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CONFUSTICATED POETRY ("challenge" response) (Fin)


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Oh... wow... these are worse than I remember.

 

Suffice it to say, in December 2007, I went to my best friend's house. She lives 16+ hours away so this is a rare occasion. Suffice it to say... we were up... extremely late... one night. We wrote bad poetry.

 

Since I do not have the heart to write any more... for you... confusticated's poetry. If you love us, visit us on DEVIANTART.

 

/spam

 

Unfortunately, I am required to post some of these in code tags to retain the 'formatting'.

 

 

OUR MINDS AT TWO OF THE CLOCK

 

 

lolololololololololololololololololololo lolololololololololololololololololololo lolololololololololdololdofloglrtoleosol vollgholhmkyiktjitrujvhudrhbyeyhusdijkok aolw2loelofokgtjk5uj4yh3tgwfrrdcvdeedfsw qwsedrftgyhbujiklcov ;poli,munybtvrcvtb y nu m I o ,  mi un yb t  r   ec  r   s s sd dcd fc    keyboard groping time!!!!!! like hawt poetry 
                                lol 

                       xd


no caps is
                stylistic
       babe

                                       so pretentious it's hot

               oh man 

qw3s4edx5ctfvygbuhnijmkdxrtyubijnmksxdcf vgbsxdcfvgbhjnmk,l.;
                               let's publish
       h                                a
t                e                 s            d thingis”¦
                       we would probably
                                                       make a fortune.
on this bull
                                       mooooooooooooooo
                             like a cow, tired of metaphorical use
       of love and the art of keyboard gropery
               and arse lemurs
                                       we love
                                                    we love like Pocky

oops

                                i mean pocky
4
       style
                       and no caps
                                               and emo ranting
                                       with weird tabbing
                       love
                               and crimson sorrow
                       and miamisas or something like that
and sordid affairs with
gnipyt sdrawkcab

and evol, disguised as as some sort of latin imagary
but
       we all know
it's just backtalk
                               like they do in movies or something
                                               I guess
                      argh stupid autocaps
IT TEARS AT MY SOUL LIKE THIS WRECHED LIFE I LIVE
SORROW
AND TEARS
uncapitalized tears
         and rivers of blood and all that crap
                                                          yeah, we're good

we will never
               write poems
again
except                                                         we forgot something
BAD HAIKU
OMG
this is now haiku corner
                                        bad haiku corner
dr3am 0f b4d p03t|2y
4nd m155formed h41ku rhyt3m
3v3ry0n3 3ls3 d03s

EVERYBODY DANCE
BECAUSE WE TELLED YOU TO, SO
YOU WILL DANCE NOW, KAY?

SHAKE YOUR BOOTY, MON
EXCEPT WE AREN'T JAMAICAN
WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

write bad fanfiction
everyone loves mary sue
except your readers

that makes for problems
maybe if we sleep, we dream
and use in plotting

 

 

 

Don't worry, it gets worse...

 

 

IT WAS THE CRUELIST OF NIGHTS

 

      CHARACTERS
THEY LIVED
      THEY DIED
             THEY DIED OF ANGST.
      there was noodles
             instant noodles
                    ramen
                           angsty ramen
                    the love
             it kills
      it's noodles
you cannot live
      on ramen
             even if
                    IT IS ANGSTY RAMEN

There were comments under this one we left. It must have meant something...

 

"IN PERFECT FORM.

 

23:17

 

We did not eat noodles today.

 

That is all."

 

It must have meant something.

 

DON'T WORRY. I'M NOT DONE.

 

 

THE CREATIVITY CATCHER

I                       am
not                   wasting
my                    time
when                 I
should                be
doing                something
like                    writing
or                     maybe
drawing          but
I                       feel
like                    writing
bad                     poetry
        instead. <3 

 

 

And... this one was done later. In January. At five in the morning.

