Sound (NSW)

[Chosen One Ephant Mon]

Part I.

 

The distinguished Mr. Branson fidgeted with impatience as the daylong session of reviewing manuscripts was crawling to a close. Mr. Branson chaired the review committee for the Logos philosophy journal's essay contest, which received dozens of submissions annually from both respected scholars and precocious students. Though he publicly touted the virtues of the journal's contest as kindling and rewarding outstanding scholarship from entrants of any academic standing, the practical execution of his duties ”“ hours spent poring over texts from aspiring ”œthinkers”

Edited January 7, 2011 by Guest

[Lord Ar-Pharazon]

COEM! This is excellent. F-Bombing Excellent!

 

This story rang true for me in a lot of ways. Having a philosophy degree, I've gained a greater appreciation for real philosophy, not just the pop-books that fondly joke that ”œFrodo was the UberHobbit”

[DarthBrendo]

No degree here, but I really enjoyed that. I like the way you describe his sheer boredom and impatience and then his feverish excitement at the paper.

 

Looking forward to more. I thought of Richard Branson on the name actually.

[Chosen One Ephant Mon]

Wow, thanks, guys. You're awesome.

 

I enjoyed reading your experiences with Philosophy BS, LAP. As one finishing a degree in the field myself I've run into a lot of this, especially over the last year. Throughout its history there have been strides made by figures of pure genius whose contributions were nothing short of monumental, but much vaster is the wasteland of false profundity. Mr. Branson is not meant to be overly sympathetic as he is incredibly high on himself, but those moments where you roll your eyes at frivolous arguments that matters much less than its proponents would have you believe is certainly something I've experienced and I'm glad (though sorry to hear, for your sake) that you could relate to it as well. Also very cool that the "ah-ha!" moment conjured up memories of learning Aquinas. Awesome stuff. I know what you mean about the sense of excitement when perceiving clearly for the first time some brilliant concept, though obviously in this fictional scenario, given the significance, it's to be even more magnified.

 

Was there a reason you named him Mr. Branson? I can't help but think of Branson, the city, and then the ”œBrandon Bound”

[Tiana Calthye]

I'd crit but my brain is throughly dead! So maybe later. For now I'll just say I really enjoyed this... the direction was unexpected and I believe that the brilliance of this as a short story was wasted on Jedi.net. It's print-quality and I bet with a bit of editing to round out some of the unnecessary passive voice, etc... you could've published this in a magazine.

 

This is a true example of a well crafted short-story rather than a novel packed into a short amount of words. It introduces a character, quickly adds a quandry, and then flips everything around to land the story upside down leaving people with a question and a burning desire to know more... even though it's done.

 

A lot of people write short stories to pack a novel into a short space.

 

This is a true short story. It works in this space, it's quick and snappy and effective. Sure, it leaves you with burning questions... but it's brilliant.

 

Honest to goodness that "orange glow" as LAP describes it is perfect. You hit the short story right on the head.

 

I know it's part one but this may be the first time I could say I honestly wish it would end there. It's perfect as it is: questions, things left unanswered, and an effective punch.

 

"It's sound."

 

Damn, that's brilliant. It doesn't NEED more. I don't suppose people will object to more and maybe, maybe you'll make it even more brilliant but I feel it holds together on its own quite well and there's no way a mere mortal could answer the questions left hanging anyway.

[Chosen One Ephant Mon]

Wow, thanks, Tiana! You rock. I didn't think of it standing on its own because of how the larger idea was conceived, but hopefully by taking things in what (I hope) proves to be an unexpected direction will alleviate some of those concerns.

 

It's awesome to hear that the "punch" I was going for was effective. Like you said, I'm sure it could use some editing and rounding out and I'm open to critiques and suggestions (from anybody) for improvement here as well as throughout the rest of the story. Your feedback has been great, so thanks for commenting, guys.

[Chosen One Ephant Mon]

Part II.

 

New Hampshire's changing foliage always boasted nature's beauty, but the fall it enjoyed now was impossibly scenic. A crisp cool air had arrived in early September, and for several weeks this pocket of New England hung in a state of idyllic autumn: faint winds animated the oaks and elms with a titillating rustle as their leaves traded colors to complete the living tapestry before descending. People of the area remarked what an exceptional fall they were having, especially in towns bordering the forests where they witnessed its beauties at every turn. Whether the weather was sole contributor or there were others to go with it, New Hampshirites felt a peaceful security in those pleasant weeks, though it went beyond merely that. It was nothing that broke the flow of daily life ”“ work, school, and all regular activity proceeded as they always did ”“ but they felt something else, something they could not quite put a finger on and would have struggled to articulate if they had tried. They hardly noticed it in themselves, but they all shared the same unconscious feeling that the fall paradise they were experiencing was the way things were meant to be, and really could be no other way. It was not just good ”“ it was right.

