Star Wars: Where The Eyes Open (WUT)

[Silas]

This is my new reading project, as well as Zero's Parallels, if he ever updates it...hint hint. I usually have one or two stories that I keep up with, and this is my newest one. I'm going to start reading from the beginning and when I catch up I'll let you know what I think.

[Tiana Calthye]

Silas: I hope you enjoy it. It's a long, complex, twisted story and it's hardly my best writing. But hey, enjoy!

 

Also: addition to review reply: Ami. I went back to Doorway and Autumn's Game. I feel no inspiration for the latter, but right now, I admit I enjoyed Doorway. However, I don't have the original file and I don't know where all the looseleaf for it went... expect Re: Me Without Me to be written sometime instead, to replace it. I enjoyed what I was writing in that story, I just don't like writing onto older stuff since my voice has evolved a bit. Same story, new thingy. Sometime after Christmas or something. I hope. I even made a poster.

[Amidala Skywalker]

I understand about rewriting old stories--I've considered going back and revisiting stuff I've written, but I just can't bring myself to do it. So I understand.

 

This chapter was excellent! If it's still in the "old bad version" then I can't wait to see the newer stuff. I'm very interested to see Anakin in this "dark universe". I can't imagine Obi-Wan ever being a Sith, but then, that's part of what makes this so intersting. Now I think the double was the one sent through the dimensions...I wonder why the Sith sent him in the first place?

 

Great work and I can't wait for more!

[Obi-here]

Well, I'm still abashedly behind in my reading, but you said comment. I'm halfway through chapter 3, so...here's your comment. Merry Christmas, Tiana.

 

As always, very good. I loved your descriptions in scenes that aren't always the easiest to write (Anakin swimming through the sewers and Obi-Wan running across the roofs). You're setting everything up slow, but I like it that way. You're taking your team and very gently easy the reader into this AU. It has a great feel to it - you bring out that subtle pull that makes me want to read more.

 

Looking forward to more of this. I have to catch up, still, I know, but...I'm a busy guy.

 

Merry Christmas.

[Minus One]

Lulz, Obi-Wan lost his lightsaber.

 

 

I liked the new chapter. Hadn't realized you updated until recently.

[Obi-here]

I finished Chapter 3 and read Chapter 4. I disagree with Ami's comments on this, I'm afraid. Other than the New Sith Order (which you absolutely MUCH finish...it was genius, and the first fanfic I ever really loved), this is my favorite piece of your work that I've ever read. I love the time you're taking with your setup. It leaves me with this feeling that it's all leading up to something excellent.

 

So, yeah...like New Sith Order, I'm beginning to love this story. Your little italic thoughts are wonderful, and fit seamlessly into the way you're writing. My one complaint so far was Yoda's conversation with Obi-Wan. It felt rushed, I don't think there was enough set up, and it didn't flow like the rest of this story. Yoda's speech was right, but it didn't feel like Yoda to me.

 

Other than that, I'm enjoying it immensely. Thanks for another great story, Tiana. I remain your fan.

 

Obi-gone

[Tiana Calthye]

Ami: Your questions most certainly will be answered. And yeah, the rewriting--to Obi, that's why I'm loath to finish NSO... I HATE THE BEGINNING SO MUCH... heh. We'll see how my attempts to improve, now that I'm starting to recognize what I'm doing wrong, go forth. I'm slowly starting to accept it's not as bad as I see it and as soon as I start writing naturally again it'll start coming out better...

 

Obi: As said above, my reasons for not finishing NSO lie primarily in the beginning chapters... (twitch twitch) OH BUT I HATE THE BAD WRITING. And yet... I left you all with such a HORRIBLE CLIFFIE. Yeah. I hate myself for that and want to die. We will see. I'll try figure out where I was going with it... >.> I'm glad you like the gentle transition into the story. I worried it would go over badly with most readers. But I feel that since it's so AU it's necessary. I see what you mean with the Yoda chapter bit. It was done to push the story forward... sadly, Yoda will appear in later bits, we'll see how my writing of him approves.

 

Zero: Exactly my point, lol.