 

 

 

 

ONCE MORE FOR GOOD MEASURE

 

i snap my fingers in small caps because it is five in the mornings

small caps

yeaaaahhhhhh

sleep

it calls

to my brain

brain cells

in no caps

it is time

TO DIE

goodnight coffee

goodnight ipod

goodnight computer

goodnight socks

goodnight illegalbittorrentdownlwait. nevevermind

you saw nothing

move along

you cant prove a thing

it is genius

hahaha

we sleep now

the end

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously.

 

That's just...

 

Yeah, ANYWAY.

 

And this one I wrote fairly recently.

 

 

 

 

MY HOMOPHONES AND I

 

Grammer can be fun!

She makes me yummy cookies.

I love my Grammer!

 

Grammar can be fun!

I loves my apostrophes!

And those commas too!

 

 

 

 

 

And... scarily enough... this is one of my more popular submissions on DeviantArt. O_o Done in '06...

 

 

We're Canada: A Poem Lacking Meter and Otherwise Sense

 

 

We're Canada, we don't have any moon,

We spend our spare time keeping the stereo in tune!

Our loyalties can hardly be questioned,

To sum it up, we can't be burdened

With bothering to salute the flag.

(just don't say the Queen's a hag,

We'll drown you in beer cuz we're really mean,

Heck, we might even send you to the guillotine!)

 

We're Canada, and it's not really that cold,

We make fun of Americans, we're definitely that bold,

Who really cares, as long as the Oilers win?

Well, actually, that's only if you're in Edmonton...

Which really doesn't rhyme, but who cares, we're Canadian

And I can't think of anything that rhymes with that””um””ORANGE!

Have a snow float, it's not on me,

Oh, look, it's a pretty maple tree!

 

We're Canada, I'm sweating to death,

Because it's hot, even though I think 20's hot, and that's Celsius, you idiot, oh right, I need a rhyme to end this line and the only word I can think of at the moment is breath....

(gasp) I'm out of breath now.

20. That's, like, room temperature for you uncivilized folk who still use Fahrenheit, but how?

Can you understand it? It makes no sense!

Are Americans really that dense?

I mean, they think we live in igloos and eat seal blubber! That's just, like, WAY up North.

Here, it's warm””hither and go forth!

 

We're Canada””I don't care if this poem has really lost its purpose

I mean, don't get me started on what people think of Australia! Porpoise!

That's a kind of whale, or something, but I needed a rhyme. No more run-on sentences for me!

Nah, I really don't write poems much. What do you expect? Nope, I won't flee

And abandon this pitiful work of literature. What do you expect from someone born in a land

Where all cereal boxes have two languages on them? A poem angsting about sand?

That actually has a metre?

Metre! Hah! Now I should go on about Canadian spelling, honor vs honour and all, but maybe I'll go on instead about a praetor.

 

I'll break my title rhthym, too! A praetor was an annually elected magistrate from the ancient Roman Republic.

Yes, I'm sure you really needed to know that. (I'll never be able to show my face again in public)

Canada doesn't have a Republic. We have a Democracy. That means we elect people who dictate over us.|

Well, now THAT'S definitely a plus.

We get to VOTE on who decides who shall take the road. Or whatever.

Unless you're underage, of course, or stupid or the government doesn't like you, however...

Women can vote! We're actually not that primitive! Really, we're not.

Some of the girls are actually pretty hot...

 

We're Canada, some of the girl's are desperate to meet American guys!

I don't see what they see in them, personally. But maybe it's wise.

You know, spread the gene pool around a little bit?

Should get married in Tibet.

No one could be related to me THERE, after all...

I dunno. Would they be too tall?

Oh, yeah, I'm off topic again... hey, I'm cute, any American guys interested? ; )

Blast! Nothing rhymes with ; )... grr... bracket... yes... tax bracket.

 

We're still Canada, and you probably learned nothing from this poem.

That's okay. Now you should all go home.

Stop thinking about invading our homeland, we're really aliens come to steal your brains.

Oh, yes, that's right. In Saskatchewan, they grow all these grains?

