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Star Wars: Advent of Shadows - Updated 9/19/2011


Lord Ar-Pharazon

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-ANNOUNCING MY VERY FIRST FANFIC STORY-

 

This is fanfic news, but I plan on continuing in this thread, and I'll edit the story's name with update info in the thread title.

 

The following work will be an ongoing series of stories about the characters from RP, but with various deviations and changes, that I deem more suiting for fanfic type writing. I am going to be fairly faithful to character design as depicted by the players in the RP storyline, but some names will change and be altered for the sake of realism. For instance, ”œBLCKCLONE”

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I can't recall the last time we had am RP-based fic. So this should be interesting.

 

You can use my char if you want...Min'dan Bret'c'hell. Works for the Black Sun

 

Thanks Brendo. I'm sure I can work him in.

 

Another thing is that alot of people announce that they want to write a fanfic from RP, and then it ends up not getting off the ground. So I made sure that I had some writing done already, before posting this.

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Excellent. I look forward to reading. And judging by the names you've listed, You'll be going back a fair way in the RP history I'm guessing.

 

Yeah, back to characters from the crazy period of time I like to call 2002, I bet the people on this site who remember Norithan Shirack, or Lord Darth Sadism, or Mari are few enough that I could count them on one hand.

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You're going to recreate the old RP characters... and then get a Jedi.net relative newbie (less than a year) to beta read it. Somehow that strikes me as hilarious.

 

I didn't even have internet in 02.

 

Good luck. I hope it doesn't suck too! I look forward to seeing you write something serious.

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Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that.
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You're going to recreate the old RP characters... and then get a Jedi.net relative newbie (less than a year) to beta read it. Somehow that strikes me as hilarious.

 

In all honesty, do you think that's bad? Should I have someone who was around before do it?

 

ATS seemed like a good choice, because she has no idea who a lot of these characters are, and therefore she'd be impartial. Let's say I do a crappy job of describing someone, but then my beta reader just thinks "Oh, that's Jidai Geki, I know who he is," because he or she had a preconceived notion in their head already.

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I didn't say bad, I just thought it was hilarious due to the irony. Write a story about the old Jedi.net and get one of the newest fanficcers to beta read it. It's not a bad idea, I just found it funny. I hear she's a pretty good beta reader, anyway.

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Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that.
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I haven't searched my name in awhile or I wouldn't have found this. Seems fun when are you starting it?

 

edit: a beta reader sounds dirty

 

Yeah, I'm pretty sure your character will eventually die.

 

I've written some already, and I hope to have the first section up in a few days. I'm still sort of figuring out some things.

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  • 2 months later...

Well, I finally have the first chapter of my story. It's taken a while, because as I said before, I didn't want to put out a bad product. Also, I should mention again that my story takes place within an alternative universe, different than the role-playing main story from this site, but featuring the characters we've all come to know and love, going back to 2002. I'm using some of the plots from RP, but mostly my own, and I'm taking alot of inspiration from Wheel of Time and some video games too. There's a lot behind this.

 

For a while, the characters will be mainly ones that were around back when I was new to the site, but over time I will add more and more characters from the current times. If your character doesn't show up, it's more than likely because I had little to no interaction with it, and I obviously can write better about the characters I am most familiar with, so don't be offended if many minor characters and even some major ones, do not make an appearance. I'm willing to bend a bit to include several characters, but I'm not going to sacrifice the story just to jam in another batch of names. So, if you role-played back in 2003 for six weeks, there is a pretty good chance your character isn't included going to show up in the story.

 

Also, since there are many characters such as Barohm Zar or Taren, who have been gone from the site for several years, I am going to do something that I don't think has ever been done on this site's fanfic forum before. For each main character that appears in my story, from the Role Playing game on this site, I am going to include a picture and basic profile to help fill people in on the details. I've tried to stay faithful to character sheets, and I've sifted through many in the past few days. Some are a dead on representation, while others have been altered significantly to fit into my story better, but I believe each one conveys what it is supposed to. You might recognize some names of people who role-play as Sith, and now appear as Jedi. Yep. I'm well aware of that.

 

Really quick, I need to give a couple shout-outs. First of all, to Idejjen (a man of many aliases) who helped me by changing some of the eye and hair colors in the pictures, making them more accurate. Secondly, to Anakin T. Skywalker, who is beta-reading for me, and pouring a ton of her time helping me. She has no idea what she has gotten herself into.

