"Revenge is a dish best served cold." - Klingon Pr

[Durandal!]

"Revenge is a dish best served cold."

- Klingon Proverb

 

 

 

 

I love this man.

 

He's everything I could ever hope for in a partner. Loving, caring, smart, witty. And that body, don't get me started on that body. He's got that underlaying muscle hidden by a few inches of time-accumulated flab. His pattern baldness is set back in such a way that he looks like a happier John Malkovich. It's infinitely hard for a middle aged gay man to find the man of his dreams while living in a christian drenched suburban area. Tight ass conservative mothers driving around in their husband's trucks, or tooting their kids off to tee-ball practice in their new SUV. The entire time proudly displaying the useless fog lights they shelled out an extra $300 for. It's a wonder anyone could find love in this mess. But I've found him. The catch of a lifetime, and there's no way I'm going to let him go. Not that I'd need to worry about losing him, though. We've professed our love from each other every night for the past three months. My life is absolute bliss.

 

 

 

Life is a confusing thing. I'm already past my prime and, well, that doesn't really bother me. It doesn't tend to phase me that life is going all that fast. It just goes day by day. And I take it like that. Heck, many people would say being an IT guy for a relatively unknown lumber company would constitute a soul numbing existence. But it pays my bills on time. That works for me. Not to say I have no personal life, though. I do. I review movies on the internet, I'm the reigning champion of billiards at the local pool hall, and I'm seeing a nice guy at the moment. Middle aged and gay isn't how I view myself. I'm a friendly person. I have a supporting job and self dignity. That's really all I need, and truth be told, it's all I care to want at this point in my life.

 

 

I can't believe he did this. Out of the blue. The "Hello, What? No. I'm sorry, but this is how my life needs to be right now, I'm just not looking for love." conversation.

 

I loved him.

 

This is too much to handle right now. Not that i'm an addict by any stretch, but I know a guy who can get me skag whenever I need. And right now, I'm in heavy need. This stuff can turn you into a skeletal wreck if you're not careful, but right now I just don't care. I know my limits, and i'll stop there.

 

How could he do this? I thought that SHIT loved me.

 

Calm down.. You're alright. Just close your eyes. If you're calm enough you can feel it running through your veins. Focus on that.

 

Focus

 

Focus

 

Focus.

 

That SHIT. I need to talk to him.

 

No.. I'd be too assertive if I called him right now. Not to mention the state in which i'll be in a few minutes. I just need to sit down and relax. Just close your eyes, mate. Ship's sailing. I'd better get on board.

 

Calm down, now.

 

 

 

I don't really feel that bad about it, I mean he was a nice guy and all, but my life felt anchored with him around. I'll maybe keep in contact with him later on down the road. He was a fun person to be around. But I never told him I loved him or anything. In fact I doubt he's taking this all that hard. It'll be nice to keep in contact with him though. I'll give it a week or two and then give him a call. I'd like to steer clear of mixed signals about the whole thing. Either way, I'm glad it's over. He's just not my type. Simple as that.

 

 

I'm no longer feeling the happy feeling I was banking on a few hours ago. That I am Groot. That dumb shit. How could he, how dare he do this to me. I called him a little ways after the skag wore off. The needle was still clenched in one hand afterwards. He went from confused, to a fake understanding, to apathetic, to downright angry and rude. We're the same age and he sat there in his tidy apartment and talked down to me like a child. It's decided now, this isn't the man I love. He's not the same person who would tell me that I'm a wonder to be around. Sure he never outright said "I love you." But the I am Grooting feeling was there. I felt it.

 

Either way. There's no way he's going to break my heart and talk down to me about it. The shit is an insomniac. His pills make him sleep like a rock, and I have a copy of his key. I'm going there tonight with all the heroin I have left. I'll make that man regret doing this to me.

 

 

I woke up feeling unusually happy about something. I have no idea why. But it was a great feeling. I kept it with me for the day. It went away as I came home from work. And it was still gone by the next day. I have no idea what caused it, But it was a vivid feeling. Like the reptilian pleasure receptors in my head were all flaring in unison. Maybe it was just a good day. But unfortunately it was gone after a short time.

 

He called me the night before. Spouting about how he loved me and how we were meant to be together. I tried to sound sympathetic, but by this time I just wanted him away from me. I blocked his number, took my pills and went to bed. Then woke up with that feeling. I'll miss it.

 

 

The bastard must have felt uplifted after the first few times. But after three nights a week for a month and a half, now I can guarantee he's feeling the withdrawals associated with an addict. Three nights a week I would peak in his first story window, make sure he was sleeping like a log, and pick a new place to inject him. He never once moved.

 

Thank god for insomnia.

 

I've thought about just letting it go. Letting the man have his life back. But unfortunately I'm in debt up to my eyes from paying for this stuff. It's expensive around here. I'd have to drive an hour just to get it. And now I'm in debt to my supplier. This has consumed my life. And as long as I'm in purgatory over it, he'll be a wreck too.