 

 

Anyway, half of chapter seven, kinda short, but hey... I'm just getting back in the grove, I need a bit more of a buffer first!

 

 

-Chapter Seven-

Begin Security Record: Execution Chamber

0800 hours: 01/22/653 BBY/>

<”œAny last words, Sith?”

[Amidala Skywalker]

Interesting. I think I should go back every time and read the whole thing all together, because with the time that passes between updates (is this a hint?), I find it feels disjointed and I forget what's going on. But that's my own fault.

 

THis was nicely done. Nothing huge, but it got the job done and did it efficiently, which counts for a lot! Can't wait for more!

[Tiana Calthye]

Don't worry.

 

We're getting to the points in the story I've been leading up to. All this background, the slow beginnings... it's going somewhere! I promise. And... I'll... try picking up my pace. I just forget to update. You think it's bad? Fanfiction.net only has two chapters...

 

This is more recent writing. Not recent-recent, but MORE recent...

 

 

 

<><><>

 

 

Drip”¦

 

Drip”¦

 

”¦Drip”¦

 

A light hovered in the dim library over a small creature's hand. A tiny beacon of the Force, something that could not harm the ancient pages and datapads stored in this room. But it wasn't a very large archive, only a few shelves lining the walls. Master Yoda hobbled along the shelf, searching quietly for one book.

 

”œMm”¦ fix that drip, someone should,”

[Amidala Skywalker]

Ah...back to the other Anakin. You did a nice job switching there--the sandwich was the clue that threw the reader's mind back to the correct Anakin.

 

Very clever.

 

I liked the Yoda scene too. Good to see what the Jedi are up to, and that there still are some, even though they are underground. I'm interested to see this new character a bit more, if you choose to use him again, which I think you will.

 

Looking forward to more.

[Scorp Jedi Knight]

This

Is

A

Bloody

BOOK!

 

It has me interested as I play catch up.

[Obi-here]

I'm still behind, but I made it through Chapter 5, finally. Let me just say that I adored your few opening paragraphs. They put a smile on Obi's face.

 

As usual, your dialogue is strong. But this...

”œHasn't everyone? Besides, you stock real food.”

[Tiana Calthye]

This

Is

A

Bloody

BOOK!

 

It has me interested as I play catch up.

Ummm... yep. Yes, it is.

 

I liked the Yoda scene too. Good to see what the Jedi are up to, and that there still are some, even though they are underground. I'm interested to see this new character a bit more, if you choose to use him again, which I think you will.

Yep. Actually, he's not new because he shows up back in that scene back near the beginning in the sewers... but due to my horrible update schedule, I don't expect you to remember that, which is why I'm saying it.

 

The sandwich thing I did without even thinking about... I guess my mind realized I needed to make it clear that it was the other Anakin--I never planned to have both Anakins as narrators. Obi-Wan and Obi-Wan narrate, but Sith Obi-Wan at least has a Sith name revealed a bit later and I try to call him either that or Kenobi, seperating him from Jedi Obi.

 

I've always had an obsession with underground...

 

Let me just say that I adored your few opening paragraphs. They put a smile on Obi's face.

Aw, thanks. XD I assume you're talking about the rant about hating dropping NSO. (dies)

 

As usual, your dialogue is strong. But this...

 

”œHasn't everyone? Besides, you stock real food.”

[Obi-here]

I find it interesting that you said (in your responses before Chapter 6) that you found something missing in your writing, and how you said that these next chapters are good not great. After reading this chapter I'm convinced that this is the strongest writing I've ever seen from you, Tiana. I'm not sure if I like it more than NSO yet, but it's coming dangerously close.

 

But at the same time, I understand. Improvement. We're always looking for improvement, and I'm glad you found something that you think will improve your writing style. Kudos to you for that.

 

Anyway, I ramble. Chapter six. Best damn chapter yet.

 

Obi-Wan was perfectly characterized throughout the whole thing. Your characterization on him has been excellent throughout the whole story, in fact. I've been very impressed by your ability to write him (especially as he is one of my favorite characters to write). The little tidbits you throw in with his thinking just tickles me...stuff like, I can't believe I didn't sense it coming...love it.