 

So, without further ado...

 

I give you:

 

Star Wars: Advent of Shadows

 

(Rated PG)

 

Chapter One: New Friends, Old Acquaintances

 

A sleek, metallic colored Sho-Wing speeder sailed through the darkened evening skies above the crowded cityscape of Coruscant, disregarding all official speed limits. The craft’s primary occupant was generally not one to ignore traffic laws, but this occasion was different. Bundled up against the cold, Ara-Lai Kaipi held on for dear life, as she always did when flying. Tonight she had important things on her mind which effectively trumped any worries about falling out and dying or racking up a few minor traffic violations. Leaning up against the railing, she dared to gaze downward upon the masses gathered in the streets, all heading in the same direction as she was – towards the celebration. A combination of weaving in and out of the traffic lines, along with the bitter wind, blew her golden hair all over the place, and her clothes felt like they were stuck to her body. After a quick moment, in compliance with her wildly nervous stomach, she pulled herself back in and refocused her attention straight ahead.

 

“Hurry up! We’re going to miss his speech. Come on! Those people are all going to the Jedi Temple, too. If there’s no room left when we get there, I’m trading you in for a newer model.”

 

Her accomplice in breaking the traffic laws was R4-D4, a red and white astromech droid, which replied aloud only with a series of beeps and blips while rotating its domed head around at varying degrees. Panicky as ever, Ara had no qualms about letting it control the speedy craft so she could keep her eyes closed most of the time.

 

“No, I’ve never met him before,” she said. “I’ve only seen him a couple times, but never up close, and I have a feeling we’re not going to be very close at all if you don’t get there sooner, R4,” snapped the young woman.

 

The droid replied again, with more loud beeping sounds.

 

“Whatever, R4, just get us there quickly,” she replied impatiently.

 

Within seconds, the speeder passed through a sizable cluster of lofty skyscrapers. Instantly the Jedi Temple became visible on the horizon. It was surrounded by what looked like a shimmering body of water, but was really an enormous gathering of people, numbering in the millions, from a vast array of systems all throughout the galaxy. Few places were more appropriate for such crowds than the legendary Jedi Temple and the expansive surrounding grounds. Coruscant, in its entirety, was covered by imposing, buttressed towers, but none compared to this particular structure in sheer size and grace. Dating back to the early days of the original Galactic Republic, the iconic citadel has stood as a symbol to the galaxy of the protective vigilance of the Jedi Order, both in good times and bad.

 

“There it is, R4. Let’s see how close we can get,” said Ara, hopefully.

 

Without an audible indication, the astromech droid performed a flurry of internal calculations and began the landing procedure based on its findings. To Ara’s surprise, the speeder slowed up and then descended upon the immense crowds below, and with the help of gravity sped up considerably. Ara held on so tight that her white knuckles looked as though they were about to burst. Much to her relief, the descent was over almost as soon as it started. She felt a loud thud as her speeder came to an abrupt stop. The craft had definitely landed, but Ara was clueless as to where. She peeked her head over the railing and instantly realized that her speeder had come to rest atop an undersized, flat-roofed guard station. People ten feet below were rapidly backing away from the structure, worriedly wondering what was happening above it.

 

“R4, why did you land us up here?” she yelled apprehensively, practically spinning. Ara assumed that little benefit would arise from this present situation. “Thank goodness no one was on top of the building.” That brought her little comfort.

 

The droid replied with its token beeps and blips, obviously not too concerned with what Ara thought about the situation. She was the one, after all, who had insisted on a sudden and proximate landing. The robot merely calculated according to its owner’s wishes and executed the maneuver.

 

“I know I told you to get us as close as possible… but this is, perhaps, too close,” added Ara, as frustrated as ever.

 

Ara suddenly realized that three blue-uniformed guards were climbing up the side of the station in inquiry. One of them, a young man with deep copper colored hair, took the lead, while the others just stared about, amazed that the craft landed as perfectly as it did, without destroying itself or the building.

 

“What is going on here?” asked the lead guard, in a firm, resonant voice. “This is a rooftop, not… something else more suited for a landing,” he spoke lamely, vastly differing from his initial commanding tone.

