agree with from the book, it sounds like...? So I can't really point this out as "off," either!

 

And despite the fact that he'd do it again in a heart beat, he'd hated himself for it ever since.

 

I really liked that line, I think it is an excellent summary of all of his emotions, and packs an emotional wallop right at the end.

 

Past that, in the section with a younger Luke I think it was a little harder to hear Obi-Wan's voice in the things he said. I think in part it is because we jump from his very introspective inner voice to words, and there weren't a descriptions with the words that helped me see Obi-Wan saying them? I.e., calling out some of his trademark moves... I could see him hunching down to talk to Luke, or folding his arms into the sleeves of his robe to think, as he often does. I could read a pause between Luke saying "You cry," and Obi-Wan answering "I did something wrong," because I imagine Obi-Wan having so much trouble even putting his feelings into words like that - because the mere fact that he is so consumed by doubts and failures would seem like another failure to duty to him.

 

 

So...in other words...haha...your stuff is really good, and I think most of little things I noticed were due to my own Janine universe where I have my own "certainties" about exactly what Obi-Wan thinks. And nothing you have really conflicts with it, I just would have worded a few places a little differently. But this is your story, your opinions, and it's written quite well! Having come to that conclusion after all this writing, perhaps I should just erase most of the middle...but I will go ahead and leave it. If you want to tweak anything, it might be to the second part.

 

Haha, hopefully this post is some help - I feel like I kinda talked myself in circles!

"It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo

Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23

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First point: Touche. Changed.

 

Second point:

I think my struggle here is because I can never see Obi-Wan as being close to the dark side there.

 

Actually, I agree...Obi-wan doesn't. ^^; He was probably closer to the Dark Side than he'd been since Qui-gon's death, but it wasn't nearly as close as he thinks he was. It's Obi-wan...he's gonna berate himself for every little thing because it all went to Hades in a handbasket so fast. He really does think he's at fault.

 

Third point: I love that line too. ^^;

 

Fourth Point: Good point. Changed.

 

Thanks so much for the feedback! *glomp* I really appreciate it! Hope it flows/reads better now!

You know the closer you get to something

The tougher it is to see it,

And I'll Never take it for granted,

Let's go!

 

Every_Super_Villain_should_have_a_g.jpg

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Yeah, it looks a bit better now! (I say "bit" because it was still very good before ). Nice job on the touch-ups!

 

Per the dark side issue, I like the fact you include it to refute/disagree with what is in the book. Knowing that it is a much more prevalent "option" for Obi-Wan than I ever considered makes it worthwhile to point out. You were making a point which I agree with, but until you explained it, I didn't realize that point had to be made!

"It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo

Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23

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