Kasoapa Organa Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 >>>>>>>>Her Sacrifice<<<<<<<< A quick summary: The story switches between Padme's and Obi-Wan's perspectives before and after Padme's death, ultimately addressing why Padme died, for those of us who could not accept ”œheartbreak” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthBrendo Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Very nicely written. I think you maintained canon nicely, and the 'non-canon' parts felt in character. Congrats. Member of Jnet Addict Club 12/05 Order of the Nocturnal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyGal Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Nice. Can't really say much to add to what Brendo said except ditto. looking forward to tit One flash of my perfect chest and he'll be knocked out in a happytime daydream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skye Organa Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Firstly, Welcome to Fanfic, Kasoapa. That was a very touching explaination of the "deleted" scene. You captured the characters perfectly. I enjoyed reading this and couldn't tear myself from it. Very well written. I loved the references to the 'letter' and the closer connection between Padme and Leia. It fitted well. I hope to see more of your work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasoapa Organa Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 Thank you so much all for your replies ^_^ I'd hoped everyone would catch my small references to other cannon themes, such as (as Skye Organa commented) the connection between Leia and Padme. And also other subtle inserts such as Padme's final images of the lake country where she had initially desired to raise her child(ren). I never liked the idea of Padme simply passing from a broken heart, she was too strong and stubborn to just slip away. It always made more sense that she would choose to sacrifice herself, for her children, rather. Therefore I tried, through the creation of the letter, to explain what I believed to be Padme's true intentions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Good job. I think it felt a little choppy the way you jumped back and forth like that, and I didn't really feel that the Obi-Wan parts with Luke were necessary, but overall it was great. Also I felt a little weird that Luke never got the letter for some reason. I mean, I assume that it was burned in the fire, but in my mind, Obi-Wan should have had a reaction to that if he had recently been thinking about it. Anyway, that's my little bit of crit for you. Nice job. You really captured the feel of the movies too. Very nice. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasoapa Organa Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 Thank you Amidala, I don't mind constructive criticism at all ^_^ Yeah I agree if felt choppy but, I tried to maintain order -back and fourth the same 20 years, taking turns rather leaping odd numbers of years all around. Also, yes the letter burned because otherwise it wouldn't remain cannon to the SW saga for Luke to have know ahead of time 'There is good in him'. Only Leia remembers her mother, beautiful yet sad. Obi-Wan's reaction I suppose I could have continued on. However, I never said it in the story, but Ben never read the letter so it would have been kinda pointless for him to have relayed to Luke: "Um your mom wrote you a letter before you died, but I have no idea what it said, anyway- yeah, it just burned with your Aunt and Uncle. Sorry kido." lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mellina Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Ah! I like this very much more than the whole "broken heart" excuse. Very nice explanation. I actually liked how you put it together. It gives a type of connection between the writing/giving of the letter to Obi and then the loss of the letter at the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasoapa Organa Posted December 18, 2007 Author Share Posted December 18, 2007 I'll take a complement from Master Mellina anytime Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Obi-here Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Very well written, very enjoyable read, and much better explanation for Padme's death than that stupid broken heart crap. Excellent piece of work, Kasoapa. I agree; this could easily have been a deleted scene from the movie. The letter itself was beautiful and very well reflected Padme's character. Oh...and please capitalize the "F" in "Force" each time. One of my little pet peeves. "The circle is complete! Now I [Obi-here] am the angst Master!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasoapa Organa Posted December 23, 2007 Author Share Posted December 23, 2007 Thank you Obi-Here, I appreciate the sentiment ^_^ I'll be sure to capitalize the 'Force' next time, don't know why I looked over it. Oops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 I, too, thought that the back-and-forth was a little awkward. Also, a lot of it was taken directly from the movie in those last two sections. However, I don't suppose that there was all that much you could do about that. You did a good job of keeping it canon, even while explaining things like Leia's memory of her mother. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasoapa Organa Posted March 26, 2008 Author Share Posted March 26, 2008 Yes many sections are direct dialog from the films, intentionally, to maintain cannon. -as you noted, thank you ^_^- with perspective insight to further understand the depth of their emotions. This being my first Fanfic I kept myself limited, added boundaries. Next time I guess I'll allow myself a little more creative license? Also, in regards to the awkwardness of the jumping around, I can agree. However I tried to maintain a pattern, instead of jumping random amounts of years. It was consistently back and forth 20 years. If I had left it as two separate stories/ pieces it would have been less powerful- I believe. Thank you again for your comment Anakin T Skywalker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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