Joy - a Christmas play (rated G) (Complete)

[Tiana Calthye]

Okay, so... my sister oh so kindly volunteered me to write the Christmas play for our church. So this is half of a play--I'm not done the rest yet, I'm trying to get it done in the next couple days.

 

Anyway, it's sort of... well... kind of arranged with the population of our church's actors in mind and well, obviously it's a church play. My stage directions are also terrible. But the other person who's read it told me it was the most entertaining church pageant she'd ever read, soo... well...

 

The Christmas story... in Tiana style.

 

Totally G-rated.

 

 

 

 

SETTING: Interior – Stage left: Carol and Joe's living room. (Set: Recliner, Christmas tree, end table, lamp, etc, living room stuff). Carol is sitting on a chair brooding, her husband is sitting and eating Christmas cookies, her kids are busy tearing into some Christmas gifts. Beside her, there is a radio.

 

NARRATOR (offstage)

The Robertson family loved Christmas. Lisa and David loved getting presents.

 

The two kids play with age appropriate toys noisily. David tears into a present excitedly.

 

LISA

Aunt Bertha always sends the best presents!

 

DAVID

Awesome! I got a Transformer!

(he stalks the toy around the room, knocking over an ornament)

 

CAROL

Oh, be careful.

(she tries to catch it)

 

CAROL

(sits down holding the ornament)

 

NARRATOR

And Joe Robertson loved the Christmas food.

 

JOE

(finishes the last cookie)

Are there any cookies left, honey?

 

The radio finishes playing a Christmas song and moves on to some scripture. (This can be prerecorded or a hidden narrator can be talking.)

“ And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.

An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.”

 

CAROL

(smacks the radio off at 'joy that will')

No. Because you ATE them all.

 

JOE

Well, then we'll just have to make some more! Come on, kids!

 

The kids get up, leaving discarded wrapping paper and toys all over the floor, and go after their father, leaving Carol alone in the living room, sitting on the recliner. She gets up and picks up the toys and paper, throwing them into a box. As she tidies up, outside, off stage left, choir: first verse of Silent Night.

 

CAROL

Well, it's not very quiet if you're going to be out there singing, is it!

 

NARRATOR

Well, at least, most of them loved Christmas.

 

She sits back down on the recliner, fuming. If there's a clock in the room, advance it by an hour.

 

LISA

(comes back into the room)

We made chocolate chip cookies but then Joe ate half the dough before we could bake them!

 

DAVID

(laughing)

And then I ate the rest. Can we go and buy more chocolate chips, mom?

 

CAROL

You're going to make yourselves sick!

 

DAVID

Well, it was a small batch.

 

LISA

It was a NO batch!

 

CAROL

Oh, that's it! No more Christmas food until Christmas day! I'm sick of baking cookies and having them gone in two hours!

 

DAVID

Oh, but, mom...!

 

CAROL

None!

 

JOE

Well, that's all right! We can go out and have a snowball fight instead!

 

DAVID

Yeah!

 

They exit, talking about what a great time they're going to have outside in the snow.

 

CAROL

(yells after them)

Don't even think about tracking in mud!

 

She sits down, frazzled and furious.

 

NARRATOR

Christmas was a very stressful time of the year for Carol. With all the baking to be done and presents to be wrapped and cards to be signed and mailed, Christmas songs on every radio station and wet clothes from outdoors fun, she had twice as much work to do.

 

 

CAROL

Christmas is such a stressful time of the year! There's so much baking to do, and all the presents to wrap, and cards to mail, and there's not a single radio station playing anything but Jingle Bells and Silent Night! And they're going to come in with their clothes all wet from playing in the snow and tromp muddy snow across the kitchen floor, I just know it!

 

NARRATOR

Carol didn't know how to enjoy the Christmas season anymore.

 

CAROL

I just don't know how they're having so much fun. Christmas is the worst time of the year!

 

NARRATOR #2 (The Ghost of Christmas Past)

Let's just face it. Carol is boring.

 

CAROL

What? Who said that!

 

THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST walks on stage. The Ghost of Christmas Past is a typical angel with a toque on.

 

GOCP

I did.

 

CAROL

Who are YOU and what are you doing in my living room?!

 

GOCP

I am the Ghost of Christmas Past!

