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One Small Step (complete)


Durandal!

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I re-wrote the ending and did some touch-ups to some of the story.

 

Please give it a read and let me know what you think. It's the first time i've written.. ANYTHING in a long long time.

 

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The sky has been grey for six months.

 

The oceans had cooled, hurricanes tore apart coastlines, floods left whole counties inaccessible to the outside world. The sun became a vivid memory after only six months of a grey sky. The planet was falling apart at the seams, yet no one reported on it. What television stations that were still broadcasting replayed the same six minute clip on constant loop. The world just stood in awe as we as a collective species took one last breath. I guess in the eyes of the cosmos we didn't even merit the chance to think much of it. And we accepted that after coming to terms with the fact that humanity was that small. If we were blinked out, the cogs of matter and space would move on completely unchanged.

 

And the world was not yet able to wrap it's head around the thought of life without us in it.

 

Would there be life after every living creation was gone?

 

Do we define what it is to have life?

 

The thought ran through every able minded human being for six months. But there was no rioting in the streets. The human vision of the apocalypse was one of fire and rubble. But this never came to be.

 

T.S. Elliot was right when he wrote The Hollow Men.

 

The world didn't end with a bang, but a whimper.

 

We were warned. Not to change our ways, but to prepare for the inevitable. Humanity's actions would play no part in the end. It was out of our hands as soon as no one was behind the wheel.

 

To see a hint of sadness in the low rumbling voice of the one who created not only you, but every person you have ever heard of; was enough for us to realize the severity of the situation. The only hint you would get that something was awry was the sunless sky and the natural weather that ripped though each continent. Wars ceased, governments gave their speeches, families talked for weeks about how much they would give to have more time together. But no one really talked for the remaining two months. Things looked normal from far away. We would just look at the ground the way you would look away from a picture of a lost loved one. If you distance yourself enough, you'll be hurt less when you're life gets thrown into upheaval. But there was no life to be worried about. There was no escaping the fact that we would be gone in seven months from the time the message arrived.

 

It was God who told us so on the morning of July 18, 2010.

 

 

 

Whole countries went silent when the bright figure materialized in the center of every city, town and villiage across the globe. In unison the booming voice said but one thing.

 

"You are my children. I wrought you from the clay. I created you in my image. The figure you see here is one of a few in the emptiness of space. When I stand I am taller than whole galaxies. When I breathe, the solar winds of whole star systems seep into my chest. But I did not create these things. No, I am not as omnipotent as you may have been lead to believe. I came to you once before in a similar fashion as this. Only then I came to make myself known. To give the the explanation you seek for the world around you. You called me Christ. King. I was deeply gratified at the love you showed towards the being that created you. My children. My kin. I am here on my last breath. I am not immortal. I am not outweighed by the laws of physics. As incorporeal as I am, I cannot escape death. The matter that creates my many forms is the same that constructs yours. And though my life has spanned eons, it is drawing to a close. I am the caretaker of the world I created. I payed a close ear to your prayers. I gave the world the light touch it needed to stay in balance. But my children, when I am gone that touch will cease to be. The world I created, the life that sprang from myself, will cease to be as well.

 

You are not alone in the universe. A few like me have created few like you. But you must come to terms with the resolution of all things here. The mantle will not be passed to anyone. I am the only thing that could keep the planet we call Earth alive.

 

Do not be sad, my children. There is neither heaven or hell to fear being given a new life in. I created you out of love. Simplicity in it's truest form. The perception of the human mind exists here and here only. You may say I am a liar for setting the belief that there is a life after ultimate death. But without this, morality would crumble. I gave you that morality to do with what you saw fit. The only catch to the free will you were granted.

 

But it would not be my place to say I can take it away. True, I will be gone as soon as I leave this mortal shell you see before you, but the life you have is your own to do with what you see happiness in when the end comes in seven months to this very day.

 

My only regret, is that I created you at all knowing it would end like this."

 

 

And with that the bright human figure faded away. People were stunned by what the had just seen. A prank? a hoax? An ad campaign? No one could understand why god would appear just to abandon them. Only to ride out the end on their own. The following weeks were the most hectic of any. All the way up until September news reports commented on the weather getting worse and worse. The sky being a constant grey, the then famous six minute video shot out of Melbourne, Australia; was the most popular footage in the world. The man who shot is was a student film maker filming scenery near the station pier when we got the message. His camera was rolling the entire time when he saw it.

 

Three weeks later he was hit by an train. The footage went on to be the clearest of all film shot of the phenomena. And his death sent shock waves through continents. It was the first time the population in unison stepped back to take a look at it. His life ended there. No heaven. No hell.