 

But paradise broke in mid-October when out of New Hampshire came a story that caused news cycles to erupt worldwide. For New Hampshirites it must have jarred all the more against the backdrop of a perfect autumn, but the world joined with them in shock when it was reported one Sunday afternoon that the great Charles Branson was dead. Mr. Branson, 64, was killed in an automotive accident six miles from his Rochester home. He had, of course, gained world renown seven years earlier when, after a sensational period of speculation that captivated the globe, it was discovered that Mr. Branson had authored The Proof that demonstrated once and for all the truth of God's existence.

 

There was nothing particularly unusual about Mr. Branson's accident; there was no evidence of foul play and it was only one of more than a hundred auto fatalities in New Hampshire that year (including several during that "rightful" autumn). But something about his death shook people deeply and unsettled them in a way they did not expect. Not only the locals of New Hampshire but people across the world, all of whom knew of the most famous Charles Branson, were struck by the inexpressible sense that what happened that day was wrong ”“ as if his death threw something out of balance or broke some tacit promise about the way things were going to be. This was not supposed to happen ”“ not to him, and certainly not like this. As the world reacted in stunned mourning it seemed that along with Mr. Branson died an unspoken hope ”“ of what exactly nobody knew, but everybody felt.

 

News reporters, political commentators, leading intellectuals, and heads of state all paid tribute to Mr. Branson that night, and they all said virtually the same thing. He was a man of unparalleled genius, the greatest thinker of our time and possibly all times, who had solved life's greatest riddle and most important question. Religious leaders said he was God's instrument to declare his presence and glory into the last frontier of revelation: human reason. His proof realized the dream of a world where God was certain, and every man, woman, and child on earth was indebted to him for the new enlightened age we inhabit today.

 

The story stopped all other news as cable networks launched around-the-clock coverage of Charles Branson: his life, his work, and his death. Broadcasts played reactions from famous figures across the globe who eulogized him as a peerless titan of intellect whose impact and legacy were impossible to overstate. But over all this hung the disquieting cloud that people from New Hampshire to New Guinea felt in his passing. As his home state mourned its favorite son and the world its epochal father, and sensing this unease (for they felt it in themselves), many anchors consoled their viewers with the clever fact that thanks to the genius of the man who found God, we could rest safe in the certain knowledge that he was sitting with him now.

 

* * *

 

The committee agreed unanimously to award first prize to the proof of God, though they had no idea whom to award it to. But the contest became trivial after that rapturous night of discovery. Mr. Branson and the committee knew they had a find of unprecedented magnitude and they spared no time in telling everyone they knew. In those chaotic first days the news spread rapidly in academic circles as committee members took the paper to their friends and colleagues, not to corroborate what they believed ”“ of its soundness they were completely convinced ”“ but because they burst with excitement over what it meant, and they simply had to share it. The remarkable thing was that it struck every person just as it had Mr. Branson and the committee that night. When the news outlets quickly caught wind and the buzz ballooned into global sensation, renowned skeptics went on record expressing their doubts. But once confronted with the proof for themselves, they could only submit along with everyone else to the staggering force of its truth ”“ it was so clear, so simple, so self-evident that the most astonishing thing was that nobody had thought of it sooner.

 

Within a week the news had ignited the globe. The religious rejoiced that they had been right and the irreligious found that they had been wrong, but all this was dwarfed by a universal awe in the stark truth that God was real and this proof had made it certain. It was instantly hailed as greatest intellectual achievement in history, settling the deepest mystery since antiquity and resolving what this world was really all about. In the immediate glow there was not even much debate about which God it was. Everyone agreed on the implications: there was now hope in death, purpose in life, and assurance that the evils and ills of the world would be rectified. The Pope called it evidence of Christ and the Dalai Lama claimed it for Buddha, but to most it did not matter. This was good news, the best news, and those were quibbles meant for another time. These vulgar questions of a quiet few sank beneath the rousing admiration for this lofty human triumph that would surely change everything.

 

But even the world-altering implications of this discovery failed to arrest the world like the mystery of its author. The certainty of God was astounding, and people were just beginning to wrap their minds around it. But more astounding was the fact that whoever wrote this history-rocking paper had dropped it anonymously into an essay contest at a small philosophy journal. Its stealthy deposit excited imaginations and set off wild speculation, especially when people learned of its one simple tag: ”œFor Your Consideration.”

Edited February 13, 2011 by Guest

[Lord Ar-Pharazon]

Sorry, I know this is a lame ass reply. I've been so busy that I haven't been able to sit down and give this the ample attention and serious reply it deserves. The first part was golden, and I was going to check this new part out weeks ago, but I ended up going on a week-long retreat, and then just plain forgot after returning. I solemnly promise to give it a good read this week, with some commentary.

