DarthBrendo Posted December 29, 2010 Share Posted December 29, 2010 (edited) Cooper still hadn't completely taken to Locke's instruction; the urge to throw away the fancy, pretentious cutlery and dig in with his hands was flagrantly obvious to the older man, but it was with some pride he saw that the boy fought the urge and eat as any civilised young man ought to. Somethign about this paragraph doesn't feel right...something in the structure of it. Cooper still hadn't completely taken to Locke's instruction; the urge to throw away the fancy, pretentious cutlery and dig in with his hands was flagrantly obvious to the older man; but it was with some pride he saw that the boy fought the urge and eatate as any civilised young man ought to. It feel like the last sentence goes on to long...fragmented sentence I think is the term I'm looking for?? and I think the eat should be an ate, or else the tenses are mixed up..fought=past tense eat=present tense? Or am I completely off track? But there is definitely somethign that doesn't feel quite right with that paragraph. Otherwise, Great post. I like the way Cooper tries to blast Locke, with the childish manner of a bully who knows he is stronger, but his oppenent is more intelligent, and Locke seems to take it almost with an attitude of "well..I guess he's right." Edited December 29, 2010 by Guest Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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