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Gina. (Part VII Posted)


Artemia
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Title: Gina.

Rating: For now, I'll stick it at PG-13...but that's liable to change as updates progress.

Rated for: Language, Dark themes possibly.

Critique level: Critique away my friends. Constructive Criticism is always welcome.

 

AN: Bit of backstory that could be a little helpful, but not exactly necessary. I'm currently in the process of attempting to write a book. Slow going, but I'm enjoying myself. Since obviously I'm nowhere near ready to throw large chunks of that chaos at you lot, I decided on something else. One of my side characters, Gina, was for the most part in the background. This piece that I've started writing just sort of came to me, and it seems to fit her. So...it can act as a standalone, but in the grand scheme, in my head at least, is more like a companion piece.

 

For now, I've just got a beginning, and I know it looks...short, but I will be posting more. So with that, I'll quit rambling. Cheers.

 

~~~~~~~

 

”œYou know everyone's talking Gina. You can hardly keep this a secret.”

Edited by Guest

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"MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!"
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Oh oh oh! I like! I like it alot!

 

Just one thing I noticed was:

 

You've never expect an incident like that in our quaint little town, but it had happened.

 

You've should be You'd.

 

 

Apart from that nothing else popped out at me.

 

Really looking forward to reading more though. I want to find out about this saving of lives.

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Nice intro, although I can't help but be reminded of Twilight.

 

I don't really have anything to add, so I'll just say that I'll be looking forward to more!

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@Nat: Grazie. That's what happens I suppose when I randomly start writing at 4:30am...More about the life saving is to come...much more to be revealed.

 

@Brendo: Glad you liked it. More will be up in the near future.

 

@Ami: Twilight...dear lord...I mean, I guess I can see it a little...but then knowing what else is to happen it's more difficult for me. I'll be remedying that soon though! Glad you enjoyed it!

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"MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!"
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The first question most people ask is how we met.

 

Well, after they ask how good he is in bed.

 

But that's neither here nor there.

 

How we met. Compared to everything else, hell, it sounds normal. It all started about six months ago, last December.

 

Martin's family is considered to be the top of society in our area. Not in the top. The top. The Aberdeens effectively ran things. Elena Aberdeen, his mother, was big on charity events, so quite often either they hosted one, or they were in attendance and donating ungodly amounts of money. It all started at one such charity event, for the local Literacy Foundation. A number of authors were going to be in the city, a mere 45 minute drive from my house, for the event, donating all proceeds that day to the foundation. Ever the supporters of the arts and education, the Aberdeens were present.

 

Me, I just wanted to get my book signed.

 

Martin, his brothers, and his sister, socialites that they were, or rather they had been raised to be, were mingling with the crowds, chatting with the authors.

 

When I finally reached the front of the line, Martin was standing there just behind the author, chatting with one of his brothers, Michael I now know. I don't know why he turned his head, but he did. Yeah, I saw him give me the once over and grin, but hey, I wasn't complaining.

 

Some people believe in fate, some believe in dumb luck. I've still not figured out which one it was.

 

That wasn't the last time I saw him that day. Martin is...persistent. A few hours later, I was looking through a stack of books at another author's table, and another hand reached for the same book I was. I looked up and was met by his bright smile and blue eyes.

 

Yeah, cliché. Whatever. It's how I remember it. Be glad you're getting this much out of me. It's more than most get.

 

He handed me the book, and we struck up a conversation. Well, we talked about the book, and he tried to flirt. Somehow we managed to waste an hour and a half just shooting the breeze. I realised that I needed to leave soon and get home, but we swapped numbers and emails. All in all, it was a good day. Signed book, and a hot guy's number.

 

Yeah, I knew he was one of the brothers, and that gaggles of girls would kill to even so much as talk to him...not that those bimbos would be able to hold an intelligent conversation with him. He didn't come off as the rich brat type that a lot of people stereotyped the younger Aberdeens as. He almost seemed...normal.

 

So it began. Me and my 'normal' guy friend starting talking more. Texting, chatting, emails. For two months it went on like that, us getting to know each other.

 

It wasn't until my life came crashing down that I realised how much I needed this 'normal' guy I'd met at a charity event.

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"MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!"
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Loved the way you wrote the bit where she was reaching for the book. Makes it so very... casual and normal.

 

And so very ominous the comment about her life coming crashing down.

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Brendo, Nat, Ami: Glad you all like it! Ominous? Oh yes! Much more to be revealed still. I guess a normal person would call it a dark secret, but as close as I am to these characters...I just call it interesting.

 

Charlie: That's probably because I wrote it literally before I posted it. Originally this was intended to be like an appendix to my book...but while I was writing it, I got an idea...so it may likely become part of my book. Glad you like it.

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Dark themes start sort of now. Just so you know. Cheers.

 

~~~~~~

 

We didn't really know what to call our relationship. After two months, we weren't really ”œtogether,”

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"MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!"
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Okay, you've officially gotten me hooked. Now I have to keep reading this. Besides, you end each section with a mini-cliffie!

 

This is intense...in a really good way. I wish I could write intense stuff without it coming off as cheesy.

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SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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Naww I think we have a new queen of cliffhangers and suspense! Go Kailyn!

 

That bit actually reminded me somewhat of some of the Bones fanfics I've been reading recently. Not that that is a bad thing. I love Bones!