 

Obi-Wan lost his lightsaber. Dumbass.

 

LORD Kenobi?

 

"I sense a plot twist, captain! Dead ahead!"

 

And nobody is wearing lightsabers. Hmm...*strokes chin*

 

You know what? I am so good. When he met that last master, I thought to myself, "Oh my god. Tiana is going to bring in Qui-Gon and fade."

 

Obi-Wan stopped, frozen.

 

A face he knew all too well. His Master, his mentor, his father and friend.

 

Qui-Gon Jinn, carved into stone.

 

And bam. That's almost, like...creepy. I think I'm getting to know your writing mind way to well, Tiana.

 

Oh...and by the way. The whole bringing in Qui-Gon and fading thing? That was awesome. Epic win.

 

I'm sure we'll all enjoy the festivities.

 

*cough*

 

So...yeah. Awesome chapter. Sorry it took so long for me to read it. I am ashamed.

[Ethro Brealis]

I've been on a reading binge lately, and thought I'd lurk back around the Jedi Library "just to see what was shakin' ". So here I am... and I find you saying things like:

 

I also apologize for the bad prose I've been putting you through.

 

Because in my month of Nanowrimo torment, I realized what's missing from this story. In trying to amend my... weaknesses in my writing (at least, what I believed to be weaknesses) I removed what were really my strong points. Sure, I fixed my overuse of passive voice in exchange for a dull narrative without the old spice I used to have. I'm not going to go back. Chapters 6-8 are still old chapters. As well as the beginning of chapter nine. These will be given to you as-is because they're not bad, they're just not as good. But further writing will hopefully contain better writing as I'm realizing what I'm messing up.

 

As you have so eloquently put it to me in the past: *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*.

 

Please, please, please; you can't say things like that and expect us to believe them if we don't, well, think it's true. I can only speak for myself, although others have made similar comments, but THIS IS NOT BAD WRITING. Perhaps you think it's bad, but that's because you are, after all, Tiana. Yes, that's why. What I see here is a gripping story that dragged my attention from the music videos I was watching and made me sad that I had to leave the library computers before I was finished reading this (I was using the internet at the library).

 

Really, accept the truth. You're a good writer. SEARCH YOUR FEELINGS- YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE and all that. Really, you are. There's always room for improvement, but you should remember that not everyone is as discerning as you are of mistakes. Please, take some credit for this story.

 

[/rant]

 

 

It's great you have a new story up and running. I might be lurking around the Jedi Library, and I might not... but I'll be checking your story periodically.

[Amidala Skywalker]

Hi Ethro! Good to see you!

 

Umm...Tiana, this hasn't been updated in almost a month...*cough cough hint hint*

[Tiana Calthye]

Ami: Give me a break! I was going to update tooooignorethetimeI'mpostingthisplzmoorow. ^_^ Really! I knew it'd been a while, I just had a slight issue with the chapter I was at. I mean, it was written and all, I just didn't like the arrangement so I had to shift around a few scenes. Fiddly stuff.

 

Obi-here: Honestly, this is the best review I've ever received. You wouldn't believe how gleeful happy it made me when you posted that whole epic "she's going to bring Qui-Gon in and fade!" thing. It made me happy. It made me realize as much as I hate some of my writing, I do have a hold of dramatic cliffie tension. (dies) I reread chapter six, anyway. That was, easily, one of the best things I've ever written. Anyway, I did find something missing in my writing. In chapter six I was starting to pick up the pace, though, so it's better than the previous stuff. And I didn't keep that pace as well as I could've. Anyway, I use fanfic as my way of improving my writing, so I'm excessivly hard on it and use it very experimentally to try improve at all costs.

 

Edit:

 

Obi-Wan was perfectly characterized throughout the whole thing.

Thanks. Blame that on NSO. At that point, I couldn't write Obi-Wan to save my life (believe me, I couldn't), so I enlisted my dear friend, Jandalf. Who COULD write Obi-Wan. Better than I can. And forced her to beta every Obi scene I wrote in NSO until I could write him comfortably on my own. I take no credit for my characterization.

