Within the Darkness (short story, Non SW) (Complete)

[JediKaren]

On the unforgiving, icy cold concrete of the damp, hopeless cell, I drown endlessly in the darkness. A whirlwind of madly fluttering thoughts ranging from simply sweet to frantically wild clutter my mind, until I want to scream. The sharp pain of self guilt gnaws its way to my heart to destroy what little soul I have left. My body is used, thin, fragile-like as is my sanity. Death is the ultimate punisher.

 

You see in the movies the old man slowly dying in peace, or sometimes, in sadness. You watch, in a strange happiness, as the middle age hero finally breathes his last breath, to die a hero, to die proud, die knowing he made a difference. You watch in the spooky sadness as the mother bravely gives her life up for the chance of a future for her dear child. No one ever witnesses the sweaty, screaming nightmare of true death. No one, but me, has.

 

It has been said death is quick, painless, just a prick of a needle, and all is gone, nothing is felt. What people fail to comprehend is the fear before death. To know your life is going to end, to know there is no tomorrow, to know there is no hope, is death in itself. Sitting, hopelessly sitting, forever thinking, obsessively pondering, mentally running in fear from idea of death, is worse then the actual act. Alone in my one thought, alone in the prison in my mind, with the bars of reality, is worse than torture. I have already arrived at hell. Death will just lock the door of heaven.

 

What crime, what sin, to what have I offended to deserve to suffocate in a room full of air? What mind, what entity, what universe lacked the morals to put me here? Had I known, had I experienced this”¦this agony, would I have been more careful to avoid my mistake, my error. The hardness of the floor reminds me of the hardness of those who placed my tormented soul in this miserable state. The stale air, putrid smell of human sweat mixed with urine, slaps my nose and my senses like the hand of an angry mother. The past replays in my head like a broken, ancient record, haunting me. My mind, to escape the horrendous past, approaches in the future for a fresh breath of peace, only to find the future more terrifying. Finally, to find a moment of rest, I return to the present and the face of death.

 

Sleep is something of a dream. I dream, half conscious, in a cold sweat, for I have lost my appetite for reality. I dream of an innocent meadow, of blue sky, a deep, precious, pure blue sky. I dream of the touch of life, the texture of emotion, the smoothness of calm. My dream flows like the clear water that my presence craves. Even in the tranquility of my dreams, death is with me. There seems to be no escape from death. Death is always with me. I seem to breathe death, consume death in my last meals, feeling its absolute touch more clearly, more in detail, each minute, as am I dragged by the hands of time to death's door.

 

I look at the concrete door, to stare at the vague light of the other side, the side of heaven, mocking me. The door opens and my heart races as my mind for one, spilt second becomes blank in the strange feeling of”¦hope? Had I been forgiven? Had my suffering, desperately crying soul reached the ears of the compassionate? Rough hands pick me up, to guide me in the most violent manner, out of the cage of life. I walk the narrow halls of grey. I walk, slowly, in confusion, unsure of the sanity of reality, not sure what to believe, what to trust as truth. I am placed on the altar of the universe, waiting my sentence. Seconds turn into hours and the hours have turned into minutes. There is no emotion; there is no thought, for there is no time or space. Death cheerfully greets me, for the first time, in person. Death is my dark punisher.

[Amidala Skywalker]

First off, WELCOME TO JNET! We're so glad you're here! We love getting new people. I highly recommend checking out some of the other fics on here...not only are they good, but it's a great way to get new readers for your own stuff.

 

This is was really good. Very eloquently written. I liked the flow, and the obsession over death that this guy had to be going through. It was about the death sentence, right? Very nicely done.

 

There is not much for me to critique. It was very short, and to the point. I liked it!

 

Now I'm off to check out your other story.

[JediKaren]

thank you. Yes it's about a death sentence. I wrote this for an online short story competition about a crimal's last days in jail before his death.

[Skye Organa]

Interesting story. Dark. You have a nice way with words.

 

I enjoyed your other fic also.

 

Welcome to the Jedi Library.

[Anakin T Skywalker]

Nice, dark, descriptive...

 

no real issues.