Zero Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Updating isn't the only thing you're being bad at! On to the update. I like what it foreshadows but I'm confused by the italic sections. It at first appears to be Yoda's thoughts, and then it apparently switches to evil-obi? I also like the use of the term 'Aurabesh' Parallels II: Ghost of the Force Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 Give me a break, spellchecker doesn't have fictional words. And I know I'm a bad beta reader. I should NOT have won that award. XP On to the update: it's been noted in previous sections that the AU Sith/Dark Jedi tend to speak mentally rather than out loud and on confrontation, evil Obi automatically would speak with italics rather than... Yeah, I should be using [square brackets] for Force speak. Someone smack me. I tell people to do that and then forget to do it myself. Oh well. You're right, it's Yoda and Obi, and they TALK WITH THEIR MIIINDS. And it's very hard to follow and I really should indicate it without italics but with square brackets but eh. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Ah, the plot thickens! And yet, becomes clearer at the same time. I'm still pretty confused, but Master Yoda says something about waiting for the mud to settle and the water to clear... Not that I intend to imply that your writing is muddy! The mud is all in my head. Okay, that sounds weird, too. Maybe I'll just quit before I dig myself into a hole I can't dig myself out of! I thought the Force-dialogue was fine - I got it! Anyway, I am enjoying the process of getting the picture, even if it is a little slow. I refer not to your frequency of updates, but the rate of revelation. But, again, that's just my impatience kicking in. And I do understand what it means to be too busy to write or to be in a dead spot with a story. You have my full forgiveness! (Which can be hard to come by. I am very good at remembering insufferable injustice ) JK Anyway, you have updated more frequently than I have been my story on FFN, so I have no excuse for casting blame. Oh, and Aurebesh is awesome! I would do my homework in it if I could get away with it! Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Well, you know not to think of Jnet as a pressure. Don't worry about it--we really do all understand, but that doesn't mean we'll stop asking for more! After all, that's been all of us at one point or another! BTW...I know what it's like to be the only one who's even the littlest bit techincally saavy... Interesting section. I went back to being a bit confused, but that's certainly not bad! Looking forward to a finish of the convo! We've seen Obi-Wan in the Sith universe, but we haven't really seen Anochece in the Jedi universe... Get some sleep and some down time!!! SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted March 27, 2008 Author Share Posted March 27, 2008 Well, bugging me for updates is what gets me to update, after all. I'm just saying: this is why I'm not. I haven't written anything over the last few weeks, let along fanfiction... blah. My writing's probably a little bit muddy. Please do feel free to write down what's confusing you so I know what to clarify before the end. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedi Kiara Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 (edited) I am just going to take that comment out. Sorry for pmsing at you. I need to learn to stop being so defensive and critical. I need to just sit back, read and enjoy the story instead. Edited March 28, 2008 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 I'm sorry, I had to rant a bit so I've replied to your message in PM. Don't take it wrong. I really needed to rant. As for the story part of it, it's because it is a child's book and it was Yoda's thoughts that said that. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 So, Tiana, are we going to get some more soon? This is really just a post to ensure that you don't have to double post, because I'm just considerate like that. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 *cries bitter tears* Tiana, you promised to finish this one. You promised! And now, it's been two months since an update. And I had to go to the third page to find this. And... Yeah, just you need to post. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 Well, I guess it's kinda my fault it was on the third page, Ami. But yes, Tiana, I was just thinking about this one, and I would love to see more, if it's not too much to ask. (hoping) Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted May 17, 2008 Author Share Posted May 17, 2008 Well, I guess it's kinda my fault it was on the third page, Ami. But yes, Tiana, I was just thinking about this one, and I would love to see more, if it's not too much to ask. (hoping) Yes. Yes, it is your fault. I had no idea where it went. But don't listen to anyone who complains about you bumping. It is a bit irritating we can't find new fics but hey, people can start dating them at the top! REVIEW-HAPPY ANI... that's fine. Ami, stop crying. I mean, I don't have enough to post another update after this, but I... well... I wrote my resume and I'm ALMOST done my Narnia costume and then I have time to write. I just have to cut out and sew on 28 more ties and 7 buttons and find a belt and do the embrodery... and I'm not writing anything ELSE at the moment. Don't worry. I have not forgotten. This fic will be finished. I just never... promised... SOON. Lol. <><><> The dark one's voice was a bit lower than Kenobi's, a bit less confident suddenly. Not quite what Yoda had expected. But then”¦ Yoda let the gentle fingers of the Force probe further into the dark one's mind. Information, an answer, that was all he sought””not pain, not blinding, forced redemption of this one, so eaten away by shadows”¦ ”¦Darth Anochece”¦ ”¦So much has been lost”¦ ”¦Go. They have the answers we seek and we have the answers they”¦ And then it was like Anochece became aware that this wasn't his galaxy and the mental touch was not natural. A barrier slammed into place, forcefully throwing Yoda from his mind. Yoda chortled. So powerful were they. But so volatile. So lonely. So unbalanced. ”œSo, think they have something we need, your Masters do?” Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 Awesome, of course! But shouldn't it be "Broken the laws of balance, you have." ? Broke the laws of balance, you have.” Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 I think I always end up using the same word when I review your fics, Tiana: confusing. That was confusing. I couldn't really tell what was going on. Maybe it was because I'm sick...but I don't understand why Anochece was suddenly humbled, who set off that Force whirlwind, and what Yoda's explanation for what happened was. And I don't like myself for not getting it. This part seems like it was supposed to make sense. Anyway, good luck on your costume! Who are you going to be? Well, I guess it's kinda my fault it was on the third page, Ami. Shh! I'm trying to make her feel bad! No, I don't mind you bumping, but I must say now that I DON'T volunteer to make a "List of Eligible Fics" for next year's FFA nominations. I can't wait for more, T! SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 Ummm, what does that have to do with my bumping? Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted May 17, 2008 Author Share Posted May 17, 2008 It's a little harder to find what fics were done recently when the'yre all mixed up and the elegible list is supposed to be all 'that year's' fics. Also, I'll put up a picture of my costume. I'm going as Peter. And somebody's gotta knock things around on here, and other people aren't so much. So I do. I second it and appreciate that you are. Ami. Grah. I give up. This fic will never EVER make sense. Unless I manage to write it all. You're right, it's not evident who set off the Force whirlwind. It's not what you think.... but here, fine, for the people who can't wait... it's not like I update frequently enough for it to ever, EVER make sense... I know my writing is bad... this fic was experimental. Copy and paste for full size WITH NOTES. The dark one's voice was a bit lower than Kenobi's, a bit less confident suddenly. Not quite what Yoda had expected. But then”¦ ((YODA DOES NOT EXPECT ANOCHECE TO BE UNCONFIDENT. YODA IS THINKING OF SITH IN THE TERMS OF MOVIE SITH. SO ARE YOU. YOU ARE WRONG. THIS WILL BE EXPANDED ON LATER. NO MORE QUESTIONS. ANOCHECE IS NOT A CONFIDENT CHARACTER, EXCEPT IN BATTLE, AND YODA'S ABOUT TO WIN. AND ALSO, ANOCHECE IS STRONGER IN THE FORCE THAN YODA AND CAN SEE THE FUTURE AND KNOWS HE'S ABOUT TO GET HIS BUTT KICKED. Kinda? Maybe?)) Yoda let the gentle fingers of the Force probe further into the dark one's mind. Information, an answer, that was all he sought””not pain, not blinding, forced redemption of this one, so eaten away by shadows”¦ ((YODA PROCEEDS TO BE UNAWARE OF ALL THIS AND FIGURES OUT WHY DARTHYOBIPOO IS THERE.)) ”¦Darth Anochece”¦ ”¦So much has been lost”¦ ”¦Go. They have the answers we seek and we have the answers they”¦ ((THIS WAS A FLASHBACK. I do believe I'm going to have to include a security recording later to explain exactly what the heck happened back there, maybe.)) And then it was like Anochece became aware that this wasn't his galaxy and the mental touch was not natural. ((Badly phrased, I know. ANOCHECE IS USED TO PEOPLE READING HIS MIND. ESTABLISHED EARLIER. So he let Yoda get that much until...)) A barrier slammed into place, forcefully throwing Yoda from his mind. Yoda chortled. So powerful were they. But so volatile. So lonely. So unbalanced. ((He slams barriers up and backs away from Yoda mentally.)) ”œSo, think they have something we need, your Masters do?” Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 Don't worry, Tiana, I trust that the secret behind this will eventually be revealed. Please don't drop a boulder on me; it might squish my head. And a squished head is not, after all, nearly as useful as an unsquished one. If you want, to make up for my mixing things up, I could go through and find all the 08 ones for you. Since it is my fault and all. I'm deeply sorry. I promise I'll never do it again... Until tonight. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted May 18, 2008 Author Share Posted May 18, 2008 On my characters, silly. Not you. I don't want to squish you. You REVIEW people! I'll keep in mind the offer, however. And feel free to read my small text anyway, it's not tooo spoilerific, it just clarifies the things I realize probably didn't make enough sense for a scene that was supposed to make sense and start clearing a fewwwww things up. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 Oh, good. For a moment I was worried that I was going to get inundated by giant virtual rocks. Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amidala Skywalker Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 *sniffle* I try to leave helpful reviews....but if all I get as a response is "Ami, grah!" then I guess I'm not being very helpful... That tinified section (which was very cool, BTW, that it was tiny) actually mostly told me things I knew already. But I did figure some things out--one being that I think I've figured out one reason I get so confused by your writing. Pronominal reference. For example: The books he'd grabbed were gone. The lightsaber was gone. His robe was gone. Too many "he's" in a row I think, for changing perspective as much as you do in that section. Actually, I think it would've worked better from one perspective instead of switching back and forth as you did. I mean, I like that it shows what's going on in the minds of both, and their reactions to each other, but I think it would have flowed better from one POV. And you get me wrong--I have no doubt that the mystery of the confusion will all be revealed in time, and I await that with eager expectation and confidence despite confusion that I enjoy this fic immensely! Oh, and Ani, don't worry too much about it. Part of me thinks we should just let past fics die (cause the authors are no longer on the board and haven't been for years), but in another way, it's really good and healthy to shake up the place every now and then. So overall, I'm all for it. Good for you. I just don't want to go looking through every thread now for the ones that are written in 08. SHE MEANS TO END US ALL!!! DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!11eleventyone! There goes Ami's reputation of being a peaceful, nice person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 I said, If you want, to make up for my mixing things up, I could go through and find all the 08 ones for you. Since it is my fault and all. *sniff* Nobdy listens to me!!! It's not fair! Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dartha Athanth Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 Hmm a 'new' Tiana fic! I shall go slowly through this as the responses seem to warn of confusion.- I have not much time now, with exams and all. But I will catch up soon! And ani? I do my homework in aurebesh Only for a sympathetic teacher though, who is immensely brilliant and tolerant of all my little quirks. But as my homework is mostly written, and aurebesh takes more time to write, I only leave my name, the essya qn perhaps, in aurebesh, and the rest in standard Queen's english. Notes are a different matter though. Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted May 20, 2008 Author Share Posted May 20, 2008 Actually, I think it would've worked better from one perspective instead of switching back and forth as you did. ...But I've been writing the entire story in third person limited. O_o I hate third person omnipotent. It was in Yoda's POV the entire time. The thing is, and I stress, the Sith from that Order communicate telepathically. Jedi are empaths. It's impossible for me to keep it solely in one POV when they're going to be picking up on each other's thoughts and responses through the Force! *sniffle* I try to leave helpful reviews....but if all I get as a response is "Ami, grah!" then I guess I'm not being very helpful... I'm sorry, Ami. The grah was not at you so much as me and the reason why I think I'm going to give up on this story. I can't do it. This was supposed to make some sense and it didn't. See, this was more helpful because you could tell me 'I'm confused because you forget to use the name pronoun and then there's more than one he in the story so I don't know which he you're talking about'. Which helped more than 'I'm confused'. Because EVERY BLOODY REVIEW I'VE EVER RECEIVED HAS BEEN 'I'M CONFUUUSED'. Okay, great, I confused people. (grumbles) Like THAT was a surprise. I can't. I'm trying to write for you guys and make it make sense for you guys and I'm failing and not writing what I want. At least this gave a fixable reason for why you were confused. But see, if you got everything in the small text, then meh. The story's hopeless. I'm just a bad writer. Hmm a 'new' Tiana fic! I shall go slowly through this as the responses seem to warn of confusion.