[Chosen One Ephant Mon]

No worries man, I totally understand. To be honest I think the second part is in need of some work, but I hope it still entertains. This one is more about setting up the larger story so there are some necessary evils, but ones that could still use polishing.

 

Unfortunately I haven't had time to spare on this project lately, but I hope to pick it back up again over the holidays. I still think the general arc I have planned is a pretty interesting one so hopefully it's just a matter of getting there and refining some of the rougher bits.

 

EDIT: Okay, as you might tell from the 40+ edits , I spent some time going back over and cleaning it up, so hopefully it's a bit improved.

Edited December 10, 2010 by Guest

[Chosen One Ephant Mon]

Oops! Accidental double post, feel free to delete.

[Lord Ar-Pharazon]

I finally got back to this. Wow, it was incredible. I know I probably say that a lot, but I honestly mean it. I was totally captivated, the entire time. I felt like I was reading a really good book, by some published author, because the description of how this argument captured the world, completely captured me. Honestly, when I was really young, I read Dr. Seuss, and I enjoyed those stories and the weird scenarios that the main characters were put through. Like that kid with the hats? He was really put through the ringer. So was Mr. Branson, though he did it to himself. I'm probably just sounding weird saying this, but I felt like I was reading Dr. Seuss for adults. I just wanted to follow everything, while allowing my mind to roll over the words themselves. I was thinking too that Branson was essentially digging his own grave, I mean, basically asserting that there is a God, so justice will be met, with a guarantee. Though, I also wondered about the nature of the proof. I wish St. Thomas's five ways, carried that sort of weight. I'm a huge fan of ontological proofs, so I was just sort of wondering about this proof that you've stuffed into a Pulp Fiction suitcase is then going to destroy the faith of the world? Does that make sense? I mean, is there still a sense of mystery that requires faith? With the St. Thomas proofs, for instance, I mean, they argue for a Prime Mover, or sorts, but in no way do they show that Christ died on a cross. I think it's interesting how you mentioned the religious leaders trying to get on board with its and its implications. Half of the fun of this Christianity thing is knowing that Christ came in a real way, in real time, but as we grow farther from that reality, we need and possess faith. Did you factor in the cardinal virtue of faith when writing this? Since The Proof is based in philosophy, I am assuming that the orange glow from within the brief case is highly ontological?

[Jidai Geki]

Very, very well written. As LAP and Tiana have said, this story is of publishable quality. I'm not overly concerned with the philosophical implications (I've never been much for philosophy) but simply as a story, a piece of writing, it's brilliantly written. The voice is very old-fashioned, almost 19th-century in its choice of vocabulary, and it's eminently readable.

[Chosen One Ephant Mon]

Wow guys, thanks. I didn't expect this story to pop up again soon. I thought the length of the last update had scared everyone off. I'm really glad you have enjoyed it so far; I was a little worried about the second part in relation to the first, but I'm glad to hear it seems to hold up and I appreciate the nice feedback.

 

Believe it or not, I actually understand what you mean by the Dr. Seuss thing, LAP. Without making that connection, I kinda hoped for that parabolic feel, told in the formal old-style Geki mentioned, with a basically omniscient narrator yet still with the sense that the story is being relayed by a person who knows the story well. Without giving too much away, I'll say I like the questions you are asking, LAP.

 

I know I haven't updated in a while but this story is by no means dead. I got on a few other shorter projects and have a couple other things floating around, but I hope to come back to this soon. I have about five parts planned and know all the major strokes, I just need to work out some of the finer logistical details.

 

EDIT: wrong "omni-."

Edited February 23, 2011 by Guest

[DarthBrendo]

I can't believe I missed this update.

 

Brilliant bthe theme and style consistent with the first part, the Omnipotent narrators voice; I really enjoyed it. This is a fantastic story. I look forward tO reading more of it.

[jedi_master_gimpy]

Wow. I fear that I don't have much more to say than what others have already said. The careful, preicse wording and buildup of both parts of this short are perfectly executed. Even more than that, I love how you pack a mental, emotional and spiritual punch - both within the story, and yet in some different ways. I think I've mentioned this on one of your poem, COEM, but I am awestruck at how you bring your faith (or at least, what I am assuming is your faith from this ) into your work in such original and impacting ways.

[Chosen One Ephant Mon]

Thanks gimpy, that was very kind. And thank you as well, Brendo; I'm sorry I never replied, I intended on having another part up by now and am a little embarrassed that I have left this story hanging for so long. More is coming, I promise; I have had the ideas fermenting for some time and just need to take all my notes and start writing the thing out.