 

 

I don't know what's happening to me. Every day I wake up with this insatiable urge. No direction to it. It's under my skin. My blood itches.

 

I've stopped going anywhere but work. I shake the entire way there.

 

My legs feel like velcro. It's more than an urge. It's a directionless need. I think I'm going insane. I'm losing my mind. Every second day it gets unbearable. Like a blur pattern. It's like sobering up to find that you're neck deep in sand. I don't know how to describe it in any way other than delightful analogies. I'm never again going to a doctor. My reasons for it are going to remain locked away. But I need to fight this by myself. This invisible need.

 

 

I was torn up over the loss of my thumb. I can't write with that hand anymore. I needed to learn how to do everything left handed. My supplier is still glad to do his job if I'm willing to do mine. But it's a reminder of what happens if I forget who I owe.

 

Four months have passed and he's a full blown addict now. An addict to something he can't see. I lost my home to it. I lost my job, what friends I had.

 

I didn't care. But I can't continue to tell myself that anymore. He's become someone I couldn't love anyways. Skeletal, blank, unaware. The man is a shell of his former self. It's almost unbearable to look at now. I still see him around. But he doesn't recognize me. I'm always in the same place, and he still goes about what little routine he has left. I was successful in taking the man's life away from him. But I don't feel the triumph I expected.

 

I was right when I said he isn't the man I loved. Not anymore.

[Zero]

Very interesting. What inspired you to make this a gay couple though, I wonder.

[Durandal!]

Very interesting. What inspired you to make this a gay couple though, I wonder.

 

I wanted to make it seem as though one of them could easily leave the situation and not think much of it, but the other feel like they're losing something they can't replace. I thought if it were a straight couple, it might come off as a little too "What the hell, get over it already."

[Tiana Calthye]

It would've come across the same way had it been gay or straight, simply that gay is the big thing right now. To be honest, I didn't really even notice it was a gay couple, and don't really care. I mean, yes, you specified it. But, ehhh.

 

First issue I found was in your censored words. Reading "I am an idiot" in the middle of an intense moment is very, well... shall we say distracting! Replace with milder words, censor evade... well, I don't suggest the latter that much, but, eh. Or censor them with **** or something else, as the Jedi.net censor is just distracting in the middle of a fic.

 

Secondly. I enjoyed the jumping between two POVs in first person like that! I've written similarly and I think I could get to really enjoy what you write, as it's got a similarly confusing and ambiguous style to a lot of what I write on my own. I find it easy to follow what you're writing. The colors bugged me a bit, and the fact that you have it in a quote box is pretty annoying too. I'd just post it as is. I see the need for the colors in this story, but you could have achieved a similar result with italics or some other formatting...

 

Also, if you printed into a magazine or something, you can't use two colored text.

 

Well... lessee...

 

It didn't make sense to me why the vengeful character lost his thumb, or how. That seemed to be some pointless detail added in...

 

And I appreciated how both characters had the story end horribly. It reminded me vaguely of some sort of mystery story, though without the murder. They both destroyed each other's lives. It was a well done story. You've got a good balance of style going on. I would've liked to see a bit of difference in style between the two character's thoughts, myself... like you had in the third scene, some of it broke into immediately disjointed thoughts.

 

Really, if you didn't want critism, I'd probably just tell you you did a good job. You did. It's an impressive short story.

[Durandal!]

It would've come across the same way had it been gay or straight, simply that gay is the big thing right now. To be honest, I didn't really even notice it was a gay couple, and don't really care. I mean, yes, you specified it. But, ehhh.

 

First issue I found was in your censored words. Reading "I am an idiot" in the middle of an intense moment is very, well... shall we say distracting! Replace with milder words, censor evade... well, I don't suggest the latter that much, but, eh. Or censor them with **** or something else, as the Jedi.net censor is just distracting in the middle of a fic.

 

Secondly. I enjoyed the jumping between two POVs in first person like that! I've written similarly and I think I could get to really enjoy what you write, as it's got a similarly confusing and ambiguous style to a lot of what I write on my own. I find it easy to follow what you're writing. The colors bugged me a bit, and the fact that you have it in a quote box is pretty annoying too. I'd just post it as is. I see the need for the colors in this story, but you could have achieved a similar result with italics or some other formatting...

 

Also, if you printed into a magazine or something, you can't use two colored text.

 

Well... lessee...

 

It didn't make sense to me why the vengeful character lost his thumb, or how. That seemed to be some pointless detail added in...

 

And I appreciated how both characters had the story end horribly. It reminded me vaguely of some sort of mystery story, though without the murder. They both destroyed each other's lives. It was a well done story. You've got a good balance of style going on. I would've liked to see a bit of difference in style between the two character's thoughts, myself... like you had in the third scene, some of it broke into immediately disjointed thoughts.

 

Really, if you didn't want critism, I'd probably just tell you you did a good job. You did. It's an impressive short story.

 

Thanks Tiana.