(sweeps off hat dramatically and bows)

And I am here to show you the Christmas story!

 

CAROL

And I'll thank you not to get mud on my floor! I just vacuumed.

 

NARRATOR

It took a few moments for the gravity of the situation to catch up with Carol. Then she realized that something strange was going on.

 

CAROL

Something doesn't seem right here. Who are you?

 

GOCP

I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.

 

CAROL

You don't even LOOK like a ghost. There's not enough boo and too much... well... (she gestures vaguely at the hat, and the boots and the angel wings) Too much Canadian. Ghosts aren't even real.

 

She peers closer.

 

CAROL

Joe?

 

GOCP

(dramatic sigh)

You're imagining me. I'm your imagination. You're daydreaming. Now come on. Christmas story! Chop-chop! It's not like the past is just WAITING there or something.

 

CAROL

But I know the Christmas story!

 

GOCP

But are you LIVING the Christmas story? Come on, now!

 

GOCP

(pushes her through stage back door. Lights go out on stage left.)

 

CHOIR: Silent night, verse two.

 

SONG: Silent Night.

 

 

ACT TWO:

 

NARRATOR/NARRATORS , stage middle. Setup: stumps/fire.

 

NARRATOR 2:

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. And everyone went to his own town to register.

 

NARRATOR 3:

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.

 

NARRATOR 2:

While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

 

 

Carol and the Ghost of Christmas Past stumble out of the door behind stage right.

 

CAROL

What was THAT all about?

 

GOCP

That was you imagining time travel.

 

CAROL

What was the telephone booth all about? What were the BADGERS there for? WHY WAS IT ALL PINK?

 

GOCP

Shh. Look!

 

NARRATOR

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.

 

The Ghost points as shepherds and their sheep come out from behind them, and crowd into stage middle, sitting on logs.

 

SHEPHERD 1

I'm tired. I've been on my feet all day.

 

SHEPHERD 2

You think YOU'RE tired? Well, let me tell you about the wolf I saw earlier today!

 

SHEPHERD 3

The stars seem particularly bright today.

 

SHEPHERD 2

It was FIVE FEET LONG and it had claws like THIS! (makes claws)

 

SHEEP:

Baa.

 

 

CAROL walks around them and waves her hand in front of Shepherd 1's face.

 

GOCP

They can't see you.

 

CAROL

Bah.

(steps back)

 

 

SHEPHERD 4

That's nothing! I saw a wolf last week and it was THIS BIG! (stands up and stretches to show how big the wolf was)

 

SHEPHERD 5

Well, I hope it we don't see any wolves like that tonight.

 

SHEPHERD 1

I heard Caesar Augustus issued a degree. Everyone's going back to their hometown for a census!

 

SHEPHERD 3

That's a really bright star. Hey. Hey! Look!

 

SHEPHERD 6

Wow! You're right! Hey, guys, look at that star!

 

SHEEP

Baa.

 

 

SHEPHERD 1

It seems to be coming closer...

 

SHEPHERD 6

LOOK!

 

Suddenly ANGELS jump out with flashlights. All the shepherds gasp and cover their faces.

 

SHEPHERDS:

AHHHHH!

 

ANGEL 1

Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.

 

ANGEL 2

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.

 

ANGEL 3:

This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.

 

ALL ANGELS:

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth, peace to men.

 

SONG: Angels We Have Heard on High.

 

SHEPHERD 1:

Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened.

 

SHEPHERD 2

Yes! Let's go see this baby!

 

SHEPHERD 3

Not just any baby. A SAVIOR!

 

SHEPHERD 4

Wow!

 

SHEPHERD 6

This is the best thing that could happen!

 

SHEPHERD 5

What are we waiting for? Let's go!

 

Shepherds go to the manger (stage right) and crowd around the typical manger scene. Carol and the Ghost of Christmas Past are left standing in the middle of the stage.

 

NARRATOR 2

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger.

 

NARRATOR 3

When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

 

NARRATOR 2

The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

 

 

CAROL

So what now? Some wise men following that star?

(points up at the large star)

 

GOCP

Don't you see?

 

CAROL

They went to see baby Jesus. So what?

 

GOCP

Tidings of great joy? Glorifying and praising God? Hint, hint?