 

So the news reports stopped. People stopped going to their jobs. The weather went so far off balance that the entire country of Japan had been submerged. Millions died in the ensuing weeks. We all wanted to turn towards the sky and beg for help. But every time the thought of salvation from above came into out minds, we were shot back to earth with the cold fact that there was no one to save us. By December we had all stopped talking to one another. Half of the human population was gone already. Those who were left neither cried or swayed. We just lived. Breathing in oxygen, exhaling carbon dioxide. The names of things lost meaning. It became a bleak blur of things god created, and things we would never see again. A chair became a tome of nostalgia. I scratch ticket became a painful reminder of the lives we once had. And once February 17'th 2011 came around, the planet was united in the glimpse we had of the end being something to strive for. Earth's axis has been altered. The surface temperature dropped to -10 degrees in California.

 

It was a heartbreaking sight. The instinct to survive has become unhinged in many ways from the planet. Some fought when the end came, but most just huddled together to keep warm as we died off one by one. Two by two. Ten by ten.

 

If you are hearing this, we do not send a message or peace. Nor do we send a message of conquest. We only wish for this transmission to echo through space. A cosmic last testament of the human race. My name is Richard T. Clark. I am the only current employee in the SETI program of the University of California. I am a former designer of the SERINDIP V program. Our goal was to search out and pick up radio signals from other worlds. Although this goal was never accomplished, I am still here. Bundled up and cased in from the bitter weather of the outside. It would seem that life has a sense of irony. Even with our last breath, one of the last surviving members of our kind is attempting to find others who may never be found. I do not tell this story over the airwaves as a way to send a message of peace. Nor do I send a message of warning. I merely wish to have my final deeds be realized as positive in my eyes. Even though they will be remembered by none.

 

I just want someone out there to know we existed.

 

One small step for man. The last step we ever took.

 

(Static)

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Mind blowing.

 

I've not often sat and read through a post that long in FF, and not often I've done so totally wrapped. That was magnificent.

 

It was both beautiful and sad and poignant at the same time, and so utterly human. That last SETI members desire to get the word out there to satisfy himself.

 

Well done.

Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05

Order of the Nocturnal

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Wow... just Wow! That is amazing D. Shivers up my spine and all. It sucks you in full force and you just can't stop reading. Sooooo wow!

 

Can't really say much else though.

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looking forward to tit
One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream.
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I remember this from before. Very good. You captured the tone you intended to get across very well. Oddly, it reminds me of this book I'm reading right now--Children of Men (which I'm told is absolutely nothing like the movie).

 

You have a few grammatical errors--mostly things like "you're" instead of "your" and such. If you want, I can point them out to you. There are a few things I might reword for better clarity, but that's all just nitpicking. One thing I will point out is that when a person talks for more than one paragraph, you start each new paragraph with a single set of quotation marks. For example:

 

...But without this, morality would crumble. I gave you that morality to do with what you saw fit. The only catch to the free will you were granted.

 

"But it would not be my place to say I can take it away. True, I will be gone as soon as I leave this mortal shell you see before you, but the life you have is your own to do with what you see happiness in when the end comes in seven months to this very day.

 

"My only regret, is that I created you at all knowing it would end like this."

 

I have the SETI program on my desktop at home.

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SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone!
There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person.
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I remember this from before. Very good. You captured the tone you intended to get across very well. Oddly, it reminds me of this book I'm reading right now--Children of Men (which I'm told is absolutely nothing like the movie).

 

You have a few grammatical errors--mostly things like "you're" instead of "your" and such. If you want, I can point them out to you. There are a few things I might reword for better clarity, but that's all just nitpicking. One thing I will point out is that when a person talks for more than one paragraph, you start each new paragraph with a single set of quotation marks. For example:

 

...But without this, morality would crumble. I gave you that morality to do with what you saw fit. The only catch to the free will you were granted.

 

"But it would not be my place to say I can take it away. True, I will be gone as soon as I leave this mortal shell you see before you, but the life you have is your own to do with what you see happiness in when the end comes in seven months to this very day.

 

"My only regret, is that I created you at all knowing it would end like this."

 

I have the SETI program on my desktop at home.

 

 

Thanks guys.

 

Amidala, if you could point out the errors, I'd be glad to fix-em up.

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For what it is, it's an excellent people of writing, Durandal!. You captured the emotion for this piece perfectly - very gritty, very dark, very real. And, of course, a very good read.

 

After finishing it, I DID go "What the hell?", but I think that's sort of what the aliens would say when they hear that last transmission.

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"The circle is complete! Now I [Obi-here] am the angst Master!"

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  • 4 weeks later...

I liked this story. The tone was well set and the premise an interesting one- God dying and thus the world following him, and the abandoment of all hope.

 

One thing I'm confused about- the student who died, how did people know that when he died he didn't go to heaven or hell, and that he was truly dead?

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http://www.themire.co.uk-- being a veracious and lurid account of the goings-on in the savage Mire and the sootblown alleys of Portstown's Rookery!

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I liked this story. The tone was well set and the premise an interesting one- God dying and thus the world following him, and the abandoment of all hope.

 

One thing I'm confused about- the student who died, how did people know that when he died he didn't go to heaven or hell, and that he was truly dead?

 

Somewhere in the story, there's a line where god says that he put the heaven/hell story in place only to keep morality in place, and that it was the only catch to our free will. After death there was no heaven or hell.

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