 

“I know, I know! My droid just landed here, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Oh, and I am a Jedi, just so you know. That should count for something here, right?” asked Ara, intentionally glancing at the enormous Jedi Temple out of the corner of her eyes.

 

“You, a Jedi? You look like you’re only sixteen years old,” retorted the guard.

 

“Try twenty!” replied Ara, angrily. “But regardless, I’m still a Jedi. Ara-Lai Kaipi, Jedi Knight, to be more specific. I’m a fully fledged member of the Order, in good standing.” She flipped her white and blue cloak back, revealing a lightsaber hilt.

 

“Well, I suppose so, but this is highly unorthodox, especially right now. Don’t you know what’s about to happen here? Can’t you see all these people?”

 

“I do, which is why I had to get here right away,” replied Ara. “I know exactly what’s about to happen, and I wouldn’t dare miss it.”

 

“Well, it appears you got here just in time,” spoke the guard. “Look,” he blurted out, before pointing to the Jedi Temple. Brilliant, oversized spotlights, which circled the temple, blazed to life, signaling that the festivities were about to begin.

 

Following the guard’s finger, Ara swivelled around and peered up the walls of the Jedi Temple to a high balcony several hundred meters above the guard tower. People were moving inside it, but they were hard to distinguish. She flipped on some electrobinoculars and adjusted the lenses with a little dial, zooming in on the scene. Upon the grand balcony, which she could now see unmistakably, an entourage was forming.

 

“Who do you see up there?” asked the young guard, still standing on the side of Ara’s speeder. “I can’t make any of them out.”

 

“Well, first, I can see Adi-Wan Tinova. I guess that shouldn’t come as a surprise, since it’s sort of his day and all.”

 

“Right,” he replied. “I guess that makes enough sense. Who else?”

 

“There’s a wookiee up there too. I feel bad saying this, but they all look the same to me. I think it’s Master Gantoris, but I’m not one hundred percent sure. It could be Master Kirlocca though. They’re both wookiees and renowned battle masters, and both sit on the Jedi Council. They’re not the kind of wookiees you’d want coming after you. I guarantee that.”

 

“Well, if I ever have one or two wookiee Jedi Masters coming after me, I’ll know who they are, but not specifically,” laughed the guard.

 

“I guess so…” responded Ara, with a smirk. “I guess I dwell on too many details, but not the right ones. Oh, and by the way, I have another pair of electrobinoculars kicking around in my speeder. Check the back compartment. I guess R4 doesn’t really need them, so I’m sorry I didn’t mention that earlier – and thanks, by the way, for not arresting me.”

 

“It’s not a big deal,” replied the guard, light-heartedly, grabbing Ara’s extra pair and holding them up to his eyes. “There’s still plenty of time to arrest you after the ceremony. Don’t assume that you’re off the hook yet.”

 

Ara feigned laughter, hoping that he was making a joke at her expense.

 

“Well, now that I can see, who else is up there?” he asked.

 

“Mostly members of the Jedi Council. Let’s take a look… There are a lot of faces I don’t recognize… Um, oh, there’s Vladimir Faust. He was chosen to be Adi-Wan’s number two man. A real honor to be sure. I’m confident that we’ll hear from him today too. I’ve heard people say that anything Adi-Wan excels at, Faust is only one step behind, and not by much.”

 

“Very interesting. Go on…”

 

“Also, I can see Jidai Geki. Like Faust, he’s one of the most powerful Jedi in the Order. He’s well known for some great scientific discoveries over the last few decades involving medicine and chemistry. I’ve been to a couple lectures that he’s given recently too, but I could barely follow what he was talking about. The guy is a genius, that’s for sure, but he’s a real mad scientist type. Freaky, but give the guy his due.”

 

“Yeah, he sounds like Mr. Personality.”

 

“Far from it,” laughed Ara, now with a genuine smile on her face. “Oh, here come some more people I recognize. That’s Ar-Pharazon. He’s another high ranking member of the Jedi Council.”

 

“Ar-Pharazon? Yeah, I think I’ve heard of him. He sounds like a big deal. What’s his story?”