 

NARRATOR

Carol didn't get it.

 

CAROL

It seems to be the Christmas story from Luke to me. Am I right? Do I win? Can I go back to the future now?

 

 

GOCP

(sighs)

All right, then. Have it your way.

 

Lights go off for stage middle, remove shepherd setting. Carol goes back around to the living room set.

 

KIDS/manger scene: Away in a Manger.

 

On song finish, lights go off for the manger scene and back on for stage left.

 

CAROL

I thought I turned that off! (she flounders for the radio) Oh.

 

She gets up.

 

CAROL

What a nap! I guess I have things to do. (stretches and yawns)

[Amidala Skywalker]

Interesting. I like the combination between Scrooge and the classic nativity story. I'm definately looking forward to reading the rest of it.

 

I agree that your stage directions are a little strange in places, but good actors will work with that, and a good director will know that he/she can ignore some of them. I think if you want to be more specific with some of the directions, especially the one where an hour passes in the beginning, that can be done with changing the lights. The audience will follow.

 

One thing:

 

LISA

We made chocolate chip cookies but then Joe ate half the dough before we could bake them!

 

She wouldn't call her dad "Joe".

 

How long are you wanting this play to be? It's not very long right now, and while I know you have more to come, I'd just keep that in mind if I were you. Unless it makes no difference and you can have it as long or short as you want.

 

Other than that, I like the idea and I want to read the rest of what you come up with. Will she be visited by the Ghost of Christmas Present and the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?

[Lord Ar-Pharazon]

This reminds me of a Christmas play I wrote for a class in high school. It ended with a family splitting apart after a horrifying Christmas day, in which the Christmas tree caught fire and burned the house down. I guess I was really hoping for something crazy and over the top, but the audience you're writing for probably wouldn't go over for that.

 

Well done though. I'll definitely keep reading.

[Wookiee Jedi]

Everyone knows I love Christmas, so you're not going to get any sort of complaint out of me. But in all honesty, I really do love it. Great job.

[Tiana Calthye]

@Ami Fixed that in the draft I sent to the director, thanks for letting me know! I know it's not too long right now, but it can't be TOO long, either. Our plays are usually under an hour and our actors are lazy. ^_^ Mostly because most of them are under the age of 13, and we have only a few teenagers and adults--I think we have two older guys who like acting, a few women, and a few older teenagers, myself included.

 

Yes, she will be visited by the other two ghosts... read on and find out!

 

@LAP Yeah, I imagine that the audience I'm writing for wouldn't appreciate that much. I'm imagining they'd kick me out and never let me write again, chances are. Happy ending was a requirement, here.

 

@WJ Thanks! Hope you love the rest of it too.

 

Now here's the other half. A little less funny but it did have to tie up the play and hopefully allow for a few kids to 'act'...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joe, Lisa, and David return at this time. David has a poster.

 

DAVID

Check it out, mom! There's going to be a Christmas program at seven at the Fellowship Chapel! It looks so cool!

 

LISA

There's going to be singing and a play and everything!

 

JOE

And snacks.

 

The three laugh.

 

LISA

We should go! It'll be so fun!

 

CAROL

Fun...?

 

NARRATOR

Carol considered this. On one hand, she had a lot of things to do at home. On the other hand, maybe it would be fun to go out with her family and forget about the pile of dishes in the kitchen for an hour or two...

 

CAROL

Forget about it! Did you see the stack of dishes in the sink?

 

DAVID

Oh, those won't take long to wash!

 

LISA

We'll help.

 

CAROL

Well, there will be more after supper. And baking to make up for what your father ate. Not to mention a hundred other things I have to do.

 

She folds her arms.

 

CAROL

Forget it. You can go have fun without me.

 

DAVID

Well...

 

He gives her the poster.

 

DAVID

You can have this. In case you change your mind. You know the dishes will still be there once the play's over, right?

 

CAROL

That's sort of my point.

 

LISA

Well... let's go back outside!

 

DAVID

All right!

 

CAROL

Be back in time for supper. And don't--

 

The three head off stage.

 

CAROL

--Track mud over the carpet.

 

She sighs and sits back down.

 

CAROL

Look! Mud on the carpet!

 

NARRATOR

There wasn't THAT much mud on the carpet.