- I have not much time now, with exams and all. It sucks, no one can understand it, it's not worth your time. I'm not a good enough writer. =( Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Tiana, I have just two words to say to you. STOP IT!!! Bashing yourself, I mean. You are not a bad writer. If you're a bad writer, what kind of a writer does that make me? It wasn't always immediately clear, but I was always able to figure out whose viewpoint each part was from. Stop ripping yourself to shreds! That's our job! uhhh..... wait.... ummm... Okay, that wasn't exactly what I meant, but, you understand, right? Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted May 20, 2008 Author Share Posted May 20, 2008 You are not a bad writer. If you're a bad writer, what kind of a writer does that make me? Lawl, I've said the exact same thing to another person. It makes you a writer, unlike me, capable of completing a story and making it comprehensible to your readers what just happened. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Yeah, well, anybody can make people understand the simplistic junk I write. And I don't even have good characterization. You're actually striving for something incredibly complex and detailed - a real accomplishment! And I've written much simpler stories than this and had everybody going "What just happened there?" at the end - by accident! (it's different like with a surprise ending, when that's kind of what you want.) Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted May 20, 2008 Author Share Posted May 20, 2008 You'll get there, though. Also, I do believe I'm going to make a second thread for WTEO when it comes to the end, and post it all in one shot, because all the reviews and conversations stuck in the middle make it harder to follow. At least you're writing. Ah well. What I really have to do is stop caring about what you guys think and write the story the way I want to... alas. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin T Skywalker Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Exactly! It's your story, Tiana! The fate of their world is in your hands! Not ours. ( for you) Thanks, Tiana! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dartha Athanth Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Hey I understood everything even without the explanatory notes! Whee this stowee is gweat! I find myself liking Quiggy too, but when you wrote the part about carcasses I ws thinking real dead bodies. Love the "Official Sith Business" = "I want free beer" part, as well as Obi making the crystal pass through the glass. I hope Anakin's ok - it's nice to see him as a Jedi still. And I wonder who the Empress and the Dark Lord are... (My guess is Luke and Leia but with parallel universes they shouldn't have been born yet.) Hope the little Jedi gets out fine. I love your stories? Was mirrormath the one about Obi being a sith too in a universe where both entities co existed with one another? Ok I have lousy paragraphing skills Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiana Calthye Posted May 20, 2008 Author Share Posted May 20, 2008 Okay, okay. Anyway. 1) The Empress is Dailyn and the Dark Lord is Mathias. Mathias is also Lord/Darth Stygian. They're OCs. Luke and Leia haven't been born yet because Anakin and Padme haven't met yet, seeing as Anakin's a Jedi who's been living in the Coruscant underworld and Padme's a handmaiden. 2) Mirrormath was the one where Tatooine was a Shatterpoint of mass size, kind of, and something weird happened and Obi-Wan, Padme, Maul, and Anakin went forward in time, after the New Jedi Order happened, and then the Force vanished from the real universe, preventing anyone from using it to get back. Mass ysalamari effect. I can't even remember what I was DOING with that fic, but I want to finish it so badly. THIS is the story with Obi as a Sith in a parallel universe! Who's Anochece now because having two Kenobis was getting sooo confusing. Just when I thought it was over, I watched Tiana kick Almira in the head, effectively putting her out of her misery. I did not expect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dartha Athanth Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Oops, then it might have someone elses, or I could have lurked around in the first few opening chapters. Anyway, I want MORE! Darsha Assant turned dark at 2734 posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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