Knights of the Old Republic: Rebirth of a Hero (complete)

[l:BlueVortex:l]

Traya was dead, but I knew that I wasn't safe, yet

 

I stayed where I was as Malachor IV literally broke apart beneath me. I could feel the earth shaking, and watched as the walls of the Sith temple started to collapse. Several creatures around me started to scatter in all directions, obviously panicking. My black shoulder-length hair started to bounce upon my shoulders, caused by the tremors below me. I however, did not move at all.

 

Calling upon the Force, I struggled to keep the planet from breaking apart. My lightsaber shook at my side, and as I struggled to keep the ground from breaking apart from under me, I saw the Ebon Hawk.

 

I saw it flying in my direction, but I could not attempt to show her crew where I was. Even if Atton could see me from that high up, he wouldn't have been able to fly down to rescue me. My stomach sank as I watched it fly over my head and disappear behind a the large wall of the cavern.

 

I was alone.

 

I could feel my energy draining quickly as I used every ounce of my power to keep the Planet from disintegrating. The earth was shaking more violently now, and it was only a matter of time before it completely broke apart. I closed my eyes, waiting to fall into nothingness.

 

I opened my eyes as the sound of footsteps hurrying my way. I looked and watched as a man walked out from around one side of the cliff in front of me. I saw him look at me, and then immediately raise his hands out in front of him.

 

Almost immediately, the ground started shaking less. I stood up after it had completely stopped, and looked over at the man. I could sense something in him.. something powerful. His Force potential was great; far greater than mine.

 

I watched him as he lowered his hands from out in front of him after the ground had stopped shuddering. He slowly opened his eyes, which I just realized were closed. I quickly shot my glance over him as he seemed to regain his balance on the earth.

 

My first thought was that he was a Jedi. He looked to be rather young, his facial featuers showing no sign of old age. His hair was swept back and reached down to his shoulders. He was taller than me by at least a few inches. He was wearing a Jedi tunic, along with tan-coloured leggings and black boots. I looked down at his belt and saw a silver, chrome hilt clipped to it.

 

Without warning, my thoughts flashed back to the Mandalorian War. I remembered the times when I was a Jedi; I remembered fighting along side one of the greatest Jedi ever. I remembered what happened when that very Jedi turned to the Dark Side. Millions of people died under the ex-Jedi's control. I had met this person once, long ago.

 

Looking back at the man in front of me, I immediatley knew who he was.

 

It was Revan.

 

I looked into the man's face, not knowing what to say. I was standing face to face with, no doubt, the strongest man alive. He just simply looked at me for a few moments, then spoke to me again.

 

”œYou're the exile?”

Edited April 29, 2008 by Guest

[Tiana Calthye]

I removed your duplicate topics and left this one. Anyway, welcome to fanfic! It was an interesting story, felt a bit too jolted as if we'd jumped in in the middle of a story--I guess that's because it's based on games I haven't played yet, maybe it'd be more comprehensible otherwise? The writing was really good and really set a tone over the story.

 

It really does feel like it should be a prologue or something that leads into more story, though. Or have more before it. Something like that. It was interesting to read 'Revan and the Exile meet', I haven't seen that one so much as just KotOR duplicate stories. It was interesting.

 

There were a few tiny mistakes in it, but there were also some really well done parts. I quite liked this.

 

I never thought that I would be standing face to face with Revan himself. The very Revan who had killed millions of Jedi and innocent people single handedly.

 

But also the Revan who had brought peace back to the entire galaxy.

I know other people are going to read this. This is an example of when I talk about using a fragment correctly. Or beginning with but/and. It's hard to do, but you pulled it off well here and it gave a nice sense of pacing along with the descriptions.

 

I watched it roll across the rocky ground, over several cracks in the surface. It suddenly hit a bump in the ground and rolled down one of the many holes taking up the ground. I watched as it fell into nothingness; the green, bright light of Malachor's inner core illuminating the area where my hilt had just fallen through.

This was some really nice descriptive imagery.

 

Anyway, welcome to fanfic! Good first story, hope to see more from you.

[l:BlueVortex:l]

Thanks for the review!

 

I basically just started writing fan fics, and I go on Fanfiction.net to write them. But, since I was getting 0 views and 0 reviews on this one-shot story based after KOTOR II, I decided that I'd try it on here.

 

Thanks again!

[Tiana Calthye]

I don't get much attention on Fanfiction.net either. Places like this are much better. More social, because they're smaller. And we give considerate reviews, too, if someone wants them. You won't get flamed here.

 

By all means, post more, and invite your friends from FF.net. All genres are welcome. Read around if you want, too.

[Anakin T Skywalker]

Very interesting. I don't know anything about Knights of the Old Republic, and I totally had no clue the Jedi Council could take the Force from people! But you did a good job making this readable even to someone as KOTOR-ignorant as myself.

 

Tiana's right - it feels prologue-y.

[l:BlueVortex:l]

Very interesting. I don't know anything about Knights of the Old Republic, and I totally had no clue the Jedi Council could take the Force from people! But you did a good job making this readable even to someone as KOTOR-ignorant as myself.