 

“Well…” replied Ara. “Let’s just say that when I was training as an apprentice, I had to read his books too, and they were the only ones more confusing for me than Jidai Geki’s. He’s a philosopher and a theologian, and the expert on the Council in all matters related to the Force. He’s perhaps the most brilliant mind in the Order, right along Adi-Wan. I guess he’s really powerful too, but that’s a given. I’m not sure what else there is to say about him. There’s his wife too, standing next to him. Her name is Krystal. Supposedly, she’s descended from Obi-Wan Kenobi, a great Jedi from long ago.”

 

“I know who he is,” he said, nodding his head. “Is that true? Is she really related to him?”

 

“Well, honestly, I don’t know, but she’s a good instructor and a lot easier to understand than her husband. Nicer, too. I have no idea how that relationship works. But, yeah… Oh, and next to her is Tarrian. That’s Ar-Pharazon’s sister. She’s a respected psychiatrist, capable of healing mental ailments that the Force can do nothing for. She’s also written all sorts of books about the ascetic life, but I’ve never read any of them. Her husband is standing next to her, too. I don’t know him at all though. His name escapes me at the moment, but he’s also on the Council.”

 

“Wow, one happy little family,” replied the young man, genuinely interested, but overwhelmed by all the new faces and names.

 

“I suppose so. The best and brightest Jedi Order has to offer, and certainly the most powerful. They’re all up there tonight.”

 

“Who is that older man with the beard? The stately gentleman.”

 

“Oh, that’s Hale Akturus,” she told him. “He is the Jedi Council’s representative in the Senate. He’s a legislator, but I don’t know much else about him. Oh, and there’s another wookiee next to him. I guess that’s the other one.”

 

The young man laughed at Ara’s comment bemusedly.

 

“Let me see if I recognize anyone else. Oh, right there, see that young girl next to the wookiee furthest to the right?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“That’s Lei Kim Ness. She’s the youngest member on the entire Jedi Council. Not a whole lot older than myself, as she’s only in her mid twenties. She’s quite powerful in the Force though, and I’m not surprised to see her in such esteemed company. She’ll go far, too. Maybe someday, this will be her big day that we’re standing around waiting for. Who’s to say?”

 

Sorting through the cast of characters mingling on the balcony, Ara was as surprised as anyone to see the gigantic fireworks exploding in the sky, brightly raining down upon the great Temple. There were radiant blasts of white, blue, and green, in keeping with the traditional colors of Jedi lightsabers. The thunderous cacophony of explosions was met with enthusiastic applause. To excite the crowds, there was even a full-size band performing, with a Jedi Knight featured an enormous harp.

 

“Wow, I’ve been excited about this all week. I guess it’s finally starting now,” said Ara to the blue-clad guard. Suddenly his radio started screeching loudly. The voice on the other end did not sound happy.

 

“Captain Relmis? Captain Relmis? Where are you?” squawked the annoyed voice. “Master Tinova is about to speak, and you’re supposed to be on patrol. Get a move on it!” The words left the radio like a whip.

 

“Roger, Roger,” he unenthusiastically answered back, before lowering the electrobinoculars from his line of sight.

 

“What are you, some battle droid?” asked Ara.

 

“Of course not, but this is my job after all. I’m a captain too, so I have more responsibility than most. I’d better be getting along then. Thanks for the electrobinoculars,” he added, handing them to her.

 

“I never caught your name,” interjected Ara, trying to hide her relief at not being arrested.

 

“It’s Fynn. Captain Fynn Relmis,” he replied confidently.

 

“Well, Fynn, it’s nice to formally meet you,” she stated, smiling.

 

“You too, Ara,” he replied, not quite so confidently. “The pleasure was all mine. Maybe I’ll run into you again.”

 

“Hey, it’s a small galaxy,” she replied, smiling.

 

“Indeed it is, Jedi. Good bye.” With that, Fynn Relmis jumped down from atop the guard station and walked in the direction of the lit up Jedi Temple.

 

Ara blushed, even if only slightly, and turned back towards the temple, eager to see what would happen next.

 

***

 

NEW CHARACTERS:

 

scaled.php?server=843&filename=aralaikaipi.png&res=medium

 

Ara-Lai Kaipi

Position: Jedi Knight

Age: 20 Years

Species: Human

 

 

 

 

fynnrelmis.png

 

Fynn Relmis

Position: A Captain of the Coruscanti Planetary Guard

Age: 21 Years

Species: Human

Edited by Guest

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Excellent start! This is well-done. I'm interested to see what the celebration is about. It's also nice that you could use Ara-Lai talking to the guards as a way to introduce the characters on the Council, and it was extremely amusing to see who is on the Jedi Council.