And sell them cross-country and stuff? Well, they're really mind-control devices. Grain and potatoes.

And gas prices. Those bloody gas prices. I throw rotten tomatoes!

But, I'll do that after I finish taking over the world. We're going to beam you all into the mother ship,

Then fly back to our homeplanet! And brainwash you to become a redneck like me! You'll FLIP!

 

Oh, yes, baby, we're Canadian, and aliens, we're going to steal your braaaaaains.

No, not zombies. Wait, now I'm repeating rhymes, need something new... gain?

Sure. YOU guys gain. Sucking all our money by claiming our dollar's worth less...

But let me tell you something, Canada's the BEST.

Like, we have health care. And stuff. So THERE.

And we have space! No cramped cities””okay, there's a FEW over here””

Shut up. I'm busy trying to take over your mind, can't you stop thinking flame-worth thoughts?

And there's nothing really that rhymes with THAT either... gah... stop writing this, I ought.

 

We're Canada””hey, wait””are you a hot American guy? Can I have your phone number?!

 

 

 

 

And, just for you, J and I JUST WROTE A POEM.

 

FOR YOU GUYS.

 

TO PROVE THAT WE REALLY AREN'T... uh...

 

Well, it's about ducks. Yep.

 

 

 

 

RUBBERDUCKIFICATIONFULNESS

 

 

ONCE

UPON

A

TIME

THERE

WAS

A

DUCK

 

THERE WAS A TOY DUCK

IT DID NOT SQUEAK IN THE TUB

IT WAS VERY SAD

 

IT LANGUISHED

IN THE TUB

YEARS OF NEGLECT

SUDSLESS

SUDLESSNESS

DESPAIR

UNTIL!

THER

WAS

A

RAY

OF

HOPE

HARK!

THE DUCK

YAY

WHICH WAS RUBBERY

 

IT SQUEAKED!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right. This was the stuff I swore I'd never post here, because it's THAT BAD.

 

ENJOY!

 

 

And don't worry...

 

J and I really do write serious stuff together...

 

I should eventually post some of it, too... XP

spsig.jpg

Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that.
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LOL...okay, the ramen noodles one was my favorite. By far.

 

But I really liked the Canada one too.

 

I've decided your challenge did what I've been wanting for the forum--more silliness! Yay for silliness!!!

amipaint2.jpg

SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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LOL...okay, the ramen noodles one was my favorite. By far.

 

But I really liked the Canada one too.

 

I've decided your challenge did what I've been wanting for the forum--more silliness! Yay for silliness!!!

Yes, I think it did that too, and I am happy.

 

Everyone likes the Canada one. o.o

 

 

Thanks Lhinneill! You should submit a bad poem too! XD

spsig.jpg

Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that.
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Hahaha I love the canada one too! 20 Celcius is hot? Are you insane? You'll know what hot is when you have to suffer 30-40 somethings everyday and at the least 24 at night.

 

Well, but if it does get you a hot guy...

 

hahahahahahaha.

 

And it's Ramen!

To that I say amen!

No noodles shall tarnish its name

As it goes out to gather fame!

ilikegreenguyscopy.jpg

 

Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts.

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20 Celcius is hot? Are you insane?

No.

 

I'm not insane. What I AM is hypersensitive to heat. I don't mind 20 degrees. I'll tolerate 25 degrees. 30 degrees and I'm not leaving my house unless I have water with me and a very, very good reason. Like work. 35 degrees and you'd better be paying me or I'm not leaving my basement. And don't even think of getting me into a car...

 

What makes it worse is our vehicle's air conditioning just broke. I don't plan on going ANYWHERE this summer now. I suffer in my basement which is usually about 5 degrees cooler in the worst part of summer, which is 33 degrees, on average. If I go outside, I can't... I have to have water and Advil with me. I refuse to wear 'summer clothes' and it has to be well over 30 degrees to get me into the... one... pair of shorts I own. I'll wear a skirt before that. If it is that hot, I WILL be wearing a cotton skirt.

