Tiana Calthye Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 This was an experiment at writing a short fic. Like, short short. Because I could. Wrote it a couple weeks ago. NO BACKGROUND FOR YOU. The characters are mine. No stealies. Original fiction. Vendetta Funeral fires, the smell of a death, that blaze that ate away at life. Fury. Horror. Yet Saerin found she still stood there and gazed into the smoke. Not gagging. No, not gagging””she'd stood at the pyre all too many times before. All for the same purpose: to watch another Ytho rot away in the flames, yet another immortal life taken. Only to return. And oh, how the domino effect spirals down and down”¦ Perhaps next time she'll stand at my death bed. Perhaps it'll be a he. Perhaps next time I'll win again and undergo this torture once more. She stood there and stared. The body was barely a child. Maris Ytho never could have fought back. But it was still another Ytho dead. All for what? A vendetta? But you didn't kill this one. Your homeland claimed her. Saerin's fingers unclenched, and a flower went spiralling down. A flower for innocence, left with the ashes. That respect, she'd pay her enemy. ”œRest in peace, nemesis,” Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 So....that was short. Good. I liked it. You captured the scene right away. I like how the MC had a certain...respect almost, for her enemy. It reminded me of a photograph of strangers--you don't know the people in it, and this is all you see of their life. One little snapshot. But you can still like the photo. If your challenge to yourself wasn't to do with length, then you could have added more description. Good work, and as much as I'd like to give you crit, it's so short, that's all I can offer! SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedi Kiara Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Very angsty... and short. Not my favorite style, but you have written it well. You captured the scene, and you managed a bit of characterization. But I am with Ami, what exactly was your challenge? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 what exactly was your challenge? To write a short story. My 'short stories' are often over 10 pages long in Word. This is actually a response to one of my own challenges, I can't remember which it was--a story less than 500 words, it was. This is less than 200, but it was, in all honesty, just a personal challenge to convey something interesting to someone else in less than one page. In less than 300 words. I like how the MC had a certain...respect almost, for her enemy. You called it. You captured the scene, and you managed a bit of characterization. Saerin's an original character with a lot of development outside this, or I wouldn't have made it. Since she's an original character, belonging in my novel... you know, this one's okay to post, and I might even write her entire background with Maris here, but I can't detail too much, and so it's satisfying to me that people got it with this few words. Since, you know, I normally write posts longer than this fic. One little snapshot. I like that. Sorry for mixing your two reviews up. You know who wrote which. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted March 20, 2008 Share Posted March 20, 2008 Hey, this sounds just a little like that one story you told me about. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted March 20, 2008 Author Share Posted March 20, 2008 Same main character, yeah... I think it was you I described a bit of Saerin's story to. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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