 

Nice start, and very well-written. Your hard work seems to be paying off! I'm looking forward to more!

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SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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Excellent start too!

 

*coughs* stillsomepunctuationmissingmydearATS *cough*

But yeah, you've got my interest.

 

Ooo... I like how you have pics. Did you draw them yourself?

 

If there are any punctuation mistakes, they're probably from me trying to put final touches on the chapter this afternoon. Could you show me what you are referencing, Priscilla?

 

Also, no I can't draw AT ALL. I wish I could have drawn them, but I just don't have the talent or patience. I have a ton of pictures ready to go for more chapters too. They're from various websites. I resized them all, and edited them, and designed a frame so they all look uniform.

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Well done indeed, LAP! I really liked the way you added more description, too!

 

Yes, sadly, no matter how many times I go through a document, I always invariably miss one or two little things. I even found one that I missed over and over again, and so far no one else has found:

Dating back to the early days of the original Galactic Republic, the iconic citadel has stood as a symbol to the galaxy of the protective vigilance of the Jedi Order, both in good times and bad.

 

It's the wrong verb tense. Sorry, I'll have to try even harder next time.

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Thanks, Tiana!

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Nice work. And well done on introducing the Council in a novel manner.

 

Brendo, thanks for the kind words. I really appreciate it.

 

Did you get the impression that the people mentioned were the ONLY people on the Jedi Council? Those were the people that Ara saw at that time, but certainly not all of them. I hope it didn't give that impression.

 

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  • 5 weeks later...

Chapter Two: Playing with Fire

 

Standing close to her husband Ar-Pharazon, Krystal shivered as continuous gusts of cold air blew across the grand balcony high atop the Jedi Temple. Instead of donning the traditional chocolate-colored robe, she had opted for a fashionable dress, which was a favorite of her husband’s because it bore the colors of the Jedi Order’s academy on Merkava. It looked lovely on her, but it left her bare shoulders exposed to the freezing breezes of the Coruscanti skies. The evening had proven chillier than she had initially expected, and each minute seemed twice as long as the one before it. Much to her chagrin, the members of the Council had agreed upon unanimous attendance as a visible symbol of their unity, standing behind Adi-Wan Tinova, who would accept the esteemed honor of being named the next Grandmaster of the Order. Krystal’s feet felt as though they were now attached to the marble flooring, but she was too cold to move away from her husband. She wondered what could possibly justify delaying the entire Order like this, and the millions of spectators flocked around the temple too. She knew exactly what her husband would have said: That’s Adi-Wan Tinova for you.

 

Krystal, like most members of the Jedi Council, honestly believed that Adi-Wan would make a fine grandmaster. His innate leadership was more than apparent, and he was still in the prime of his life, with unmatched lightsaber skills. Krystal supposed his talent with the Force was greater than that of any other Jedi – with Jidai Geki, Vladimir Faust, or her husband Ar-Pharazon as the only exceptions. But, for all of Adi-Wan’s greatness, Krystal did not believe that he warranted this enormous amount of pageantry, and certainly not this lengthy delay.

 

She assumed that her husband agreed, for the two of them were usually of like mind; but Ar-Pharazon always held a higher level of intensity in his personal beliefs. It was one of the things she loved about him.

 

“Is this going to start soon, or will we be here all night?” she impatiently asked him, finally speaking for the first time in several minutes.

 

“I think we’ll be here for a while,” Ar-Pharazon replied calmly. He stood tall and confident in the cold air, completely unaffected by the unyielding wind as his dark eyes gazed upon the crowds below. “And why is that? How much pomp and celebration does one Jedi really need? I mean, really! We’re servants of the people, aren’t we? Forever altruistic and temperate, both in word and in deed. Yet, look at all those people down there, huddled in the streets, likely freezing, and waiting hours upon hours for us to start. It’s ridiculous. But, what do you expect? That’s Adi-Wan Tinova for you.”

 

I knew he’d say that! Krystal bit her lip, in order to conceal a would-be smirk from her husband’s gaze. “Oh, don’t blame him. This is his big night. I really wasn’t all that upset about it. Just tired, and cold. But still, the Jedi Order is a renowned symbol of hope for the entire galaxy. Can you really blame them for putting stock in that?”