 

CAROL

It's all over the place!

 

There is a knock on the door. Carol gets up with a sigh to answer it. Enter the GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT!

 

CAROL

Wait... wait... I know this story. You're the Ghost of Christmas Present, aren't you? Go away!

 

She tries to push the Ghost of Christmas Present out of the doorway.

 

CAROL

I don't want to see what I'll be missing out on! Christmas present is boring!

 

PRESENT

(foot in door)

Good afternoon, ma'm! I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present and I'm here to--

 

CAROL

I don't want what you're selling!

 

PRESENT

I know!

 

Present pushes his way in.

 

PRESENT

Oh, hey, are those cookies...?

 

CAROL

No! Out! Why am I napping so much, anyway? This is highly irregular!

 

PRESENT

It's not going to take very long, and there's not even any time travel involved this time!

 

CAROL

How did you—no! Shoo!

 

PRESENT

Five minutes!

 

CAROL

I'm not going! You're just going to try guilt trip me into feeling bad about not going to some Christmas program with the rest of my family!

 

PRESENT

Well, yes. Sayyy, was that a profound observation I just heard?

 

CAROL

What?

 

PRESENT

No profound observation? No? Oh, all right, carry on, then.

 

CAROL

I'm not going. Waking up and doing the dishes in three... two... one... HEY!

 

At one, all the lights go off.

 

CAROL

I told you I wasn't interested!

 

LISA, DAVID and JOE enter from back.

 

DAVID

This is going to be a great play! Too bad mom couldn't come.

 

LISA

Too bad she WOULDN'T come.

 

JOE

Now, kids, your mother is very busy with preparations for the Christmas season. You have her to thank for all the wonderful baking we've had this year!

 

LISA

Yeah, but she won't even take an hour to spend some time with the rest of us! She's always so busy. It's not fair.

 

JOE

Just be thankful you have a loving family. Your mother cares a lot for you.

 

DAVID

But she's so boring!

 

Carol and the Ghost of Christmas Present reenter, stage middle.

 

CAROL

Boring?!

 

She sighs.

 

CAROL

Let me guess. They can't see or hear me.

 

PRESENT

No. You're invisible! Isn't this fun?

 

CAROL

No! It's a waste of time, that's what it is. Show me what you're here to show me. I've got to get back home.

 

PRESENT

But we can stand on stage and make faces at the audience and they'll never know!

 

PRESENT

(makes faces at the audience)

 

CAROL

(laughs a little)

Is that all you came here to show me?

 

PRESENT

Why, was that the sound of laughter I just heard? You do have a sense of humor!

 

CAROL

(gives Present a LOOK)

I do. Now do tell, what profound observation am I supposed to be discovering from this?

 

PRESENT

Well, I'm not here to make the profound observations for you, but...

 

CAROL

But...?

 

PRESENT

Why don't you look for yourself?

 

The Ghost of Christmas Present leads her off-stage. They sit down on the benches.

 

JOE

Oh, your mother's not boring, David. She just finds it difficult to impart a sense of merriness onto her fellow family members when drenched in actives that are less than entertaining.

 

DAVID

What?

 

JOE

She's very busy with boring things.

 

LISA

Well, if she came with us then maybe she wouldn't be bored.

 

DAVID

It's like she doesn't care about Christmas.

 

JOE

Well, Christmas isn't just about cookies and presents.

 

DAVID

It's not about dishes and keeping the rug clean, either.

 

JOE

Then what is it about?

 

DAVID

It's about Jesus!

 

LISA

Shhh. It's starting!

 

SONG: What Child is This.

 

NARRATOR 2:

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.

 

Joseph and Mary enter and take their places in the manger scene.

 

NARRATOR 3:

While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

 

MARY

(places baby in the manger)

Look at him, Joseph. Isn't he wonderful?

 

JOSEPH

Truly he is a gift from God.

 

The SHEPHERDS enter.

 

SHEPHERD 2

We saw angels!

 

SHEPHERD 1

They said we'd find a child here! It's just like the angels said!

 

They join the manger scene.

 

Enter the THREE WISE MEN

 

SONG: We Three Kings—each king sings their respective verse.

 

KING 1

Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews?

 

KING 2

We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him.

 

KING 3

I have brought gold for the baby, a gift fit for a king.