 

However, it's not just the clothes... I do hate wearing summer clothes... but it's the heat. I'm insanely sensitive to it. I end up with severe headaches, in bed, shaking and sweating, nearly vomiting. Because I get heat exhaustion that easily. Over the last year, I took to carrying a water bottle at all times. I would love for someone to invent under-boob deoderant... I overheat in the WINTER in the car...

 

For me, 15 degrees or so is perfect.

 

I've BEEN in 37 degree weather a few times. I'm surprised I didn't pass out and melt on the sidewalk. That didn't stop the headache from setting in. I don't know how some people can claim they like it.

 

And lawl for the response poem.

spsig.jpg

Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that.
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I'm so glad I don't get headaches like that! I do get headaches from sitting still for a long time and then getting up (low blood pressure) but I have never been incapacitated by one. But that might be because I refuse to lie around in bed unless my legs are collapsing under me...

anit.jpg

 

Thanks, Tiana!

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20 deg celcius to me is cold. I snuggled up in my bed last night with the aircon at 21 deg hahaha. I do get heat strokes sometimes, but i guess I'm used to it. Good thing I stopped my application to UBC, or I'd be a popsicle by now.

ilikegreenguyscopy.jpg

 

Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts.

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Eeheehee... but you'd be from a lot further south than me, and probably grew up there? I grew up here, in Canada, in the ice and snowwwwww...

 

I'd melt.

 

I am melting, and it's only around 25 degrees these spring days. Already got heat exhaustion once.

spsig.jpg

Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that.
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(snrks) Sorry, I have a boyfriend now--I didn't when I wrote that poem.

 

But I can PM you... zomg.

 

Thanks for reading.

spsig.jpg

Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that.
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20 Celcius is hot? Are you insane? You'll know what hot is when you have to suffer 30-40 somethings everyday and at the least 24 at night.

 

I'd like it to be 30-40 degrees!! That would be wonderful!!

 

Tiana, never come here. It's 45-50 every day. I'm not kidding. You don't know what hot is until you've lived here. I never knew what hot was before coming here. I used to be a wimp. Now I'll go home and freeze to death. In the summer. Then I'll have to face the winter.

 

I would say I'd wish for these 45-50 degree days again...but once you've experienced them, I don't think any amount of cold will make me want them back again.

 

But you know, for it being this hot, in a way, it's not that hot. I think I'm becoming a true Kayesian now. It's in my blood. I'm...*gasp* almost used to it!

amipaint2.jpg

SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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I don't plan to come there. Because, you know, this is a girl who goes out in sub-0 temperatures without a coat on... and I swear, even when it was -30, when I'd get in and my eyelashes were covered in frost and I couldn't breathe without a scarf on thanks to my asthma, I still... I was used to it. It would kill the people who get comfortable or used to 40 degree weather...

 

We're just on the opposite extremes.

 

I don't plan on going there... unless I get called there. >< Oh, God WOULD have that sense of humor, wouldn't He... (hides in Canada)

 

I know what that hot is! We have... pots... boiling water!

 

(melts)

 

I sadly know you're not kidding but you're there for a good reason.

spsig.jpg

Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that.
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And I can still be cold there at night, too! In my 30-degree (yes, I converted to C just for you ) room in socks, sweats, and two blankets. Window closed.

 

Really, though, people make fun of me for my coldness. They say I'm cold-blooded, like I'm a reptile or something. Once, I was at a party and I was sitting there shivering and I said "It's very cold." And my best friend thought it was hilarious to say, "You're from a warmer planet. Space is cold."

anit.jpg

 

Thanks, Tiana!

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Lol at your best friend!

 

Tiana: I would really freeze. Any one who wants a frozen Darsha may send me a free ticket to Canada (and back) in Dec-January.

 

But it might be worse if it were humid and hot right? (Ok I'm trying to pull myself off as the worst-off here) Is it humid where you are, ami? *tries to remember ITCZ wind patterns*

ilikegreenguyscopy.jpg

 

Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts.

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