Voices - NSW (complete)

[Tiana Calthye]

No. There is no point.

 

No.

 

I do not want criticism. I know it is not my best work, it never will be, and I do not need to know that.

 

This post simply exists because I'm taking out some pent up frustration on literature. You can't make me hate this more than I already do, so don't bother criticizing it.

 

Do yourself a favor and listen to Metallica's Nothing Else Matters, live in coordination with the San Franscico Symphony Orchastra to get the feel I wrote this to.

 

 

 

Nameless

 

 

 

I remember the voices””whispers that swam up from the darkness, weaving in between the hollow music that echoed in the chamber with swells of, oh, I don't think I ever was quite certain what it was that I heard. I remember the screaming, the cheers and applause as someone took the stage. I remember one voice that took over””

 

And then I lost the echoes, the people who whispered that I could hear amidst the screaming and cheering.

 

I remember the voice. He sang amidst the music, he sang that song.

 

I don't even remember the name of the song.

 

I remember they screamed.

 

The people screamed.

 

And I remember I fainted.

 

I don't remember lying there on the ground as music wove around me; voices screaming, oblivious to one person lying comatose on the ground with eyes shut. People cheering, war whoops and wails as the lead singer stole all attention from one figure alone in the crowd.

 

What I do remember is my eyes flickering open when the emergency team arrived. I remember staring at them as they asked me questions””they screamed questions above the amplified sound of the lead singer and I tried to stammer answers. Three fingers. My name was””

 

I remember my name.

 

I remember being taken on a stretcher as they worried, worried their way through the crowd oblivious to one person who'd fallen down. I remember being jostled, my fingers tightening around the edges of the stretcher. I remember the song. I remember the song. I remember the screaming and applause; keening voices obtaining my attention as they screamed for the singer, screamed for their god. I remember the voices, the whispers as they yelled over the loud bass and drum solo.

 

So good, so impressive! The surge of their adoration.

 

I remember the darkness”¦

 

”œYou fainted in the mosh pit. Lack of oxygen, happens a few times every concert”¦ next time take it easy”¦”

[Amidala Skywalker]

Ummm....okay. You don't want any crit?? Then I have no idea what to say. Ummm...

 

I liked it? Yeah, it was interesting. I didn't think it was that poorly written.

 

Ummm...

 

"OMG, GREAT FIC! WOW!"

 

Why did you post it if you didn't want crit? Just curious...you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

[DarthBrendo]

Love Nothing Else Matters. One of my favourite songs of all time. Great post. very emotional. Can feel the angst.

[Jedi Kiara]

Just curious, is this something that actually happened to you? I can only imagine how... ugh... clostrophibic(sp?) I would be after such a thing. I think your style in fragmenting actually really worked with this vignette. It is told through the eyes of a person who is feeling very foggy.

 

Truth is, I am actually very afraid of something like that happening to me. I have very strange random fears.

[Tiana Calthye]

Just curious, is this something that actually happened to you? I can only imagine how... ugh... clostrophibic(sp?) I would be after such a thing. I think your style in fragmenting actually really worked with this vignette. It is told through the eyes of a person who is feeling very foggy.

 

Truth is, I am actually very afraid of something like that happening to me. I have very strange random fears.

Claustrophobic.

 

No. It's not something that happened to me. Not exactly. It's a mixture. If I were to write MY half of the story, it would be a little different. You see, I was at a concert. It wasn't even the concert part of it that that happened. A few benches ahead, there was one of the camera operators. And the guy up front was talking. And then...

 

...He toppled over.

 

The camera operator.

 

The camera kept running, there were other operators on other cameras.

 

The guy up front kept talking.

 

It was only our tiny group that watched him pass out. And we watched emergency run in, try revive him, pull him onto a stretcher... this was worse because it was the same emergency guy who took my mom in after she passed out after a seizure...

 

And then I never saw him again. I heard he was okay, because they announced it up front the next session--for people who had noticed.

 

That was part one of where this came from. Part two came from talking with the EMT guy, who told me about these girls who kept passing out in the mosh pit. They were okay, they were dragged out and gave oxygen and told to drink more water, but they passed out from lack of air down there.