 

KING 2

I have brought incense.

 

KING 1

And I have brought myrrh for the child.

 

They present their gifts.

 

EVERYONE: Oh Little Town of Bethlehem verse one.

 

Manger scene disperses, except for Mary and Joseph.

 

LISA

Well, that was a great play! Isn't it wonderful how they come to see the baby Jesus? Kings, and shepherds, and angels—everyone together!

 

DAVID

All to celebrate the birth of a king!

 

They get up and leave. Present and Carol get back up.

 

PRESENT

You should be having a profound revelation any time now...

 

CAROL

Oh! Are we done?

 

PRESENT

Yeeees....

 

CAROL

Great! Maybe I can start that batch of sugar cookies now... am I going to wake up?

 

PRESENT

NO!

 

Present stalks off stage. Lights go off, except for one on Carol.

 

CAROL

Wait! Don't LEAVE me here! Where is everyone?!

 

She looks around. All the other actors have cleared away.

 

CAROL

Oh... right.

 

NARRATOR

There's one more ghost.

 

CAROL

There's one more ghost. And stop talking for me!

 

NARRATOR

Well, if you're going to keep missing the point, SOMEONE has to make the profound observations!

 

CAROL

I'm not stupid, you know!

 

NARRATOR

No. Just boring.

 

CAROL

I don't have all day.

 

The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come comes up behind her.

 

YET TO COME

Carol?

 

CAROL

(jumps back)

Yes! I... wow, are you actually being polite?

 

YET TO COME

(sighs)

Yes. It's a pleasure to meet you.

(offers hand)

I am the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come.

 

CAROL

(ignores hand)

Look... I've read the story. I know how it ends. I don't need you. The kid dies, and then Scrooge has a profound and life changing revelation that changes his life and the course of the future forever. And I'm NOT Scrooge!

 

She folds her arms and glares directly at the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come.

 

YET TO COME

This story isn't a story about death, Carol. It's a story about life.

 

She stands there, looking at the ghost silently for a few seconds, her arms unfolding and dropping to her side. She looks away from the ghost and to the star hanging above the manger scene.

 

The lights go out. Carol returns to her chair (to indicate she wakes up).

 

NARRATOR

Carol had a profound revelation. What if... Christmas wasn't just about cookies and cake and presents and well written thank you notes, but about celebrating the life of Jesus?

 

The lights go back on.

 

CAROL

I get it! Christmas is about celebrating the life of Jesus!

 

She sits up in her chair and looks around.

 

CAROL

My goodness! Is it that time already?

 

She gets up and goes to the phone, making a phone call.

 

 

CAROL

Joe? Is it too late to go to that Christmas play? Great! I'll be there in five minutes.

 

[fin]

 

SONG: Joy to the World.

 

 

 

 

 

The end! I don't often write short stories, so that was a real challenge.

[Amidala Skywalker]

Good! I liked it. It was a little cheesy in parts, but I think that'll be better when it's actually performed. I love the line from the narrator that is totally from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. "Maybe Christmas, he thought, means a little bit more..." I can just picture Carol's heart growing three sizes this day.

 

I was thinking more about the length, and I realized that with all the songs (especially with all the many verses of We Three Kings) it won't be that short after all. So forget my comment.

 

Lol...the last ghost did absolutely nothing.

 

Good stuff. Will you be acting or directing this play? Or are you just the writer?

[Tiana Calthye]

Nooo, the last ghost did say about two lines, one of which was just a generic profound comment. ^_^

 

Of course it's cheesy. I'm writing for an audience that's likely to be (I apologize to the audience!) more stupid than you guys are and will easier grasp cheesy concepts. Last year the play was about a woman so obsessed with her perfect Christmas season and when her candles got sold and her turkey melted she had a major meltdown and all that was left was Jesus. The best one was about a family finding a nativity set and it played out as they put this old nativity set together--I only hope mine holds up.

 

Woo, Grinch references. ^_^ Well, the audience can't see the change in additude...

 

Chances are I'll be doing what I was last year... singing. I would love to act in it but I think it would be realllly creepy to act in my own play. And another woman directs things... thank goodness... because she's so much better at it than I am. But last year I sang in our little put-together choir for the songs, and that was fun.