Coruscant's Eternal Night- Challenge Response (Complete)

[Silas]

This story began as a little plot bunny running around in my head while reading the New Jedi Order books, especially Star by Star, by Troy Denning. When I saw this prompt I just knew that this would be the perfect opportunity to write this story. Enjoy!

 

Prompt/Challenge: Write a short story beginning with the line, "When the sun set that night, he/she/I knew it would not rise again."

 

* * *

 

Coruscant's Eternal Night:

 

When the sun set that night, he knew that it would not rise again. It was finished. If the sun did rise the next day, it wouldn't be the same sun that Jori Cadag had grown accustomed to seeing each morning as he rose and began his morning routine. Life as they had known it was done, obliterated by one daring move by the invaders. The Chief of State was dead, the Senate had disbanded, the Advisory council had fled, the military had deserted them, and the Jedi that weren't already dead were being hunted.

 

The Yuuzhan Vong had moved quickly across the galaxy known to those who aligned themselves with the non-existent New Republic. They either destroyed anything that opposed them or sacrificed them to their gods. Entire planets were now inhabitable, or destroyed, because of these ruthless menaces. Even if the defenders managed to defeat the Yuuzhan Vong, the damage done to their galaxy would be too great to recover from.

 

Jori looked at the sunset in the west. He was sitting on a rooftop, awaiting the destroyer's to make their move on his building. It was only a matter of time now. There was nothing left to do, nothing to wait for, nothing to hope for. His face began to contract into a sad smile. The sun was making its final descent behind the mountains. Brilliant blues, pinks, purples, yellows, and oranges formed into an abstract painting in the sky.

 

Let's see one of their gods paint a picture that beautiful”¦ he thought to himself sarcastically.

 

He felt the building beneath him shake as another explosion occurred. Close to a month ago he had attempted to get his wife off of Coruscant, away from where he was sure that the Vong would strike next. Onra Cadag had never been heard from again. It was suggested that the ship she was on had been dragged out of hyperspace by the mysterious dovin basals that the Vong employed. When that had happened there was no way the ship could have withstood the onslaught that the enemy was sure to have put on it.

 

When he had received news of this he had let himself go. Take-out boxes still littered the coffee table two stories beneath him. His clothes lay scattered around the apartment, an inch of dust swirling around. He had lost his will to live. There was nothing left for him in the galaxy. There was no conceivable reason as to why anyone should have to endure what he was going through, but in these times it was all too common. People might have felt sorry for him had they not known hundreds of other people that they knew were experiencing the same thing.

 

He looked down at the switch in his hand. He knew that his life was coming to an end, and it would end soon, but if it was going to end, he was going out with a bang. He had put a detpack on the stairwell exit onto the roof on his way up. When the Vong came he would trigger the device and take some of them down, doing his part in this war. He could hear footsteps coming up the stairs now and he knew that it was time.

 

The door to the roof burst open and five Yuuzhan Vong warriors barreled through the door, their hideous scarred faces snarling. A grin crept onto his face as he pressed down on the switch. The explosion rocked the roof, sending parts of the ceiling down. The explosion had sent the Vong flying, killing them instantly, even their superior armor not protecting them. He tossed the switch over the roof, then carefully deposited each of the dead bodies over the side to fall into the bowels of Coruscant to be eaten by hawk-bats and granite slugs.

 

As he finished with the last body a final warrior made his way through the wreckage to the roof. Jori was determined to fight to the finish. He pulled out a blaster and brought it to bear as the Vong brought up his amphistaff. The snake-like head hissed as it spit venom towards Jori. He dodged to the left, smiling as he fell into his groove. He fired off a quick shot just in time to catch his enemy at one of the venerable spots in the armor, under the arm. The warrior made a hissing noise as he glared at Jori.

 

”œC'mon, you'll have to do better than that if you want your gods to be pleased. Wouldn't want to fall to an infidel, now would you?”

[Tiana Calthye]

Heh... I read this a few days ago and haven't had the energy to critique it. Still don't... suffice it to say I really did enjoy it, it was nice, dark, creepy, and really felt like the sort of thing I could've come up with. I know I could nitpick and if I was awake, I would. But right now... honestly, it was a creepy, really interesting use of the prompt. Good job. XD

[Amidala Skywalker]

Nice work. I like the tone and style of the piece. It fit the prompt perfectly, and it's always cool to see some NJO stuff being written. You captured the Vong very well.

 

The only crit I could offer was that at the end of the first section, I expected Jori to die. That made the second section feel like an awkward transition--like the story kept on going after it was over. I don't know exactly why it felt that way, and it wore off rather quickly, but it was still disorienting. I'm sorry, I can't tell you how to fix it, because I don't even know what caused it...

 

But yeah, I liked it. It was very good.

[Galadriel Kenobi]

Nice. My knowledge of the Vong is limited to what I've gleaned through fanfiction, since the only NJO book I've read has nothing to do with them, but I enjoyed this fic nonetheless. It is a very imaginitive way to use the challenge. (When I read the challenge, I was racking my brain to think of something I could write about where the sun really didn't rise again. I'm still working on it. )

 

Good job.

[Scorp Jedi Knight]

Hmm this was an interesting concept to be sure. It only furthered my belief that you like to side with the underdogs and have people face insurmountable odds. If there is one thying I have picked up, I think it is you like to show how people can seemingly do the impossible, defying Gods and the like with simple planning and their skill.

 

Never the less, I liked the story, I felt that certain parts were a little strange. Like I expect jori to die at first then I expected the story to go on a little longer after the reunion. Instead of that wrap up with them being both selected for sacrifices.

 

Never the less, it was a cool idea.

[Anakin T Skywalker]

I know nothing about the Yuuzhan Vong except that they're the bad guys at some point. They're out of my life span! But anyway.

 

I agree with those who say that the transition between the two halves could have been a little smoother. I really thought Jori was about to die at the end of the first part. Maybe you could say something like, "But instead of the embrace of death..." Yeah.