Artemia Posted May 16, 2010 Share Posted May 16, 2010 I dabble in poetry as well. This first one is, like a lot of my work right now, related to my book. Realisation Staring at the closed door, I blink back tears. All my own fault, I had told him to leave. Was not expecting this, to sit and grieve. I now knew the truth, confirming my fears. "I do not care," I say for no one's ears. He knew me, my likes, my every pet peeve. We were always together, no reprieve, But he had hidden it, would have for years. He'd hurt me, I couldn't forgive him yet. He loved me, he told me just days ago. I want to forgive him, but I need time. I had my chance, but now I feel regret. I now know the truth, letting my tears flow. I love him, no reason to it, no rhyme. "MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 Very interesting! I love the unique rhyme scheme, and it flowed really well! Good stuff! SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted May 17, 2010 Share Posted May 17, 2010 I'll be honest the rhyme scheme threw me off a bit. But I love the story you tell through it. looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artemia Posted May 17, 2010 Author Share Posted May 17, 2010 Grazie. It's a Petrarchan Sonnet...it's sort of my pet form I've discovered. Rhyme scheme is abbaabba cdecde The octave's rhyme scheme is always the same, but the sestet can also be cdcdcd, cddcdc, cdeced, or cdcedc, just to name a few. But at the same time, my lines have 10 syllables for a supposed Iambic pentameter, but I wouldn't suggest reading it as such. Ends up sounding strange. "MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Yeah I really know very little about poetry forms(lets just say poetry was not my english class forté) But I generally stay away from anything requiring rhyming because I'm really not that good at it. looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted May 19, 2010 Share Posted May 19, 2010 I like the rhyme form. I'm not one who usually leans towards rhyming so I prefer different forms than ababababababainfinity, you know? Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artemia Posted August 16, 2010 Author Share Posted August 16, 2010 Another Poem. From a little girl's point of view. Daddy picked me up from school today. He took me out for ice cream, but told me not to tell Mommy. When we got home he changed out of his special work clothes. I like Daddy's work clothes. They're green. I like green. He has a special necklace too, and sometimes he lets me wear it. After dinner Daddy told me a story, like he does every night. It's always about a princess and the prince who saves her. Mommy just sits there and smiles when he tells me my story. He tucked me in and told me he loved me. I love my Daddy. Daddy was late for dinner tonight. Mommy said his boss made him work longer. That doesn't seem very nice. When Daddy came in, he smiled, but he looked sad. I sat and drank my juice while he and Mommy talked. Mommy started crying. Would she cry if I was late for dinner? Daddy hugged her, so he must have said sorry. It wasn't Daddy's fault. His boss made him late. Daddy gave me a big hug and told me he loved me very much. I love my Daddy. Daddy has to go away for awhile. His boss is sending him on a big trip. Daddy's never been away from me and Mommy this long. I hope he'll be okay. He writes to me and Mommy a lot, and I send him pictures. I asked him how much longer he'd be gone. Daddy said he would be home soon. I told him to hurry because Mommy couldn't tell a princess story the way he could. Daddy told me to be good for Mommy and that he loved me. I love my Daddy, and I miss him. Daddy still hasn't come home. The other day Mommy got a phone call. I don't think she has stopped crying since then. I wanted to talk to Daddy, he'd make her feel better. Mommy bought me a new black dress and Grandma and Grandpa came to visit. I told Mommy I wanted to talk to him and show him my pretty dress. She told me I couldn't because he was in a better place. What could be better than here with me and Mommy? Mommy was wearing Daddy's special necklace, and she still won't stop crying. I'm very confused, Daddy would know how to fix this. I love my Daddy, and I miss him. "MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myth Hunter Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 *goosebumps* That is so innocently hopeful, yet as an adult you can see what is really happening. It's beautiful. Well done. But I'm out of cheesecake. Taking over JNet, 1 thread at a time. JNet Royalty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 Wow. Tears in my eyes from that. So sad. I agree with Robyn's comment too. looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jedi_master_gimpy Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 Hello, Artemia! Nice poetry. Like others have said, the rhyming scheme really threw me off at first and seemed a tad disjointed, however in a rather refreshing way since it's so different from what I'm used to seeing. The story and emotions expressed are wonderfully done! The second one - whew! You have a real talent for capturing deep emotion in simple sentences. That was really sad. The little girl's innocence, hopefulness, and simple dependence on her Daddy were heart-wrenching as we comprehend what she is unaware of. Your simple, elegant descriptions convey a lot, and I really like the repeated mentions/contrast of the necklace and clothes (green work clothes to a black dress). Bravo! "It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales. "Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artemia Posted August 17, 2010 Author Share Posted August 17, 2010 Glad you lot liked it. It was a bit painful to write actually, but that's a whole other story. Anywho...when I drag up any of my others I'll probably put them up here. "MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jedi_master_gimpy Posted August 20, 2010 Share Posted August 20, 2010 We'll look forward to it! "It's always these little worlds that get you in trouble. Like Tatooine. I'm still living that one down." - Han Solo Your barnacle has carnivorous salamanders the size of whales. "Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful." -Heb. 10:23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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