 

Ethro: Lawl. I know I'm not a bad writer. In fact, I know that I'm one of the best writers on this site. ^_^ I, however, am not as good as I would like myself to be, and thus I am every bit as hard (and harder, in fact) on myself than I am on other people's writings. Generally, about six months after I've written something, I can reread it and occasionally I get this chill, going all WHOA. THAT WAS EPIC AMAZING. So, yeah. I know I'm a good writer. I just try to not let it get to my head, so I go emo and angst instead. =( I don't wanna get a swelled head because I'm writing for publication in my NSW stuff. But yes. I take credit for this story. Don't worry. I don't hate it as much as it looks like I do. And that someone else likes it is more than enough for me to keep going. =D I look back on reviews like these and they cheer me up when I'm depressed. Which I'm not now. I'm happpeeee.

 

Anyway. This is hopefully going to be one of the last slow chapters. >.> The pace is picking up. Introducing CHAPTER EIGHT YAY! (split in half since I have chapter nine and part of chapter ten written ahead... yeah, yeah, I should update more. Right? Right. Do you guys like longer updates, or frequenter updates?)

 

 

 

 

-Chapter Eight-

”œI've waited a long time for this moment, and you will not be the one to take it from me!”

Edited February 2, 2008 by Guest

[Amidala Skywalker]

Awww...I feel so special! *sniffle*

 

Good post! I like the way you snuck some info about the Sith world in there, from the titles, to how they are used, to why the Sith don't carry lightsabers. Even Qui-Gon's new apprentice.

 

Loved the references to sports, especially Star Wars hackysack. Not seamlessly worked in though--it seemed a bit jerky in that part.

 

Is Thal the same as Tahl? Just wondering if it was a typo. Also there was a typo with "Lord Selfconsciousious"--you only need one "ious".

 

Out of curiosity, how do you pronounce Obi-Wan's Sith name?

 

Very interesting, but short, and of course you have to go leaving us with a cliffie! Cliffies are cruel...brutal...but awesome. It's like that saying: You hate them, but love them at the same time--you love to hate them.

 

Sorry I'm rambling...I'm tired.

 

Loved having an update and I hope you won't wait another month to post more! As to answer your question--I like long, frequent updates best.

 

Oh, and I can't resist--

 

I know that I'm one of the best writers on this site.

 

And the most humble too!

[Tiana Calthye]

Hmm... 1) Yes, you are special! 2) Thanks, I know it's not seemless, but it's not like it has to be perfect. 3) Tahl, yes, typo. But right now it's not a plot point, just one of those mentioned things, I'll fix it in here, though. "Lord Selfconsciousious" was intentional. Maybe I'll change it to 'ness', but that was an intentional thing on my part. I'll update with the next chapter as soon as someone else posts. I can't do long frequent updates. Though I will try pick up the pace... I want to have this finished by the end of the year! XD

 

I'm VERY humble. ^_^

 

And Sith name...

 

"Ann-OH-keh-see".

 

Now someone else post so I can update!

[Amidala Skywalker]

Do I count as someone else?

 

Nice new sig, btw!!!

[Tiana Calthye]

Tanon now refers to "Lord Selfconsciousness" and Tahl is spelt correctly. Here's the rest of chapter eight. So you know, I'm working on chapter eleven now, I like my posting buffer quite a bit. That's three more posts I have. Chapter ten's going to be a one post deal...

 

Yes, you count. Incidentially, I find it almost sad that reviews are as long as my posts. See, I was told earlier in my fanfic days to stop posting long updates, it was too much for people. So I don't post all 5-6 pages of my chapters (my standard length for fanfics), just scene by scene, unless the scene's really short. Do people want longer updates?

 

 

 

<><><>

 

 

 

A hand clamped over his mouth. Anakin fought back a yell and instead, dropped, hurling the dark man to the ground. He pinned the man, tearing off his mask with one hand and reaching for his lightsaber with the other.

 

”œLet's see who you are,”

[Zero]

I wonder if this is just an AU or a fantasy of Obi-Wan's as i'm sure he has wanted to beat Anakin several times.