 

“Krissi, it has nothing to do with putting stock in hope. You can’t put stock in hope. You’re either hopeful for something or you’re not. There’s no in-between, and it’s certainly not as if the probability of success is more or less likely due to the varying amount of an individual’s hopes and dreams. It’s not that clear cut.”

 

“Ar-Pharazon,” she laughed, with a lingering look. “Maybe you should write an enormous book on the subject, just to prove exactly how clear cut it isn’t,” she stated sarcastically.

 

“Maybe I will,” he retorted with a friendly smirk. “The Case Against Hopes and Dreams,” he announced quietly, trying to suppress his sudden excitement over the idea. “I could call it that, even if it is a bit morbid.”

 

“That wouldn’t be the first time you’ve said something morbid,” she sighed, chiding him in the kindest way possible.

 

“That’s true,” he admitted with a slight laugh, before taking on a more serious tone. “Are you still cold?”

 

“Yes, very,” she answered.

 

“Well, here, take my cloak,” he suggested, before unclipping it, and handing it to her.

 

“Thank you, honey,” she replied graciously, as she bundled herself up.

 

Without his cloak, Ar-Pharazon’s exquisite gray finery, custom-tailored to be worn with his large silver pauldrons, was made visible. Krystal thought he looked just as striking as ever, which seemed a bit ironic considering what he had just said about Adi-Wan’s excessive pomp and celebration.

 

“I’ve got a really good way to warm you up,” Ar-Pharazon uttered slyly, with a surreptitious smile. “But it has to wait until no one’s around.”

 

Krystal’s eyes widened. What’s that supposed to mean? She folded her arms and frowned up at him, chewing her lip in the process. Sometimes, Ar-Pharazon… Sometimes…

 

“You said you wanted to keep warm? Take a look at this.” Then, he whirled around, quickly gesturing with his hand in front of her face while no one could see, and conjured a small yet intense flame in the palm of his hand. After only a brief moment, he closed his fist and the tiny flame was gone.

 

“Oh, my goodness!” she exclaimed, utterly stunned. A combination of surprise and awe spread across her face, contrasted with the wide-eyed grin on her husband’s. “Ar-Pharazon, my brain is spinning. How did you do that?”

 

“Practice, my love. And patience,” he proclaimed. “It’s merely a matter of concentration.”

 

“Well, tell me how you…”

 

Krystal was abruptly silenced as a deafening gong rang from the inside of the Temple.

 

“Finally, we’re getting somewhere,” remarked Ar-Pharazon.

 

“Yes, finally,” responded Krystal, frozen in thought. A deluge of endless possibilities flooded her mind, sparked by the surprise that her husband had just unveiled to her. How had he kindled that flame upon his hand? How long had he been able to do so? What else can my dear husband conjure up besides fire? Ice? Lightning, perhaps? That last thought was rather frightening. To her knowledge, lightning was something invoked only by Force-users adept in the Dark Side. She did not suspect that Ar-Pharazon was drawing from the Dark Side, because she felt nothing sinister in his actions, but it was an eerie notion nonetheless. She intended to uncover this talent and teach it to her students at the academy. This was far too valuable to be stowed away as one of her husband’s parlor tricks. Ar-Pharazon would surrender his secret to her. She had ways of prying it out of him.

 

“Here he comes,” muttered Ar-Pharazon, unenthusiastically.

 

The renowned Jedi master known as Adi-Wan Tinova emerged from the interior chamber, connecting to the balcony. He was a tall, broad-shouldered man, entering his middle years. He possessed a solid, angular face, with dark brown hair and confident mahogany eyes. To many, his gaze seemed arrogant. Tonight he had donned an elaborate russet robe, embroidered with gold wrappings, topping long white sleeves underneath. It was certainly regal, even for a Jedi master. His sudden arrival, though it merely consisted of striding though an open doorway, seemed excessively grand to Krystal. At last, he had finally shown up.

 

“Fellow members of the Council,” he began, clearly. “Know well that I am honored by your presence here tonight.”

 

Adi-Wan made his way to each Jedi master, shaking hands and exchanging greetings. Approaching Krystal, he smiled lightly and shook her hand, but beckoning for Ar-Pharazon to step over too.

