Arlan Vass Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Prologue A streak of lightning flashes across the sky of Gotham City, lighting up the sky in a brief, yet bright light. Police sirens wail in some far-off area of the city, car horns blast, and stray canines howl at the moon. The sky is cloudy, preventing the stars from being seen by anybody on the ground. The clouds are thick, and move slowly across the black sky. Jack is sitting down at the table with his mother, holding her hand as she says Grace before they eat their dinner. His home- apartment- is run down. Liquor bottles, cigarette packages and buds are strewn over the ground, making it impossible for anybody to walk across the room without stepping on anything. The wallpaper in the kitchen is peeling, revealing the deteriorating wood framing of the walls. A single chandelier hangs from the ceiling, and unlike the rest of the room, it looks rather new. Mrs. Napier finishes up her prayer, releasing Jack's hand. She runs a hand through her son's coarse, black hair, and smiles at him. ”œYou ready to eat, Jack?” "Even if this land shall expire, thou may be able to prevent further corrosion. But even so, one day the flames will fade, and only Dark will remain. And even a legend such as thineself can do nothing to stop that." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reptilia Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Yeah, great work. He emailed me this (Feels proud) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arlan Vass Posted October 18, 2008 Author Share Posted October 18, 2008 Thanks, Rep. "Even if this land shall expire, thou may be able to prevent further corrosion. But even so, one day the flames will fade, and only Dark will remain. And even a legend such as thineself can do nothing to stop that." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reptilia Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Your welcome, email me this stuff anytime, I'll Beta read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arlan Vass Posted October 18, 2008 Author Share Posted October 18, 2008 Will do. "Even if this land shall expire, thou may be able to prevent further corrosion. But even so, one day the flames will fade, and only Dark will remain. And even a legend such as thineself can do nothing to stop that." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reptilia Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Wait, why are we chatting on here? We have an aim session going on right now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Cool, nice Joker background story. Well-written, too. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 It is a great Joker background story, nice and creepy. Why so serious...? ^^ Yeah, it was a good oneshot. Intense, a bit scary, just like the movie, I expect. I haven't actually seen it yet. =( I'm a bit tired now, sorry for the short review. Mod warning, don't chat up threads. You have an AIM window running, great, you don't need to post and tell everyone about it. Keep the chatting in there and the 'lolz we were chatting in two places at once' in there. You wouldn't chat in a library, would you? And all it is is just post-count upping. You can get that in Poodoo, in game threads. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthBrendo Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Great story premise. Some of your sentence structures were a bit loose, mainly in the first paragraph...sentences that were a bit short and choppy for no apparent reason, there was no dramatic effect. The simple touches, such as the tear rolling down the mothers face are well executed, and used sparingly. Overall though, well executed. Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arlan Vass Posted October 18, 2008 Author Share Posted October 18, 2008 Thanks, everybody. "Even if this land shall expire, thou may be able to prevent further corrosion. But even so, one day the flames will fade, and only Dark will remain. And even a legend such as thineself can do nothing to stop that." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 That was dark... Yeah, I haven't seen the new Batman movie either, but I know the gist of it. Well written and gripping--just watch your tenses. You changed tense halfway through the story. Good job. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arlan Vass Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 just watch your tenses. You changed tense halfway through the story. I realized that. Sorry! "Even if this land shall expire, thou may be able to prevent further corrosion. But even so, one day the flames will fade, and only Dark will remain. And even a legend such as thineself can do nothing to stop that." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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