[Tiana Calthye]

I wonder if this is just an AU or a fantasy of Obi-Wan's as i'm sure he has wanted to beat Anakin several times.

Snrk. It's an AU. I have a tendecy to obsess over things I could possibly use as plot points. Like that one.

 

Or maybe my fantasy is to see Obi-Wan beat Anakin up... oh wait! THAT HAPPENED IN ROTS!

 

Thanks for reading.

[Amidala Skywalker]

Nice! It has your disjointed style written all over it.

 

Good to finally see Anochece doing something. We've been focused on Obi-Wan recently (not that that is a bad thing!). I also loved to see Anochece in battle. Finally getting a taste of how these Sith fight. I'm loving it...very interesting, and very cool, too.

 

Words swept around him like a sudden tornado, catching Anakin and almost bringing him to his knees in shock from the clarity of the voice.

 

I liked this line a lot. I wonder though, why Anochece is not talking, per se. Curious.

 

Great update, although short. Can't wait for more!

[Tiana Calthye]

'Disjointed'. 'Chaotic'. I hate my writing soooo much. >< He's not talking because honestly, who talks in the middle of an epic duel? And due to my crappy writing style, I'm likely not making it clear enough that the Sith don't talk out loud as much.

 

I honestly hope my Sith names don't give anyone a headache. They're hard to make.

 

And, why yes, I'm writing a novel here. x_x

[Obi-here]

I read the first of chapter 8. Don't have time to comment, as I'm off to work. But, another solid update, Tiana. You have this different Qui-Gon characterized very well, and would be exactly what I think he would be if he had been a Sith, not a Jedi.

 

But..."I see dead people."

 

I am confused as hell, and couldn't be happier. I hope to read more tonight when I have some free time. And maybe work a little on the next update of A World Away. I'm taking too long with that thing.

 

Great stuff, Tiana.

[Ethro Brealis]

Yes, another purely Tiana update. Very nice, very nice. I see the fantasy element coming in very strongly... spells? Sith spells? Wow... and now they use the Force instead of lightsabers. What other blindly obvious facts can I point out as if they're new? Oh, Anakin got knocked out. Poor guy. All that training for nothing.

[Amidala Skywalker]

Tiana....I thought you said you were going to give us more frequent updates!

 

Well.....I want one.

[Obi-here]

I wantz one, too. 'Cause who caught up on the whole story? Obi caught up on the whole story! Your shameful lack of updates has resulted in me actually being totally caught up with this. Now I have to wait expectantly for the next update like the rest of the people here. How could you do that to me, Tiana?

 

Your writing style is NOT crappy here. I get the gist perfectly that Sith talk through the Force and don't use lightsabers. That was easy enough to pick up on.

 

I honestly don't know what I think of this final part of chapter eight, though. It's much more disjointed and chaotic than previous chapters and sections. For the first time in this story I thought that the style went too far and might be too much for the reader. But then I thought about it, went back, and looked at the places where the disjointed phrases/sentences are put. Almost every one fits perfectly into place.

 

There could be a possible gripe about Anakin's constant thoughts conflicting with Anoche's speaking thoughts, but then wouldn't it make sense that Anoche can hear Anakin's thoughts?

 

Yeah. So I say don't change it. It's weird, but it fits.

[Tiana Calthye]

Everything in that scene can be heard by both parties. I'm sorry you've caught up, I know that feeling - it's how I follow webcomics.

 

I might have to submit to an update schedule at this rate. But besides that, you can feel free to pester me more since I tend to auto update on pestering.

 

Chapter eight was an experiment. No, not an experiment. It was exactly what I intended it to be. A battle of the minds as much as physical. This is my way of conveying that.

 

Just so you know, this is the scene that prevented me from updating for about two months or whatever it was. Feel honored that you finally get this DAMN scene. It was originally before the Anakin battle and was driving me batty because it felt too... well, everyone KNOWS Obi = Anochece except the characters, so that's why it frustrated me. Think about it, if it'd been earlier, what was wrong with it.

 

-Chapter Nine-

report: negative.

in progress

”œDid you find him?”