 

Part three was my personal experience with standing in the middle of a crowd during a concert. Seeing people stumble and fall. Being the only one standing there and noticing things. For crying out loud, I said sorry when I knocked someone down! But the voice was based on my vague 'I am the only one who's noticing anything here, WHY AM I NOTICING THINGS HERE' feeling, I can't even remember those concerts in first person anymore because I was so freakin' out of it. I'd swear I was drugged. I wasn't. I wasn't on anything worse than energy drink, though that could've done it..... yeah, no. Heh.

 

So it's based off a set of things that happened in Febuary, but not specific events. Cluttered my own feelings and thoughts in with the memory of the camera operator falling and the EMT telling me about the girls who passed out.

 

AND I TOLD YOU THE FRAGMENTY STYLE WORKS WELL SOMETIMES! SEE! SEE! SOMETIMES I DO IT RIGHT. (falls over) Not like that means I should do it allll the time, but this is where it works!

 

(Yeah. It works when I write without looking back.)

 

I'm afraid of being that person too.

 

Love Nothing Else Matters. One of my favourite songs of all time. Great post. very emotional. Can feel the angst.

It just hit me that you're 'Darth'. Weird. ANYWAY. Thanks for your review, thanks. It is a good song, isn't it...

 

Emo... emoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

 

Ummm....okay. You don't want any crit?? Then I have no idea what to say. Ummm...

 

I liked it? Yeah, it was interesting. I didn't think it was that poorly written.

 

Ummm...

 

"OMG, GREAT FIC! WOW!"

 

Why did you post it if you didn't want crit? Just curious...you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

No, no, I'll answer.

 

I've become a little touchy about the reviews that always go 'it wasn't as good as'. It was THAT I didn't want, not so much the crit. Though I admit that, since this was based on a series of events I witnessed, I'm a little more touchy about having it critiqued. I don't mind if you want to criticize. In fact, I'll even edit it if you want. I just didn't particularly want this story taken, picked to pieces on a table under a bright light, left to wither and die under the memory of it's not as good as Waking Dream...

 

Just like every other short story I write.

 

'I have no idea what to say' indicates you probably had some criticism, so by all means, go ahead. Just don't compare this to my other work. It doesn't compare. And this is a clip of a moment, a rush and a fall and a song...

 

Weird that I should care about its feelings.

 

Thanks for the review.

[Anakin T Skywalker]

Hey, I understand treating stories like they have feelings! If it was touching or meanigful to you, then it bothers sometimes when other people rip it to pieces. Like that one story that you have now, Tiana. That was really... well, I told you what that one was like for me. When I posted it and some people made kind of stupid, unflattering reviews to it, it bothered me a lot then.

 

Whoa, that went longer than I meant it to.

 

Anyway, I got that desperate sense of "How can people not notice or care about other people so much?" I haven't been to a concert like this, and this definitely did not encourage me to attend one! And yes, I really liked the fragmented style; it matched well with the half-remembered tone of the story. Great job, as usual!

[Tiana Calthye]

Concerts are amazing, especially if you love the group. It's an excuse to scream as much as you want and NO ONE WILL STOP YOU. Just so you know. This is... well, I fazed out then.

 

I'd definately encourage you to attend some. You get flattened by the noise, your focus is rarely on other people, and you can scream and jump around as much as you want--because you won't be the only one doing that.

 

By all means, go long! Look at the length of MY reviews. I like long reviews and rants are fine.

 

But aye. You got what I was trying to capture. How can people not notice or care about other people so much... and it happens. Ugh. But rock concerts are amazing and given the choice between a movie or a concert, I would likely take the concert unless it was Star Wars on opening night. I love live music. Very. Very. VERY much. And of course the excuse to jump up and down and scream...

 

I know what you mean. But of course, I knew because you told me. But I looooved that story. Sure, it could be better and... but... but... yeah. <3

[Amidala Skywalker]

Oh! Okay, I get it now.

 

Actually, I didn't really have any crit. So even if I had gone ahead and critted...I still don't think I would have had anything to say.

 

Like the others said, you captured the feel of being at a concert very well, and from a unique POV. I liked it.

 

Concerts do rock, although I've never been to one quite so...violent.