 

“I have great plans for the academy. I certainly hope you’re ready for some new and exciting things. You and your husband,” he declared. “You are both involved, in some fashion.”

 

“Oh, really?” Kyrstal asked. “Well, I’m certainly excited to hear what you have planned.”

 

“I see…” uttered Ar-Pharazon, hiding any indication of what he was thinking and merely staring off in the distance to digest Adi-Wan’s words. He nodded slightly, just to show that he was paying attention.

 

“I’ll speak with you two later,” Adi-Wan added. “We’d better commence the ceremony. I’ve delayed things enough.”

 

“Of course, Master Adi-Wan. We both look forward to meeting with you,” she stated, without inquiry into her husband’s level of anticipation.

 

“Superb,” Adi-Wan replied, before moving on to speak with Jidai Geki, who was the last Jedi Master on the Council yet to be approached.

 

“Did you hear that?” Krystal asked quietly, suppressing excitement. “He wants both of us at the academy. I wonder what it could be about. I wish he would have told us, or at least given some sort of idea.” Her excitement seemed to taper off quickly.

 

“Well… That’s Adi-Wan Tinova for you.”

 

***

 

NEW CHARACTERS:

 

scaled.php?server=163&filename=arpharazon.png&res=medium

 

Ar-Pharazon

Position: Jedi Master

Age: 32 Years

Species: Human

 

 

 

 

scaled.php?server=826&filename=krissikenobi.png&res=medium

 

Krystal Kenobi

Position: Jedi Master

Age: 29 Years

Species: Human

 

 

 

 

scaled.php?server=714&filename=adiwantinova.png&res=medium

 

Adi-Wan Tinova

Position: Jedi Master

Age: 34 Years

Species: Human

Edited by Guest

apeditname.jpg

[Associate of the Illinois Mafia since November 2002.]

Member of the Four Horsemen

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Nice update! I'm really enjoying the story you are weaving, and the way the characters are interacting with each other. You did a nice job with the relationship between AP and Krissi, and I think the scene was well done.

 

Nice stuff.

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SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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This is really a great story AP, and a fascinating idea. I love the way the characters have been transported from the RP world to the universe. I think you're doing a great job.

 

I have to admit, seeing Krissi call him honey sturck me as almost odd, but not out of place. That scene was very down to earth and real in terms of being realistic as a relationship and true to the character. It's interesting to see them on the same side and at such peace (whereas in the RP they almost always have a strained relationship due to their opposing views). It was domestic and private. Like a snapshot. I loved it. You did a great job capturing Krissi and her interactions with AP. Keep it up!

"There is still hope."

 

KrissiKenobi25copy.jpg

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Ok, I know you like critique on this... soooo....

 

the iconic citadel had stood as a symbol to the galaxy of the protective vigilance of the Jedi Order

 

Just noticed this from the first post - it should be "The iconic citadel had stood as a symbol of the Jedi Order's protective vigilance to the galaxy", or something less unwieldy.

 

husband Ar-Pharazon as the only exceptions
I prefer 'being the only exceptions', but that might be some residual differences between British and American English, such as the usage of 'different than' and 'different from'.

 

Krissi, it has nothing to do with putting stock in hope. You can't put stock in hope.

Lol. Latent anti-obamaness from you?

 

she impatiently asked him
vs
replied calmly
The second one, in my opinion, is the correct way of arranging the words.

 

I loved the foreshadowing of how Ar-Pharazon (in the fic) is going to turn to the dark side. (Well, if he is not, then that was an unneeded chill .

 

I love how you made Adi-Wan really pompous, haha! And you've made the scene really colourful - I can really picture it in my mind. Good job!

 

 

Other than that:

traditional chocolate-colored robe, she had opted for a fashionable dress, which was a favorite of her
Argh argh! 'Coloured' and 'favourite' butchered in the same sentence!

 

 

Argh you actually made me exercise my brain cells.

ilikegreenguyscopy.jpg

 

Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts.

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Ok, I know you like critique on this... soooo....

 

traditional chocolate-colored robe, she had opted for a fashionable dress, which was a favorite of her
Argh argh! 'Coloured' and 'favourite' butchered in the same sentence!

 

 

 

American spelling, Dartha. Or were you just kidding?

anit.jpg

 

Thanks, Tiana!

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