 

Tiana's right - it feels prologue-y.

 

Heh`, well, it's supposed to be an epilogue. But hey, I guess it could also be a prologue of sorts for a KOTOR III?

 

I was trying to make this scene as powerful and as totally unexpected as the scene between the Jedi Exile and Carth Onasi in KOTOR II. I feel, in my own opinion, that I did an O.K. job on this one-shot.

 

(And just in case anyone had any questions about what KOTOR stood for, it stands for 'Knights of the Old Republic'. The first 'KOTOR' game came out in the early 2000's. The second came out not too long ago. I was basing this one-shot off of what could have happened after the closing scene in KOTOR II.)

 

Thank you for the reviews so far, guys! I know it's a long read, but if any of you could somehow find the time to read it, I'd appreciate it.

 

Thanks!

 

-Drew

[Anakin T Skywalker]

Eh, well, I guess it could be an epilogue, too. The point is, it feels like there should be more information on one side or the other.

[l:BlueVortex:l]

Hah I agree. I just wrote this to express my opinion on what should have happened after KOTOR II. But hey, thanks for the reviews!

[Dartha Athanth]

This is great! Much more satisfying than the game ending itself. I was so excited when Carth appeared in KOTOR2 too that I squealed.

 

(yes I have a crush on his floppy fringe)

[l:BlueVortex:l]

This is great! Much more satisfying than the game ending itself. I was so excited when Carth appeared in KOTOR2 too that I squealed.

 

(yes I have a crush on his floppy fringe)

 

I know, right! When I saw him, (especially Bastilla) walk up to the Jedi Exile on Telos, I was like 'AMG THAT'S CARTH!'

 

Then after the Exile left, Bastila came in. Now THAT was unexpected!

[Dartha Athanth]

Bastila comes in other than in the korriban visions?!?!?!?!

[Mathis]

Very good story, well written, with the exception of one part.

 

Calling upon the Force, I struggled to keep one of the parts of the large remaining pieces of the planet in tact, causing the shaking to die down a bit.

 

This part I just kept tripping over as I read it. It doesn't sound quite right, but that could just be me.

[Amidala Skywalker]

Yeah, Darsha--if you say Revan was a guy, then Bastila talks to you about him, rather than Carth. I love Carth...*sigh*

 

Nice work, Vortex! Welcome to Jnet Fan Fic! I really enjoyed it. I like how you not only saved the Ebon Hawk (I hated that it plunged down that canyon in the game), but assured the readers that the other members of the crew were on board. That was the biggest thing I, and I'm sure the majority of players, had an issue with in the ending of KotoR II.

 

I read it as a prologue to Kotor III, but like everyone said, it works as an epilogue too. I only had a few issues with it. I don't understand why the planet stopped breaking apart, and also how Revan ended up following the Exile around. Those are your creative liberties, to be sure, but I think to play them off better I needed a more logical explanation. Also, the Exile seemed to switch back to the light awfully quickly. To get to the point in the game where your appearance is effected, you have to really be dark. It just didn't seem to click to me to have her switch back that quickly.

 

But this was very well done! I really enjoyed it, and would even like to see this story continued! What do you envision for Kotor III? If you wanted to write it, I'd read it.

 

Once again, welcome!!

[l:BlueVortex:l]

Very good story, well written, with the exception of one part.

 

Calling upon the Force, I struggled to keep one of the parts of the large remaining pieces of the planet in tact, causing the shaking to die down a bit.

 

This part I just kept tripping over as I read it. It doesn't sound quite right, but that could just be me.

 

I kinda thought that was weird when I wrote it, too. I can change it up, though.

 

Thanks for pointing that out!

[l:BlueVortex:l]

Also, the Exile seemed to switch back to the light awfully quickly. To get to the point in the game where your appearance is effected, you have to really be dark. It just didn't seem to click to me to have her switch back that quickly.

 

But this was very well done! I really enjoyed it, and would even like to see this story continued! What do you envision for Kotor III? If you wanted to write it, I'd read it.

 

Once again, welcome!!

 

Hey, thanks, Amidala for the review! Now that I go back and re-read it, I kind of did switch the Exile back to the light a tad to fast.

 

I may be writing a KOTOR III story. What it would be about I haven't a clue! I'm hoping to start brainstorming in a little while to come up with some ideas of a possible plot for it.

 

Thanks again!

[l:BlueVortex:l]

Double posted, sorry guys!

[l:BlueVortex:l]

Hey everyone, I re-did most of the story.

 

If you would all be so kind to review.. I'd appreciate it.

 

Thanks! :]

[Dartha Athanth]

Hmmm the transition is better now, but I did like the former throwing away of the lightsaber thing.

 

I wish there were a real KOTOR 3.. or at least a better patch for KOTOR 2.

gain inothing/i from

formatting error there too

[l:BlueVortex:l]

Thanks!

[Amidala Skywalker]

I like the revision. You cleared up the little things here and there. It felt more like a completely different story though. This isn't going to be the st review, since I tried to post this last night and failed, but I do like the revision work. Nice job.