 

Excellentness!

 

I can only imagine he is going to either whoop some arse himself of get some form of lackey to do so on his behalf?

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I'm really enjoying your style of posting Kailyn...nice short bursts, packed with detail and emotion.

 

You're developing this character along nicely. The touch of abuse humanises thigns even more so then what you've already hinted at, and his reaction is comforting for her, yet for the reader slightly disturbing..something for me just feels out of sync...and I think it's him, not your writing, which has been excellent.

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Disclaimer: Don't believe a word my darling fiance says.

 

Anyway...

 

Seriously, it really makes me happy that you guys like this so much. Makes me realise I'm not entirely crazy with all these characters running around in my head, that it is in fact interesting to someone besides me.

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"MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!"
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Well, Artemia, I've been wanting to read this for a few days now, but I haven't had ample time. In fact, I saved the page a couple days ago so I would see it on my desktop and because my internet is a bit flaky right now. As I'm typing this, my internet is down, so if you've updated beyond the first two parts, I apologize for not getting to them yet. I'll get to them in another day or so. Secondly, welcome to the forum. It seems that this past week has been somewhat of a renaissance around her, and this forum has the potential to move pretty slow sometimes. I've written a few things here and there but primarily work on one main story now, so I know I'm not contributing as regularly as I otherwise might like to be. So, it's great to see some new blood around here. All in all, it's a pretty small community, but it's a dedicated core. I hope you keep up the posting.

 

I'm a Big believer in Big posts, because there's something affirming about ”œOh, nice story, Update again, LOL”

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Summer time insomnia means what? Time to answer questions and reply.

 

So, it's great to see some new blood around here. All in all, it's a pretty small community, but it's a dedicated core. I hope you keep up the posting.

 

I'm having a fabulous time. Now that I'm off for summer holidays, I have more time to write, and I'm glad for it. This idea is really a spin-off of something I've been working on since August...but I'll get into more detail about that later. Can't give too much away...

 

I'm a Big believer in Big posts, because there's something affirming about ”œOh, nice story, Update again, LOL”

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"MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!"
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Part V

 

Not quite as far as I wanted to get with this one...but it works. Part VI will be up in the next couple days. Enjoy.

~~~~

 

I didn't even realise I'd fallen asleep until my cell phone buzzed against my cheek, still clutched tightly in my hand. It was Martin, and he told me simply to get up and come to my window. When I hung up and got out of bed, I could vaguely hear my parents fighting somewhere else in the house. I opened my curtains, and there he was, smiling softly and gesturing for me to open the window. I could see his car parked in the driveway, just barely though, the black car somewhat hidden in the dark. I opened the window, and he told me to grab whatever I would need for the night.

 

He was getting me out, at least for tonight. It was Saturday, I could get the rest I needed without having to worry about my parents, and I could come back tomorrow when I had to. Just when I needed it, God sent me a guardian angel.

 

I threw some clothes into a small duffel bag, grabbed my laptop and my cell phone charger, and passed them through the window to him. He shouldered the bag, and offered his hand to help me climb out. My feet landed quietly on the porch, but I couldn't help but look around, paranoia striking.

 

”œRelax,”

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"MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!"
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It may not have an epic cliffhanger ending that post but I liked it. Sometimes authors forget that stories need filler bits and just pack everything in without any mundaneness to it at all.

 

Very sweet!

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One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream.
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I don't think this section was quite up to your par; it was a little jerky in places. But I still enjoyed it a lot. I'm really interested to keep following this and see where you take it. Nice stuff.

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SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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Whoa. This one ran longer than I thought it would...but enjoy.

 

~~~

 

I opened my eyes, half awake, and had no inclination to move. I knew quickly that I wasn't in my room, and I soon remembered just where I'd fallen asleep. Martin and I were still pleasantly tangled up on the couch, and even though I met his eyes, wide open, it seemed he had no desire to move either.

 

I asked him what time it was, stretching finally. He moved as well, shifting to a more comfortable upright position on the couch. Apparently it was almost ten. We still had about an hour and a half before brunch with his family. I smiled, happy to spend some time with his family. They were a stark contrast to my own. It was more than obvious Martin had grown up in a very loving family. It was a nice distraction from the horror that was my so-called family.

 

After a little while longer, Martin finally got up, intending to make a pot of coffee for us, and I went in to take a quick shower and get changed. When I finished, Martin was in the kitchen on the phone.

 

”œI wasn't about to leave her there last night...you should have seen...No, she has school tomorrow. I'll figure something out.”

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"MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!"
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Actually, I know this sounds weird. I think all of the stuff about the cell phone buzzing on her check, and the laptop, and the IM too, really detract from the story. I was actually imagining a story set maybe thirty or forty years ago, with Martin's family looking like the stereotypical Kennedys, with their New England hair part and their well-to-do way of carrying themselves. I almost had sort of a Hardy Boys setting in mind as I read this, and I thought you did a good job setting the tone. All the references to ”œpop technology”

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"MEMORYYYYYY! ALLLLLL ALOOONE IN THE MOOOOOONLIIIIIGHT!"
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Hmmm....DUN DUN DUUUUN!

 

My first thought was that I was glad Gina wasn't at home that night.

 

Good stuff...I'm still in suspense and I can never give crit when I'm in suspense, so this will have to do.

 

Except that I thought it was the perfect length.

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SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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